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I drummed my hands on this studio’s table as I waited for the clock to strike 11. How can it just be 10:30 after this long waiting..?! so..ugghh.. I drummed my hand even louder since I feel nervous.

Taeyeon looking at me when I sigh for the..i don’t know how many time already. She roll her eyes and groan a little.

"Yuri-ah can you please stop that?" she said and sighed as she reached for her coffee tumbler, gave a small sip and made a bitter face as he realized her coffee was already cold. "You've been doing that ever since cool star radio started."

I stopped myself from drumming my fingers again and flexed them instead.
"Sorry." I muttered. "It's just that... the time is so freakin' slow."

Taeng looked at me with her widen eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"'The time is so freaking slow..?” she laugh at what I said.

“that’s true though..” I said softly and look at the clock wall.

“you just have to say that you wanna this radio ended as fast as it can so you can say goodbye to Jessica before she leave to Cali, don’t you..??" she smiled as she said it, teasing me.

“aiishh…” I gave her a look that said 'whatever' and twirled my seat around so I didn't have to face her teasing smile. I heard her chuckle.

she was right though. Jessica will flying to Cali tonight for 2 week, she have this long holiday after our recent album promo last stage. She decide going visit her family there. and I just wanted to say goodbye to her not over the phone. It'll be a while before I see her again. I grimaced at the cheesiness of it all and slumped in my seat.

But what shall I say? I pondered.

I'm not someone who usually says "take care" or "i'll miss you". What I am though is the type of someone who says, "Have fun” or "I'll be sure to call you at once when the lead guy in your fave drama dies".

Yes. I have a weird way of showing how much I miss somebody.
I sighed and checked my phone again just to see if there were any messages from her. None.

"Why don't you just admit that you'll miss her..?" Taeng asked me.

"who..?? me..??" I turned around and pointed at myself. "Admit to Sica..? That I miss her..? You don't know me at all."

Taeng shook her head as she gave up “come on Yul, just admit you’ll miss her won’t harm you”

“mollayo…” I wishper softly. Yes, I will miss her. More than anybody else. But I didn't want to say that. It just sounds so... I don't know.

I suddenly envied Tiffany or Sunny or Seohyun, they're not embarrassed about admitting how much they miss Taeng, Sooyoung and Yoong. Now why couldn't I have just admit that I’ll miss her..?? if I can throw away my ego I didn't have to feel all these stubborn emotions?

"We're on again." Taeng said and we both took our places. We did the usual chats and talked about what happened today but my mind went out to Sica again. All this "missing Jessica thing" was eating me up. 

2 weeks. 2 weeks in California or maybe more than 2 weeks.

That's okay. I decided to comfort myself rather than wallow in misery. Remember last time Sunny threw Sooyoung's things around just cause she was so mad that the other didn't call her or anything when sooyoung visit her parents.

But that was only for 2 day! I found myself fighting back with my thoughts. This is 2 weeks. 2 long weeks!

But it's not like she aren't going to call, my thoughts argued back again. Be reasonable. Jessica of course will call you. She always does.

She will... right..?

"Right Yuri-ssi.. ?" Taeng asked snapping me out from my worries.

“What..?” I gave her a look and she rolled her eyes.

"Uh yeah! That's right. Ne majayo." I quickly replied. I am definitely going to get an earful from Taeng ahjuma later on.

"Okay, that's all we have for today.. Thanks for tuning in to Cool Star Radio." Taeng and I ended the program and we gave everyone a low bow,

thanking them for their hard work. they also gave me bow. a deep bow. It made me feel guilty knowing how much I spaced out today because I was too preoccupied with thinking about Jessica.

"Hey taeng" I said as I caught up with her outside waiting for our ride home. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so careless today."

Surprisingly, Taeyeon gave me a sympathetic smile and said, "Don't worry. I know how much you're anxious about Jessica being away for too long." She handed me my jacket and added. "Don't forget, you should looking at a guy who's waiting for someone for 2 years. Be thankful it's just 2 weeks for you."

I nodded. Yeah, I should probably be thankful.

"Weren't you rushing this night..?" taeng said as we climbed in the van. "Weren't you going to say goodbye to Sica before she leave..?"

I looked at the time. Almost midnight. .

"Yeah. Thanks for reminding me." I closed the van doors and asked the driver if it was alright to hurry it up to the dorm. “ahjussi, put the max speed, I wanna see my beloved one..” it make Taeng laugh.

"What time does the plane leave..?" Taeng pat my shoulder and asked.

"One in the morning. She have to be in the airport at this hour but you know how she packs everything so she'll probably be late anyway." At least that was what i hope.

The van continued to dive smoothly as silence grew. The streetlights reflected the look on my face and I saw myself anxious.

"You guys really need to stop fighting." Taeng said by my side.

Startled, I looked at her and saw my reflection again on her side. It was then that I understood why I looked anxious. Why it bothered me so much to see Jessica before she left.

Sica and I argue. A lot. But yesterday, it was the biggest fight we ever had since the beginning our traine day, we’re not talking with each other almost one whole weeks. We try to avoid one another, even in dorm we’re kept silence. all because I was such an insensitive jerk. I don't even know why we fought in the first place now. All I know was that it was something petty and I just struck a nerve. A nerve that Sica usually hides but I just had to tap into. All thanks to me.

"You two are even worse than Sunny and Sooyoung " She continued, chuckling to what she said. She tap my shoulder and smile “go apologize Yuri-ah..”

"You're right Taeng," I muttered. "I'm the one who starts these things anyway. Without meaning too, of course. I should really stop fighting with her."

Silence grew in the car as I contemplated why I was doing it all the time. Fighting with her.

I love Sica. Though a lot of people doubt that and call her as ice princess with cold aura and chic expression. She is really sweet and gentle and funny. And she laughs all the time, hides her pain and takes care of everyone else.Takes care of me...

And how do I show her that I love her..? By teasing her. Bickering with her. Destroying those sweet moments I have with her all because I get all conscious when she's around and scared that she might find someone else to bicker with while she's away.

I'm no different like those guys you see in movies where they act like a jerk to the one they have a crush on because they just can't seem to express their selves well. And