2012 Dec 31^st.

    The street that was usually busy with traffic and pedestrians was empty except for a few straggling taxi cars. Even the rain, that was slowly and quietly falling, realized that if on New Year's Eve you weren't already where you wanted to be, then there wasn't a point in rushing.

    At least, that was how Yebinna felt as she stood underneath a GS25 covering and looked up at the sky. Her appa used to joke that even from day one, she liked to take her time. She was born on New Years day, while her twin brother was born on December 31^st. Yebinna-time, he liked to call it. If only he knew how true that was when he told that to the news lady.

    In a few minutes she was going to turn 25, and with that age came so much expectations. Most people her age were getting married, having children, or better yet doing the job they love. That's what her mother continuously lecture her about, she hadn't made up her mind yet if she believe her mother.

    People used to tell her, “You're so young and naive Yebinna,” and now in the last few weeks it has been more like, “You're not getting any younger, when are you going to get your life together?”

    Unfortunately, she didn't have an answer for that. Yebinna wrote the number 25 into the fogging window. She sighed and wiped it. In the spot where she cleaned, she saw her reflection in the window.

    Her hair was coming out of her hairband. A couple of days ago, she got her hair cut on a whim. She instantly regretted the decision, and now was trying to hide the fact that it was short with a hairband. Her shirt had a stain on it, and she smelled like grilled meat and motor exhaust. They say that someone's appearance say a lot about a person, so what did her appearance say about her?

    She leaned closer and realized that she had a wrinkle on her forehead. Oh god, she thought, I'm turning into a screw up and an ahjumma. She kepted leaning closer to get a better look until her forehead bumped into the window pane.

    “Ow,” she said rubbing her forehead. She was such an idiot. Rubbing her forehead, she walked toward the GS25 entrance and walked inside. She headed toward the drink aisle and grabbed a can of apple cider, before returning to the front refrigerator for ice cream.

    At the front counter, there was a tv mounted to the wall. The anchorwoman was going through the highlights of the year. A video of a young man walking through a camera filled crowd flashed on the screen. Before the anchorwoman could say more the ahjussi behind the counter noticed Yebinna and muted the sound.

    The ahjussi rang up the items and said, “3900 won.”

    Yebin handed him 4000 won and said, “Keep the change.”

    “Thank you and have a happy new year,” the ahjussi said before turning on the tv sound back on.  

    Yebin walked toward the counter at the window. She opened the can of apple cider, and t a nice gulp just before her phone rang.

    Yebinna yawned into the phone, “Hello?”

    “You're late,” Junna, her unni said, her disapproving tone oozed through the phone.

    “Late for what?”

    “Yebinna you have got to be first person in the history to be late for her own surprise birthday party."

    Yebinna laughed, "That's cause dear unni, if it's my surprise birthday party, therefore I can't be late."

    Unni sighed, “You have 30 minutes before the New Year, get here before then.” She hung up the phone. Yebinna put her phone in her jacket pocket before chugging the last of her drink and eating her ice cream. She got up to thow them away, then headed out.

    Yebinna didn't really understand why her unni wanted to throw her a surprise birthday party. She haven't been a child in forever. In fact, she couldn't remember the last time she celebrated her birthday in the traditional sense. Actually she did remember, but she didn't want to think about it. She hated making a big deal out of birthday. She liked spending her birthday drinking with friends. Was that so much to ask for?

 

    Twenty minutes later, Yebinna walked into her Omma's apartment.

    “Surprise,” everyone said.

    “Oh my god,” Yebinna said faking a smile, but she wasn't doing a good enough job as her Omma pointed toward her own lips and smiled wider. Oh god, Yebinna thought, if she had to smile that wide her face would break.

    Everyone started to sing the birthday song. Suddenly in that moment everything slowed down for Yebinna. She saw unni shove the cake into her face, wanting her to blow out the candles. Everyone was staring at her, and in that moment she couldn't breathe. But Yebinna forced herself to take a deep breath and smile, before blowing out the candles.She didn't have to think too hard about her wish, she always wished for the same thing. 

    Everyone clapped, and Yebinna was struck out of her mood. Unni took the cake to the kitchen, while Omma walked toward her.

    “Happy new year Omma.” she said.

    “Happy new year and birthday my little Yebinna,” Omma said cupping Yebinna's cheeks, “My little Yebinna so young,” but then she frowned, “... but so old now.”

    Yebinna groaned, “Omma.”

    Omma smiled at her, “They make a cute couple don't they?” She was looking toward the kitchen where unni and her boyfriend were standing together with their backs turned toward them. They were cutting the cake.

