Ken's heart was exclusive to one person - he couldn't see anyone else but him.

He has been hurt for several times, getting rejected over and over again by that same person who didn't love him back. Maybe, he loved him but it was not more than a love for a friend, and it hurt, especially they were on the same group.

He must admit - he was an obsessive person. When he liked something, he wouldn't try to detach himself from it. Same with Hongbin - he loved him very much. Very much that it hurt.

It was during Rock Ur Body era, where Hongbin took really good care of him. The wrong thing that he did, however, was to misunderstand the friendly action into something more. Hongbin liked hanging out with Ken, for the reason that Ken was fun to be with. Hongbin would always appreciate Ken's presence, during the days when he was trying to overcome that urge to leave the group, just because he was not good enough in terms of singing. Their entertainment company was known for its singing artists, so Hongbin was really struggling to fit. So Ken was there to help him. And he was thankful that he was able to succeed in singing. Hongbin became confident, all thanks to Ken.

But Ken didn't only want that. Ever since they were trainees, Ken had his eye on Hongbin already. He was handsome, innocent and kind - anyone would fall for him. He eventually had a crush on Hongbin so he did everything to become close to him. He willingly volunteered to join him everytime Hongbin would excuse himself because he was always scolded by the trainers due to his lack of abilities. Ken found himself helping the guy he liked so much, wishing that he would be liked back. Ken did everything to make Hongbin stay in the group, even secretly recording his voice and submitting it to the trainers who thought it was Hongbin. Hongbin was shocked the next day, because he was congratulated, and he was even given a chance to sing his solo.

Hongbin learned that it was Ken. He was mad at first, but then he realized that without that initiation, he might have left VIXX. He was happy and thankful, and there, Ken confessed his feelings.

"I did this, because I like you, Hongbin," Ken said in a serious tone, facing Hongbin. "It isn't only because we're one team, but it is because I like you as a man."

"H-Hyung, I..." Hongbin darted his stare somewhere else. His heart was beating abnormally. "I-I'm..."

It was then when Ken first kissed Hongbin. Hongbin abruptly pushed him that Ken almost lost his balance. "H-Hongbin, I-"

"I... I can't like you back more than a friend. I'm... I'm in love with someone else," he confessed, and Ken was obviously shocked at the confession. "Ken hyung. I am very thankful and happy that you were the one who helped me overcome my insecurities. But, I don't want you to use your feelings to help me. Someday, you'll realize, you're only fond of me, as a younger brother. Hyung... I am sorry."

Hongbin stormed out the practice room, while Ken fell on the ground. For him, rejection was very painful, especially if the reason was Hongbin was in love with someone else. He tried to hold back his tears, and he successfully did.

Little did he know, someone heard their conversation.

***

Seeing Ken in that state pained him.

He was doubting if he would approach Ken to comfort him, or not. He clenched his fists as he tried to just stare at the person he liked the most.

He should be relieved that Hongbin rejected Ken, but he wasn't feeling any relief because more than that, Ken was suffering and was hurting. He couldn't bare to see Ken being disappointed, being rejected, being hated. He didn't want to see Ken being down.

But he was scared to approach him. He was scared to know how much Ken liked Hongbin.

He turned around and ignored everything, that was what he was good at anyway.

***

Ken was devastated when he learned that Hongbin was in love with Hyuk.

After the confession, Hongbin became distant to Ken. Whenever Ken would approach Hongbin, he would tell him that he had something to do. Ken was broken-hearted but he tried and tried.

Then he learned when they had a vacation together in Jeju Island during the halt of their activities. He saw Hongbin and Hyuk walking together near the beach, with their hands intertwined. Hongbin looked really happy and so was Hyuk. When they looked into their eyes, he could tell they were in love.

Rather than pain, he felt really angry that after that, he tried to scold Hyuk in everything that he would do.

"Han Sanghyuk! Why did you leave your cap on my bed!?" He stormed in Hyuk and Ravi's room and showed the cap to Hyuk. "You know that I don't like seeing other member's things on my bed, right?"

"Hyung! I am glad, you found it. I thought I lost-"

Ken threw the cap on Hyuk and it hit Hyuk's face. "You should always mind your things." Ken left and entered his room then slammed the door.

Ravi entered Hyuk's room who was still shocked at what happened. "What happened? Why was Ken hyung very angry?"

"He must be really angry. It was the first time seeing Ken hyung like that," Hyuk said, still in the state of shock. He then looked at Ravi. "He threw my cap to me. He never did that to me before, or if he accidentally did, he would apologize and even ask me where it hurts."

