I've liked him for a while now. Quite a long while.

I like to Give A Glance to him During class, and lunch, and Breaktime.  I like it whenever he Sits next to me, it sends butterflies in my stomach and my heart pacing like drums. I like it When he smiles. The light Shines through his smile and the warmness radiates throughout my whole body. I feel happy whenever he talks to me. I feel like I just want to stay in that conversation forever while staring into his bright, beautiful pair of eyes. I really did like him. Park Jimin. He's the only one I see in a crowded room. He's the only one I ever look for.

But just because I liked Park Jimin, it does not mean I'm the only one.

Jimin is quite a popular guy. A lot of girls fall for him and his looks. His hair, his eyes, his chubby cheeks that I liked most, everything about him was perfect. He was one of the cool kids. He wore caps everyday , even if they are prohibited in the school area. He wears wristbands and his tie hangs loose from his neck. As I said, a lot of girls fall for him. Including my close friend.

I assure you, my close friend's got a good chance with Jimin. I bet he'll fall for her as quick as he fixes the snapback on his head. And I think, he already started.

You see, my close friend here's the newest student in our class. She just came about three months ago. She became my close friend instatly not because I had no friends, but because I was the first one offering to show her around the school and during those times, I found out she has the same interests and tastes as I do and it only took us weeks to get this close to each other.

She's cute, yet cool at the same time. She's quirky, she's tall, pretty, and I could go on for about a dozen more. But most of all, she was perfect for Jimin. Their interests were the same, their style, their type of music, etc. Their faces would look cute together. Not to mention their personality as well. Since he was the cool guy, she was the cool girl, I suppose.

I, however, had no chance with him whatsoever. I was not girly, but I could tell that I was not what he was looking for. I was not what he'd call 'his dream girl', his' most wanted ', or whatever. We were too much different. I know' his dream girl 'would soon be her position. I realized this. I know I have no chance. But it does not change the fact that I do hopelessly like him .

I tell her she suits with him. I tell her they make a great couple. Her face got to a cherry pink after what I told her. My ears were filled with the words "Really?" For the next hour. I always replied with the same set of words, "Yes.", "Of course.", "I'm serious.".

I also told her that he looks like he likes her as well. And even though she stayed silent, her smile shows the most biggest excitement I have ever seen before. And when seeing that smile, I knew that things were about to take the right turn for her, but the opposite for me.

With every passing day, he's been getting closer and closer to her. He makes her laugh, he talks to her a lot, he does silly stuff just to see her smile. I see them from up close everyday, laughing once or twice along, even if I knew they did not even realize my existance. They were too lost in their own world. She always tells me about how happy she gets whenever he does these things to her. Some even when I do not see it. Like when she told me he wiped the smudge of mayonaise from her lips with his thumb, or when he pinched her cheek, saying her face is cute. I, as any other person in my place you would, felt pangs of strong jealousy as I listened to her stories. I ask myself, "Why is it her? Why can not it be me?" Countless times in my head as I nod and grin happily at her, telling her I was glad things are working out for her.

He once stole her notebook, making her chase him for it, then held it up high so she can not reach. As she tiptoed on her feet to go get it, their faces got close to each other, causing them to look away in embarassment. Red cheeks all over. 

I know he did that on purpose. I know he did. 

I knew what she was going to do when we were going to walk home. She was going to tell me all about how she felt about it. How her heart was pounding like crazy, how her head was in the sky and how she felt like on cloud 9.

And I was right. She did tell me all those things. Word by word. 

And what did I do?

Nod, grin, tell her I'm happy for her. The usual.

I feel terrible. I feel like a hypocrite. I always sound happy, excited, glad, whenever she talks about him, and I never lied to her. I am honestly glad that things are going for the better for them. But I actually can 't deny that the jealousy inside me that's growing with each day that goes by, is starting to eat me alive.

And also, telling her that they look great together, and supporting from her side, while secretly shamelessly liking him myself, still longing to be the one he chooses, the one by his side, the one making him smile, makes me feel bad. It makes me a hypocrite. I do not want to be a hypocrite.

To be honest, because I'm close with her, it made me closer to him as well. He talks to me every now and then, he asks me for homework help, and stuff like that. I am not going to lie, I like it. I like being able to become close to him. Or at least, closer. But, now it just makes me sound like I'm using my friend. But I'm really not. It was my own will to want to befriend her. And I'd still be her friend even when she's not close with him.

The routine continued for days, weeks, eventually months. With them getting fonder and fonder of each other, and with me watching from the sidelines. Feeling the constant pain from close by -since I was her closest friend, so I was next to her most of the time. But even though at first the pain was unbearable, as if I could ruin everything in my room the second I got home, thrashing everything to the ground, as the days go by, I felt more and more used to it . In fact, I sort of like it.

I like them together. I was not lying about that before and I'm not lying now. Seeing them together makes my heart warm. It would make anybody's heart warm. Watching them smile, laugh, have fun. To see her wearing his hat and giggling as it was too big on her head, it is heartwarming. I can not deny it and I'm not trying to. As time passes by, the pain slowly goes away with it.

She recently told me he asked her out. Anyone who saw her overjoyed face could not help but feel overjoyed too. And that's just what I did. I gave her my widest smile and congratulated her like there was no tomorrow. She hugged me till no end and thanked me. 

As I jumped around with her I felt the last and deepest stab through my chest. As much as I was genuinely happy for her, I have to be honest that it did still hurt. To know that the one I loved first, get taken away by another, it hurts. Of course it hurts.

But looking back, even though I did like to constatly glance at him, he never looks back. Even though I liked whenever he's around me, he's just happy to be around her. Even though I liked it when he smiles, he does not smile for me. Even when I feel happy when we talk, he probably thought of it as just a normal conversation. Even if butterflies were doing flips in my stomach, he only felt them when he's with her. And even if I like Park Jimin ,

It does not mean he felt the same way.

He steals glances at her. He's happiest around her. He smiles for her. His chest beats rapidly for her. His world revolves around her, and her world revolves around him. He was not mine to begin with. He was made for her . She was made for him. They're two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. They were meant to be.

Maybe I do still like him. Maybe that feeling will continue on. It's not easy to just move on from someone you've liked for a long time. But, I am glad about one thing. 

Out of all the other girls that are chasing him, I'm glad he chose her.

She deserves him. She loves him just as much as I do. Maybe even more. I'm sure they'll stay together for a long, long time and I'm sure she will not hurt him and he too will not hurt her. 

I'm happy for them. I truly am.

As I take the throbbing knife out of my chest, I pull out all the pain along with it while telling myself,

It's time to let go.