“The next day was Han Geng and Kibum’s funeral. There weren’t any...we couldn’t bury them, but we still had a ceremony. They deserved that much. Henry and Zhou Mi came to the Bunker that morning, and when I took one look at their faces, saw the way Zhou Mi still couldn’t stop crying...I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go. The thought of really saying goodbye…”

Heechul breaks off his shaky narration with an even shakier, “God, I can’t talk about this anymore,” feels the weight of all those gazes on him.

“Let me take it from here,” Hyukjae offers, and a nod is all Heechul can offer him in return.

Yes, he’s going to finish this story. He’s already made that choice. But there’s no part of their history that doesn’t deserve to be told in its entirety, and right now he can’t do it justice.

All eyes turn to Hyukjae as he picks up where Heechul left off.

“There’s not too much I can say about the funeral, in all honesty. It’s hard to put into words the emptiness we felt saying goodbye to people who’d been, more than our members, our friends. Some of us said a few words, Siwon and Ryeowook set up the memorial we’d been working on, and I don’t think there was a single dry eye by the end of it. Still…”

Hyukjae’s eyes flicker between faces for a brief moment before he continues. “Even though that was supposed to be our final goodbye, it didn’t change the...darkness? I think I can call it that: the darkness hanging over the Resistance. It still felt like nothing had changed ━ for some of us more than others. Umm, Heechul, can I…?”

“Everyone was there,” the Strategist tells him through a wad of tissues, waving away yet another one Han Geng is pressing into his hand. “Almost everyone. It’s nothing they don’t know.”

“I guess that’s true. Alright, I’ll do my best,” Hyukjae says. “Two days after the funeral, we decided to do something about that darkness…”

~*~

July 31st, 2018 - The Bunker

Heechul isn’t the only one grieving.

Hyukjae can only imagine what it’s like to lose your other half (he’s not blind; he knows along with the others how deeply Heechul had been in love). He’s tried to imagine it, tried to put himself in the other man’s shoes so he can find something to say that isn’t meaningless. But every time he starts to picture the world without his other half...he can’t stomach the thought for long enough to really dwell on it.

Days pass by, he watches as the members drift away from each other, he holds Donghae a little closer, and he still can’t find the words to say to Heechul.

But he means what he said: Heechul isn’t alone in his grief. None of them had considered the possibility of someone not coming back, which makes the loss even worse than if they’d known what a disaster the mission would turn into.

Some of them are doing their best to cope. Henry and Zhou Mi had been, the last time Hyukjae saw them, even with how much Zhou Mi had been broken by the loss of one of his closest friends.

Then there’s the group of members who orbit around Siwon like he holds all the answers, despite how often he insists he can only do his best to comfort them with words, especially when he’s still coping himself. Jongwoon, Ryeowook, and especially Donghae, who Hyukjae’s heart breaks for. He’d seen how close Donghae had gotten to Kibum in the months leading up to their mission, and he’d been happy for him: Donghae loved to be loved. Hyukjae had trusted Kibum to give him more of the validation he needed. And now Kibum is gone.

The nights Donghae cries, Hyukjae holds him tighter still.

Some of them don’t fit a mold. The Bunker is too quiet without Donghee’s laughter, a sound that hasn’t been heard for far too long. Guilt seems to have driven him away from the others no matter how much they insist he couldn’t have known his plan wouldn’t work. And Sungmin, the only other member present during the warehouse explosion, is quite obviously using his nursing of Heechul to compensate for his own survivor’s guilt. The two members are on opposite sides of the same coin. But Hyukjae has watched them, and he has a feeling they only need time to recover.

The same can’t be said for the remaining three members. Heechul’s situation is clear enough ━ Hyukjae will never be able to forget the moment he picked the lock into the Strategist’s room and saw him on his way to joining those they’d lost. Jungsoo and Youngwoon aren’t much better, retreating from the others to be consumed by their own self-condemnation.

It sounds terrible when Hyukjae thinks it, but it’s the truth: the Resistance doesn’t have a leader. Jungsoo will have to actually leave his office for more than five minutes at a time to fill the shoes of his position. If he doesn’t come around...the Resistance will just have to do what they’ve always done: soldier on.

Then there’s Hyukjae himself, stuck in a strange negative space between wanting to grieve with the other members so he can move on, and at the same time believing he doesn’t deserve to mourn. He could point to so many members and say ‘of course they were close with Kibum,’ ‘of course they were close with Han Geng.’ But what about him?

He has a horrible feeling that his own grief stems more from the fact that a member who was gone had been around nearly as long as he had, that after all this time even he himself wasn’t invincible, than actual friendship. He should have taken the time to get close to the others while they were still here instead of taking them for granted.

