It wasn’t like he wanted to do it in the first place. It just happened. If Jungkook told himself that enough times to be true, he might be convinced.

He was someone with a very complicated past. Taehyung knows this—Jungkook ing around when he was in college, sleeping with everybody who showed interest in him (or his ). He bounced from one lover to another, mostly male, and it wasn’t until he met Taehyung that he stopped that ridiculously bad habit.

Jungkook was sure Taehyung was sent by the heavens to chastise him for the better. He wasn’t complaining, though. Taehyung changed him and Taehyung was just the one he needed. Jungkook became a better person because of him. Jungkook looks forward to living every day without -ups because of him. Everything good about Jungkook now was because of Taehyung.

He looked for a stable job that pays well, he eats meals regularly, goes to the gym regularly, pays bills on time, even prays silently before going to sleep—all of this is because of Taehyung; the love of his life, his sun, moon, stars, universe. You name it, Taehyung has it. Jungkook is completely and utterly in love. At first he thought it was wrong, but it wasn’t.

Four years it was going so well, but apparently four years is still not enough when Taehyung sees the message that pops out on Jungkook’s phone.

It’s been so long, jungkook. Missed you and your . Gimme a call sometime when you’re free again, yeah? How about lunch?

It wasn’t like he wanted to do it in the first place. It just happened.

Taehyung is a doctor and he recently opened a clinic alongside a diagnostic center. In short, he’s busy and filthy rich. It wasn’t a problem before, but it didn’t take a toll on their relationship until recently when Taehyung opened up the clinic. He’s very hands-on with every patient that it took a lot of his time, and Jungkook only working an 8-5 job is left waiting for his boyfriend everyday until he comes home by almost midnight.

It wasn’t a problem, because Taehyung’s dream was to open up his own clinic and Jungkook wasn’t going to stop the love of his life from doing what he wants. And so it happened, and Jungkook is extremely happy for Taehyung—he really is. But that didn’t stop him from going to the club. That didn’t stop him from meeting one of his former flings. That didn’t stop the girl from blowing him in the bathroom, or Jungkook eating her out to return the favor.

Jungkook was immediately drowned in guilt the moment he comes home and Taehyung was there waiting for him with dinner. , of course he didn’t know. Hi smooth excuse was his friend, Jimin, needing some company. Taehyung buys it, Taehyung knows Jimin, and Taehyung accepts Jungkook’s apology and ‘sorry I didn’t text you soon enough, baby, I’m so sorry’.

Taehyung, being the angel that he is, lets it go. So Jungkook waits for Taehyung the next day, but the routine happened again for another week. They haven’t touched each other for nearly a month and Jungkook won’t ever be satisfied with his hand--not anymore.

He comes back to the club, always telling Taehyung that he’s over at a friend’s or he’s out with some of his work colleagues. Taehyung buys it all the time because he’s been coming home so late he should be the one at fault.

Jungkook meets another old fling, a guy this time, and in the bathroom were sloppy s and heated kisses. It goes on for days—they jump from one club to another until they practically ran out of clubs to go to around Hongdae just so Jungkook can avoid being seen with another man that isn’t Taehyung.

And when Taehyung comes home one day at seven in the evening and Jungkook was in the shower, he sees it. He sees the ing message on Jungkook’s phone where it was lying on the bed. Taehyung nearly lashes out, but decides to collect himself and calm down.

Jungkook emerges from the shower moments later with a towel around his waist as he dries his hair, surprised to see Taehyung.

“Hey, baby. You’re early today!” Jungkook says, and that’s when he noticed his phone on Taehyung’s hand. “Taehyung?”

“How does it feel a other than mine?” Taehyung asks, voice so low and dead serious that Jungkook pales, gulps, and quickly apologizes.

“Taehyung, I’m sorry. I can explai—“

“Bull!” Taehyung never shouts. He curses, but he never shouts. And Taehyung is never angry. “I’ve heard that line so many times. Tell me something I don’t know!”

“Taehyung, calm down—“

“Don’t tell me to calm the down, Jeon Jungkook!”

“Baby—“

“And don’t baby me!” Taehyung finally collapses on the floor, face in his hands as he cries. Holy , Jungkook thinks. Taehyung is never angry because he can’t handle it. He breaks down and cries so hard he hyperventilates. Jungkook doesn’t know what to do, and he doesn’t know what to say. He’s caught spot-on, and by the person he doesn’t want to know nonetheless.

