Chapter 13

Suzy sat on her bed. She hugged her legs tightly and put her head above the knee. Her face looked so much tired. It’s two in the morning, a time when people should have been fast asleep, but Suzy sits alone in the middle of the night staring at some of the things she put in front of her - scissors, phones, photos, and a brochure about the mental rehab.

Regret.

She can’t stand the feeling of it. Regret manages to make her feel if its better if she replaces Sulli in rehab.

Minho’s conditions is the worst part. He was lost spirit of his life when Sulli is not around. It also made her didn't stop crying. She couldn't accept the fact that in his life, she was no longer there. Or maybe she was never there because Minho had never loved her.

What should she do now?

For a moment in her mind, she contemplated suicide as she did when she broke up with Minho but she doesn't want if Minho has to remember her as a bad girl because Kyuhyun will surely tell the truth someday. She doesn't want to leave any misunderstanding.

She was also thought to call Minho, tell the true incidence directly, but it will also leave the bad memories. Minho will still remember her as a bad girl. Minho probably will not forgive her and so she had no hope to stay with Minho.

There is no way out for her.

Suzy took a photo of her and Minho, and then take scissors. Her hands were shaking when she taking a scissors. Since that incident, the scissors became a nightmare for her. Suzy cut the picture into two, separating her with Minho. She let her picture fall while she was holding Minho.

Minho smiled in that picture.

-

Sulli gets a visit from Leeteuk each day. Every morning, afternoon and before he came home, Leeteuk always come. At least he would talked to Sulli for five minutes. He often brought foods and objects that Sulli likes. The reaction he received also varies every day. Sulli sometimes talk to him and sometimes she just shut up.

Today, Sulli is in good mood. Leeteuk came with chocolate and cotton candy for her. She took it with a bright smile. She share the chocolate and cotton candy to Leeteuk while chatting with him.

This was her sixth day sitting in front of a window in the room.

"Doctor, Minho hasn't come too?" Sulli asked after finished her food.

Leeteuk gasped. This is the first time Sulli talked about Minho. Leeteuk replied, "don't you the one who don't want to meet him?"

Sulli immediately turned her gaze out the window. Upset, her feelings changed. "He's not Minho, the man who was coming is not Minho. Minho will come to pick me up, he will not leave me like that guy was doing," she said.

"Ssul .. I'm sure you know the real situation. That man is your brother. Why do you keep deny the fact?" Leeteuk touch Sulli's shoulder, "he must have a reason to let you stay here. You need medical treatment. He doesn't want you to suffer because of illness, he wants you to recover,"

".. He's afraid of me," Sulli's eyes filled with tears as she said it, "because he was afraid I would hurt him so he let me here .. He didn’t believe me .."

Leeteuk didn't say anything. He didn't have anything to deny it. It's hurt when she said that. He was the one who convinced Minho to let Sulli settle there because in his heart he also had concerns that Sulli will do extreme things to the people around her. That means Leeteuk is one of the person who doesn't believe Sulli.

"You too, Doctor, every time you come, you always leave the door open, you're also afraid I'll hurt you, right?"

Leeteuk was speechless, doesn't intend to defend himself. He gulped while fidgeting.

"Am I so terrible until Minho didn't want to take me home? .. He shouldn't do that to me,"

Leeteuk approached her, leading Sulli into his arms. This is what Minho always felt- feel fail to be a brother when he had seen his sister cry.

Leeteuk glanced at the door that he left open. The real reason why he always left the door open is because Minho was there. Behind the door, he was always there waiting for Leeteuk, hear his sister's voice and see her even if only from behind.  He was standing behind the door with his hands clenched.

-

Hara was sure. Minho must really likes Sulli, he loves his sister as a woman and not as a sister. She bet she couldn’t be wrong. After last night she was thinking hard, collecting the evidence to reinforce her opinion, she was increasingly sure that she was right.

But now, the question is how about Sulli? Does she also have the same feeling?

Minho visit the rehab today. This opportunity Hara used to search for an answer to her question. She searched in Sulli room, for a years Sulli occupy that room. At least she only need to find one proof. But after an hour looking, Hara didn’t find anything other than photo albums, toys and money in drawer. The photos she found also just a regular photo, she would be considered delusional if taking the photos as proof.

Hara slumped on the floor. The floor was very cold, similarly with a cold atmosphere in her house. She sighed. It looks like she should buried her desire to uncover the secrets between the two. Let the secret in a dark place and not arouse suspicion.

"Under the bed!" Hara snapped her finger. "The place where you put your secret is... under the bed!" she was excited.

Hara immediately bent down until her cheek pressed against the floor. Her eyes swept every corner in the dark under the bed. She reached out her hand, grabbed whatever she could reach there. She smiled when her fingers touched something. Without fear, she dragged the object, which she thought was a book

That thing is a book.

"Diary?" Hara wondered.

Hara cleaned the dust. After nearly a week abandoned by its owner, the book is like useless objects hidden under the bed. Hara isn’t so sure if the book is a diary when considering if Sulli can't write fluently. Half of her think that the book is a book that could have accidentally fallen and being forgotten.

