Prologue: Lee Chaerin

That night Chaerin just went home from her work when she heard, as always, Mr. Lee was scolding his brother. But it sounded worse than yesterday and Chaerin was surprised when this time, her mom stood to defend him.

“…it’s because you always force him to do something he doesn’t like!” shouted Mrs. Lee.

“Stop spoiling him! Look at him now; weakling, dumb, dirty —“

Mrs. Lee slapped his cheeks hard, and Chaerin could see tears start falling to her cheeks.

“You—how dare you!” Mr. Lee almost pushed his wife but Seungri was fast enough to defend her—and Chaerin was fast enough too to hold her father.

“Please,” Seungri whispered. He looked so tired until Chaerin wondered why their father still had a heart to snap at him, “I’m sorry, Dad. Please don’t hurt mom…”

“It’s all because of you!” Mr. Lee roared and Chaerin shivered, “you know what? Now I really regret that I have you. What? Music? Can you stop being such a disgrace to this family?!”

“Dad…” Chaerin begged. She almost cried seeing her brother and how mad her mother is now.

“If I were you, Lee Seungri,” Mr. Lee gritted his teeth, didn’t bother to look at Chaerin, “I’d rather die! I’d rather die than keep failing! Do you think at this rate you’re worth the life I gave to you?!”

***

Our first break up.

Jiyong came out from his car and walked as fast as he could to enter And Here Café, his and Seungri’s favourite café. It had been almost 7 months he didn’t see Seungri and somehow he felt bad because when they decided to meet again, he came late. But he was so busy even after he came back to Korea, because now he should control his abroard branches too.

There he was, sitting calmly while slurping his coffee—Jiyong would definitely scold him for this. Why couldn’t he stop drinking that caffeine monster?!—and reading his book. Jiyong smiled sweetly. He missed his angel so much. He had held himself from calling Seungri when he was abroard because he knew he would not contain his feeling and chose to go home instead of finishing his work there.

“But I’m gonnaaaaa realllyyyy miss youuuuu!” Jiyong remembered Seungri was pouting when he was told that Jiyong would go abroard at least six months and couldn’t keep in touch because he was afraid calling Seungri would make him unfocused on his work—it really happened. Seungri just had those charms.

Jiyong couldn’t help but kiss that pouting lips—making him get smacked to the head because, as Seungri said, ert!—and hugged him to death, “I will miss you too, little Lee.”

“Stop calling me with that name! Ugh!” Seungri looked disgusted. He hated being recognized as Lee. Jiyong always thought he was kind of traumatized with how his Lee name brought him into, “but really, thought. What will happen to me if you’re gone?” he added while hugging himself.

“Nothing, Ri. What are you talking about?”

“I think...” Seungri looked hesitate to say something, “nothing. Just make sure you still love me when you come back.”

Of course Jiyong still loved Seungri, or maybe more, because now he almost ran to him and hugged him as tight as possible. But well, The Kwon Jiyong wouldn’t make a scene like that. So he decided to come closer stealthy and covered Seungri’s eyes with his palm. He whispered softly, “guess who?”

“Kwon Jiyong.”

Jiyong frowned and opened his palm from Seungri’s eyes. Seungri’s voice wasn’t cheerful as usual, “Riri?” he used his favourite Seungri’s petname.

Seungri closed his book and turned his body to face his lover. Jiyong’s heart dropped when he saw Seungri now. He was so skinny until his cheekbone sticking out, which was so worrisome because Jiyong knew Seungri loved food more than Jiyong himself. Jiyong knew Seungri was born with that eyebags and before Jiyong always thought it was cute, but right now his eyebags was so obvious until Seungri really looked like he hadn’t slept during Jiyong’s leaving. And those paleness… Jiyong never saw Seungri this pale even when his typhus or acid reflux or every sickness Seungri had in that fragile body . Another thing that Jiyong noticed how Seungri’s hand trembling slightly. It was not even cold and it made Jiyong worried more.

“Seungri-ya?” Jiyong immediately held his hand tight, tried to stop its tremor, “baby, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

But Seungri jerked his hand as polite as possible, “just take a seat, hyung. I have a class in 15 minutes. And I suppose you’re busy too, right?”

Jiyong was so surprised with the coldness in Seungri’s voice, “Ri--?”

“Just sit…” Seungri looked so defeated and he almost begged, “please.”

“O…kay.” Jiyong sat in front of Seungri. There was an awkward tension between them and Jiyong didn’t like it a bit. But, before Jiyong finished to decide what question he should ask, Seungri started it first with one and simple yet heartbreaking and surprising sentence;

“Let’s break up.”

Jiyong couldn’t believe his ears, “wh, what?”

“Let’s break up,” Seungri said with unreadable expression, “we’re done since you left and never contacted me anyway.”

“Seungri,” Jiyong tried to be patient, “we… we’ve talked about this, right? It’s not like I wanted us to not calling each other but I really didn’t want to distract myself—“

“Yeah, I know.” Seungri’s tone was sharp, “and that’s why, Jiyong hyung.”

Jiyong looked at Seungri, not understanding his point.

“I distract you. You were my strength but you saw me as your distraction. I bring you no good and now I realize that maybe… maybe without me… you will be better.”

“What the , Lee Seungri?!” Jiyong suddenly got angry with Seungri’s words, “how can you think of me like that?” he shook his head, “no. This is impossible. There should be other reason why you want us to break up. Why, Seungri?”

“No. That’s the only reason.”