   Yebinna turned away, “Sure. Anyway, I gotta go.” Omma nodded still watching the two.

   Yebinna walked toward her group of friends who were standing near the window.

    Eunji and Michele gave her a hug. “Happy birthday” they said handing her two boxes.

    “Thanks guys,” she said opening the first box, then the next. Eunji gave her a red scarf, and Michele gave her a glove.

    “One step closer to that motorbike, right?” Eunji said.

    “Yes,” Yebinna said.

    “You dropped Hoon off at the train station okay?”

    “Yeah, he's excited to see his grandma.”

    “Less talk about your boyfriend,” Gyeong interrupted, “my time.” He set a bright pink hat on her head, and said, “Happy birthday dong-sang.” Before Yebinna could react, Omma walked by and said, “Oh don't you look cute.”

    Yebinna gave her brother a look. He shrugged innocently.

    “Everyone,” Omma said, “Let's take a group picture, Junna,Taecyeon , come over here.”

 

2003, Seoul High School

    Water splashed onto Yebinna's face. She sputtered and sat up. Fortunately she was in her gym uniform, but she was still angry. She turned toward the person responsibled and realized that it was her brother and his friends.

    “Oppa you jerk!” She ran toward the water fountain and grabbed another bucket, filled it with water, and ran toward her brother and his friends. She was only able to wet his shoes, before someone blew a whistle, and they froze, while his friends fled.

    They both groaned. Unni walked toward them and said, “Detention now.”

    They walked toward the wall, and squat down with their hands on their head.

    “This is your fault,” Yebinna said.

    “You shouldn't have been sleeping on the job.”

    “I wasn't sleeping, I was waiting for someone.”

    “Don't tell me it's that Choi Gun again.” Gyeong made a face.

    “So what if it was?"

    “Oh nothing,” Gyeong said shrugging, “You know he only like smart girls.”

    Yebinna smacked him on the shoulders, “Hey. Unni she hit me!”

    Junna, who was monitoring the students doing laps, sighed heavily before walking toward them, “Who's going to keep an eye on you two when I graduate next year?”

    “No one, we'll finally be free of you,” Yebinna said smiling, “No more, 'your sister can do it why can't you?' Haven't the teachers realized by now that I'm obviously adopted.”

    “If you're adopted then how are we blood related?” Gyeong said mockingly.

    “Oh you're adopted too,” Yebinna said patting him on the head, “Sorry to be the one to break it to you.”

    Gyeong grunted and pushed her hand off his head.

    “Okay you two, I'm making you run 10 laps instead.”

    They groaned again.

    “I cannot wait until we get older, and she can't tell us what to do anymore,” Yebinna said.

 

January 2014

    Yebinna felt dead. She was so hungover at the moment. She slumped on the floor and laid her head on the low table. She cupped the coffee warming her hands. Uuuum warm, she thought.

    With her eyes still closed she propped her head up by her arms.

    “Why an egg?” Shin Seong-il said.

    She opened her eyes. He had his back toward her. He was learning over the egg carton inspecting the egg.

    “Oi,” she said, “You've been spouting nothing but questions for the past few days. Why don't you give me something that makes sense.”

    He turned toward her with a serious look, “No,” then he smiled mischievously, “yes?” He placed a plate of bacon and eggs on the table and sat down across from her.

    Yebinna scrunched up her face, and took a sip of the coffee before handing it to him.

    He looked down the cup, where Yebinna had taken a sip, and set the cup down on the table, “You look horrible. Had a fun New Year?”

    “Something like that,” she grumbled, “I came home at 5.”

    “It's 9 now.”

    “Don't remind me,” she said snuggling into her arms which she was using as her pillow.

    “Michele's taking the break up hard?”

    “The opposite,” She said yawning and sitting up, “She's loving it. That's why we were up so late.”

    “Breakfast?”

    “Yes please,” she said, just as her stomach heaved. “Actually I'll just take the coffee.” She reached over the table and took the cup of coffee back from his side of the table.

    “So,” he said, “What's your new year's resolution?”

    “Me, I don't know. Right now, I'm seriously thinking about not drinking anymore.”

 

February 2013

    “Waaaaa” Yebinna said gently hitting her head with her fist. She was sitting in a tent with Tiffany, Eunji and Gyeong, “Why am I so stupid?”

    “First job that you managed to keep for a year, and you had to tell your boss that you quit?” Gyeong said annoyed.