With heart pounding, she opened the notebook. She saw in the first sheet is filled with photos of their families. A photo where Sulli, Minho and Mr. Choi went on a picnic somewhere. Sulli added her photos and Mrs Choi too.

In the second sheet, there is a Sulli's handwritten. She must have tried hard when writing her name in there, evidenced by broken lines and letters are falling apart. On the third sheet, there are names Minho and Mr. Chio. On the next page, there is the name of Mrs. Choi and Hara. Hara that writings, trying hard to imagine how Sulli wrote it with happiness.

On the next sheet, Sulli draw a landscape where there is a mountain and a river nearby. She wrote that she saw the scene on television and said that she wanted to go there with her family. Yes, with Hara and Ms. Choi also of course.

Hara opened the pages of the book and get the facts that are no longer strangers. How Sulli loves her family so much, how Sulli doesn't care if she and her mother hated her, Sulli still love her and her mother.

Hara strengthen her heart, she opened the next sheet. In the middle, Sulli was leaving some blank sheets. She no longer draw and also no longer write. Only a blank sheet. But Hara was conscientious enough to see some parts of the paper was shrivel due to hit the water.

Hara touching parts of it and imagine when Sulli cried, her tears fell on the paper. She might want to say something but couldn't write anything because her feelings were in turmoil. It is possible .. Or indeed it is the actual event.

But what makes her cry?

Hara spent the next minute in silence, guessing what makes Sulli was very sad. She looked back the book and realizes that she still has a lot of unread pages. She will never get an answer before she finished it.

-

Hara get into Leeteuk’s room. After running around in the hallway, she sits in front of Leeteuk without permission. Leeteuk wondered about her, because Minho recently went out of his office after receiving a call from Suzy. Leeteuk handed her a bottle of water and said, "Minho has just gone,"

Hara sipping mineral water in the bottle until the end, she ped her bag and pulled out a note book that she read a few hours ago.

"What is this?"

"I have to take Sulli home now," said Hara.

"You already know my answer," Leeteuk replied.

"You just let me take her home if she recover, then when is it? Are you able to give a guarantee that she will be cured? Until when she had to stay here?"

"She's here because she needs treatment-"

"She doesn't need treatment!" Hara emphasize her words, ".. she needs Minho, she needs us .. Ah no, she just needs Minho .."

"What are you talking about exactly?" Leeteuk surprised.

Hara took the notebook she gave to Leeteuk before he could touch it. She shows the book's contents without missing even a single sheet with fiery. "Here she wrote that she was sad because Minho left her at home with Taeyeon .." she said.

"Minho has never played with me lately, he prefers to work .."

"Minho said he would call me every thirty minutes but he was too late .."

"I like Taeyeon eonni, she cook so many food and it was delicious but it will be more delicious if Minho was here.."

"I want to be a stars but Minho could not reach me, then what I should be?"

"Last night I had a dream, I was wearing a police uniform as dad and I caught Minho because he is naughty kekeke .."

Leeteuk frowned. Isn't it impossible for a person who is mentally ill?

"Sulli doesn't need therapy, she only needs Minho,"

Leeteuk said, "I'm happy while reading this book, she has a progress in thought but .. I'm not sure, Hara. Had Minho ever tell you about her situation? Maybe when she wrote it, she was in a good condition but now? We don't know what will happen if I let her back home with you, "

"She will continue to suffer as long as you let her here! Do you still not understand?" Hara's anger exploded.

Hara sit back but this time her spirits seemed to fade. She was too hasty, she was quite sure that she will succeed without thinking of the risks of her actions. All of this is nothing but she did because she was tired of this situation. Minho pretending to smile, pretending he is strong and resilient, Sulli is tormented in her room. Everything.

"Sorry, I just want all of this to end .." she said softly.

"Me too,"

"Can you fiind the other way in order to get her well soon? Do everything you can to make her heal and get back to us!" Hara rubbed her face.

Leeteuk didn’t have anything to say.

Hara is getting lost in grief. She took a deep breath.

Kriing kriing kriing

Hara took her phone. Kyuhyun. That man called her again. Hara suddenly remembered that during her way to the rehab, Kyuhyun called her but she didn’t answer because of the rush.

"Yeoboseyo, Oppa .." Hara finally picking up the phone from Kyuhyun.

"Where are you? Are you with Minho?"

"No, I'm in rehab. What is it? Why do you sound so nervous?"

"Go out, find Minho now!" told Kyuhyun without answering the previous question.

"Oppa, answer my question!"

"Hara, hurry up!" Kyuhyun give orders.

Hara stand up and bowing on Leeteuk after giving a hint that she should go. Leeteuk nodded. Hara left the room with disappointment because she couldn't bring home Sulli and wondering why Kyuhyun asked for Minho.

"Just go to a coffee shop near your house, I think they are there,"

"They? Who?" Hara asked as she walked quickly down the hall.

"Suzy and Minho .."

"Oppa, what's up with you actually, what happened?" Hara getting curious.

