When he was alive, or rather when he was human, he use to always laugh and make lame jokes which would in turn always make Sanghyuk laugh. Hongbin reminds him that he's still both; alive and human, but when Jaehwan meets Sanghyuk for the first time (the first time that Jaehwan can remember, though Sanghyuk's expression seems to say otherwise), he wonders if Hongbin had been lying to him.

(Because Hongbin lies a lot, especially to Sanghyuk and Jaehwan, and especially to himself.)

---

Sanghyuk doesn't visit often at first, those days seem long and empty with only Hongbin for company and Jaehwan will admit that seeing a different face now and then is always satisfying. Sanghyuk is young, he's young but bright and at first his smiles seem laboured and his body tense around Jaehwan, but one day he has a small box wrapped in colorful paper and he gives it to Jaehwan with something genuine sparkling in his eyes.

"Open it," says Sanghyuk.

"This isn't going to work," comes a voice from the corner of the room and Jaehwan knows it's Hongbin.

Sanghyuk scowls but otherwise ignores him, so Jaehwan carefully unwraps the box (it looks pretty and he wonders why he enjoys the wrapping paper so much) and when it's open and there for him to see, he's all but confused.

"What... Is it?"

Sanghyuk's face falls. Hongbin makes an indignant noise before leaving the room and Jaehwan thinks he's done something wrong.

Sanghyuk seems to catch on to this because he smiles again (forced) and takes Jaehwan's hand. "It's okay. It's a Chopper figurine, he's a character from an anime that you and I use to watch together."

And that's the first indication that Jaehwan and Sanghyuk use to know each other; the first time Jaehwan thinks something is different.

"What is anime?" He asks because the word is so foreign. Sanghyuk's brow furrows but his smile remains.

"It's uh... Like, a show. It's Japanese cartoons, basically. I'll show you next time," he promises Jaehwan and suddenly Jaehwan is a little more excited for Sanghyuk's next visit.

---

The first time they watch One Piece, Jaehwan has so many questions that at one point through the first episode, Sanghyuk looks like he's realizing this was a bad idea. Hongbin's watching from the kitchen, stifling his laughter whenever Sanghyuk lets out a groan.

"Just... Just watch," he says after the seventh time Jaehwan questions the anatomy of the characters. When Sanghyuk leaves, Hongbin tells him that he's probably annoyed the younger male away.

The very next day though, Sanghyuk arrives with different 'mangas' and more videos to watch with Jaehwan, he doesn't leave until he's answered all of Jaehwan's questions from the previous day (Jaehwan can't help but notice the notepad sticking out of Sanghyuk's coat pocket).

That's when the visits become more frequent, even Hongbin's mood seems to improve with Sanghyuk around and Jaehwan starts to understand what having a good time is.

---

The first time he laughs, it startles him so much, he thinks he needs a maintenance check.

"It's natural," Hongbin tells him, "Hyuk and I do it all the time. Humans do it all the time, just view it as you improving."

When Sanghyuk hears it the first time (Jaehwan laughs involuntarily because Sanghyuk had forgotten his bus pass that day and had to walk three miles to Hongbin's) the younger's face contorts into an expression Jaehwan's only seen animated on screen.

"Well at least your misfortune is still humorous to him," Hongbin throws over his shoulder as he leaves the two alone.

Sanghyuk scowls as usual but his attention is too focused on Jaehwan.

"Are you... Okay?" Jaehwan asks when a moment of stillness passes them.

Sanghyuk rubs at his eyes and nods, "Yeah. I haven't heard that sound in a while or... Seen you do it."

Before Jaehwan can ask anymore questions, Sanghyuk gets up to start up the old DVD player in Hongbin's living room and Jaehwan follows him, silently.

---

After laughing and smiling become natural to Jaehwan, Hongbin begins to change his weekly maintenance routine.

"Is this something Sanghyuk does too?" Questions Jaehwan when Hongbin slides a metal helmet with different knobs and cranks on it over his head and his vision darkens.

"No," Hongbin answers, "Sanghyuk and I are different from you." A snort. "Everyone's different from you, actually."

He starts typing things on his computer and Jaehwan feels blank at first, empty before something warm starts to fill in his core and he's concerned that something's gone wrong, but Hongbin doesn't stop the procedure so Jaehwan deals with the stirring in his-- he actually can't name where the stirring is coming from.

It happens for the next three months and then one day, Jaehwan has an image appear in his head when he's watching Naruto with Sanghyuk.

