He really did mean to talk to Jinki. It was very much on his list of things to do. But… stuff just kept coming up, for both of them it seemed. Somewhat disappointingly but not entirely surprisingly, Jinki didn’t join Taekwoon in their shared room that night or the following. Taekwoon would have been more alarmed or worried, except he had every reason to focus on his current task at hand.

            That first day, he truly had pushed himself too hard. Or rather, Gain had. She was relentless and, in her own way, just as bad as Seunghyun. If she wasn’t switching between her forms to explain what the body language of the dragons translated to, she was teaching him how to fight and move as a dragon. Taekwoon had thought he was a decent fighter as a man; that did not mean he was a decent fighter as a dragon.

            More like a child learning to walk, according to Gain. Which galled. And hurt. Because while he might have been childlike in his dragon form, she did not treat him as such, preferring a more sink or swim approach. And when he was literally knocked out of Trance, either because they were both frustrated or she actually knocked him unconscious, that merely meant it was break time.

            The only blessing was that none of it affected his physical form unless she managed to leave bruises. To her credit, she was too good a fighter to risk damaging him all that much, but it didn’t mean he was unaffected by the sessions. Training in Trance felt almost exactly like training in the combat ring, but he was even more exhausted after the fact. And that was before he was cleared to resume training with Seunghyun again.

            After his ‘healing’ sevenday, Taekwoon was quickly ushered into a blurring cycle of training with Seunghyun in the mornings, hitting his classes after that just to keep up, and then finishing the day in training with Gain. Due to the nature of his situation, she had cleared her schedule almost completely and was focusing on him intently, which was partially to her benefit. She enjoyed their sessions. He didn’t. Not at first anyway. It was hard to enjoy something you felt like you were perpetually failing at.

            To be fair, his meals were still his own, and he did eat with the rest of the Aerie, but he had no energy for their conversations. He half-heartedly fielded their questions and mostly listened to the chatter of the riders and the residents.

            Two wings had been dispatched recently and they had yet to return. No wonder the Aerie felt a bit emptier than usual. Not that there were all that many dragons in a wing (usually around six). He and Jinki still weren’t really talking, though they looked at each other almost constantly when they were in the same space. He knew he wanted to talk and he figured Jinki did too, but until something happened to change things, it was just easier… not to. Especially since he was making progress and, as usual, he didn’t think Jinki would understand why this was so important. Why it was so all consuming.

            Well, he’d probably understand that part. But Taekwoon didn’t think he’d understand why he had to push himself so hard. Why he had to do this as quickly as possible. Knowing Jinki, he’d say there was time and that he should slow down, but he couldn’t. This half existence between him and Jinki and him and his dragons was maddening. But if he could overcome it, everything would get better. Because the sooner he succeeded here, the sooner things could go back to a semblance of normal. Hopefully.

            In the interim when he wasn’t training or eating or sleeping, he spent time with his dragons, though per Gain’s instructions, he had to be careful not to let on what he was learning. It would be good for him to start trying to read his dragons and Trance was acceptable as well, but if Jonghyun began to suspect that Taekwoon might actually be becoming a worthy match, it would make things more difficult. And if Taekwoon was able to succeed on the first try, it would prove – however much the copper might not want to admit – that he was being lazy and needed to do better in general.

At first, it felt impossible. Taekwoon’s dragon form was large and strong but clumsy and unresponsive. He stepped on his wings as often as not and couldn’t mount a decent defense. Gain toyed with him like a cat toying with a mouse and it only served to irritate him further. But eventually, the lessons started sticking. He began to get more comfortable in his dragon body, which translated to a greater comfort in the training circle as well. Seunghyun allowed him to resume training with weapons and that dexterous requirement allowed him to improve more in Trance in turn, the training sessions symbiotic. Consumed with his training, the sevendays continued to pass.

