The sky wept rain but Seungyoon kept his stance simply staring out the vast blue sea until the small island of Imja slowly came into view. He had set foot on the same island two years ago when Jinwoo dragged him and begged him to at least see the place he grew up in and say 'hello' to his father. He remembered Jimwoo's father as a quiet man. He was scared out of his wits but Jinwoo was always there so he survived. He was always there.

The island was beautiful and quiet. It was not a wonder why Jinwoo was just as wonderful as a person too. He felt his heart constrict, maybe because of guilt or longing or maybe something more. He missed him him. He wanted to feel his hands running against his back and slowly tracing each curve. He missed the way Jinwoo would wake him up with butterfly kisses and soft giggles. He was annoyed by those during mornings then but now he wanted it all back. He was afraid. Afraid that when he gets off from this ship, he would no longer be there. Jinwoo could have gone back to Seoul and moved on. He was afraid that if he ever sees him again, the elder would never look at him. He was scared that he left and moved on because he came too late. He was always late and he wanted to beat himself up for it. He was always late for their dinners and anniversaries. But Jinwoo always waited, and he was nothing but a jerk to him. He was wasting time and that was what he had been doing for the past month. Drinking his life away in misery and guilt. And it took him one phone call to finally wake up. A phone call that lasted for five seconds but shook the life out of him. Wake up and run towards him. His sanity shouted. Because he was a bastard in-love with him and he was afraid of losing him completely.

A Day Ago

Seungyoon walked his way towards the cafe he and Jinwoo frequented when they were both either too busy or too lazy to make breakfast. Or maybe they both liked it there because of the distinct aroma of brewed coffee and amazing taste of strawberry jam on their toasts. He failed to notice this little thing, up until he woke up the next day and Jinwoo would smile and talk to him about his day and he would carelessly listen. He would notice how Jinwoo would casually spread his jam for him and hand him his coffee first. He never even said thank you . He was so used to it and he was a fool to deny that he misses every bit of it. And when he sat on the chair they always sat on, his heart felt so many different things all at once. Jinwoo isn't there to tell him stories of people he wants to meet and places he wants to go to with him And as the waitress came by and asked if he would like their usual, his eyes started to mist. It was morning and every crevice of his mind was filled with Jinwoo. He ate his breakfast silently, thoughts drifting specifically to an island. He had been trying to find the courage to just run to him and beg for forgiveness just to have him back. But he knew, he goddamn knew, that Jinwoo was hurting because of him. And walking back in his life again would make him more heartless. Each time he recalls the words thrown to him by the elder, he would cower in fear. Seungyoon mindlessly drank his coffee. It tasted a little more bitter today...just like his heart.

Seungyoon reached for his phone in his pocket and dialed the same number he has been trying to reach for a month now. It would automatically go straight into voicemail and then it suddenly stopped receiving because Jinwoo's voicemail was full. But he never stopped calling. There was a part of him that hoped that Jinwoo would still forgive him, talk to him, love him again. He knew he had to be the one to run after him. He made so many mistakes and he wanted to right them. But he must be a really bad person, because he never made an effort and focused on drinking his life away. He had no excuses to offer, just that he was miserable and broken without Jinwoo beside him. He felt so much pain seeing his life walk away from him and he was too late in realizing that he was the sole reason why he walked away in the fist place. He listened to Jinwoo's soft voice telling him to leave a message. He closed his eyes and waited for the beep.

"Jinwoo..hyung .." his voice breaking, "I hope you're doing fine. You're okaaaaay right? I wanna go to where you are but I don't know how. I'm a coward right? And I always made you cry. Happy anniversary. I... I...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you. I love you so much." A beep was heard and Seungyoon felt tears streaming down his face. It was their anniversary today and he wanted to give him flowers or something worth it because he had never given Jinwoo anything but pain.

He closed his eyes to at least ease the ache now ravaging his heart. Doing just that has become a habit for him for the past month. He would close his eyes and think of Jinwoo smiling and calling his name, convincing himself that he was not gone. But with every memory of a smiling Jinwoo, he would see himself not returning any affection and he would despise himself even more.

His trance was disturbed by a sudden ring from his phone. Seungyoon's heart quickened when he saw Jinwoo's name on the caller ID, he took a deep breath and answered it.

"Hyung .." Seungyoon uttered with longing and despair.

"Seungyoon-ah .." Jinwoo said almost a whisper. "I'm letting you go."

And after that, the line went dead.

Six months ago

The sun was rising and Seungyoon sat lazily on the balcony watching the view with contentment. It was Jinwoo who wanted to see the sunrise and yet he was still sleeping soundly in their bedroom. It was Jinwoo's birthday and he requested to go on a trip with him. Seungyoon disagreed at first but the Jinwoo was relentless, it was a week earlier when he finally gave in. Just a three day trip, he said to himself. They would go back after and everything would be as it used to be.

Seungyoon felt soft hands gently caress the top of his head. A smile automatically graced his face. The familiar sensation seeping right through him.

"You awake?" He asked, eyes still on the view in front of him.

"Hmmmn. Why didn't you wake me up? I wanted to see the sunrise too." Jinwoo replied, settling beside Seungyoon, only to be pulled into a hug with the younger's head cuddling the crook of his neck. Jinwoo giggled at the contact.

"You were sleeping so soundly, I couldn't;t bear to wake you up. Besides we can see it tomorrow." Seungyoon then locked their fingers and Jinwoo's lips stretched into a beatific smile.

"I like it when you're like this." Jinwoo sighed contentedly.

"Like what?" Seungyoon asked.

"Mine. No one else's but mine." Jinwoo stared at the morning sky and started humming a soft tune.

Seungyoon never countered nor reacted on Jinwoo's words. And they both knew why. It was always a talk that they were both afraid to venture in. Because he was guilty and Jinwoo was terrified that if he pushed for more, he would lose him. Seungyoon knew he was in the wrong but he never stopped himself and Jinwoo never stopped him too.

"Seungyoon-ah." Seungyoon hummed in response, giving Jinwoo little kisses on his shoulder.

"Can you promise me one thing?" Jinwoo whispered, just enough for Seungyoon to hear. The kisses were stopped and for some unknown reason Seungyoon felt a tight knot form in his stomach. Jinwoo never really spoke to him like this, and the last time he did, Jinwoo asked him to see his father. A solemn expression was painted on Jinwo