The atmosphere was quiet in the kitchen except for the sound of dinner simmering on the stove and the ever present roar of Hakyeon’s thoughts.  Despite the fact he lived there with Taekwoon, his was the only voice he heard and it was particularly loud on Sunday evenings.  Most days it was best not to even mention the specter that haunted him, perpetually watchful and only occasionally there; he was silent but Hakyeon knew him by the cold of his presence, though it never bothered him.  He knew the ghost after all.

                Taking a breath, he stirred the contents of the sauté dish with his wooden spoon and focused on the task at hand, declining to look over his shoulder at the beautiful, but statuesque young man seated at the table.  It was enough he was there at all.  At least that’s what he had to keep telling himself.  Even if that meant someone else wasn’t.  Weary all of a sudden, Hakyeon brushed at straight black bangs and took another breath.  He couldn’t think like that.

                “Dinner’s almost ready, Taekwoon,” he called with forced cheer.  There was no response.  “Just be patient a little longer, okay?” he urged as if the other had spoken anyway.

                The doctors said there was nothing physically wrong with him anymore, but his mind had gone elsewhere and the neural network of his brain fractured after being stranded in space for just over three weeks.  He had only sustained relatively minor injuries at the time of the incident, but the bigger issue had been simply surviving; not to mention the fact of actually getting here.  Hakyeon would never say the young man was broken but the Taekwoon in his kitchen now was far removed from the one he’d been a year ago.

                At the thought, Hakyeon looked over his shoulder to get a better glimpse of his always mute and often catatonic boyfriend.  He really could almost be a statue with thick, dark hair framing his stoic face.  Slightly narrow eyes continued to look ahead, occasionally sliding across the room, while his hands remained folded in his lap, giving the impression of deep thought, but Hakyeon didn’t know what was going through his mind anymore.  “Hey baby,” he spoke in a soft tone of voice, hoping for some sort of response but not expecting anything.

                He wasn’t disappointed when the eyes failed to focus on him, though they did move as if tracking something slowly.  Taekwoon’s shoulders rose and fell as he breathed steadily, his attention elsewhere.  Some days… Hakyeon was lucky.  Others, not so much.  Chewing on his bottom lip, Hakyeon returned his focus to the food in front of him.  Slender hands gripped the pan and spoon firmly, bony knuckles prominent beneath the tan skin before he switched the dish to an unused heating coil.  Bracing his palms against the edge of the cooking unit, he shook his head.  The old fashioned hobby often brought him peace but not tonight.  This evening, his mind was stuck in space, a place he had gladly left behind after everything it had done to him.  And…

                ‘Do you miss being in space?’  The question came unbidden as Hakyeon’s head tilted to the side; not enough to see Taekwoon but it was meant for him all the same.  Maybe staying there would have been best.  And then he wouldn’t be here now.

                his lips, he frowned and shook his head.  The answer had to be no.  Didn’t it?  He closed his eyes and shuddered slightly when a chill settled at his back, almost as if someone was standing behind him.  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, his mind inadvertently returning to the timeframe before they’d found Taekwoon after his repair drone had malfunctioned and been swallowed by the asteroid belt they’d been working near at the time.

                “It’s getting late,” Wonshik murmured from the pilot seat, dark eyes reading the sensors before they flickered up to pay attention to the scenery.

                “Keep looking,” Hakyeon urged, coming close to place a hand on his pilot’s shoulder, briefly distracted by the bright orange color of his hair.  He blinked hard to try and ward off the threat of sleep plaguing his already deprived eyes and glared at the readings, determined to find something.

                Silence fell between them and he was aware of Wonshik looking his direction.  “Hakyeon,” he called gently, swiveling in the chair to grab the nearest hand in his.  There was pain in his voice, the tone hesitant.  “It’s been over two weeks already,” he explained as lightly as he could, mouth quirked into a sad but almost accepting expression.  “You know it might be too-”

                “Wonshik.  Don’t,” Hakyeon pleaded as he closed his eyes and immediately reopened them when the siren’s call nearly grabbed him for sleep.  “Just make another pass.  Please,” he whispered, focusing aching orbs on his pilot… friend… and ex-lover.

                “Alright,” Wonshik nodded, giving Hakyeon’s hand a light squeeze.  “One more but then you need to get some sleep.”

                “So do you,” Hakyeon murmured with a hint of an eye roll, but he did stand up to move back to his seat.

                “Not like you’ll let me.  Slave driver,” the pilot forced a chuckle, though his humor fell a little flat.

                “Sorry,” the captain whispered while he slouched into his seat.  “Have Hyuk take over for a bit after this one.  He can handle a few passes and the engines are fine.”