Unless that’s misplaced guilt, and he’s letting himself turn into Jungsoo. Hyukjae doesn’t know what to think anymore.

But even in the midst of the chaos, Hyukjae does know one thing: they’re never going to move forward if they can’t come together. All of them, even the members who’ve resorted to isolation, need to help each other stitch their torn bonds back together.

It’s not too difficult to get most of the members on board with the idea. One mention to Siwon of a time for the group to talk to each other, and in no time he’s organizing a support circle for the members, convincing most of them with a line or two of honeyed persuasion. Of course, some take more work, but hearing the same suggestion from that many members did wonders (along with Hyukjae’s sincere but firm insistence to Jungsoo that he had better start acting like a leader again).

Heechul is the last piece, their keystone. Hyukjae is close to giving up on including him until Donghae makes him realize the Strategist might just be the most important one there.

“In some ways, Heechul is like the emotional anchor of the group,” Donghae tells him. “Think about it. His temper flares up, he’ll snap at any of us for the smallest things, but he never lets it show when things really get to him. The other members pick up on that, even if it’s on a subconscious level. He has to show he’s making it through this, so they know they can make it, too.”

That eye-opening insight is what drives Hyukjae to push through with helping Heechul recover, though he doesn’t have to do it alone ━ Heechul’s current caretaker is more than willing to help. Sungmin keeps Hyukjae updated on the Strategist’s progress, until the time comes when Heechul might finally be ready to let someone else in.

Hyukjae doesn’t know the entire situation ━Sungmin still respects the other man’s privacy━ but he knows he’s needed to sit with Heechul while Sungmin makes a trip outside of the Bunker. He doesn’t take the time to push the idea of the circle; they sit in a comfortable silence broken only by the occasional short exchange, mostly initiated by Hyukjae. He’s taken the first step: get close.

The second step is what he takes today, in a conversation with Heechul that’s not entirely fair. He has, after all, brought his secret weapon, one of the few weaknesses he and Heechul have in common: Lee Donghae. Heechul lasts about a minute before he cracks, returning Donghae’s resulting hug with a few unsure pats.

“But you can’t make me talk,” he tells the two of them.  “I don’t want everyone...I don’t think I can.”

“No one will make you talk,” Hyukjae promises. “You have my word.”

(The promise he doesn’t tell Heechul about is what he has Siwon agree to beforehand: to keep it a support circle, not a prayer one. He’s free to preach in his other meetings, but this has to be a safe space for everyone.)

They gather in the main room that evening on the floor, lights dimmed and sitting in a circle that Hyukjae would laugh at in any other circumstance for taking its purpose so literally.

“I only have one thing to say before we begin,” Siwon opens their talk with. “Nothing that’s said here tonight can be brought up again outside of the circle unless that person wants it to be. No one has to be ashamed of anything they choose to share.”

There’s no other group of people Hyukjae would trust to keep that unwritten contract.

Another promise is kept that night: Heechul joins the circle just as they begin. The nervous tapping of the Strategist’s fingers and darting eyes don’t escape Hyukjae’s attention, symptoms he’s sure stem from trying to hold it together while under the scrutiny of more people than Heechul has been around for weeks.

Donghae is pressed against Hyukjae’s side, but the latter’s free hand stays just next to Heechul’s out of eyeshot of the others. Sungmin keeps an eye on him from his other side. They both know how much Heechul hates being pitied, but there’s a big difference between that and making it clear that they’re here to support him.

No one pushes Heechul to speak. He remains silent as everyone opens up about what they’ve been personally going through. But when it’s all said and done, when the members finally start to disperse, he turns to Hyukjae and gives him a quiet “thank you” that tells Hyukjae he’s made the right decision.

It’s not Hyukjae’s last decision of the night, either. That distinction goes to the next words that he tells the Strategist after seeing three back-to-back glances at Jungsoo’s retreating form.

“Go talk to him.” It gains him a leveled look from Heechul, so Hyukjae continues. “If you don’t do it now, when are you ever going to?”

Heechul holds his gaze for a few more moments before giving in with a resigned “You’re right.” He gives Hyukjae a nod, who can see the other man is thankful even if he doesn’t say it out loud, and heads in Jungsoo’s direction ━ steps that are hopefully his first ones on the road to recovery.

It’s still too empty here in the Bunker, but Hyukjae is starting to think that maybe, just maybe, the Resistance can make it through this.

~*~

“I won’t go into detail about what we said. The rules of that night still stand. But it was good for all of us; at the very least, we were talking to each other again.” Hyukjae turns to Heechul. “Did I do it justice?”