            According to Satoru, there was certainly something to be said for there being peace in ignorance. Jinki usually preferred to know what was going on – it was almost a requirement of wanting to be an Aerie Master after all, but there were days he envied that lack of knowledge in others. He missed the days where he didn’t hear about alliances between cities being strained due to imagined slights and petty offenses. It actually pained him to hear about the sometimes missing formerly bound dragons the cities often asked about when they couldn’t find them. On occasion, they would send missives asking to see if their contracted dragon had settled in the Aerie by chance, and it never sat right with Jinki that they had to tell them no. And it actually scared him to get word of fighting between dragons, wild or otherwise. Someone always got hurt or worse.

            That last one bothered him the most because it always opened the old wound that came back to Taekwoon. He had such a habit, it seemed, of coming back injured already and he wasn’t even in the Battalion yet. Jinki knew that as soon as he joined a wing, his greatest fear had a much higher chance of coming to pass. That the next time Taekwoon took to the sky, he might not come back, and that was something he hadn’t quite found a way to accept yet. He had very nearly lost him once already, and it still hurt that he would have allowed himself to die, but it also scared him because he didn’t know what he would do if that actually happened.

            He knew he needed to talk to someone about it, but it took him a little while to admit who the best person might be. Satoru at least noticed he was conflicted and tried to keep him distracted with tasks and errands he would have given to Yongguk. He needed the Aerie Master in Training to help with writing messages and what judgements they could in lieu of sending full wings of dragons out and about. This of course gave Jinki plenty of time to run around and see Taekwoon from afar and outside of the dining hall. Sometimes that included heading to and from the Paramour quarters, but usually it meant he was in the Combat Training hall, which Jinki was happy enough to make a detour towards to see how he was doing there.

            Even with their falling out, which admittedly had been just as much his doing as Taekwoon’s, he was both proud and amazed with what his other half could do. He wasn’t nearly as skilled as Seunghyun in the training ring, but it still felt like watching him dance when they sparred. Mostly. There were moments he changed just enough and Jinki could see this predatory look in him that at least made him nervous. It came and went quickly, but it was a new face, gained from after he became a rider. It was another thing he hadn’t quite come to terms with. Despite the fact that he did want to become an Aerie Master, dragons as a rule made him at least a tiny bit nervous.

            They were just so large and potentially dangerous. He knew they were intelligent – in the Aerie at least – and that they wouldn’t actively try to harm people under most circumstances, but accidents happened. Only, when they happened with a dragon, the results could be quite bad, as he’d learned nearly first hand when he was younger. The fact that his partner had moments where he developed draconic tendencies, and that his one dragon in particular was so unpredictable, unsettled him. He thought he would be fine with it, but it was taking longer to get used to than he wanted to admit. Much to his own shame.

            Eventually, after several days of letting things lie and pretending things were okay in public company, when everyone knew they weren’t, Jinki finally went to try and talk to Gain. He knew better than to go during Taekwoon’s training time in the evening, but her mornings and afternoons were more flexible, depending on her schedule. And he didn’t have afternoon classes to go to either so his time was free, so long as he cleared it with Satoru first, which he did.

            The gold dragon wasn’t in the immediate area when Jinki wandered into the Paramour quarters. Neither was Hyosung, but Heechul was. The elegant man was lounging on one of their cushioned sofas, wearing a loose finely woven robe and nibbling on a snack he had probably snagged from the kitchens. On the table next to him was a cup of half-finished tea. He perked up with interest when he spied Jinki standing in the entryway.

            It was slightly unnerving watching the thought process run across Heechul’s face as the Paramour quickly went through the reasons as to why Jinki was there. Nor did it take long for an amused smirk to cross his malleable features as he shook his head. “No, we can’t talk to you about what Taekwoon’s been up to,” he chided preemptively, a sly look pinning the other man in place as he nibbled on the treat. “Paramour and client privilege and all.”

            Jinki hurriedly shook his head, hands rising to wave off the thought. His first attempt had been a mistake anyway and he wasn’t about to try and repeat it. “I wasn’t here for him. I uh… was here for me,” he started uncertainly, biting on his top lip when he finished speaking.

            Heechul’s brows rose and he blinked twice. “Oh?” he practically purred, an intrigued feline waiting for more.

            “I was wondering if Gain was available?” he went on, still feeling very much out of sorts. It was funny because he could speak with them just fine when he was here on Aerie business but when it was personal, nerves turned his belly to stone.

