Sometimes, when life is stressful - that means, more than usual - and when the air is thick and the light of the computer screen too bright compared to the dark of the room, Yoongi breaks down. And in an odd way, he enjoys it.

That's just the way he is, quite a thinker, and naturally thinking leads to questioning and what the hell am I doing with my life.

No one is there to watch, either way – not that he has an image to keep. It's the same dark room all the time, the same bad air and the same, constant noise of the computer's ventilation when it happens. It's good that way, good for the job.

Yoongi is not supposed to exist while he's working, he's supposed to be invisible, unnoticable, and, most of all, opinionless.

Rule number one in the unwritten code of a hacker; don't get involved in your task more than neccessary. In other words, do what you're paid for, don't overthink, and hell, don't ask any stupid questions.

And, well, maybe Yoongi is just not that good at following the rules.

It all started with Namjoon saying Yoongi could never show his identity by any means, that would be way too risky, way too dangerous, way too unprofessional, way too much of everything Yoongi couldn't afford.

Hoseok had laughed at that. What identity, he had said, taking a huge bite from his sandwich, hyung doesn't even have a life to begin with, and he was joking. Of course he was.

That was before Yoongi started working as a hacker. It hadn't hurt at that moment.

And the times it hurts are still rare, really. It's his job after all. It's routine, just regular and mundane days of work. When Yoongi scrolls through his inbox, flooded with tasks and requests of all different kinds, his first reaction is indeed positive.

It's so damn simple. Not legal, of course, but paid all the better.

It's on the bad days when it does hurt. On bad days his mind just refuses to be turned off, all those wretched feelings keep playing on his mind, tormenting him, making him realize who he really is. That is when he breaks down (not for long, maybe a minute or two), that is when is mind trails off from his worries about useless and futile things that most of the time he cannot change. The weight on his chest gets bigger with every second it passes, his head throbbing to the beat of his heart, causing that gut-wreching sensation that makes it hard to breath and takes hold of his emotions hard to control. 

But somehow, it feels good to be hurt.
It shows identity.

-

It's a Friday, and Yoongi is back from university early in the evening, and a record is being made. His inbox is empty. Almost, at