                “Okay.  If you don’t sleep, though, I will go to Hongbin and have him tranq you,” Wonshik warned, his tone light but the words quite serious.  When Hakyeon just looked at him with a deadpan expression, he chuckled and nodded to himself.

                It hadn’t been just one more pass but they had succeeded in the end… barely.  Hakyeon shuddered when the chill grew deeper, the feeling of cold limbs wrapping around him in a surreal embrace.  “Please go away,” he begged almost mutely, bottom lip trembling with the words.  It was a relief when the ghostly presence stepped back and Hakyeon forced a bright smile to turn towards Taekwoon.  He crossed the distance between them and drifted around behind the chair to loop his arms over Taekwoon’s chest, hugging firmly as he pressed their cheeks together.  “I’m glad you’re here,” he affirmed, pressing his lips to Taekwoon’s cheek tenderly.

                No response, not unlike usual, and it was just as hard then as ever to swallow the hurt and insecurity that Hakyeon would never be enough to bring him back to the way he was.  Finding him after twenty two days in space was only the first part of the rollercoaster ride he was still on.  Locating the errant repair ship wedged on a stupid asteroid had been almost entirely blind luck and he had Wonshik to thank for it.  Sighing slowly, Hakyeon stood up and threaded his fingers through Taekwoon’s hair, enjoying the feel of the soft, lengthy strands as they slid easily through his grasp.  Some Captain he had ended up being.

                With a shake of his head, Hakyeon yanked his thoughts to the man in front of him before he glanced at the food on the stove.  “Alright, baby.  Let’s eat,” he smiled, leaning forward to kiss the unresponsive lips, lingering just long enough to peer into dark eyes that briefly met his, mutely searching but utterly unreadable.  It was barely anything, and yet Hakyeon smiled at the response, cupping his smooth cheek with his palm for but a second more before he retreated to the stove.

                Plating the food was a simple matter, as was sitting at the table next to Taekwoon so he could feed him one bite at a time.  He was responsive to the basics, though he couldn’t do anything himself, which was painful for Hakyeon, but one bite after the other disappeared while Taekwoon’s eyes moved; they tracked the fork to make sure it was on target and then looked at Hakyeon before trailing outward.

                Hakyeon would give a great deal to know what he was thinking.  It was almost maddening having him this close and knowing he could see, only to deal with the following silence because he couldn’t speak.  He was grateful Taekwoon wasn’t still in a coma but he wanted to talk to him again; to be with him as more than a loving caretaker; to know that he was really alright…

                He left his own portion of food uneaten on the stove with the promise that he’d come back to it later.  His stomach was anything but hungry and he’d rather just give Taekwoon a bath, get him to bed, and call it an evening at the moment.  “You done?” he asked when his boyfriend didn’t open his mouth again, looking away to signal his fullness.  “Okay,” Hakyeon chuckled, pushing the food away so he could stand up to retrieve Taekwoon’s hover chair resting against the wall.

                Learning to maneuver him into and out of it had taken practice, but after a month of home care, he was getting pretty proficient.  Even if Taekwoon couldn’t do anything himself, it was encouraging to feel the tension in his muscles as he tried to help Hakyeon in any way he could.  At least that was what he told himself.  Quite frankly, it was that or consider him a perpetual potato and that Hakyeon refused to do.

                As he pushed Taekwoon towards the restroom, he sang softly under his breath and couldn’t help the smile on his face.  Despite the fact he had to do everything for his partner, bath time was a particularly encouraging part of his day because in the weightlessness of the water, Taekwoon had a very marginal sense of mobility.  Okay, so maybe most of it was him floating, but he did move!  “Alright, Taekwoonie.  Ready?” he murmured, stopping at the edge of the massive, built in tub he’d specifically had installed on the suggestion of the therapist for just this reason.  Humming to himself, he punched in the fill instructions and turned around to help Taekwoon out of his clothes while water flooded in, filling the container at an incredible speed.

                Shedding his own clothes, Hakyeon had to physically carry Taekwoon into the tub, which was only another reminder of his decline in health since the normally solid young man had lost a great deal of muscle mass after the accident.  He wasn’t nearly as heavy as he should have been, which was a blessing and a curse: he would be weak as a kitten when he finally regained mobility but Hakyeon could actually carry him in the meantime.  A shelf near the entrance allowed him to set Taekwoon down and a harness could be slipped over him to keep the immobile young man in place, leaving his arms and legs free to float, and move, as he wanted.

