Worries
The StormDaehyun lies awake and stares at the ceiling above him. It's 3am and he's in his childhood home in Busan. The creaks of his house, the dark room and smell of the ocean from a cracked window, do little to soothe him on this almost unbearably hot night, but Daehyun can't find it in himself get out of bed to get a cup of water. He can't find it in himself to do anything but wonder where he went wrong.
What did he say that made these few, so upset with him? Why did they doubt his loyalty? What could he have done different? Maybe he if he wasn't a singer.. But if he wasn't a singer what would he be?
While sighing Daehyun, never taking his eyes off his ceiling, reaches his hand under his pillow and presses 1on his speed dial. He needs logic right now, he needs someone to comfort him in a away none of his friends from years ago know how to.
He presses the phone to his ear.
"This better be good.." A sleepy Youngjae answers, his voice deep and raspy from slumber.
"Himchan was right to worry about the broadcast." Daehyun mutters
There's rustling of fabric on Youngjae's end and a soft sigh. Daehyun almost feels guilty for waking Youngjae, but he needs him right now.
"Everything went well. He was just being a nag, everyone lov-"
"I'm being sent back to Seoul."
"Hey don't cut me off! And what do you mean you're getting sent back? What happened?" Youngjae is fully awake now, shock rings true in his voice.
"Some fans didn't like that I was performing with my friends here. They didn't like me being with my friends here at all. They chastised my teacher for supporting it.. For supporting me. So the broadcast was the last time I'll ever perform with them and my teacher asked me to go back to Seoul."
"I'm confused.. Why would Babys do that? That doesn't seem like something they would do.. You haven't seen or spoken to your friends in ages... I'm so sorry Daehyunnie"
Daehyun takes a deep breath. His throat is constricting but he tries to keep his emotions at bay so he can ask Youngjae something that's been weighing on his mind.
"Youngjae.. If you weren't a singer what would you be?"
There's a pause on the other end and Daehyun waits patiently for an answer.
"Well, I haven't really thought about it. I suppose I'd be a teacher of some sort.. Maybe a businessman. Why?"
Daehyun closes his eyes in frustration as jealously consumes him. He called Youngjae to make himself feel better, not feel worse.
"I umm... I keep thinking about how much of a mistake this is and wondering"
He pauses to gather his strength. Daehyun has never felt this weak before, this vulnerable, so he whispers his fears into the dark.
"I keep wondering what I'd be if I wasn't a singer and the only thing I can think of is: nothing. If I wasn't a singer I'd be nothing. And right now I'm not a singer. I can't perform with my group members, I can't sing any of our songs publicly, I can't even sing with my friends. I can't sing and if things stay like this... What am I going to do? I've never wanted to be anything else or do anything else. Without this... I'm nothing."
Daehyun puts a hand over his mouth to hold in a sob but it escapes him. Voicing his fears, his worries and troubles have made them multiply. He feels trapped.
"Daehyun, you will never be 'nothing'. You are already so much. You don't have to be anything besides yourself. You will always be a singer, regardless of where you are or who you're with... I know right now you can't see the forrest for the trees but I promise you, that you will be on a stage again. I promise that we will be able to perform together soon and I promise that you will be able to do the same with your friends."
"But Youngjae you can't ju-"
"I did just. Even if we only get to perform together as B.A.P at karaoke, or in the middle of one of our living rooms. It will happen. Even if you only get to sing with your friends in the privacy of a practice room. It will happen. Your group members and your friends in Busan will always support you. Don't let some miserable people destroy your happiness. You're special, you can never be 'nothing'. The 'what if's' about the past don't matter because they will never come to fruition. You mean something to a lot of people. Don't ever forget that."
Daehyun smiles in spite of his tears, a large weight has been lifted off his shoulders and at this very moment he's never been more thankful for Youngjae than he is now.
"Get up and turn on a light. Staring into the dark isn't good for you."
Daehyun laughs "How'd you know?"
"We've lived together for awhile, I know you."
"Yeahhhh yeahhhhhh"
Daehyun mutters into his phone as he moves his slightly damp limbs to do as Youngjae says so he can quickly lie back down
"Do you remember what Yongguk texted us before he went to Thailand?"
"Yeah.. I saved it"
"Good, me too. I want you to remember what he sent and never forget it. It's been the only thing keeping me sane this whole time."
"Okay, I will. Thank you Youngjae. You really mean a lot to me. I love you"
"You're welcome. And I love you too."
"I'll call you when I'm in Seoul."
"Alright.. Goodnight."
"Night."
Daehyun ends the call and puts his phone back under his pillow. Youngjae always knows. Is his last thought as he lets sleep over come him, in his now well light room.
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Yongguk's Text:
"I'm going on a much needed vacation and I may not be able to speak with you guys as much because of it, but please don't doubt me. I will still be here for you all once the storm has passed, and we will rebuild together."
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