            “That’s an interesting choice for you,” the Paramour commented, looking the younger man up and down once.

            Jinki’s cheeks burned but he nodded. “She’s the only formerly bonded dragon I know…” he explained with a helpless shrug.

            “Ah,” Heechul breathed, mouth opening as an understanding sound poured out. “I see,” he went on, deftly setting the remains of his snack down on the edge of the saucer and standing up with enviable grace. “Let me check on her. I believe she’s napping,” he murmured thoughtfully, gaze turning towards the archways designed to accommodate her larger body.

            “Oh. Should I come back at a different time?” he asked quickly, determined to see this through but trying to be polite all the same.

            “Nonsense,” the Paramour scoffed with a wave of his hand. “Sit. I’ll be right back,” he urged, easily guiding Jinki to the sofa he had just vacated before he walked off quickly.

            “Okay,” Jinki nodded to himself, hands fiddling on top of his legs as he waited. The interior was comfortable enough: a couple more cushioned chairs nearby and a throw that could be shaken out as needed on the ground. They had a couple indoor plants in neat little pots and all the human doorways had cloth coverings over them. He stopped looking though when he noticed Heechul returning from the larger doorway.

            “She was napping,” Heechul laughed lightly, stepping close enough to offer his hand to Jinki. “But she would be happy to speak with you,” he added, pulling the other man to his feet with deceptive strength.

            “Thank you,” Jinki murmured almost shyly. He had hoped to be seen soon, but he wasn’t exactly expecting to get in so quickly. It was both gratifying and nerve-wracking. Mutely, he nodded and walked down the hall to Gain’s chamber. The large gold dragon was curled up on the far side, her head pointed towards the doorway. A large red rug covered a significant portion of the stone floor. Jinki stopped at the edge and swallowed, quickly looking over to her.

            Gain tilted her head as she regarded him but then pointed at his shoes before lowering her hand to the rug.

            Even without words, Jinki could fairly guess what she wanted him to do. Carefully, he took his shoes off and eased onto the rug before he sat down to face her. He stiffened and inhaled when she drew close, her head larger than him when he was sitting. His reaction did not go unnoticed. She paused and turned her head to the side, drawing away from him to look at him from the side of her eye instead. Jinki was both grateful for her consideration and ashamed at his own reaction. But he had little time to worry about it. Once he met her eye, he managed a surprised gasp before he was pulled into Trance with swift ease.

            Like when he’d experienced Trance with Jonghyun, he fell in a world of gray. Unlike when he’d experienced Trance with Jonghyun, it quickly gave way to green fields and blue skies as he landed. Followed even more strangely by a very attractive woman walking into view wearing an elegant deep red dress and crowned in short golden hair. “You’re a human,” he immediately blurted, pointing and flushing at the same time.

            Gain laughed in delight, one hand rising to partially hide . “That I am,” she agreed with a nod before moving to stand in front of him. “And welcome to my Trance, Jinki,” she greeted warmly, her eyes gold even in human form. “Heechul mentioned you wanted to speak with me?” she prompted, summoning a table and chairs with a wave of her hand.

            Jinki blinked in dumbfounded astonishment and then carefully took the nearest chair as he nodded acceptance. This was not at all what he’d been expecting. “I do.”

            “Considering I know you’re not here for my usual services, what can this intrigued Paramour help you with?” she grinned, sitting down and leaning forward with her elbows on the table and her chin in her hand.

            “Well… you’re the only formerly bonded dragon I know and I wanted…” he trailed off, not really sure how to ask.

            He didn’t need to finish his sentence for her expression to become more subdued and a sad smile crossed her face. “You are worried about Taekwoon.” It wasn’t a question.

            “Always,” Jinki sighed, a pained frown crossing his face as he looked down.

            Gain’s laugh surprised him and he looked up to see her shaking her head. “Spoken like a true partner to a dragonrider. My rider was often worried about too…” she admitted, trailing off slowly.