"That was really a petty reason to get that angry," Ravi said. "Oh well, I think it's best if you won't lose your things anymore."

"I seriously thought it was lost. I never actually went inside Ken hyung's room so I wonder how it was found there..." Hyuk wondered. "Anyway, we shall get to the recording studio. Hongbin hyung's already there."

"Seriously, Sanghyuk," Ravi laughed. "You should drop the honorifics," Ravi placed his arm around Hyuk. "We all know what you and Hongbin are."

Hyuk blushed. "I hate you Kim Wonshik."

"Yah! I didn't say you drop the honorifics while talking to me!" Ravi pretended to hit the youngest, but Hyuk already went out of the room. "Aish, this guy."

***

"I told you not to restrain your breathing!" Ken yelled at Hyuk. "You're getting worse and worse everyday, Hyuk!"

"I thought he's improving," N interjected. "He's actually doing pretty good compared to before-"

"You call that better, hyung? Stop spoiling him just because he's the youngest one!" Ken yelled back at N. Then he turned to Hyuk again. "One more time!"

Hyuk sang his line again, but Ken didn't approve of it. "Hyung, what did I do wrong this time?"

"Everything is wrong! That is why you don't improve! You take everything very lightly. You don't even practice! You're the worst member, Hyuk. It is better if you're gone in the group-"

"Jaehwan!" N scolded. "What is wrong with you!?"

"Why? Am I not right? No one of us approved to let him be in our group because of lack of experience, right? He trained quite shorter than us that our friends who trained longer than him got rejected. But he doesn't show any improvement at all. He's also getting unprofessional now that he is questioning-"

"You're being inconsiderate, hyung!" Ravi, who went inside the practice room with Hongbin and heard what Ken said, commented. "Hyuk never gave up. He practiced every night that even I couldn't sleep, I let him. He was trying to become better. He studies at the university in the morning and train at night. He doesn't even get proper sleep and rest because he is trying to live up our expectations of him. He is trying to prove himself to us, Jaehwan hyung."

"Despite of that, did he get any better? No! He is still lacking. He is not worthy to become one of us-"

"Lee Jaehwan!" N shouted angrily. "Stop it!"

Hyuk looked on the ground and clenched his fists. Hongbin went towards him and held his shoulder. Hongbin saw Hyuk crying for the first time, so he was shocked. He gathered all his strength to face Ken. "I won't forgive you, hyung, for saying that to the person I love the most!"

Hyuk raised his chin up and looked at Hongbin, and Ken was also shocked that he wasn't able to speak.

"Why are you even angry at Hyuk? Is it because you know that I love him? Is it because you know, that you can't be the person I like? You can't be Hyuk, hyung, so you are insecure. You don't have the guts to become the person I love," Hongbin said intently. "So stop blaming him for all the frustrations that you have!"

"W-What, I don't understand," N commented as he looked simultaneously at Hongbin, Ken and Hyuk. "Ken is..."

"Yes, hyung. I am in love with Hongbin!" Ken admitted then he faced Hongbin. "You're right, Hongbin. I am very frustrated that I blame Sanghyuk for rejecting me. But I will prove to you that I can be like Sanghyuk too. I will be like him. And eventually, you'll learn to fall in love with me too. Just wait and see!" Ken exited the practice room and slammed the door after him.

"So you're... really in love with Hyuk?" Ravi asked Hongbin.

"I feel so guilty!" Hongbin sat on the floor because he felt weak after the tension. "I feel that we are playing with Jaehwan's hyung feelings too much!"

"You did well, Hongbin hyung," Hyuk laughed and sat beside Hongbin and wiped his tears. "But are you really in love with me?"

"Of course not," Hongbin denied. "But you were one great actor there, Hyuk. I might fall in love with you for real!" The two of them laughed loudly.

"What the hell is happening here!? Why am I the only missing out!?" N angrily (ang jokingly) gave everyone a neck chop. "Can you please tell me what's happening!?"

Ravi approached N and put his arm around N's shoulder. "Hyung, if you learn about it, promise us that you would play your role too!"

N hissed and showed his oh-so familiar annoyed face to Ravi. "You're all dead!" Then his facial expression turned to neutral again. "Come on, Kim Wonshik, you better tell me."

Ravi smirked and whispered everything to N. N's face turned into shock.

"Oh my gosh!?" N exclaimed. "Are you all for real!?"

Everyone, aside from N, laughed loudly.

