“Hey, what’cha watching?”

Taehyung glanced up at the intruding figure currently twisting his neck to get a better look at the content of his laptop screen. He was watching his favourite anime in the comfort of his own room that posed no distractions when his body cried for a boost of energy and the emptiness in his abdomen made it impossible to ignore, and if that increasing rumbling noises his stomach made was any indication of the severity of his hunger, Taehyung had no choice but to go to the shared kitchen to quickly whip up something edible.

Anything other than microwaveable meals and greasy takeaways will do he mused, and opted to make Ramyun since his talent in the kitchen is unfortunately limited to getting a pack of Ramyun, and subsequently adding it to a boiling pan on the cooker.

 “What do you want Jimin?” he asked with an air of annoyance and swatted his hands at the direction of the snooping boy. Jimin only looked at him with a suggestive eyebrow raise. “Tae are you watching…” he let the sentence drift off and instead let his eyebrow do the talking, wiggling and moving his brows as though Taehyung committed the most scandalous act of the year.

He wasn’t even watching anything remotely ‘scandalous’, if an anime of an alien girl with long pink hair in an updo pigtail vouching to save the rest of mankind from an impending earthquake is anything close to what Jimin’s suggesting, than perhaps he had a point but clearly that’s not the case.

Once he was finished with the arduous task of cooking, if making Ramyun can even be classified as cooking but he was sure it takes skills to rip open the sachet and pour boiling water on the pan without burning himself in the process, Taehyung decided to bask in the fresh air filtering through the curtains of the small and narrow window, propping his laptop on top of the table, and resuming to enjoy the rest of the episode and the delightfully welcomed hot bowl of Ramyun.

That was until his nuisance of a best friend decided to bother him.

“Park Jimin must your mind always be in the gutter? Anyways don’t you have anything better to do than bother me all day? Seriously” Taehyung huffed and made a show of getting up dramatically and swiftly grapping his belongings from the kitchen table. He tried balancing the laptop, charger and a bowl of steaming Ramyun coupled with his favourite utensil; a large pink fork embellished in pink rhinestones, but this quickly turned out be a futile attempt.

Jimin stood there watching him struggle to steady himself without offering an ounce of assistance. Instead Jimin only looked at him with a hooded expression that stirred a bitter feeling in the pit of his stomach.  “That’s because you’re always hunched in front of a laptop screen not even bothering to talk to your BFF. Like when was the last time me and you even went to our favourite park or came back home 3 am from a rundown club drunk out of our minds? C’mon man let’s do something fun for once!”

Jimin stood his ground and crossed his arms to show he means exactly what he said, also that particular stance made his muscle protrude and adopt a somewhat of an authoritative air which he believes helps him with his case. Taehyung carefully emptied the contents in his arm and sighed; he was expecting a confrontation of some sort to take place for some time, and now that his anticipation was turning to reality; he really didn’t have the energy for this.

Honestly Taehyung have been slouching for the past few weeks and rarely showing interest in anything other than his laptop screen and only getting out of his room when necessary or for a well-needed fresh breath of air, not venturing outside but rather limited to the kitchen and the small living room, after being cooped up in the confinement of his room for what seems like days, weeks sometimes even months. Jimin knew that something was bothering his best friend, realising all was not well when Taehyung came back to their shared university dorm a few months ago battered and bleeding, sporting a long scar on his right arm as though he fought in a war, incoherently mumbling something about a man who ripped his heart out.

Quite literally.

Jimin at the time could not process what Taehyung was saying as he looked at the fragile limps of his best friend, passed out in his arms and looking years younger than his 19 years, his mind only occupied with horrifically vivid imaginations containing heartache and horrible what if’s clouding his judgement and ability to even think straight. Jimin in a panic mode screamed and yelled for help, lungs burning and heart thumping in an irregular rhythm and threatening to break away from the containment of his chest; causing him to lose the common sense to get his phone out of his pocket and dial for help. Luckily Taehyung was aroused by the sudden increase in pitch and stirred, informing Jimin not to make this a big deal because he will be alright. Jimin in frustration told him to shut up but taehyung gripped his arm in a weak attempt to stop him and gave him a look, eyes beseeching him to stay by his side.

A wordless glance that spoke volumes.