"We went to the mountains once. You got lost and I got... Scared." His face scrunches up as he tries to play the images more clearly. "I found you by the river near a shrine and you looked so... So, well how you look right now." Jaehwan finishes when he turns to his side and sees Sanghyuk's eyes round and wet, lips trembling. 

Sanghyuk doesn't say anything, he just stands and leaves. He doesn't take his coat or his keys, he just walks out once Jaehwan looks at him.

Minutes later and Hongbin walks into the room, eyes scanning Jaehwan before asking, "Where's Hyuk?"

"I think I must have annoyed him away again."

Hongbin hums softly as he grabs Sanghyuk's things and he tells Jaehwan to continue watching his anime and it isn't until hours later that Hongbin returns, tired and dazed.

"Is Sanghyuk upset with me?" Jaehwan asks carefully and Hongbin looks so exhausted, Jaehwan briefly wonders if he always looks this way.

"No. But I don't think he'll be coming around for a while."

That's all Hongbin says before retreating downstairs to the lab, leaving Jaehwan to do whatever he pleases.

---

There has always been one rule for Jaehwan.

Do not leave the house.

He breaks this rule once the third week of no Sanghyuk has passed.

"How did you--" Sanghyuk breaks off to pull Jaehwan inside quickly, worry splattered all over his face.

"Does Naruto ever become Hokage?" Jaehwan asks once the door shuts behind them and Sanghyuk locks it.

"What?" He questions and so Jaehwan asks again. "I don't know, they haven't-- Jaehwan, why are you here?"

"I needed to ask you that," answers Jaehwan, his face flat but his voice running with different things that he can't seem to label.

Sanghyuk looks like he could either strangle him or get his eyes all wet and runny again. "You," he pauses, "You use to always do things like this."

"Like what?" Jaehwan asks.

"Come randomly in the middle of the day or night to ask me nonsensical questions," Sanghyuk says with a breath of relief. "Does Hongbin know you're here?"

"No," Jaehwan answers quickly and then, "So we have met before."

The younger male twists his mouth uncomfortably and then walks into his apartment, "Sit down. I'm gonna call Hongbin."

"Sanghyuk, you didn't give me an answer." Jaehwan pulls on his sleeve.

"We'll talk, just let me call Hongbin first, okay?" Sanghyuk says gently but he removes himself from Jaehwan's grasp.

When Sanghyuk gets off the phone with Hongbin, he lets out a tired sigh and says, "The day we went to the mountains was when your mom took us in the summer. I was only eight back then. We snuck away from the group and actually, you were the one who left me behind and that's how I got lost."

Sanghyuk's looking at the ceiling, "It wasn't until nearly sunset that you found me and then we wandered around aimlessly until nightfall before a ranger located us."

Silence before, "I was so scared. I thought we were going to be eaten by wolves."

And Sanghyuk laughs at that, albeit strained. "I wouldn't have figured, you seemed so sure we were headed in the right direction, you held my hand and wiped my snot the entire time."

"I... Remember that. I was just trying to be brave," Jaehwan confesses even though all this information is new and yet not to him. "I was still afraid, you know." He manages a weak smile and so does Sanghyuk.

"We've known each other since I was six," says Sanghyuk after he swallows a lump in his throat. "Neighbors until my third year of middle school when my parents thought it'd be fun to live in the countryside."

"Oh," is all Jaehwan manages before asking, "Did we not keep in touch?"

Sanghyuk shakes his head, "No, we did. E-mails and the occasional text, but it wasn't the same."

"Then why did I forget--"

"Jaehwan, that doesn't matter. We're... Different now. Everything's changed now."

"Hongbin says... That I'm still human. But, I don't feel like it," Jaehwan's eyes sting, but he ignores it. "Is that how we're different?"

It takes a while but eventually Sanghyuk says, "We should get you home."

---

Hongbin's weekly maintenance gradually becomes something Jaehwan looks forward to because each time more images (memories, Sanghyuk tells him) start to appear and other things along with it. He starts to feel diffent stirrings too (emotions, Hongbin reminds him) like happiness when he sees Sanghyuk or longing when Sanghyuk isn't around. Sometimes he even gets the urges to touch or press his lips against Sanghyuk's, but he surpresses those, especially whenever Hongbin is around with his sly glances and smirks.

Then one day, Jaehwan seems to remember something important.

"It's July 5th," he says and then looks over at Hongbin who's actually dressing himself nicely today.

"That's what the calendar says," Hongbin replies. "Did you remember something just now?"