Jiyong of course couldn’t believe it. He knew Seungri. He also knew Seungri would never think of himself as something bad, moreover for Jiyong. He knew Seungri knew that they love each other. Except…, “there’s another, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“You find another? You betray me, right? Tell me the truth, Lee Seungri. Who is it?!”

“Who is it? Who is it?!” Seungri started to laugh so hard. He even slapped his own thigh. He couldn’t stop laughing for almost a minute but then his face changed drastically to angry expression, “don’t you ing understand how much I love you and tolerate your every ing single reason to leave me and kept silent because I know I’m spoiled and I’m useless and I’m nothing to you because your job is the most important and I’m just someone you pity to and maybe out there you kissed other person good night while I was struggling with insomnia and pills and books and caffeine and my life because I’m loser and blood and a ing man who calls himself as my dad but treat me like a trash I’m—“ Seungri stopped so sudden because his chest started to tighten due to lack of oxygen. He took a very deep breath, “forget it.”

Jiyong  was shocked. He almost couldn’t proceed Seungri’s words because it was too fast, but he knew something was wrong, “Seungri?”

“I said, forget it.” Seungri stood up and walked away to leave Jiyong in his own thought. But before he could reach the door, Jiyong noticed how his step got weakened and his hand slowly reached back of his head and the other tried to look for other thing to grab, as if he could not bring his own limb.

Knowing that something bad was gonna happen, Jiyong immediately rush toward him until his knee bumped into his chair but he could not care less about its stinging pain. He grabbed Seungri’s arms before he lost his balance, “Ri?!”

Seungri was stubborn enough to avoid Jiyong’s hand, so he forced himself to walked faster although his body got heavier and heavier. He didn’t want to cause any drama, and he was really almost late to class. He could not skip anymore classes.

He could not be failure more than he was right now.

His dad, his mom, Jiyong, and the rest of the world couldn’t be burdened by a failure like him.

“If I were you, Lee Seungri,”  he remembered his Dad’s stinging words, source of his nightmare these past months, “I’d rather die! I’d rather die than keep failing! Do you think at this rate you’re worth the life I gave to you?!”

***

 “Ms. Lee?” Chaerin heard her secretary calling her via intercom, “Mr. Kwon Jiyong is right here and wanting to meet you but I believe you two hadn’t had any appointment before.”

“Kwon Jiyong?” Chaerin stopped checking her file. She felt her teeth clenching with sudden anger, “What’s his problem? I’m busy right now, Minji.”

“Should I send him away?” Gong Minji said politely and half whispering. Maybe she couldn’t say it out loud because Kwon Jiyong was near her.

“Yeah. Tell him to call me later,” answered Chaerin, “he has every single username of my chat apps. Doesn’t he know some ethic and make appointment first?!”

“Okay,” Minji didn’t hang up as he talked to Kwon Jiyong, “Ms. Lee is busy right now, Sir, and she asks you to make an appointment first—wait!”

“Lee Chaerin,” Chaerin could hear a man’s voice—she was sure it was Kwon Jiyong’s—grumble and it sounded so rush, “I need to talk to you. Right now. This second. And I swear I can barge to your room with no manner and crush everything you do and—“

“What on earth is wrong with you, Mr. Kwon?!” Chaerin was annoyed—she had right to be, “I’m busy right now!”

“This is about Seungri—“

“Moreover about Seungri!” Chaerin couldn’t hide his anger to maintain her charisma, “I don’t have any time for you and your stupid love story and your stupid decision to not keep in touch with him!”

“How is everything my fault?!” Kwon Jiyong sounded angry too.

“You come to me and ask about him, Mr. Kwon, and it means that you are gulty!”

“Oh, this !” Chaerin could hear Jiyong threw the phone away and Minji shouted ‘wait’.

And she was right. Not long after, her office door was opened forcefully and Jiyong came inside in rage. Chaerin took a very deep breath, tried to control his emotion.

“As a CEO of big company, Mr. Kwon, you surely have some manners, right?” Chaerin said calmly.

“Mr. Kwon!” Minji came in too, tried to avoid Kwon Jiyong for making any scene.

“It’s okay, Minji,” Chaerin lift her right hand, “you can leave now.”

Minji mumbled something like apologize while bowing down a little and left them two.

There was an awkward silent between them before Jiyong said, “we broke up.”

“Who?”

“Me and Seungri.”

“Oh? What a news, I think you two already broke up a long time ago since you never appeared anymore,” Chaerin answered lightly, but Jiyong could hear venom in her every words, “and if you’re here to ask why, I really have no time, Mr. Kwon. In fact, I really don’t know what’s happening with him. It’s been a long time since the last I met him. Surprise, surprise.”

“Long time?” Jiyong repeated, shocked, “what do you mean?”

Surprisingly, Chaerin started covering his face with his delicate hands and Jiyong could hear her sobbing. She squatted down and didn’t hold back her sob, “I’m such a useless sister…”

“Cha, Chaerin,” Jiyong was surprised seeing how Chaerin’s mood turned. Being a gentleman he was, he immediately took out his handkerchief and handed it to Chaerin while his back softly, “I’m sorry for pressing you. Hey, it’s okay.”

Chaerin shook her head strongly, “it isn’t okay! It isn’t—I,” Chaering lost her words, “Seungri… I never wanted it to happen but… I don’t know it will end like this—I… It’s my fault! I should be… I should be there—I…”

At this point even Jiyong couldn’t understand what was Chaerin talking about because she start