So Jimin did the only thing he knew how to do; he obeyed, swayed by the look of fear and despair in the eyes of the boy he has known longer than he knew himself, and opted to pay the medicine cabinet a visit and proceeded to retrieve out the first aid box. Jimin took care of his best friend that night; spend the long hours of the silent night sitting next to Taehyung’s bed as he lay helplessly in a slumber, dead to the world and the pain in Jimin’s heart that was increasingly intensifying by the minute.

He was angry, he felt defeated and somehow dejected but the strongest emotion that was suddenly blooming in his chest was partly occupied by feelings of betrayal. Taehyung is his best friend; best friends don’t keep secrets from one another that can potentially cost a life, a deadly secret that could’ve changed his life because quite frankly Jimin did not even want to imagine a life without Kim Taehyung, his companion, his best friend, his brother.

Two and half month later and Taehyung has partially healed, physically if anything but the psychological aspect of the pain he harbours so often these days is still evident. Jimin is sure of that. The familiar and unique rectangular smile that can only be worn by Taehyung has not been seen since the unspoken incident as Jimin decided to call it because Taehyung was pretending that night didn’t happen. Jimin prompted him to talk about it, encouraged him in any way possible; even offering to cook for the rest of the semester even though Jimin was just as helpless as him in the kitchen, if not worse. But all of his efforts dwindled and crumbled in his hands, and all he could do was watch as the outgoing, confident friend of his changed into a silent, inexplicable shell of the person he used to be.

The initial phase of the changes started slow; first he stopped paying the arcade a few blocks away from their dorm a visit, Jimin didn’t think much of this and was actually relieved since he was sure Taehyung had an unhealthy obsession with that place but before he could process or even become suspicious at Taehyung’s sudden loss of interest for his ‘second’ home, Taehyung had abandoned other hobbies and pursuits he used to cherish.

He stopped bringing friends over to their dorm, stopped loitering the streets near the dance studio with a massive headphone attached to his head and a big rectangular grin as his only other accessory while he waited for Jimin to wrap up his dance practice, so they can proceed to walk out together with promises of adventures and possibilities ahead of them; the unpredictability of the late afternoon sun fuelling their sense of adventure, strolling without a definite destination as if their legs had a mind of their own. Yet almost always ending up in that favourite spot they claimed as their own in that massive park miles and miles away from the university, the same park adorned with enormous statues of heroes long forgotten and bitter sweet memories of endless stories only the two of them dare to share. 

These days Taehyung rarely ventures outside of his bedroom, sometimes attending his lectures but often deciding to submit assignments online with the mere assistance of the assignment guidance and information found through google searches, or conjuring lies based on a stomach bug that left him bed ridden when going into the university and attending lectures proved to be a necessity, particularly when physical submissions were a must, causing Jimin to yield to the carefully practiced pleading look Taehyung sported as he begged him to take his submissions in on his behalf, eyes cast downward and lips a picture of forgiveness. Soon, Taehyung’s activities of his daily living were limited to ordering takeaways from the nearby Pizza hut, going in for one lecture every couple of weeks; enough to shield him from permanent expulsion from his course, and picking up various readymade meals packed with promises of nutrients but in reality b with carbohydrates and god-knows what else as he made his way back home.

It took every ounce of Jimin’s will to stop himself from running over to his best friend and shake some sense into him better than any earthquake could, or hug him so tight until his lungs begged for air so that he can portray all his earnest feelings and heartache into that physical contact better than any sentence ever could. But Jimin made himself stop, helplessly going along with Taehyung’s attempt to pretend all was well in the world, and because Taehyung did not come to Jimin readily out of his own free will to share whatever it is that made Taehyung’s ever present smile upside down and instead replace it with a temporary scowl that is so foreign to his features, Jimin didn’t pry more than he felt he should and instead put his trust in his best friend; trusted that he would come and pour his heart out of what has been eating him inside the last few months so that Jimin can carry out his duties as a best friend and pick up the broken pieces to put it back together; like how it should be. Jimin knows when to give his best friend his space and Taehyung appreciated that even if he didn’t vocalise it.

Presently, Jimin stood on the smooth marble of the kitchen floor with his arms still crossed as he waited for an answer that he just had an inkling will more than likely make him feel worse than he already does.

And Taehyung did not disappoint. “Look Jimin I missed going out with you, really I do. It’s just...I’m not feeling too well and honestly I’d rather just stay at home. You have plenty of other friends, don’t worry about me and go out and enjoy yourself”. 