Jaehwan suddenly doesn't anymore.

"No."

"I'll be gone today." Hongbin pulls a small box from his pocket and checks it before putting it back and then sparing a glance at Jaehwan. "You are not to leave the house," he says and it sounds more like a command.

Jaehwan nods helplessly and spends all of July 5th in longing to see Sanghyuk.

---

The emotion that hits him next is jealousy. Suddenly things change in his surroundings and Jaehwan can't help but notice how much more time Hongbin spends in the same room with them than he used to. He makes snide comments about Luffy or Sasuke and sometimes Jaehwan catches Hongbin leaning into Sanghyuk's side and whispering things that turn the younger bright shades of red.

And then Jaehwan hears them one night.

Sanghyuk sleeps over and Jaehwan's hooked to his battery downstairs in the lab, but something (perhaps the jealousy) causes him to walk silently upstairs and stand in front of Hongbin's door. He can see the lowlight stream in through the cracks of the door and he can hear the creaks of the bed, Hongbin's harsh breathing and-- Jaehwan floods out the rest of the noises and in the morning, Hongbin and Sanghyuk find him sitting on the living room couch with only 30% of battery life left.

"Jaehw-"

"Itachi dies," he interrupts.

Hongbin pats Sanghyuk on the back before slipping away downstairs and the younger male glances at the TV that's still playing.

"Have you been up all night watching this?" Sanghyuk asks and Jaehwan finally peels his eyes away from the television set.

"July 5th. That was your birthday, you're eighteen now."

Something in Sanghyuk breaks, Jaehwan doesn't know what but the other's face shows it all too clear.

"I... turned eighteen four years ago." Sanghyuk's eyes are wet again and this is an occurrance that Jaehwan's seen too many times but doesn't understand how to stop it.

Does he do what the characters in the anime do?

Does he do what his body wants him to do?

Instead he shifts awkwardly in his seat and asks, "Then how old does that make me?"

Sanghyuk wipes at his eyes and takes the empty seat by Jaehwan, which surprises him. "Well, you're four years older than me so... twenty-six."

"Oh." It's all he can manage to say because he doesn't know how else to handle this situation.

Sanghyuk makes himself breakfast and carries Jaehwan's battery charger upstairs, hooks him up and they spend all day watching Naruto together and imitating the characters. 

---

At some point Jaehwan realizes that he isn't supposed to be alive anymore. There's a four year gap somewhere and it isn't just the age difference between he and Sanghyuk anymore.

It's Hongbin who tells him.

"There was an accident, Sanghyuk came to me," Hongbin explains as he types mindlessly at his computer, a thousand numbers relaying faster than Jaehwan can comprehend. "He asked me to fix you, so I did."

"Did I die?" He asks.

"Partially, your brain did for the most part... But it was still functioning well enough for me to make you stable. Your body wasn't too salvageable though and most of what you are is mechanical now."

"I'm... Different." The word never seemed to make so much sense as it did now.

"Different in many ways," Hongbin says with a bored sigh, "But still the same."

"How?" Jaehwan asks because he honestly can't imagine how not having a pulse is being the same as anyone else. As being the same as Sanghyuk.

Hongbin lets out a cynical scoff and he turns away from his computer to look at Jaehwan. "Ask Sanghyuk that and see what he says."

---

Sometimes Jaehwan has memories floating in his mind when he closes his eyes, the images are never too clear, but he can vividly remember them, feel the grass on his toes, the sun in his hair. He can taste the salt on his tongue, feel the rain sink down in his skin. Sometimes Jaehwan remembers what being human is like and sometimes Jaehwan remembers what loving Sanghyuk was like.

It was painful. It hurt a lot.

Loving Sanghyuk was not easy, not when the younger was miles and miles away and always talking about all the different crushes on pretty girls he'd get. Not when Sanghyuk told Jaehwan he might be gay and have mutual feelings for a senior at his high school. It especially was hard when Sanghyuk told him he was moving back to Seoul, to attend college there and that his boyfriend lived there too.

It was the hardest when Jaehwan met him for the first time, wide smile and dimples galore, a strong chin and many more handsome features. He's like artwork, is what Jaehwan remembers thinking. And he remembers the blush that crept on Sanghyuk's face, the shy smile that followed when Sanghyuk introduced the two.

But maybe Jaehwan is wrong, maybe that wasn't the hardest thing about loving Sanghyuk.

Perhaps the hardest thing was falling for Sanghyuk all over again.