The first time we saw each other, you had been goofing off with your friends in the corridor and I had passed by with mine- laughing at something extremely silly that had happened in class. I don’t even know why I bothered to look in your direction for that split second, it was purely impulse I suppose, but when our eyes met at that moment, it was electric in the nicest possible way. I had felt tingly and warm inside for an hour after wards; did you feel the same way too?

The first time we smiled at each other was when the whole school gathered around to work on the annual year end musical extravaganza the school held, bringing all the students from different departments to create the grand stage. All the student departments had been involved, working closely together in tight knit groups under the watchful eyes of their neurotic professors. The composers and the dancers had to work together and in sync with one another and the teachers were insistent that all introductions be done straight away. I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of you at all before and was beyond mortified that it would be while I was wearing my rattiest looking anime t-shirt. In my dreams, I expected our first meeting to be romantic and heart fluttery- you being the mysterious guy I had become so quickly intrigued with while I stood by and swooned. It turned out to be extremely awkward and possibly happened just for the sake of civility and politeness, but it was the first time we smiled at each other anyway. I swear I felt the tingles again.

I found out your name that day as well, Kim Jongin- dance prodigy and campus golden boy. Turns out, you already knew mine. (That was the first time I actually experienced the power your smile had over me.)

We became friends pretty quickly after that, and even if we knew about the mutual attraction that was between us, we chose to leave it unacknowledged. I was mesmerised by the way you danced and the way you told stories with fluid movements, the way you seemed to just know what to do all the time and with such raging confidence. I must have sounded envious when I told you this, because you scrunched up your eyebrows like you always do when you’re trying to figure stuff out, trying to figure me out. I had been so conscious about not screwing things up between us, I pretended to be in a hurry and excused myself, eager to get away from the awkwardness. We left it at that.

In the two months we slaved over the music and accompanying dances for the musical, it was on a Tuesday when you called in sick that I realised how much of a habit you had become for me. I was off my game the whole day, just completely lost. That was the first time I cried over you, finally realising that you were a habit I didn’t want to break but would have to once the musical was done.

This was so much more than a crush and I didn’t know how to deal with that.

You had no idea why I hugged you the next day the moment you walked in and why I walked away looking extremely pleased with myself, ignoring your baffled expression. (It had been because you hugged me back. I was so far gone by then.)

It was nearly a week before the musical’s debut when it all changed so suddenly. With everything almost done other than the rehearsals and out of sheer boredom on my part, I had made my way into one of the empty practice rooms to try out a new composition I had been working on for one my classes.

Being the engrossed perfectionist that I was, I hadn’t noticed you standing in the doorway listening to my composition. It was only when your footsteps grew closer did I see you. I had smiled at you in greeting but you had this weird contemplative glint in your eyes, and I could tell you were doing that eyebrow thing you did all too often.

“Do I look like that when I’m dancing then?” Your question had confused me; I had no idea what you had been talking about.

“Like what, Jongin?” His eyes were still on me, contemplating and assessing. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling slightly intimidated by you in that moment.

“So completely entranced by what you’re creating, just the way you create music out of nothingness. It’s amazing. You’re amazing.”

I had always allowed your words to affect me more than they should and this time was no different. It wasn’t as if you hadn’t complimented me on my work before, but it just fell like right now it was different between us, as if the dynamic had changed from friendly flirting to something else. That’s when I realised why I had gotten so intimidated by you before- you looked at me with same intensity you danced with. Like I was something to be watched and admired.

Clearing my throat, I ignored the tension between us. I had never been one to gamble and to risk our friendship was something I couldn’t make myself do. “It still needs work though” I mumbled, my eyes staring firmly at my shoes, willing myself to not run out of the room to avoid the friction.

As if sensing my discomfort, you tried to lighten up the situation. “Can I dance to it? Sometimes it helps to see your work come to life, so maybe you could work according to it?” I nodded mutely; it was like you already knew I’d never say no to an opportunity to see you dance. To you it might have been two friends helping each other out or just even goofing off, but to me it was possibly one of the most intimate things I’d ever done. No one had ever danced to my music before.

Matching the movement of my finger tips on the keys, you danced. It was right, what you had said. You truly did bring my music to life. You didn’t even stop once to think about what to do, it was as if the melody just flowed throughout your body. It was beautiful and perfect and so very you that if I hadn’t fallen in love with you already, I would done so again at that very moment.

It just didn’t strike me that you would as well.

The rest of our remaining time flew by surprisingly fast after that and before you knew it; it was the night of the musical showcase. One moment we were laughing at the woes of overworked and stressed drama students running around like headless chicken and the other, we were putting on our finest formal suits- ready to see our hard work pay off in fruition.

We were a raving success according to the beaming professors, who offered us glasses of champagne as a gesture that one could only conclude was congratulatory. I hadn’t gotten a chance to see you that night; you were probably busy with your dance buddies as I was with mine. It was painful to think about, just another sour reminder that we’d become virtual strangers once again after tonight.

I don’t even know why I bothered to hang around the party for so long when I was feeling so completely miserable, but I was sure it had something to do with the nagging feeling that I wanted to see you once last time. Most of the students had left at that point, choosing to go have their own private parties but I stayed. Stupidly, I might add. Since I had no way of knowing whether you were at the party or not.

After one exceptionally unsatisfying conversation with a slightly drunk professor, I decided to go venture out to the auditorium- one of the many places at this school I called home.

The stage lights were still on as I walked onto the main stage, the sound of my footsteps echoing along the creaking wood around the empty room. This, the stage and the lights and the grandness of it all, was the precise reason I had wanted to get into music composition. It was, without a doubt one of my happy places. Somewhere I could just go to clear my head out and think.

I had sat down on the edge, staring out at