A fool, I am! I've fell for the person I swore off to because I knew my best friend like him, and because he had loved her and still love her. Why did I have to go and break my own heart?

My story will be long, but to understand it, you must read the next three paragraphs. And I surely hope that he don't ever read this.

Let my memories serve me wrong, but from it, I remember being ually abuse. Let my past serve me right, but from it, I become a villain. And villains don't get happy endings.

Although I don't know if my memories are true, I remembered being ually assault by no one but my family members, and it left me crippled because now I felt used, dirty, ugly and broken. I felt like I was the bad person in everything I did. I felt like a villain. They stopped when I turned age 11, and I finally realized what they were doing at age 13, so I distance myself. As I grew up, I felt like I couldn't tell anyone, mostly my other family members because I didn't want to risk their bonds. Through my memories and my past, I became a closed book and insecure to the point where I lock myself inside the walls I built and lock everyone out, then I glued a smile on my face to hide the pain inside. Everyone thought I was happy, and I made myself think that too.

At age 16, I found out I have depression, but I didn't tell my parents. Those who knew of my depression didn't know that it was because of what I've gone through. And being born on 4/20 didn't even help: I was nickname Hitler/Adolf(it's also his birthday), Pothead and the Weed Baby .

Now here's the story. At age 18, during my senior year of high school with my two best friends and a regular friend, I fell hard for this guy, Seunghyun, who I messaged only through Facebook for two and a half months and knew of for almost two years, and he's two years Older than me. When I first met him, I told all my friends that if he was the last guy on earth, I would never ever date him, and out of all the guys I say that to, he was the first that I fell for. Moreover, he was the first guy that I ever like that was Older than me and the only person who got me acting like a stupid high school girl, instead of the mean, heartless coldboy everyone around me was use to. When he messaged me, I was smiling, giggling and blushing all at once. He could make me happy, sad and angry all at once. He could change my mood with a snap of his fingers. He was the only person who so far had gotten me open up to other people about my feelings that I once hid and how I was manipulated by my abusers to go steal my dad's stash of "books" for them. The only thing I didn't tell them was me being abused. I became very vulnerable to anyone around me, but I wasn't scare for I knew that if he knew my secrets, he wouldn't hurt me, and I felt relax, free and relieved of everything. While my friends told me that I was in love, my siblings told me I was infatuated because I don't know his family or anything personal about him. Seeing that they were true, I told myself that I was only infatuated by him.

The tricky thing was that my friends and I knew that he really like one of my best friend, Daesungie, and she liked him too. However, Daesungie stopped liking him, and he didn't. To make things worse, throughout middle school and the beginning of high school, Daseungie and I look so much alike that everyone thought we were twins, and we were mistaken for each other most of the time. This made me uncomfortable and self-conscious because I knew