"Seriously guys, you could have done it right with lesser tension," N commented. "Oh well, count me in! Anyway, who wants pizza for dinner?"

***

"Jaehwan."

He heard several knocks from the door and he also ignored the voice that went with them.

Ken locked himself in the room, refusing to let anyone in. He also skipped dinner even though N apologized to him and invited him to join them for dinner in the pizza parlor near the dorm.

Another knock was heard by Jaehwan. "It's me, Leo."

Ken sighed. Leo was a scary person. He knew that his hyung would really try to enter the room, even if it would take him to destroy the door. So to avoid it, he opened the door even if he was unwilling. When Ken opened the door, Leo didn't immediately enter, so Ken remained standing in front of Leo, waiting for him to enter. "Aren't you going to enter?"

"I am hungry," Leo said plainly and took Ken by the wrist then the former pulled him until they reached the dining room. He almost pushed Ken on the chair and Ken had no choice but to sit on it. Leo went to the kitchen and got some plates, two pairs of spoon and fork, two pairs of chopsticks and set the table. Ken just observed his hyung while bringing out all the dishes that he cooked and placed them on the table. After bringing everything out, he sat beside Ken. "You must be hungry too. Eat up."

Ken knew that Leo had things to say, because whenever he would scold him or talk seriously with him, Leo would sit beside him. So he felt very nervous.

"Why aren't you eating?" Leo asked almost quietly.

Ken scratched his head as he observed Leo while eating. Leo learned that Ken was staring at him and was not eating, so he stopped and looked at Ken. Ken got startled with the stare that he carelessly grabbed his chopsticks dropped one of it. "A-Ah... it fell," he awkwardly smiled at Leo who was staring at him. "I'll just use the spoon and fork instead-" Out of nervousness, he dropped both utensils as well. "I am so careless," he commented. "I'll just get another pair."

When he stood, he was pulled by Leo back to his seat. "No need. If you leave, I know you'll sneak your way out of the dorm." Leo used his chopsticks to feed Ken. Ken hesitated to take the food in so Leo did the honors. Ken had no choice but to chew the food. The whole place became silent all throughout the dinner. Leo fed Ken with his chopsticks until Ken finally realized that Leo wasn't using his spoon and fork.

"Ah, hyung, I can use your spoon and fork instead." When Ken is about to reach for Leo's spoon and fork, he intentionally dropped them on the floor. "What the-"

"Shut up, and let's share the same chopsticks. I want to finish what we have started," Leo said and continued to feed Ken. "I'll have no control of you if you use my spoon and fork."

"You're strange-" he was cut with another batch of food inside his mouth. Ken swallowed it as fast as he could. "Hyung!"

"Tell me why did you make Sanghyuk cry," Leo started. Ken's mood changed. "I learned from Hakyeon."

"How the news spreads fast..." Ken commented. "I only told them the truth. Aren't you also part of the rejection team?"

"I don't reject people, especially the people who mattered to me the most," Leo said meaningfully, and Ken was again, startled at his response. Leo put down his chopsticks. "Yeah, I was. But I knew someone who wasn't."

Ken blinked twice, trying to understand what Leo meant. And he finally understood it. "T-That was before."

Leo went closer to Ken, that their faces almost had no space in between. "Your eyes don't show the same."

Ken's heart skipped a beat when he looked into Leo's eyes that were like staring even into his soul. "Fine! I was mad at him because Hongbin chose him instead of me! I like Hongbin so much and I feel really jealous of Hyuk. That is why I... I hate him now."

"You don't really hate him. The fact is, you're only insecure because Hongbin rejected you, and he chose Hyuk instead of you," Leo said matter-of-factly.

Ken turned away and crossed his arms. "Don't emphasize it anymore! I know I am not Hyuk, but I'll show Hongbin that I can become Hyuk. Or much better. He'll fall in love with me and he'll forget about Hyuk."

Ken stood and prepared to leave, until Leo spoke again. "You can't become Hyuk. Hongbin loves him because it is how Hyuk really is as a person. He might have his strengths and weaknesses, but Hongbin doesn't care. It is the same for you, Jaehwan. Someone would love you because you're you. In fact, someone already-"

"I don't care about that someone, whoever that person may be. I only loved, love, and will only love Hongbin. No one else would take his place inside my heart," Ken said emphatically. Then he turned away. "Thanks for the dinner, hyung."

Ken finally left and went back to his room.

Leo just sighed as he stared at Ken's back until he was finally gone.

***

So Ken lived up with his promise. He acted like Hyuk the next few days. He acted like he was the manly magnae who disliked acting cute, the magnae who was insolent to his older brothers, and the magnae who was everyone's apple of the eye.