Taehyung is a crying mess. It’s the first time Jungkook has seen Taehyung cry. His first instinct is to hug his boyfriend, but when he lands a hand on Taehyung’s shoulder, he’s shoved back violently. “Don’t touch me!”

Taehyung stands up and storms out, grabbing his keys and coat and slamming the door behind him. Jungkook’s instinct was to run after his love, of course, but he’s very much so he opts for the robe and runs out barefoot, following Taehyung to the parking lot.

“Taehyung! Taehyung, please—“

“Shut up! I hate you! I hate you so ing much! I don’t want to see you anymore, Jungkook. If you’re not out of the house by tomorrow, I’m calling the police!” And his Audi speeds out of the driveway, leaving Jungkook shivering in his robe on a cold November evening.

The last thing Jungkook wants Taehyung to do to him is to kick him out of his life. For four years, he managed to get through without ing up this relationship. Jungkook really thought this was the forever he was getting albeit knowing that forever doesn’t exist. But no, of course he ed up again. That’s the only thing he’s ever good at, anyway.

For the first time since he was eleven, Jungkook cries.

He slept, but only because of exhaustion due to crying his heart out for the whole night. He didn’t want to, he was going to wait for Taehyung no matter how long. He’s ready to call in sick at work just to see Taehyung come back home and listen to him. At around seven in the morning, he wakes up and Taehyung’s not yet home. He tells his work colleague that he’s down with a fever.

Jungkook doesn’t move from the couch, and when he eventually does to go pee, it’s already two in the afternoon. He’s left thirty seven messages and fifteen missed calls to Taehyung, but there was no single reply. At his attempt on a sixteenth call, it doesn’t come through so Taehyung might have turned off his phone. Jungkook is so tempted to go the clinic or the diagnostic center, but he doesn’t know where exactly Taehyung is today and he’s not about to risk it so he stays, until Taehyung sneaks in at eight in the evening.

“Taehyung—“

“What are you doing here?! I told you to leave!”

Jungkook doesn’t have the heart to tell Taehyung that he pays half of the rent so technically, it’s also his. “Taehyung, please, just listen to me.”

“Jungkook, I’m tired and hungry and I haven’t even showered. Seeing you right now makes me so mad. So please—just go. I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to hear from you, I don’t want to see you anymore. I’m done. We’re done.”

“Listen to me once, please. I don’t—I don’t want to break up with you, Tae. , I want to grow old with you and have you by my side for the rest of my life! But how can I when you just won’t listen!?” Jungkook lashes out, chest heaving and face red from all his pent up frustration. He never raised his voice at Taehyung. This is the first time, and Taehyung is already terrified. He doesn’t really like it when somebody gets mad at him.

But Taehyung is nothing but stubborn. “If you’re not leaving, I will.”

“Taehyung, no—please, sit down. I’m sorry I yelled at you. Baby, please—“

Jungkook grabs Taehyung’s arm, spinning him around so they’re facing each other. Jungkook wants to kiss Taehyung, tell him he’s really sorry for everything and explain all that happened. But Taehyung inches away, squirming in Jungkook’s grasp as if he’s disgusted with him. He can’t ever beat Jungkook, not with his twig of a body. “Don’t do this to me. I’m leaving, so let me go, Jungkook. I can’t stand seeing you like this anymore.”

“Just listen to me, please. Listen to what I have to say, and—“ He can’t believe he’s saying this, but. “And if you really want to leave me after hearing it all, then I’m letting you go.” No he’ not. Jungkook will be selfish just this once. He’s not letting go of Taehyung, he’s not ready yet. Not under this ing situation.

Taehyung eventually stops, looking so worn-out and stressed. He looks at a spot on the floor, but Jungkook continues anyway. “I—it hasn’t been long, just a few weeks ago. I went to a club just to get a drink or two and then I,” A deep sigh. “I saw one of my old flings. And then…you know., this is so hard.” He says, more to himself. If Taehyung is mentally breaking down, he’s good at hiding it, keeping his face stoic but Jungkook felt him tense up within his hold. “I know, I told you I’m out with my friends or I’m over at Jimin’s. I wasn’t. I was in the club with him. But what I can assure you is that…it just happened. I just—I just wanted something quick. No ever happened. s, that’s it. But , Taehyung. You don’t know how disgusted I am with myself right now. I was bored. I was waiting for you to come home all the time but you were at work and I didn’t want to come fetch you because I know you love doing it. I didn’t want to keep you away from doing what you love. But I’m not blaming you for coming home late. I understand. But I just…I ed up. I keep ing up. That’s all I’m ever good at. I’m sorry. I understand if you hate me, but will you please give me a second chance?”