    “I know," Yebinna said turning toward him, " do you think that he'll take me back if I beg on my knees?”

    “Maybe, but he'll loose respect for you, and you're end up exactly where you are now,” Michele said.

    “Besides,” Eunji interrupted, “That's not the point. You did this base on principle remember. Not money.”

    “But money,” Yebinna said lamely, looking at her wallet, which only contained a few torn 1000 wons left in it. Even her remaining money looked pathetic.

    “Don't think that way,” Eunji said setting her wallet down, “Remember you can't work for an egotistic ist boss who take advantage of your work. Think of it as starting a new leaf in your life.”

    “Right, right.” Yebinna said sniffing, “I gotta pull myself together.”

 

March 2013

    “Where's Omma?” Yebinna asked coming into Omma's apartment. She set the pail of kimchi on the floor in front of her and began to take off her shoes.

    “Not here,” Gyeong answered in a monotone not even bothering to look up from the t.v.

    “I can see that,” She said mushing his hair as she headed toward the kitchen.

    He moved his hand to fix his hair, and gave her a face, “Something about restaurant and celebration.”

    “Celebration?” She said setting the pail on the counter. Then she poured herself a glass of water, “Celebration of what?”

    Gyeong didn't say anything until Yebinna was a few feet from the couch, “Unni's engagement.”

    She paused, the words sank in. Her legs felt weak, she held onto the couch and settled in. She faintly said, “Oh.” Of course, it was bound to happen. But she had hoped...she had hoped. 

    Gyeong turned away from the tv screen and observed her for a few seconds. Then he reached over and gave her one pat on the shoulder.

    Yebinna jumped a little. She forgot that he was there.

    She smiled and yawn loudly, “I'm so tired.”

    No one said anything for a few second then he said, “Dried squid?” he turned the bag toward her.

    “Just a little bit.”

    She ripped off a piece and put it inside slowly chewing on the meat.With each crunch of the meat she told herself she was okay. She was okay. “Why are you here?”

    He shrugged, “I was hungry.”

    “There's food at your place.”

    He gave her an annoyed look, “Have you been to my place? There's no food there.” He turned back to look at the tv, and said in a far away voice, “Just a loooot of ramen.”

    “Why do you have so much ramen?”

    “Not me, one of my roommate works for a ramen company. At first it was awesome. But now, I have nightmares about eating ramen for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and desert.” He shuddered.

    Yebinna chuckled, “Well since Omma isn't here. I'm gonna leave. I just came to drop off Auntie's kimchi.”

    “Yeah sure. Oh and another thing. Your boyfriend's been calling me. He wants me to tell you that he's sorry.”

    “Really?” She said, “I guess I need to give him a call.”

    “Please do, with all the contact that I had with him in the past week, I was starting to feel like his girlfriend.”

 

April 2013

   Yebinna was sitting in a grilling tent. Michele, Eunji and Gyeong was observing her, as she said, “We broke up.”

    “Don't worry. There are plenty of fish in the sea, ” Michele said.

    “Oh my god, I'm so sorry,” Eun ji said.

    “Aissh, idiot,” Gyeong said mushing up her hair. She pushed his hand away and stuck her tongue out at him.

    “Who were you referring to as the idiot?” Eunji asked tentatively.

    “Both of them,” Gyeong said picking up a pig intestine and stuffing it into his mouth, “Her for being too lazy to break up with him til now. And him for putting up with her. Idiots!”

    “You don't have to put it that way,” Yebinna said stuffing full. She was hungry. It had been a long day.

    “Close your mouth!” He commanded.

    “Close your own!” she replied.

    “Kids calm down,” Michele said putting her hands up blocking both of them. She turned toward Gyeong, “Besides can you even call what they had a relationship? It was kinda sad and pathetic. You guys only met what? Once a week?”

    “Once a month actually,” Yebinna reluctantly said.

    “Idiot,” this time both Michele and Gyeong said it.

    Yebinna humphed, but she knew they were right. Worse, she knew why she kept him around. She said instead, “I was a bad girlfriend. And he was such a nice guy. It was wrong of me to take advantage of him.”

    Michele said, “That's why you don't settle.”

    “What?! No, he wasn't a 'settle guy'.”

    Gyeong chuckled, “Remember that time he brought you a huge teddy bear?”

    “It was ridiculously big and ugly. But it was kinda cute, if you squinted,” Yebinna said.

    “But it worked since you agreed to his date,” Eunji chimed in.

    Yebinna sighed and said, “Poor settle-guy-Hoon.”

