It was past midnight and the sky was pitch black. Dark grey clouds covered the moon and the stars, giving off a very ominous feeling as the winter storm rolled into town. A harsh wind howled and caused the house to creak and moan against the pressure, but despite all the noise it was eerily silent inside the house. Donghae sat in the living room with only a single lamp flipped on to provide him any light as he sat on the couch with a blanket wrapped around him, his eyes glued to the front door as he waited for it to burst open. His eyes were stinging with exhaustion and begging for some sleep but his heart was racing wildly in his chest and he knew there was absolutely no way he’d been getting any sleep tonight; not when Kibum had not come home.

As the wind roared against the windows, Donghae pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on top of them, staring down at the floor with a very worried expression. He picked at his lip anxiously and wiggled his toes, but nothing could keep away the horrible feeling that something was wrong and that’s why Kibum hadn’t come home yet. He glanced at the front door again, straining his ear to listen for the sound of footsteps coming up the front porch but there was nothing to be heard except for the storm. His stomach clenched as the thought of his brother lying dead on the side of the road filled his mind. It was entirely possible too, but even worse because Kibum’s coat was still hanging on the hook by the front door. That was the only reason why Heechul wasn’t down there waiting with him; he thought Kibum was asleep in his room like the rest of the family and so he’d gone off to bed over an hour ago.

Where are you, Kibum? He thought to himself concernedly. He sighed lightly and closed his eyes, unable to keep them open any longer. Pulling the blanket around tighter, Donghae slowly tried to relax and push away all the anxious thoughts running through his mind. He knew that there was probably a very reasonable explanation of why his brother was not home and he prayed that perhaps Kibum had decided to spend the night at Hongki’s house, which wasn’t out of the question because they would all do it occasionally if they were out late. It just so happened that Hongki’s house was closer to town than home was which was rather convenient on nights like this.  He just hoped that Kibum wasn’t out in this awful storm, it was just too cold to be out without a coat.

Another half hour past and the grandfather clock on the wall began to chime deeply as one o’ clock rolled around. Donghae felt himself drifting off into a light sleep, stirring awake anytime the wind blew aggressively against the house. More time flew by and he slept fitfully on the couch, but he woke with a start when there was a soft commotion coming from the front porch. His eyes opened wearily and he sat up quickly, looking around until his eyes fell on the clock and found that it was now well past two in the morning. The front door slowly creaked open and Donghae dashed into the foyer in time to see Kibum stumble into the house letting in a good amount of frosty air and snow before falling to his hands in knees. Rushing over to his brother, Donghae knelt down to floor and nearly gagged from the sickening odor radiating from him.

“Ugh! Kibum where on earth have you been? And what is that smell?” He exclaimed in a hushed whisper, reaching for Kibum’s hands. He was horrified by how cold they were but he noticed with great relief that there was a leather jacket draped over his shoulders. He didn’t know what Kibum had been doing but he felt a little better knowing that there had been someone there to make sure he didn’t freeze to death.

Kibum groaned pathetically, unable to move from where he’d fallen on the floor. He mumbled something uncomprehensive and Donghae struggled to understand what he said. There was a creak in the floor boards upstairs and Donghae froze, worried that Heechul might suddenly appear at the top of the stairs and find them. Knowing that Heechul had a sixth sense for these kinds of things, he quickly hefted Kibum up and held him tightly as he half-dragged him down the hallway and into his bedroom. In a quick motion he dumped Kibum onto his bed and began removing Kibum’s shoes and the heavy leather coat before gathering up all his blankets and piling them onto his brother to ensure that he got warm enough.

“…Donghae…”

Ceasing his motions, Donghae sat on the edge of the bed and placed his hand on Kibum’s face. He waited in silence as his brother deliriously tried to focus and speak but the effort seemed to be too much. Kibum’s cold cheek, he sighed sadly and shook his head as he decided that this was just too much for him to deal with alone. It was foolish to think that he could handle the responsibility but if he’d known that Kibum would put him through this much worry he would have never agreed to keep the secret from Heechul. A larger part of him know that if he recanted the agreement it would only scare off his younger brother. He vaguely remembered when Kibum had first joined the family and Heechul had sincerely suggested rehabilitation; Kibum had run off without any sort of explanation and left the rest of them worried half to death that he’d go straight back to drugs. This time would be no different and Donghae knew if he didn’t play his cards right that there was great potential for Kibum to do exactly that.