Taehyung remains silent, eyes already bloodshot from all the crying he did. He wanted to cry more, let Jungkook see him like this, but the tears wouldn’t fall. Not when Taehyung ran out of them. “Are you done talking?”

“Yeah…that’s it.”

“You should’ve thought about all of that before you did all of this.” Taehyung reprimands, still not looking up at Jungkook. “And you should have known that you are important to me too and I’m going to put you first no matter what. Don’t ever think that my work is more important than you, Jungkook. You’re all that matters. Mattered, whatever.”

“Taehyung, no—No, don’t do this.”

“It hurts, you know. I’ve already told you that I submit myself easily to people. I thought you were different. I thought you wouldn’t hurt me. All those walls I built around myself came crumbling down because of you and I let them because after two major heartbreaks, I’m ready to let myself fall in love again. With you, of all people.”

And that’s how the regret took over Jungkook’s entire being. He promised himself he wouldn’t hurt Taehyung, but the damage has been done.

Taehyung--sweet, fragile Taehyung that Jungkook treasures and adores and loves with his whole being. Taehyung who gave Jungkook everything he didn’t know he needed. Taehyung who magically shows up and turns Jungkook’s world upside-down. Taehyung. Taehyung. It was all Taehyung.

“I just… Cool off. Cool off. That’s the term, right? I don’t want to deal with his right now, Jungkook. I’m leaving.”

“Taehyung—Taehyung, please, no. I need you. I love you, Taehyung, please.” Jungkook begs, hugging Taehyung from behind as he sobs against Taehyung’s nape. “I’m sorry. Don’t leave me. I’ll do anything, Taehyung-ah, please. I won’t do it again. Punch me, break everything that I own, throw all of my clothes away, ignore me, don’t sleep next to me, but please, just don’t leave me. This home is nothing without you, baby. I’ll make this right.”

Taehyung scoffs because he’s Jungkook’s home. That’s so funny, but Taehyung wouldn’t laugh at it. He tugs at Jungkook’s arm around his waist, a sign to let go. Taehyung is going to pack his bags, grab his clothes and whatever he can take. He’s going to crash at Seokjin’s for the time being because he knows that he has a place on the huge penthouse that the latter owns. After all, they were best friends during med school.

“Let go.”

“No, baby. Stay. Please—“

“Let me go.”

“No! You’re not going, Taehyung. I’m not letting you go. Not ever. I need you, please.”

Taehyung knows Jungkook will never let him go, literally and figuratively. Deep down in his heart, he wouldn’t let go of Jungkook, either. But for now, he feels so defeated he just couldn’t bear being in his own apartment with Jungkook. Not wanting to act ahead, he goes for the safe route.

“I’m staying at a friend’s. I don’t know when I’m coming back, but I will. I just need to sort things out. So please let me go.”

This seems to sober up Jungkook, but his death grip is nowhere near loose. “I…”

“I’m not going to run away because I know you know where and how to find me. I love you too much to just run away from you. But let me just…let me go for a bit. I don’t want to suffer like this, Jungkook. Not like this.”

Jungkook does let go, but when he does, he wants to reach out for Taehyung again and just keep him there forever. He’s not really possessive, but what Jungkook is afraid of the most is Taehyung walking permanently out of his life. Jungkook thinks his life will be a living hell if ever Taehyung would do just that.

Taehyung packs his things silently, and Jungkook is left in the couch staring into space, looking so drained and broken. He figures temporary loss is better than something permanent. He’s not entirely going to lose Taehyung. Taehyung will come back, and when he does Jungkook will never let himself be carried away again. He’s going to make it right if it’s the last thing he does.

Taehyung comes of the bedroom, hurriedly making his way to the door and in Jungkook’s panic, he runs after Taehyung.

“I’ll be waiting for you. Come back to me, Taehyung. Please—“

“Don’t call me. I won’t answer.” And Taehyung is out of the door.