Jimin could only reply with a disapproving frown, painfully trying and failing to conceal the hurt that must be written across his features. Taehyung knows more than anyone else in this world that while Jimin did have plentiful of people he can call ‘friends’, not many come close to the intimate bond only they shared; he knew the boy when they both wore diapers for goodness sake, a bond like that is difficult to come across and Taehyung is well aware of this even if the hollow feeling where his heart should’ve been ached for a long overdue physical contact with the only other person in the entire universe he trusted with his whole entire being.

Jimin’s face assembled and changed between a varieties of emotions ranging from hurt to frustration in the span of a minute, finally settling on a dejected expression, and inducing a sudden burst of something an emotion so strong and so foreign to anything Taehyung ever experienced that pierced him right through the heart.

To Taehyung Jimin meant the world.

A friendship he cherishes so much that he wouldn’t even for a second entertain the idea of living a life void of Jimin’s presence; unlike Jimin who wears his heart on his sleeve and showers kindness and affection on those he loves, Taehyung in comparison was a lot more subdued, showing adoration through sarcasm and smiles all around but finding it super difficult to show more than the superficial side glance and wide grins, because even though action speaks louder than words, sometimes a little uttered words of affection can go a long way.

“I’m sorry I even asked. Stay at home and I’ll go and hang out with my ‘friends’” Jimin spitted out, and hastily backed away before the tears b at the tip of his eyes can pour away, and prove the obvious turmoil he’s going through all thanks to his so-called best friend, but tripped over an arched back chair in the process and tumbled backward nearly making contact with the side of the table until a big warm hand grasped him by the waist and supported him up.

“Thanks” he mumbled incoherently, and almost stormed out of the kitchen without daring to look back. The rapid increase in his heart rate made him question whether it is normal to have such tempestuous friendship, on his end of the stick anyway because it feels like he is the only one that seems to be enduring these constant emotions, Jimin thought disgruntledly as he randomly picked up a pair of converses strewn haphazardly near the door, and hightailed out of the house. When, finally, the tears that threatened to spill finally broke free without any sort of hesitancy as the afternoon sun embraced him with a warmth that would have felt welcoming if only he wasn’t in such a ty state.

Taehyung helplessly watched as his best friend, his better half, walked away from him. The loud banging of the door closing behind him echoing in his heart. He pulled his hair in frustration directed at himself since he was well aware that Jimin run off to hide the tears coating his face, tears that were present solely due to the hurt and pain he caused him.

Suddenly Taehyung was hyper aware of what an of a friend he was, yes he was hurting and going through long periods of sadness that made him feel inexplicably empty; melancholy sentiments that can only be described in the form of a black hole that keeps pulling him down and down into the depth of despair, a place filled with endless gloom and isolation, a resolute feeling that despite how much he tries to shake off the heavy weight that keeps pulling him down, always proves to be a futile attempt that ended in him curling up in a fatal position, entertaining the idea of completely disappearing; how easy and tempting it is just put everything behind him and escape.

Escape in to the promised land of paradise or the feared gates of hell; Taehyung was sure even this wasn’t anything as horrendous compared with the empty feeling that became so familiar to him, b to the top with nothing short of negativity and suffering.

Because despite all he tried to do he could not get the image of that night, the night that caused him the very pain he is going through right now. Taehyung suddenly remembered the repulsive jerk that lured him in with smiles and promises of a good time, ruthlessly playing with his heart as though it were a toy he purchased that had no value, or feelings.

It started off innocent enough; showering him with gifts of all sorts, a diamond watch that he refused countless times and a gold-crusted tea cup that he had no use for. Taehyung felt important next to him regardless of the eight year ; did age really matter when he was enjoying himself? He reasoned at the time. Taehyung expected the short fling with the business man to end shortly after scoring a few dates that involved eating at fancy restaurants and get a taste of the expensive lifestyle. Maybe this was a wrong agenda but nothing prepared him for the repercussion he received in return.

That night Taehyung made the mistake of falling for the trap; the business man invited him back to his condo to get a taste of ‘one of the most expensive Champaign’ that apparently sold for a few million dollars a bottle. Taehyung was flabbergasted; how on earth can a mere bottle of alcohol cost more than a villa, a yacht and a whole lot more? The invite was very tempting so Taehyung stupidly treaded after him, his thoughts occupied with how this was literally a once in a lifetime occurrence and there is now way he can turn down such an offer. When they got there he stepped inside the door to marvel at the beautiful interior design of the condo, unaware to the sound of the door being locked behind him, until Taehyung was greeted with a pair of unwelcomed lips.