One time, during one of their concerts, he refused to act cute because he emphasized that he was manly, and men didn't have to be cute. The director, who was expecting Ken to do the same for fanservice, scolded him, but he remained firm about being Hyuk for a while.

But it didn't make Hongbin fall in love with him, even the slightest bit.

So he became more desperate. He called a plastic surgeon to perform a plastic surgery on him, to make himself look like Hyuk. It was Leo who found out that he was about to do it when he passed by their practice room and Ken was talking to someone over the phone.

"Hello Dr. Kim. Yes, this is Ken. I got your number from the manager," Ken talked.

Leo hid somewhere. He was familiar with Dr. Kim, because he was their group dentist. The thing was, why was Ken calling him and asking for a schedule? The manager would fix such appointments but not Ken himself was allowed to set his own appointment. How could the manager give the number to him?

"I would like to ask if you know a plastic surgeon? Yes, someone who is capable of changing my physical appearance," he continued.

Leo's eyebrows met for a millisecond. Why is he asking that? Why is he doing plastic surgery- Wait.

"Ah, can I get his number? You'll just send it to the manager? No, please don't," he laughed. "Actually... I want to surprise everyone. If you can, please don't tell anyone, even my manager, or my groupmates. I want to surprise them with my new look so... Really? Thank you very much! I actually... thought... that I wanted to look like Hyuk. Yeah. Do you remember him?"

Leo was shocked when Hyuk's name was mentioned. He didn't mean to change his face too... When he came into his senses he ran towards Ken.

"I want to look like Hyuk because of a personal-" Ken was taken aback when Leo snatched his phone and threw it on the ground, resulting in breaking the phone competely. Ken was shocked but he recovered as he changed his expression. "What the hell, hyung!? What did you do to my phone!?"

"Can you please stop trying so hard, Ken?" Leo yelled, matching the volume of Ken's voice and the intensity of Ken's anger. "I can't believe you're doing this just because of Hongbin!"

"Why? Isn't there a problem with that, huh, hyung!?" Ken yelled back, glaring at Leo who was glaring back at him. "Is there a problem getting a plastic surgery to look like someone I want to look like? This is not your life, hyung! Snap out of it-"

Leo charged and punched Ken on the face. Due to the impact, Ken stepped two times backward and held his jaw. Leo held his shoulders, tightly as he could and shook the startled male. "No, Jaehwan. You snap out of it. Hongbin won't love you even though you change your appearance. Hongbin won't see you as the same person, and he might even hate you for changing yourself for him. Hongbin is not a petty person, Jaehwan. If someone loves another, he wouldn't look at the physical appearance. He wouldn't look at the perfections. He would at the person's imperfections. He would at person's weaknesses. Because even though the person has imperfections or weaknesses or flaws or whatnot, he would still love him. He would accept everything real and true about him. And he would do everything to fill those imperfections and bring him up and never down. Jaehwan... do you understand it? Do you really understand what love really is?"

"How about you, hyung? Why do you feel so sure about love!? Have you ever loved someone? Have you ever been hurt because the person you love is loving another? Have you ever been rejected several times!? Stop telling me what to do. Stop teaching me about what love is, because clearly, you can't comprehend. You're cold, ignorant, inconsiderate and insensitive. I hate you very much!"

Ken stormed out of the practice room and left Leo behind. Leo, for several times in his life, cried because of one person. That one person he loved. That same person who hated him.

***

The manager learned about Ken's plan the night after Ken and Leo's confrontation. He was very furious, that he called the attention of the group. After scolding Ken in front of the silent group, he left them to talk about things. But Ken refused to listen. He wanted to leave.

"Jaehwan hyung," Hongbin started talking. "I-I'm very sorry if I hurt you. If I didn't reject you, it wouldn't be so hard for you. But please understand, hyung, I can't force myself to love you, hyung. I can't change my feelings, and if you really love me, you would stop chasing after me. I don't want to see you hurting because of me and I won't be able to forgive myself if you continue this. But you must also know that... that I also have the right to be happy."

"No matter what, Hongbin, I will still go back to you," Ken said before he finally left for real.

"Taekwoon," N called Leo who was quiet the whole time. He was naturally quiet but during those times, he would voice out all his feelings, especially if it concerned Ken. "I need you to go to him and tell him what you feel. Be honest to him. Be straightforward."