            Her expression made him sad and worried. Biting his lip, he took a breath and tried to put his thoughts into words. “It’s just… I’ve almost lost him a couple times already. Or at least it feels like it. And it just scares me,” he admitted, resting his hands on the table as he swallowed hard. Gain nodded in understanding and just looked at him for a long moment. She didn’t speak yet as he knew she saw he still had a question. Wincing, he had to ask, “How did your rider manage to do this knowing what might happen?”

            “She loved hard when she had the chance and she had me like I had her,” Gain answered honestly, her tone wistful and a little sad.

            Jinki nodded in understanding. That made sense, but he was a little nervous about his next question. He fiddled with his fingers on the tabletop and only went on when Gain raised one brow at him. Frowning again, he murmured, “Because you were so close, was it ever hard for you when she was with other people?”

            “No,” Gain waved off immediately, a knee jerk reaction, but then she paused and looked at him, her gaze becoming thoughtful and a tiny bit amused. “Oh,” she hummed with a light laugh, shaking her head.

            “What?” Jinki mumbled, ducking his head a bit as he uncomfortably waited for her answer.

            “You’re jealous,” she grinned, pointing one perfect nail at him.

            “No I’m not,” he retorted automatically, sitting upright at the statement.

            Her expression became coy as she sat upright to mirror him. “Their relationship is hardly the strongest right now, but everyone knows Taekwoon has been very focused on his dragons of late.”

            “I know that. I expected that,” Jinki reminded her a little too quickly.

            “Knowing and experiencing are two very different things, my dear,” she chided him with another shake of her head. “You are so much Satoru’s shadow that everyone seems to forget how young you are,” she added with a raised brow. “You’ve never had to share Taekwoon before and you don’t know how to react now.” He glared at her in irritation but didn’t deny it. “Remember, I watched you two grow up,” she reminded him pointedly.

            Reluctantly, Jinki sighed and nodded. “Maybe a little,” he admitted with a glum tone, feeling very crappy for it. “I know he still cares for me but it feels like he just worries about them more,” he explained, slouching in his seat.

            Gain laughed in earnest then and Jinki frowned until she spoke. “He doesn’t worry about you as much because he knows where he stands with you. Mostly,” she amended with a snort. “He’s still trying to figure out where he is with them. The binding guarantees a bond. It doesn’t guarantee a relationship. But any good rider has to have a good relationship with his dragon. He knows this and is trying to make it happen,” she explained simply.

            “But why does it sometimes feel like I’m losing him?” he whined, there was no other way to say it.

            “Because things are changing and now you have to share his heart,” she chuckled, holding up her hand to keep him from responding. “But remember, a person can have more than one love. And it’s not to say that he is in love with his dragons. Everyone can see he remains in love with you,” she pointed at him firmly. “As for Jonghyun and Jongup… you can think of them more like his brothers,” she explained with a nod.

            “Brothers that make me nervous,” he grumbled, looking away. He didn’t like the answers he was getting but he couldn’t deny them. They made sense, even if it stung to really take them to heart.

            “Why do they make you nervous?” she wondered honestly, back to resting her chin in her hand.

            “Because they’re dragons,” he started easily enough, a wave of his hand gesturing to all dragons. “Also because he almost killed me. And almost killed Taekwoon,” he added, thinking it over with a nod. “And Hero did accidentally step on my first mentee when I was younger…” he trailed off with a grimace.

            Gain shrugged in silent agreement at the secondary answers. “It’s normal for dragons to make people nervous. And in your case, you have more reason than most. But have you even tried getting close to his dragons?”

            “No,” Jinki admitted grumpily, shoulders bowed again.

            “Perhaps you should start there then,” she suggested.

            Jinki grimaced and sighed. “But Jonghyun is scary. I mean, Jongup doesn’t seem that bad. I think I’d actually like him, but Jonghyun…”

            “Is overprotective,” Gain answered for him with a nod. She thumbed at her bottom lip thoughtfully before continuing. “We are very protective of what we think is ours. And we will defend such things fiercely, without rational thought at times,” she laughed. “You might recall how Jongup attempted to take on Hero not that long ago. Foolish blue but very devoted to his mate,” she grinned, obviously delighted by the reaction.