For the moment, he would do all that he could to keep Kibum safe until the timing was right and he’d tell Heechul everything that was going on. If he knew anything at all it was that Kibum was even more fragile than he appeared but now matters were more difficult since his rationality was thrown out the window and his mind was being corrupted with the deceptive whispers of narcotics.

As the sun slowly began to peek over the horizon, its light glittered off the deep snow that was left behind by last night’s winter storm. It looked like a picture from a fairytale with tall evergreens tipped with white and the snow piled on top of the roof with icicles hanging down from the shutters. The beauty of it almost made it seem as if there had never been a ferocious storm but regardless of the calm aftermath the damage had been done. The serenity only masked what destruction lied beneath the surface.

With the sun light pouring through the window and lighting up the bedroom Kibum carefully slid out of bed. He kept his eyes glued to his slumbering brother, cautious not to disturb Donghae’s peaceful sleep. He didn’t know when Donghae had finally given up trying to stay awake all night and climbed into bed but he was sure that if he woke him that he would have hell to pay. Pulling the blankets over the sleeping figure, Kibum discretely crept out of the room and closed the door behind him. With a barrier between them he hurried and headed straight for his own room upstairs, wanting to put as much distance between the two of them as he could. The memories from hours previous were hazy but there was a vague recollection of stumbling through the door last night and finding Donghae waiting up for him.

Tiptoeing up the stairs, Kibum flinched when he stepped on a squeaky floorboard and since luck was not on his side that morning, Heechul appeared sticking his head out of his room to see what the noise was.

“What are you doing up, Kibum?” Heechul asked quietly with a frown, staring at Kibum with concerned eyes. It was the same expression he wore whenever he had to deliver some sort of news that Kibum never appreciated, and so he was rather apprehensive when Heechul said, “Come in here, I want to talk to you.”

Nodding lightly, Kibum gave up discretion and slowly followed Heechul into the room. He shuffled over to the bed and timidly sat down, unconsciously avoiding Heechul’s gaze. That had always been a paranoid fear of his that if someone looked into his eyes they could read into his mind and look at all his thoughts and feelings. One of his biggest faults was the lack of control he had over his emotions; everyone always said that he wore his heart on his sleeve but lately it seemed as if he had a black hole instead. All the bitterness and guilt he felt would show the moment Heechul looked into his eyes. He didn’t want Heechul to know that he was mad at him or that he had broken their agreement and therefore had shattered all the trust they’d worked so hard to build up. He wasn’t ready for his life to go spiraling down again and so he kept his eyes glued to his hands as he twiddled with the hem of his shirt.

Even so, he could feel Heechul’s gaze on him and knew that he was in for some bad news. He nervously swallowed back the lump in his throat and quickly snuck a peek at the latter, his insides twisting and turning as a shot of anxious adrenaline burst through his veins.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Heechul asked quietly, his voice projecting a deep hurt. Kibum shrugged his shoulders without an answer but just hearing that melancholic tone made him feel guilty. He still loved Heechul very much despite the resentment he’d been feeling toward him lately and hearing that hurt voice did not make him feel good at all.

“You’re struggling with something. These past few months you’ve distanced yourself from everyone. You hardly ever talk anymore and you’re never home. At first I thought it was because I brought Key home but now I can see that it’s something much deeper. Do you want to talk about it?” Heechul asked hopefully.

Kibum froze.

Yes. Yes, he did want to talk about it. He wanted to pour his heart out and admit all his wrong doings. He wanted to tell Heechul all about the photographs of his parents and the two babies he’d received. He wanted to admit that he’d been searching for his parents all this time and that doing so was hurting him terrible. He wanted to cry out for help, to tell him all about the struggle he faced everyday with drugs and how he always lost. He wanted to tell him that he was keeping so many secrets and that they were eating him from the inside, tearing away at his sanity and causing so much pain that he was doing drugs to numb it all. Yes, he did want to talk about it.