“Whoa” he yelped and took a step back, only to be gripped by a big pair of sweaty hands.  “Come on stop playing hard to get. I heard the third date is a charm and apparently that’s when it’s culturally appropriate to give it up” the man slurred, hands exploring without permission.

“S..stop, get off me!” Taehyung exclaimed but his demand only fell on deaf ears as an arm s around him to his jeans. That’s when Taehyung kicked and punched, conjuring every ounce of energy hidden in him. But he was met with a massive slap to the face that made his ears ring and his eyes roll back on his head. Taehyung was vaguely aware of the man digging his hips in to his using force to keep him down, as he lay there helpless with tears slowly cascading down his eyes and seeping in to his mouth, which was still half opened with surprise, finally realising that this man wanted one thing and he would get it with or without permission.

Taehyung shook his head to prove to himself that he was no longer in immediate danger when he is in the comfort of his home, and made himself focus on the situation at hand. Taehyung knows that he has been through a traumatising situation, but Jimin was not aware of it and all of this does not justify the heartache he caused his best friend; because Park Jimin is a pure hearted human being who longed for the complete happiness of those he loves, and Taehyung was sure he was high up on that list; the most selfless person he had the pleasure of knowing ever since he could remember.

However the sweet, sweet sugary smile Jimin is always adorned with, the smile that had the power to uplift Taehyung’s spirit, seemed to have sort of dwindled; even if Jimin fabricated the same smile just to appease Taehyung, it did not feel the same because Taehyung was sure it lacked sincerity; a mere façade to conceal the hurt and loneliness he feels. Taehyung sighed and run another hand through the smooth logs of his brown hair, his legs carrying him through the living room, hands picking up a pair of shoes and slamming the door behind him before his mind can process what was happening.

Taehyung felt the blazing sun kissing the exposed skin of his arms, the fierce rays instigating the beginning of perspiration that beaded on his forehead as he run as fast as he legs can carry him, feet slapping the ground aggressively; taking that same familiar direction that he took countless times, his heart on his throat and hope in his mind.

Taehyung stopped to catch his breath as he caught sight of a familiar figure already perched on top of the beautifully carved angel, his legs dangling and one of his shoes dangerously close to falling off. Sitting there alone and lost in thought, Jimin’s face was the picture of peace and tranquillity as he slowly took in the fresh air and breathed in and out as though willing himself to paint a better picture of a serene scene void of anguish and other negative emotions.

Taehyung watched his best friend as he slowly took another breath and opened his big brown eyes to the sky ahead painted in sea of blue. Taehyung basked in the lovely sight before him; Jimin looked younger sitting there gazing at the sky, and Taehyung stared at him wishing him nothing but happiness because Jimin deserved nothing less of that. Taehyung was surprised by the growing sensation of a jittery feeling in the pit of his stomach, a stark contrast to the persistent sense of emptiness, a feeling unfamiliar but nevertheless made him feel slightly light-headed and whole lot of confused. Perhaps he is genuinely happy at seeing his friend at peace he reasoned, without the constant gloom that seemed to have become the theme song to their life.

Jimin turned around and spotted Taehyung, a small smile on his lips despite the earlier confrontation that resulted in some tension. Taehyung made his way through the lush green grass, his heart heavy and opened his mouth to say something, anything to redeem himself but his breath caught in his chest and his heart hammered; whether this was a consequence of the strenuous journey to the familiar park or something else completely, Taehyung was not entirely sure.

Instead he sat next to Jimin who made space for him which he took as a welcoming sign, something he though he did not deserve.

“How cool would it be to live in the sky? To fall asleep on the fluffy clouds and become one with the moon and the stars?” Jimin enquired with a wistful envious tone, arching himself backwards so he could get a better view.

“Dude I’m pretty sure you’ll run out of oxygen, plus clouds aren’t made of candy floss you know” Jimin gave him a look as if to reprimand him, causing Taehyung to exclaim “You know now that you mentioned it, It would actually be pretty cool! Let’s learn how to fly too and join the peter pan squad!” he chucked, looking back at him with a small grin, sticking his tongue out when Jimin glared at him. Taehyung found this exchange oddly refreshing, joking around like this sitting next to his best friend, quarrelling back and forth about countless stupid things is something they used to do all the time before things got complicated.