Leo wondered how N knew his feelings for the other main vocal. But he didn't ask questions. "I-I... I have nothing to do with it," he lied. But his heart hurt, and his eyes felt hot as well. Anytime, his tears would fall, so he excused himself, telling everyone that he would sleep earlier. He went to his room and closed the door.

"Leo always pretends he doesn't care about Ken but the truth is, he's hurting right now," N commented. "I wish I could say the right words, but now... even though I am the leader, I can't tell him it's alright."

"Hyung, if you may," Hongbin stood. "I want to talk to Leo hyung."

***

"Hyung, can I talk to you?" It was Hongbin. Good thing, Leo's room wasn't locked, so he was able to enter quietly. Leo calmly wiped all his tears and pretended he was asleep. "I know you're not asleep yet. I want to tell you something."

There was no response. Hongbin continued anyway.

"I know how much you love Ken hyung. Really," Hongbin smiled. "Even if you hide it, it's so obvious."

There was no response again.

"I... I really feel bad for rejecting Ken hyung's love. And I am hurting too. Do you know why I am hurting? Do you know why I keep on rejecting him? I will tell you a secret. I hope you won't feel bad. I hope you won't take it against yourself. The truth is," Hongbin gulped, trying to remove the lump in his throat. It didn't succeed in stopping him from crying. His eyes turned red and tears immediately fell from them. He continued as he stuttered, "I-I love him. I really do love him too but I don't want to accept his love because I know, it's not what I expect from Jaehwan hyung. I don't want to live an illusion of him loving me, even though I know it isn't real. I don't want him to suffer because of me. If he falls out of love, I knew someday he would leave, but he would end up lying to me, to himself, by staying with me. I don't want to become selfish that by the time comes, I won't let him go. I won't let him have his happiness.

"Hyung, I know you love him more than I do. If I love him for real, I would have said yes to him despite all those things that I feared to happen. I know you'll get hurt because I know you can't live without him. I know you would not be able to handle the pain of seeing us together. Hyung, it's okay for me to feel the pain. It is okay for me to get hurt. I am willing to sacrifice for both of you because I love you both."

Leo carefully faced Hongbin. His tears just kept falling as he approached Hongbin. "H-Hongbin... you've been suffering too because of us..." Leo held the younger's shoulders and  glued his temple on Hongbin's chest. "I am sorry... I-"

Hongbin smiled and wiped his tears as he let Leo stand straight. "Hyung... please don't let my sacrifice go to waste. Please... go to Jaehwan hyung and tell him your feelings."

"I-I'm sorry, Hongbin!" He left Hongbin and looked for Ken who wasn't anywhere. He searched everywhere, everywhere Ken would have gone to.

He went to the practice room, and he was right. He saw Ken inside a sound proof practice room. He was alone, crying. Leo went to him and hugged the guy tightly from the back, startling the younger. Leo dug his face on Ken's shoulder as he embraced him more. "P-Please... stop it now. Stop hurting... Jaehwan... I feel hurt whenever you're hurting like that."

"L-Leo hyung-"

"Seeing you makes me believe that you're the person who would forever stay, regardless of everything bad that would happen. You would do everything to prove that your love is true. This is what I love about you, Jaehwan. This is exactly why I fell for you," Leo turned Ken around and looked at him in the eyes. "Jaehwan, I love you so much, that seeing you like this makes my heart ache."

Ken felt really warm, for the first time he looked at Leo's eyes and he saw the sincerity. Why didn't I notice? he asked himself. Why didn't I notice that he was hurting too? Has he been in love with me for a very long time?

"You asked me if I have even been in love. Yes, I am. You asked me if I have ever been rejected. Yes... but like you, no matter how many times, I am still here for person I love. I still am here to see the real you. The real Jaehwan I fell in love with. I know what exactly love is because I am in love with you. Lee Jaehwan, please... can you give me a chance to prove myself to you? Can you give us a chance?"

Ken held Leo's face and wiped his tears. "Taekwoon hyung... I've been very hurt because of rejection. To be honest... I don't want to give up yet but Hongbin's words me. I-If... If I give ourselves a chance, would you stay even though I would not be able to recover soon?"

Leo nodded.

"Would you accept my halfheartedness?"

Leo nodded once again.

"Would you still wait even though it would take me forever to forget him?"

"Even until I die, I will still wait until you love me. I won't change anything about myself and you'll love me the way you see me now," Leo reassured.

Ken finally smiled. "Thanks hyung for believing in me." He hugged Leo. New love might be tougher, but he knew he was with the person who would love him for real.

*** 

END

***

WHY IS THE ENDING SO WEIRD