It started with tiny red spots that scattered across the forearm of his sun kissed skin. Broken blood vessels bleeding out, unable to clot. The clusters seemed rather insignificant at first, they were negligible. But soon, they were joined with dark purples ones that didn’t sit well with Kyungsoo. The spots, the couple later learned, are called petechiae.

 

Then came the rashes and bruises. Patches of pink would irritate Jongin’s chest, biceps and thighs, while purple, blue and green hues would appear all over the dancer’s legs. One day, Kyungsoo noticed that Jongin’s blood vessels were damaged in the most unusual places. He’d never seen anyone bruise their calves and back like that before.

 

The incessant bleedings were, quite frankly, frightening. A paper cut here, a prick on his thumb over there. Let’s put a band aid over his nose today and his elbow tomorrow. Sometimes, the bleeding would last much too long and that was worrying. No more knives for Jongin. Scissors too. Maybe we should baby proof all our corners. Kyungsoo was scared.

 

White pleated white, on white and more white. Colourless. Jongin’s complexion slowly lost its glow, his pale face similar to, yet also the opposite of Kyungsoo’s naturally alabaster skin. Kyungsoo doesn’t have yellow and ashy grain undertones, his cheeks flush a light pink, not… … … When had Jongin gotten so sick?

 

Kyungsoo’s bone marrow isn’t a match, they go with other treatments first. Treatments come with pain. A lot of pain. Kyungsoo loses track of just how many times Jongin has felt the urge to throw up, had actually thrown up. All that retching, gagging, coughing, and sobbing echoing against the bathroom walls and replaying in Kyungsoo’s head for the days and nights that follow. It never stops.

 

Jongin takes an academic leave, calls the dance academy that he volunteers at to tell them he’ll be away for a while and quits his part-time job. Jongin’s parents live out of town and fly in to stay with their baby for a couple weeks. Kyungsoo cleans up the guest room and welcomes them with tears in his eyes. Kyungsoo’s parents are there to support the pair as well.

 

No donors yet, so they continue with therapy. Jongin loses his hair in awkward patches. He tries to hide it with caps, but his snapback gets in the way when he’s got his face buried in the toilet or garbage can. Kyungsoo helps Jongin shave his head, then shaves his own when Jongin finally falls asleep. He smiled sheepishly the next day and called it a couple look.

 

Walking becomes extremely difficult. Dancing having already been out of the equation long ago. Kyungsoo takes a break from work and pushes Jongin around in a wheelchair most of the time, making sure the younger gets some fresh air and sunlight. Jongin is thankful, but he’d rather stay inside, stay in bed. It hurts less, and he really just doesn’t have the energy to do much anymore.

 

Jongin has been bedridden at the hospital for days. Kyungsoo doesn’t leave his side except to grab a bite every eight or so hours, use the washroom and bathe. He watches TV with Jongin, reads him their favourite books, sings him lullabies, and shoos the nurses away to feed him and wipe Jongin down himself. Kyungsoo rubs Jongin’s back in comfort when he hacks the contents of his stomach into a plastic bag.

 

Jongin wakes up to the sound of Kyungsoo crying a couple weeks into his supposedly temporary stay at the hospital. He’s lying down on the couch with an extra blanket over his head, but it doesn’t hide the sniffles and whimpering he emits. Jongin wants to hold his boyfriend in his arms, wipe the tears from his face and tell him that everything will be alright, but it’s just so hard to do so.

 

Things go up for a while, then it gets worse. The new treatment seemed alright, but Jongin’s body rejects it after a while. His already diminishing appetite gone by the end of the second week. Jongin’s cheeks are hollow, his eyes sunken in, and his lips pale. Kyungsoo puts a stop to what they’re doing and consults the doctor for other methods. There has to be another way.

 

They find a donor. Jongin has a one year survival rate of 73.2 percent. That’s an extra 365 days for Jongin to spend with Kyungsoo. There’s a chance he might recover after his body grows stronger. Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, takes in the dark circles under his eyes, the immense amount of weight he has lost and says yes to the surgery without batting an eyelash.

 

The surgery was a success. Jongin leaves the hospital after two weeks of close monitoring. Kyungsoo and Jongin are ecstatic to be home. Kyungsoo takes great care of Jongin. He makes sure Jongin takes his medication on time, cooks him healthy meals, and accompanies him to all of his appointments. They’ll be okay.

 

Jongin’s platelet count goes up steadily. He’s able to walk around their shared apartment on his good days and he’s laughing more often now. Kyungsoo laughs as well, happy that Jongin is on the road to recovery. Happy that there are still remnants of the jokester he fell in love with inside of the emptying shell of what he used to be.

 

Kyungsoo is taking Jongin’s temperature when he notices how flushed Jongin is. His temperature is quite a bit higher than normal. He asks Jongin if he’s feeling feverish, but Jongin merely shakes his head. Kyungsoo doesn’t take any chances and takes his boyfriend to the hospital. They check his blood, get a urine sample and run a CT scan. Jongin has an infection.

 

Infections are life threatening and Jongin might not make it. Kyungsoo cries, tears streaming from his eyes and snot running down his chin. Jongin has been unconscious for a couple hours and Kyungsoo becomes increasingly frantic as the seconds tick by. Different doctors and nurses come in and out all day, but they all wear the same grim facial expressions whenever they leave.

 

The next day, Jongin’s condition is stabilized, but he’s still at risk. Kyungsoo goes into hysterics when the doctors tell him to prepare himself. When he calms down, he phones Jongin’s parents, his own parents and a couple of their best friends. He asks Sehun for a favour, there’s a black box with two silver rings inside of the bottom drawer of his night table. Jongin left spare keys at the studio.

 

Kyungsoo’s parents leave work right away, Jongin’s parents book another set of tickets for the earliest flight they can catch, Jongin’s dance friends get here after work and Sehun sprints inside with the box in his hands. He’s panting when he hands the box to Kyungsoo, so, so afraid that he had taken too long. That it’d be too late.

 

Originally a couple ring for their third anniversary, Kyungsoo decides that these can be their engagement rings instead. He’ll buy Jongin something fancier later on. Yeah, later. He slips the ring onto his own hand then onto Jongin’s ring finger. He feels Jongin’s hand twitch, hears the heart monitor speed up and panics.

 

An army of doctors and nurses rush into the room, they kick everyone out, drag a screaming Kyungsoo into the halls and proceed to check Jongin’s vitals. They stay inside for a while. Jongin’s parents have arrived and Kyungsoo is still crying when the doctors tell everyone they can go inside. Jongin is awake, but he’s frail. Just as the other doctor had done, these ones tell them to be prepared as well.

 

Jongin’s eyes are half open and his left hand is playing with the ring on his right. He smiles when he sees his friends, family members and Kyungsoo step inside. His smile falters when he sees how broken the love of his life is, but he tries his best to stay bright. He feels helpless, but for Kyungsoo he’ll do anything. Anything for Kyungsoo. Always for Kyungsoo. Always.

 

There’s an oxygen mask on Jongin’s face, but he beckons for Kyungsoo to come over and takes it off to kiss him one last time. Jongin tells him he loves the ring and says yes when Kyungsoo asks him if he’ll marry him. Of course he’d marry Kyungsoo. A tear falls from Kyungsoo’s eyes and Jongin wants to hold his fiancé in his arms, wipe the tears from his face and tell him that everything will be alright, but he can’t. He doesn’t.