The train let out several short, sharp whistles right before it started to move. Bells clanged and smoke billowed in its wake. Its powerful engine chugged slowly and steadily for a few minutes, gliding over the old steel tracks. Once the station was merely a burnt red dot in the distance, it picked up speed. Daesung pressed his face against the glass, watching excitedly as foliage whirred past their window.

“Isn’t it good to get away for awhile? I mean, it’s one spectacular view!”

Seunghyun smirked at him over the lip of his coffee mug.

“It sure is,” he agreed. His boyfriend looked like a small child, craning his neck to take in the scenery, and his joy was contagious. He silently applauded his decision to take an old-fashioned train, as well as his decision to spring for a private cabin.

“I love trees. They’re like old friends, waving at you with their leafy little hands. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought that.”

“I’ve never thought anything you’ve thought of in my entire life,” he confessed.

“Says you.”

He turned his head to sneer at Seunghyun, who made his eyes as wide as he could. Daesung stuck out his tongue, and Seunghyun stuck his thumbs in his ears and wiggled his other fingers in response.

“I mean it though,” he said. “I don’t know how you have the thoughts you do. You’re a magical elf creature if ever I’ve seen one.”

“What’s that, pot?” Daesung asked, theatrically cupping his ear. “Are you calling me black?”

“Daesung,” he said softly. The man hopped down from his kneeling position on the bench. He smiled at Seunghyun, a few chestnut strands dangling in front of his eyes.

“Wha-at?” he sang.

“You’re cute.”

Crinkling his eyes shyly behind his bangs like a choir boy, Daesung leaned towards him.

“Oh yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

He did his best to look scandalized; Seunghyun knew better. He had initially been shocked by how ually well-versed and comfortable with his body Daesung was, but the surprise had quickly given way to sheer arousal. Now it was a hilarious turn-on whenever the man tried to play innocent.

“In public?”

“Your genius boyfriend thought ahead. We’ve got our own private cabin.”

“You were thinking of this in advance? Choi Seunghyun! You naughty — ”

“Don’t be coy. Come here.”

Daesung giggled.

“Kiss me,” Seunghyun demanded again.

“No!” he squealed, hands shooting out to push playfully at Seunghyun’s shoulders as he came closer. But Seunghyun paid his protests no mind and went about the business of tickling his sides. Daesung’s legs flailed, but he dodged them with ease and continued mercilessly attacking his underarms. His shrieks filled the small cabin.

There was an abrupt knock at the door, and without waiting for a reply, the door slid open smoothly. Seunghyun quickly sat back down, adjusting his shirt. Daesung fiddled with his hair and resumed looking out the window.

“Tickets,” said the porter. Her tone was bored, but her eyes glittered with curiosity.

Seunghyun fished the tickets out of his pocket and held them out, facing the opposite wall. He swallowed hard. The porter ripped off the stubs, passed them back to a statuesque Seunghyun, and backed out of the room.

“That was close,” said Daesung tightly.

Seunghyun knew where this was going. It always boiled down to his reluctance to be seen with him in public in that way. His nostrils flared.

“Sorry to be such an embarrassment,” he muttered.

“You are so wrong it’s not even funny,” Daesung snapped.

Tension settled over the cabin like a heavy snow. He could have killed that porter for killing the mood. It always came back to this; Daesung was uncomfortable showing the world that he loved him.

Seunghyun had thought that it would get better over time. Moving to a house together, apart from the rest of the group, had been a huge first step. They had the freedom to touch each other anywhere in their spacious home and to do everything couples were permitted to do on their shared property, safely away from prying eyes. It was an encouraging sign of things to come. Or so he had thought.

He understood that they could not come out until Big Bang was no longer. They couldn’t risk damaging the band’s reputation. But it went beyond that, and so much deeper. Seunghyun imagined that he couldn’t even begin to fathom how sinful Daesung felt when he was with him: how ashamed he was of their love.

Ever since they had officially gotten together, he had been shying away from providing hardcore fan service with Seunghyun, choosing instead to transfer his physical displays of affection to Youngbae. At first it had hurt him, but Daesung had told him that it was all a misunderstanding. Seunghyun had wanted to believe him.

But that was then, and this was now.  

They lapsed into an uncomfortable silence, waiting for the lunch cart to make its rounds, the only sound the gentle swaying of the car as they rolled over aged steel tracks.