They sat there for an hour before Taehyung’s felt numb and his hand aching from the gravel as Taehyung reminisced the numerous times they sat in the same exact spot, having the same stupid conversations that almost always ended with Jimin puffing out his cheeks and standing on his tip toes to show that he actually isn’t that short, as a response to Taehyung’s only come back that can make Jimin instantly defensive. Taehyung missed this so much, and he is sure he hasn’t smiled this wide and he cannot recall, for the life of him, the last time he felt joy and genuine contentment; sitting there with Jimin by his side, a familiar scene that somehow felt strangely different.

Taehyung cleared his throat to begin his apology and moved forward so he was face to face with Jimin, his skin prickling anxiously. But before he could open his mouth Jimin beat him to it.

“It’s okay Tae, you don’t have to say anything, I’m just happy to see you smiling again. Anyways you know I can never stay mad at you, but you totally own me! Next time we go to the mall I expect you to buy those Timberland boots I wanted. Don’t give me that look, I don’t care how expensive they are!” Taehyung smiled. Of course Jimin would let him off easy.

 “That night...” Taehyung began but again Jimin interrupted

“Ya Kim Taehyung, I said its fine. You don’t have to say anything. I know whatever happened that night left a deep scar and honestly I’m not sure if I want to know; I feel like I may be charged for murder the next day if you reveal the identity of the jerk that caused you harm” Jimin bit his lip as if to retain the obvious struggle “For the longest time I felt betrayed but more than that I felt useless; plain and utter useless because you were hurting and there’s nothing I could’ve done for you. Do you know how much that hurts? Watching you constantly dwell in sadness? It was heart-breaking for me. But I realised that you trust me as much as I trust you, and if this is a pain you want to keep hidden from the rest of the universe, than that’s okay. You have the right, and as your best friend I understand that”

Jimin wiped a lone tear trailing down his cheek and looked at Taehyung, as if willing his eyes to portray the sincerity in his words. Taehyung leaped at his best friend, hugging him so tight he was sure he’s insides may seep through and judging from the wheezing sounds Jimin made he had a tight grasp on him.

But he was desperately trying to portray his very own heart and soul in to the hug since he wasn’t one to articulate his feelings. Taehyung loosened his grip but Jimin held him even closer, the warmth of his breaths tickling Taehyung’s ear and tightly wrapping his arms around him as if to protect him from all the evil in the world. Taehyung nudged his face forward until their faces were inches apart, close enough that if Taehyung were to make a slight movement, their lips will surely collide. Jimin smiled at him, a small whisper of “I love you” escaping from his lips, that Taehyung may have missed if he wasn’t intently staring at those full lips, the sound so small Taehyung almost dismissed it as a figment of his imagination.  

“What?” he asked in a daze, looking at his friend still in the same position.

“I love you” Jimin repeated, this time with a lot more conviction, determination alight in his chocolate brown eyes.

While Taehyung tried to process his friend’s sudden confession, Jimin closed the space between them. “I love you Tae, I always did. And I know the feelings I have for you are different from the usual platonic relationship. I finally made the decision to confess while sitting here and I took it as a miracle, a final push of some sort when I saw you standing there.” Jimin planted a quick kiss on Taehyung’s lips, catching him by surprise. 

“I guess you were just too dumb to realise” Jimin smiled at him shyly, biting his bottom lip and casting his eyes downward, this time giving Taehyung time to process the sudden confession. “Jimin look at me” Taehyung said tilting his head until they were eye to eye.

“I guess I am stupid”.

Taehyung completely closed off the small space between them and finally connected their lips, his heart fluttering and eyes closing without his control as he felt Jimin’s lips against his. It felt so right, so right to his core, his whole being was alight with fire. Their lips explored one another, telling the stories of pain that was hidden beneath the concealment of smiles, stories that can only be told with raw physical contact such as this because words won’t do them justice.

Jimin’s hands softly his hair sending a jolt of pleasure that made his toes curl with unadulterated desire, and at the back of his mind Taehyung kept thinking this is how it should be, with desire igniting him to the core, a welcomed pleasure that he chose for himself entirely, not one that was forced upon him. As though Jimin sensed the increased thoughts surging through his head, he pulled him in closer and deepened the kiss; causing him to forget about anything and everything that wasn’t the pair of lips attached to his. Desire and mountain full of passion ensued and Taehyung had to whisper reluctantly “Jimin… not here… dorm…let’s go…” struggling to say the words as waves upon waves of passion, wants and needs crashed over them.

Jimin smiled against his lips.