    Gyeong leaned over, “So what brought on this change? I swear you were going to string him along until eternity."

    Yebinna sighed again, because she could see last night so clearly in her head. Him kneeling on his knees, opening that box (his grandmother's ring), saying something romantic which she didn't hear due to the rush of noise in her ears. She sighed and said miserably, “He asked me to marry him.”

    “WHAT!” all three say in unison.

    “Man that guy got some balls to be able to ask you that. So what did you say?” Gyeong asked.

    “Aisssh,” Yebinna said hitting his head, “we broke up so what did you think I said?!”

    “Well at least you have the good sense to let him off. Like I always says it's better to let him down now then to marry him then divorce him,” Michele said patting Yebinna's hand.

    “Yeah,” Yebinna said taking another gulp of the soju, "Yup."

 

February 2014:

    “When do you get over a first love?” Yebinna asked as she was sitting at the low table waiting for Shin Seong-il to finish cooking breakfast.

    “And who exactly are we talking about here?”

    “Oh just generally speaking,” she said pretending to be absorbed by the lint on her sweater.

    “Um first love,” he said mulling it over before walking over and setting the plate down. He placed his hands flat on the table and leaned in, his expression serious as if he was preparing to say something important and said, “I don't know.”

   Yebinna scoffed at him.

    He smiled, “What? Am I suppose to have all the answers?”

    “I give you too much credit.”

    “Half of my credibility comes from my good looks.” He was stoking his stubble chin. His curly hair covered the top half of his face. He reminded her of a bearded collie – a homeless bearded collie.

    “Right,” Yebinna said, taking a few bite of her breakfast before asking, “So tell me about your first love.”

    “Don't you want to talk about something less depressing?”

    “So your first love's depressing?”

    “No, it was the exact opposite.”

    “Really?”

    “She was a young naive girl,” he leaned on his arm, “ who didn't have any friends.” Yebinna nodded her head prompting him to continue. “She lived with her step mother, who had two daughters. I only met her during a dance. But it was wonderful. When I first saw her, I knew she was the one. It was fate. But then she had to leave. Now the only thing I have left to remind me of that magical night is... a glass slipper.”

    Yebinna shoot him a face and said in a monotone,“You could have just said you don't want to talk about it. ”

    He burst out laughing, “Eat your breakfast. I don't have an answer for you today. Here you can even have the coffee with my permission.”

   “Really? Thanks Oppa.”

 

March 2014 :

    Yebinna was sitting alone in a drinking tent, a shot glass filled with soju in her hand. Outside the setting sunlight filtered through the door. Everyone in the tent was secretly taking looks at her – the strange girl in a hanbok – but she ignored them.

    Flashes of Unni smiling saying, “I'm so happy,” went through her head. Then she thought about her friends if they knew. Tiffany would just get angry on her behalf. Eun ji would cry on her behalf. Poor Gyeong was already stuck between a rock and a hard place.

    Yebinna vaguely noticed someone taking a seat next to her. He set his bag of tangerines on the table. She noticed that he was clean shaven, and he was dressed in a clean business shirt and khakis.

    He studied her without saying anything for a moment. Then he gently wipe a tear from her cheek.

    She pulled away, and touch her own cheek. She wiped away the tears on her finger. She turned away from him. He didn't say anything for a moment.

    Then all he said was, “I'm here.”

    A rush of emotions hit her. She turned toward him and started bawling into his shoulder. She allowed herself to whisper, “Please. Just let me cry for one night. Then I'll get over him. I'll let him go, I promise.”

 

January 2013

    “Everyone,” Omma said, “Let's take a group picture, Junna, Taecyeon, come over here.”

    Everyone started shuffling away from the window and kitchen, and squeezed themselves toward one side of the wall. Yebinna found herself standing next to Taecyeon. “Happy brithday Yebinna,” he said to her. Yebinna stared up at him, her heart stopped. And she was going to reply, but he was already being reshuffled farther toward the side. Eunji and Michele were on both sides of her then. Yebinna looked down and said softly to herself, “Thank you.”

    “Say 2013” Omma said.

    “2013!”

    Omma looked at the tv and said, “Quick everyone!” She motioned for everyone to crowd around the tv. She passed around shots of soju.

    “5...4...3...2...1!” They cheered and down the shots.

   And just like that Yebinna's 2012 came to an end and 2013 began. But the thing was that every year since she could remember, the new year always meant a new beginning for her. This year she felt like she was walking toward a cliff with her eyes closed, and any moment she was going to walk right off and into the sea below.