Kyuhyun sighed. In his place, he like a mad man after thinking the way out of the problems he was with yesterday. Suzy and Hara .. He has to decide where he should be aligned.

"You and Suzy, you are also important for me .. I also think Minho as my own brother .. I'm getting confused, what should I do?" Kyuhyun said, who are increasingly making Hara confused, "you're right, Hara .. Sulli didn't hurt anyone. Suzy hurt herself .." He added.

Hara stopped, "You said what?" She stuttered.

"Look for Minho! Suzy called me and said that she would finish it all now, she would tell the truth on Minho. Minho, he's not ready to know this. Minho.. I'm also worried that he will do something wrong at Suzy." Kyuhyun said at length.

Hara shut off phone without saying anything.

-

"Do you want me to order something else?" Minho asked anxiously.

Suzy shook her head with a slight smile.

It's been almost an hour they sat with an orange juice and coffee on the table. It's been almost an hour also they stared at each other in silence. Everything has changed after Sulli go into rehab. Minho is no longer cheerful and excited. Suzy was always anxious and haunted by guilt. Both of them don't feel comfortable even with themselves.

"Before you came here, where are you?" Suzy asked.

"Rehabilitation," Minho replied. Suzy turns to agitated in an instant. "There's not much progress, Sulli remain as before. I'm still can't bring her back home," Minho frustrating.

"Do you really miss her?”

"I really miss her .."

Minho rubbed his face. The man who always looks bright, his smile always appears though there is not anything funny, friendly gaze who always managed to make anyone's hearts melt. But all of that seemed to disappear. Everything is history. Fake smile, cold stares.. That's the new Minho.

"Minho, I-"

"I'm sorry, Suzy," Minho hold Suzy's hand, "I'm too busy thinking about myself, I'm too concerned with Sulli. You also injured that night but I didn't care about you. Did your wound on your hand already heal?"

"My wound? .." Suzy couldn't continue her words.

Minho is very nice to her but she's so mean to him. The man is always trying to make her happy, but she was too selfish. She just wanted to be happy with Minho regardless of whether he is happy or not.

"Do we need to go to hospital?" Minho asked as Suzy who didn't finish the sentence.

Suzy shook her head resignedly.

"Is there anything else you want to say?" Minho asked. "You said there's something you want to say,"

"Nothing!"

Suzy and Minho turned their head to a woman who suddenly grabbed their conversation. She is Hara who somehow come here. She presented herself like magic, unnoticed by Minho and Suzy.

Hara sat beside Minho then drank the coffee belongs to Minho. "Why did you come here?" asked Minho.

"I accidentally passed by and saw you two," she answered, "What are you doing here?" she asked in return.

"We're talking," said Minho.

"About what?"

"Yaa! You don't have to know!" Minho chuckled.

Hara pouted. She glanced at Suzy who has not said anything to her. Hara suddenly invite Suzy to talk in private, "There's something we have to talk," she said.

"Why don’t you just talk here? I also want to hear it," Minho protest.

"Yaa! You don't have to know! This is a matter of women," Hara imitating her brother's previous sentence.

"Aish, you began to dare to tease me huh?!" Minho was irritated.

Hara chuckled then took the hand of Suzy and brought her into the ladies room. Both of them stood in front of the mirror. Hara release her hand roughly after making sure that no one else was with them.

Plaak!

Hara slap Suzy on the cheek.

Suzy gasped, her eyes getting wide as her face jerked to the side after a hard slap from Hara.

"How could you do this to my brother.. to my family.." Hara said, "how could you do this cruel thing?!"

Suzy slowly turned, looked at Hara right in her eyes that started glassy. Her lips was trembled after swearing at her, as well as the palms turned red after a hard slap.

"Hara .."

"At first, I trust you but look what you did to my family! You lied to us, you're fooling me and my brother!"

"I'm sorry, Hara .."

"Does the word 'sorry' that you will also say to Minho? Do you want to apologize for causing Sulli went into rehab? You think your sorry will bring Sulli back? .. And what do you think my brother will come back to you? .. "

Suzy lowered her head, she couldn’t see Hara who gave her terrible gaze.

"Don’t even think of telling the truth to my brother! Throw away those thoughts, I know you suffer a lot for what you did, you regret it? ..." Suzy nodded, "think of this as your punishment! I don’t care if you can’t sleep or you can’t eat or even if you want to die.. Keep these secret for yourself!"

Suzy blinked, holding back her tears. The same thing is done by Hara with her hands clenched tightly. They bear the burden that isn’t much different, feels tormented by each other's presence, but can not express in words or by an action.

"I'll be watching you, so don’t be stupid!" Hara said before finally left Suzy alone.

After Suzy alone, tears falling one by one. She covered her face with hands in front of the mirror. To lift her head, she felt ashamed. Now she realized how low she is after made a big mistake because of love.

next chapter preview :

"At least I've tried before I give up."

"I just want you to comeback, I just want us to get together again, I don't care if you're back on us as Sulli or Jinri, I just want my sister back .."

"I hate Jinri so much,"