                Suds flew and bubbles filled the water as Hakyeon made it a game for both of them, trying his hardest to get the barest of smiles.  “Bubble, bubble, bubble, pop!” he grinned, poking at the large bubbles on the surface of the water before he jumped up with his arms out wide, sending droplets and more suds everywhere.  “Nothing?” he huffed exaggeratedly as he eased his way back towards Taekwoon who at least tracked him with his eyes.  “You’re a tough crowd, you know that?” Hakyeon murmured with a wry smile, running the sudsy sponge over one of Taekwoon’s arms, followed by the other.  “That’s okay.  I’ll get you one of these days,” he teased, bopping the mute male on the nose with his fingertip.  “You’ll see.”

                Hakyeon paused when he noticed Taekwoon staring off to the side, near the entrance of the tub.  A glance over his shoulder showed that nothing was there, but it felt like something should be with the intensity of his gaze.  He looked back at Taekwoon and threaded the wet strands of hair behind an ear before a chill caught him.  Standing upright, Hakyeon frowned in the direction of the air vents, brows furrowing.  The air conditioning wasn’t on so he didn’t know where the draft had come from.  Unless…  His eyes wandered back to where Taekwoon was watching and stared, trying to see if he could make something out.

                “Damn drafts,” he finally muttered after a moment, laughing as he rubbed his arms to ward off any further chill.  “You’d think in this day and age that wouldn’t be a problem,” he commented, diverting his attention back to Taekwoon so he could get them both rinsed off and out of the tub.  Their bedroom was a short trip down the sparsely decorated hall and it was only another moment before they were both dry and clothed in comfortable pajamas.  “Alright love.  Off to bed with you.  Not like you need your beauty sleep or anything,” he teased as he finally laid Taekwoon down and pulled the covers up to his chin.  “There.  Snug as can be,” Hakyeon smiled, smoothing damp bangs off Taekwoon’s forehead so he could press a tender kiss on the warm skin hiding beneath.  “I’ve just got to take care of dinner and then I’ll be right back.”  Impishly, he stole a kiss on the lips and retreated with false cheer that quickly faded as soon as he stepped out of sight.

                Hakyeon braced his back against the wall of the hallway and scrubbed his hands over his face, taking a long, deep breath.  He was still no hungrier than he’d been earlier but he needed to eat something.  Work tomorrow was not going to agree with him either way.  It never did.  But he was always grumpier when he didn’t eat…  Like usual, he had to convince himself to trudge back into the kitchen so he could chew through cold leftovers, pausing only long enough to field a relatively expected call from Hongbin.

                “Tomorrow’s going to you know,” the former medic of his ship chided Hakyeon.

                “Mondays always ,” he shot back with a snort.

                “You know what I mean,” Hongbin rolled his brown eyes, evident in the single lens covering Hakyeon’s eye from the earpiece that cast a virtual image for him to see who he was speaking with.  The miniature, hologram figure gave a picture perfect image of Hongbin with brunette hair pulled back into a hasty nub, dressed in khakis and a blue t-shirt with no shoes; typical of the off duty doctor.

                “I know,” Hakyeon sighed with a nod, roughing his almost dry hair, fluffing it in every direction.

                “Attractive,” his caller teased, wrinkling his nose in amusement.  When Hakyeon simply stuck his tongue at him, he laughed outright and waved him off.  “And still such a child.”

                “You’re one to talk,” Hakyeon huffed, arms crossing over his chest.  “Anyways.  What’s the reason for the call?”

                Hongbin gave him a sad smile, some of the mirth fading from their conversation.  “You’re always at your lowest on Sunday nights.  Just trying to make you smile, Cap.”

                For a few seconds, Hakyeon leaned against the kitchen table, hip propped on the surface lightly.  “Thanks,” he finally whispered with the barest of smiles.  “He’s getting better you know,” he added, his lips.

                “Yeah?  I’d hope so,” Hongbin grinned.  “I’m still waiting for the moment he starts walking and driving you absolutely crazy because you can’t keep track of him,” he teased, one finger raised pointedly in front.

                “You and me both,” Hakyeon laughed in agreement.  “He’s tracking me with his eyes lately.  And he’s able to eat with help,” he added, trying to convince himself as much as the doctor.  The intravenous feeding tubes had creeped him the hell out and he much preferred doing it by hand.

                “Oh!  That is good!” his friend exclaimed excitedly.  “See!  I told you, you could do it!  Hospitals are all well and good but there’s nothing like a familiar environment and someone that loves him.”

                Hakyeon nodded once and had to swallow the lump that automatically rose in his throat.  “Of course!” he rasped and rolled his eyes at himself.  “Sorry,” he apologized with a shake of his head.  “It’s getting late and I should be going to bed.”

                “Alright waterworks,” Hongbin sighed, though he wore a soft smile.  “Call me if you need help okay?  You don’t have to do everything by yourself.  And you know that Hyuk and Ken wouldn’t mind either.”  Hakyeon nodded at the reminder and he exhaled on the other end.  “Tell Taekwoonie we said hi too.  Night Hakyeon,” he waved, ending the call so they wouldn’t have to struggle with a fairly endless line of farewells.