Heechul shoots him a grateful look, thanking him in a quick mutter before he takes back over. He can’t help but feel embarrassed at the weakness he’d shown while telling the last few parts of the story, at how he’d allowed his emotions to overwhelm him. If he has his way, that won’t happen again; he grips Han Geng’s hand like a lifeline as he begins.

“Jungsoo and I didn’t fix all of our problems that day. I was done trying to blame him for what happened, but he wasn’t. It wasn’t until after Kyuhyun joined that we were really okay again. Still, we reached some sort of mutual understanding to keep the Resistance afloat. Having its two founders not speaking to each other wasn’t doing it any good.”

He feels Jungsoo’s hand on his shoulder, takes a second to meet the other man’s eyes, and that’s when he’s hit with a sudden realization: the look in Jungsoo’s eyes, the look in everyone’s eyes, isn’t pity. They’re in pain, too, reliving these memories, and the sadness in their gazes is sympathy for what they know Heechul is feeling, too. They don’t think he’s weak.

“The worst is over, I promise,” he continues. “We’re almost to the end. But there’s one more thing I have to add before we’re done…”

~*~

August 3rd, 2018

Two days later, Heechul wakes up and feels...resigned. It still hurts to think about him, but he feels like this is the beginning of coping with the loss.

He grabs on to the feeling while it lasts, making the split-second decision to visit the memorial he’d refused to see before. He asks Donghee to go with him, but not because he wants an audience; he just hates the thought of having to take the walk alone. Donghee must understand, because even without being asked, he stands at a distance while Heechul says his goodbyes.

Heechul wonders for a moment how it had been at the funeral, if the other members had broken down while saying their own farewells. The thought is shut down quickly when he realizes how much it hurts to think of that happening to any of them. There’s enough misery these days without his imagination making it worse.

He kneels in front of the memorial before he starts to speak. It’s not that he’s worried about Donghee overhearing from that far away, but this moment...it’s something private, something he feels the need to say quietly.

“Hey, Geng,” Heechul finally says. “I’ve been a pretty ty friend, haven’t I? Not coming the other day when I should have been the first to volunteer, leaving you behind in the first place.”

A smile briefly flashes on his face. “You’d probably yell at me for saying that if you could. You wouldn’t shut up about it until I admitted it wasn’t my fault. And maybe it wasn’t, but you do realize I’m never going to be able to entirely forgive myself, don’t you? I’m stubborn like that.”

The joke tastes like ashes in Heechul’s mouth. What is he doing, talking to a gravestone like the other man is going to hear him? Why had he followed through with this horrible idea when it can’t make up for how badly he wants to see Han Geng’s smile again, see his eyes curve into crescents when he laughs, just hold him one more time? Heechul bows his head as he digs his fingers into flesh, keeping himself grounded.

“I just…” He takes a deep breath before he can continue. “I miss you like hell. I know you wanted me to keep living after you were gone ━ that’s what you told me at the warehouse, and trust me when I say that I can’t forget a single detail of that day even when I try. So that’s what I’m going to do: keep living.”

“But damn it, Geng,” he continues, voice dropping to just more than a whisper. “I’m not going to forget you, got it? I owe you that much. Even if every single member of the Resistance forgets what you did for us, I’m still going to be here thinking about you. Because I lo…”

The word dies at his lips, and Heechul is disappointed but unsurprised.

“I guess I can’t say it even now,” he says bitterly. “But I’m sure you know how I feel. Knew. This past tense thing is...really going to take some getting used to.”

There’s nothing left for Heechul to say. But he knows that the moment he leaves, the spell will be broken. The thinly-veiled illusion of being able to communicate his final goodbye will cease. So he closes his eyes and sits perfectly still, and for once he hopes any part of Siwon’s spiritual mumbo-jumbo means something. He wants to feel the whisper of a breeze, hear the ghost of a familiar laugh, anything, and know that Han Geng’s presence is here with him.

He waits. The sun beats down on barren wasteland, Donghee takes one step toward him before moving back, and the world is silent.

There’s nothing.

A weary sigh escapes his lips, and he shifts his gaze to the second name on the gravestone, finding his voice again.

“I promise no one will forget you either, Kibum. I just needed time to...Hell, I’m sure you’d understand. You were always too good at reading people.”

One more moment of silence and Heechul is back on his feet. He’s had his time with the dead; now it’s time to return to the folds of the living.

(And stay there, a voice in his head chides him, one that sounds achingly familiar. You deserve more than to just slowly let yourself fade away.)

(You worry too much. I’ll be...fine. Just give me some time.)

Heechul turns away with a wordless goodbye, walking back to where Donghee is standing. The other man gives him a pat on the back but otherwise remains silent, knowing that nothing he says will really be enough ━ another name on the list of people Heechul will forever be in debt to.