            “Do you think… Taekwoon feels that way about me?” he wondered in a small voice, recalling recent moments where he’d seen that shift come over his other half. He knew the triggers but he did seem to be the cause of more of them…

            Gain laughed once and gave him an amused look with one raised brow. “While I know you’re referring to his dragon half, I can’t answer that for you, Jinki. And I suspect you already know the answer anyway,” she lightly reprimanded him. “Also, you do have to remember this all quite new to him too. Just as it’s challenging for you, it’s challenging for him as well.”

            “I know,” Jinki sighed under his breath and nodded.

            “Do you?” she asked quickly.

            Jinki winced and wrinkled his nose. “I’m beginning to.”

            “Good,” Gain chirped with a satisfied nod. “Now, is there anything else or shall we call it? I do have an afternoon client but there is no rush yet,” she explained deftly.

            Jinki’s cheeks colored at the mention of a client and even if he did have a question, it was promptly forgotten. “No,” he shook his head, placing his hands on the table and leaning back in the chair. “Thank you for your help, lady Gain,” he nodded instead, bowing towards her.

            “My pleasure, Jinki,” she smiled, standing up quickly. “While we are not healers like Hyesung or Mimi, I would say that most Paramours are… fixers of a sort,” she laughed, giving him a brief curtsy before giggling in delight at her own antics. “Now. Off you go,” she gestured, giving him a brief warning before she kicked him out of Trance.

            It was much softer than the last time he’d exited Trance and Jinki came back to himself in his own body with far fewer aches and pains. He was a bit disoriented and fell to the side before he caught himself. “Okay,” he exhaled, blinking and suddenly focusing on the intimidatingly large gold dragon in front of him. “Oh! Right,” he nodded and pointed.

            Gain huffed once in amusement and pulled her head back before standing up and literally offering her hand for Jinki. Eyeing the talons nervously, he did at least grab hold and allow her to raise him to his feet with ease.

            “Thank you,” he murmured abashedly. She chirped and nodded once before gesturing towards the door. Awkwardly, Jinki waved and backed off the rug before he snagged his shoes and hurried out of the room. While not the happiest of conversations, it had been fairly enlightening. Heechul wasn’t in the open room when he stepped out but Hyosung was, lounging on the sofa the other Paramour had been in previously.

            “Back again?” she inquired with a bright, mischievous smile.

            “I needed to speak to Gain,” he hurriedly explained, pointing over his shoulder as if to verify his statement.

            She held up her hands and smiled harder. “No judgement here,” Hyosung reminded him. “I am curious though. Did you find what you were looking for?” she wondered aloud.

            Jinki paused with a furrowed brow as he took her question to heart. Eventually, he nodded slowly and answered, “I think I did.”

            “Good,” was all she said in response before leaning back on the sofa and taking a deep relaxed breath.

            Of course it wasn’t easy to take a look at one’s self and really see what might be there, but Gain’s words had made a lot of sense. He took the next few days to really think about things as he went about his daily life in the Aerie. Henry was still a reliable listening ear in the evenings, but his current room was rather bare and lonely. He missed Taekwoon and knew that if they could just talk, they could figure things out. But… there was something he wanted to at least try first. On his own and without Taekwoon’s help or guidance.

            Outside of worrying about what was happening beyond the Aerie – including a missing Priest of Bahamut, strange tensions between the main cities of Marsh Rest and Samut, and a request for help from one of the villages relatively near Miremaw to deal with what they suspected was a rogue dragon – Jinki was determined to at least introduce himself to Taekwoon’s dragons. Okay, so maybe he was just going to get close to Jonghyun if possible and perhaps try to say something to Jongup, but it was a start.

            He had been a bit churlish and childish about them recently. For various reasons. But… they were very much a part of Taekwoon’s life and as such, that meant they would also be a part of his life. If he stayed with Taekwoon anyway. Which he fully intended to do. And really, if he was going to be an Aerie Master one day, getting over this… nervousness with dragons would probably be a very good idea.

(a/n: So a bit more insight into the inner workings of our other main character. haha And a couple more tidbits of info about the larger world. I'll be posting another update shortly as well. This one was recently changed so I'll be posting the other half that was originally meant to go with it as well. heh But thanks for reading and I hope you're continuing to enjoy it!)