                “Will do…” Hakyeon sighed when he pulled the earpiece free and stuffed it back in his pocket.  He stared at the remains of his food and grimaced before grabbing the plate and simply stuffing the rest of it in the fridge.  It wasn’t sitting well anyway so he wandered into the den and headed straight for the mantle above the fake fireplace.  A myriad of pictures rested on the shelf and he stared at them intently: a group shot of him and his crew in front of the Rovix; Hongbin getting mad at Ken and Hyuk for messing with his equipment before takeoff; a quieter picnic on one of the more hospitable planets they’d landed on with Taekwoon pointing at some creature in the background; one of him and Taekwoon just after they’d gotten together…

                His eyes stopped shifting entirely when he got to the last one on the shelf and he reached a trembling hand to pick the framed image up so he could hold it close and stare.  It was him and Wonshik from their trainee days, just before they’d been assigned their roles and their ship.  God they looked so young in the picture with Wonshik’s arm resting over his shoulders in a hearty but awkward hug as Hakyeon squeezed him around the torso.  They’d been unofficially dating back then, agreeing to hold off somewhat until their positions were secure, and it became truth after their stationing.  Only they found they worked better as friends than lovers on the ship and called it off, but they had always remained close despite the split.

                “God I miss you,” he exhaled shakily, closing his eyes when tears splashed on the surface of the glass, obscuring their faces.  He released the picture with one hand so he could hug himself tightly with it cradled flat against his chest.  His eyes opened when he felt a cold presence at his back while phantom limbs reached around to embrace him.  Hakyeon shivered and swallowed hard.  “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, pulling the picture away from his chest enough to peer down at their faces again.  “I never wanted it to be this way,” he admitted thickly, the words hard to get out.  “How am I supposed to do this by myself?” Hakyeon asked, bottom jaw trembling with suppressed emotions.

                The ghostly chill shifted and it felt as if someone was resting their chin against his shoulder.  Unseen hands pressed carefully against the back of Hakyeon’s and he took a steadying breath.  After the accident, he thought he’d felt the ghost nearby at times, hovering on the edge of his senses.  But it hadn’t been until he got home with Taekwoon in tow that he was certain the specter was following him.

                “I know.  I don’t know why but you’re still here,” Hakyeon whispered while he his lips.  “I just want him to get better.  And for you to find peace, Wonshik,” he admitted, turning his head to see the specter, though he couldn’t suppress the pang of hurt when nothing appeared.  Turning around the rest of the way, he looked hard for a moment longer, practically wilting when he felt the chill pull back, leaving him alone once more, though it was a relief of sorts too.  His eyes dropped down to the picture and nodded once, hastily wiping away the tears.  “I can do this.  I can.”

                Almost reverently, he placed the picture back on the mantle and resolutely left the room.  It had only been approximately a year since they’d found Taekwoon in the asteroid field; eight months since he’d become less than a catatonic vegetable, and seven since…  Hakyeon’s mind flinched away from finishing the thought and he simply consoled himself with the fact that it had been almost a year since they’d first found him; it was now a month since Taekwoon had been cleared to stay at home with him.  And he had made progress.  It was just painfully slow.

                “Taekwoonie?” he asked quietly as he stepped into their shared room.  Even in the gloom, the kempt space was easy to envision: a fiberglass desk against the wall, one sliding chair pushed under and out of the way; digital screen set in the wall turned off; hover chair parked in the corner; shelves filled with memories and otherwise useless items lining the walls.  He kept scanning until he reached the bed against the wall near the automatic doorway and saw open eyes staring at the ceiling.  “Sorry I took so long baby,” Hakyeon apologized as he climbed under the covers beside his boyfriend and curled close, maintaining contact without being too clingy while he threaded their fingers together.  Granted, Taekwoon would probably object, and Hakyeon wished he would, but in the meantime, he would take what he could get.  “Good night, love,” he smiled, shifting enough to place a kiss on his cheek.  “Sleep well and I’ll see you in the morning.”

                He didn’t get a verbal response, nor did he expect one, but he thought he felt Taekwoon’s hand twitch.  Hakyeon couldn’t be sure, but he smiled and tightened his fingers around Taekwoon’s, hoping it wasn’t just in his head anyway.

                With his eyes closed, he didn’t see Taekwoon’s gaze shift to the side of their bed.  He didn’t notice when the mute male tracked something over the covers, dark eyes flickering up before focusing closer to them again.  And Hakyeon only whimpered, snuggling against Taekwoon when a chill washed over him, settling in place like a cold blanket.