The Resistance members are really something else, aren’t they? They’re already getting back on their feet, already preparing to march unflinchingly toward their original goal.

And Heechul...Heechul is ready to give the Capital hell.

~*~

March 6th, 2019 (The Present)

There’s a lightness surrounding Heechul now, a feeling as if a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. Every shame and secret, every regret and sorrow that he’s given up for the sake of the story seems to have lost its hold on him. They have no power when he’s chosen not to bear the burden alone. Kyuhyun’s seemingly offhand suggestion may have been one of the best things to happen to him.

Not that Heechul will ever admit that to his face ━ he’s got a big enough head as it is.

“So that’s when I finally joined everyone else in moving on,” he says to the others. “Compared to most of you, I did a job of it, but at least I didn’t have to do it on my own.”

He pauses to look around the room, taking in the silent camaraderie that connects them together. “Some things never change, do they? You’re all still the same insufferable misfits I met when you joined, and somehow still likeable even after these years.”

“Wrap up the story, Heechul,” Youngwoon tells him with poorly-acted impatience. “This soft-hearted stuff really doesn’t fit your image.”

“You try telling an entire two-year saga and not getting a little sentimental near the end, you bastard!” Heechul snaps back on instinct, but he’s grateful in a way for the lead-in.

“Like I was saying, we started to move on. There wasn’t a way to fill the two empty spots, but we still had a mission to complete ━ we weren’t going to let one failure be the end of an effort years in the making. So we kept fighting. Nothing even close to the scale of that day in the Capital, but it still let us make a difference while Donghee got us ready with a new plan, one that didn’t repeat our previous mistakes.

“Just to be clear, not everything was sunshine and rainbows. There were still those few of us who couldn’t let our guilt go, hurting in our own ways. I’m sure I don’t have to name names. That kind of thing just took time.”

Heechul exchanges a look with Han Geng, short but meaningful. Which is why I can’t even express how grateful I am that you came back to me.

No one seems to know how to break the silence that falls over the room, until Jungsoo takes the responsibility.

“Thank you, Heechul,” he says to the other man. “That also goes for everyone who helped tell the story, and Kyuhyun for suggesting it. It was good for all of us to hear.”

Hyukjae nods in agreement. “It’s good to remember our roots considering what’s been━”

“We don’t know if there’s anything to worry about yet,” Jungsoo interrupts. “That’s a story for another time.”

“You know…” Donghee glances out the window in consideration. “Even with how long this got, the night is still young, and I think we could all use a little pick-me-up. Drinks on me?”

The hearty cheers of agreement from the rest of the members are answer enough.

“Wait.” Kyuhyun’s voice cuts through the ruckus, drawing attention his way. “I know we’ve already said this, but since I’m the one who asked, I have to say it myself: thank you. Thank you for trusting me with━”

“Aren’t you forgetting something, Kyuhyun?” Heechul asks, cutting him off. “I never said the story was finished.”

Jongwoon catches on to Heechul’s game immediately. “On September 29th of that same year, Shadow Squad went to intercept a Drone raid in an unnamed Cluster.”

“It didn’t go as planned,” Hyukjae adds with a wry smile. “The Drones got there earlier than expected, and all we ended up with was a handful of rescued Outsiders and some brat who managed to both call my skills into question and convince the others he was Resistance material.”

Donghae looks at Kyuhyun fondly. “And as luck would have it, he ended up agreeing to join. The Resistance gained its last missing piece.”

Thirteen sets of eyes turn to their narrator, sharing an unspoken understanding that he will be the one to close the book.

“And the rest,” Heechul says, feeling the sweet finality of it all coming full circle, “is history.”

~END~

A/N: And at last, it's finished! It's been nearly a year since I starting posting, and I definitely wasn't quite as reliable as I'd hoped in keeping up with a schedule, but it was a fun experiment to post while I was still writing...just something I probably won't be doing again. ;)

I'm studying abroad this summer, so I won't be here to post more for the next few months, but I do have one more one-shot unrelated to the "Immortals" universe to post before I go (next weekend, if you want to keep an eye out for it!), and then after that...? Who knows, maybe that touch of foreshadowing near the end of this chapter (along with the 3 different versions of a 10+ page outline sitting on my computer what) will turn into something, but before that I've got a lot of projects hopefully coming your way soon.

Last but not least, thank you to everyone reading! Sorry to have left you with two big gaps in updating, but hopefully I haven't lost all of you^^ Logging in and getting to see those new subscriber & new comment notifications always makes my day - definitely feel free to leave your thoughts on the story before you go! Hope you all have an amazing summer, and hopefully we'll meet again~