It was after midnight and I was still up, staring blankly at the ceiling. I haven't been able to sleep lately, not since he left us. Not since he left me.

Almost two weeks ago, Luhan told us he was quitting Exo. He'd talked to us about it beforehand since he was getting sick a lot and couldn't sleep, but I'd never thought he'd leave that soon. Seeing him off at the airport was the hardest part. Watching that plane made it feel like a stack of bricks was settling in my gut. It made everything more real, made the realization that he was truly leaving, had already left, all the more clear.

Luhan was the person I was closest to in Exo. We all had that person: Kai had Kyungsoo, Chanyeol had Baekhyun, Lay had Suho, and Chen had Xiumin. Tao had Kris, but he left. Just like I had Luhan, but now he's gone too.

Luhan was the one person who understood me best. He knew when I was sad, angry, happy. He even knew when I was lying. Luhan was able to look beyond the blank face I always wore and see the real me. So when he left, I shut myself inside my room. I still went to practices and ate my meals but, other than that, I stayed underneath my covers, not wanting to face reality without my best friend by my side.

The only people I talked to anymore were Suho and Kai: Suho because he was my roomate and Kai because he was the second closest friend I had here.

He was also the one I secretly liked.

Nobody probably ever realized my crush I had for Kai, except Suho, but that's only because I told him. Everyone, including fans and even some co-workers, assumed that Luhan and I were a thing, considering how close we were. I never denied it because it helped clear away any fture suspicions people might have had about Kai and I's relationship. Right now, that relationship was only a close friendship, but I wanted it to be so much more.

~*~

The next morning, when I woke up, Suho wasn't in bed. I glanced over at the clock and noticed it was only 9:47. Ugh. My eyes could not stay open. I groaned and lifted my hands, rubbing the tiredness from my eyes. Slowly, I crawled out of bed and walked to the adjoined bathroom. Sharing a room with the leader of Exo had its perks.

One glance in the mirror made me let out another groan. I looked like , which was to be expected. My skin was pastier than usual and did not look healthy. My dark brown hair was greasy and fell around my head in dirty clumps. The clothes I had on were rumpled and messy. I probably smelled just as disgusting as I looked.

I the water in the shower. As I waited for the water to heat up, I stripped and threw my clothes into a pile my the door. I stepped in the shower and almost immediately sighed in happiness when the hot water hit my tired and aching body. I didn't think a shower had ever felt as heavenly as this one. Soon, I was done and stepped out, drying myself off. I walked back into the bedroom and got some clean pajamas. As I changed, I noticed the sound of voices coming from outside the bedroom, all the way from the living room. I couldn't make out what they were saying, but they sounded concerned and a bit irritated.

It wasn't until I heard Kai snap, "that's it!" that I started getting worried. I was just throwing on my shirt when my door busted open and Kai barged it, closing the door none too gently behind him.

"Alright, Sehun. I didn't want to be the one to say this, but you need to build yourself a bridge and get over it. Luhan left and we're all sad about it. Hell, Xiumin and Luahn were almost as close as you two. Do you see him sulking around? No. Sehun, I hate seeing you like this. What do you think Luhan would say or do if he saw you doing this to yourself? Huh? He'd tell you to get off your and hold back the tears because you're a man! We miss him and we won't ever forget him, but we still have lives, Sehun. It's time for you to start living yours again."

I sat on the edge on my bed and placed my head in my hands. "I don't know how, Kai. I can't live without my best friend here with me."

"Yes you can. You wanna know why?" Kai asked.

I nodded, still holding my head. I felt Kai pull my hands away and push my chin up so we were looking eye to eye.

"You can live without Luhan because I'm here." He was so close, his breath fanned over my lips when he whispered. A chill ran down my spine.

I tried not to lean forward and kiss him as I thought about how to reply. Surprisingly, Kai hadn't moved away. He hadn't moved closer, either. Kai just stared, his eyes portraying his concern. "I think.. that'd certainly help," I mumbled.

Kai smiled and pulled away, standing and holding out his hand. Kind of confused, I grabbed it and let him pull me out of bed. He walked over to my closet and pulled out a pair of tight, grey pants, a plain blue shirt, and a black jacket. He held them out. "Put these on," he demanded.

I raised an eyebrow but grabbed the clothes anyway. I didn't care if he ordered m around. Demanding Kai was kind of hot. I should've felt embarassed or nervous changing in front of Kai since I liked him, but we've changed in front of each other so many times, it no longer fazes me. That doesn't, however, mean that my heart dones't beat uncontrollably whenever Kai takes his clothes off.

When I finished changing, Kai pointed to the bathroom. I sighed and walked in. A few minutes later, I stepped out, my hair brushed and my teeth cleaned. I was greeted with a pair of Converse being shoved in my face.

After Kai finally approved of my appearance, he grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the room and down the hall.

"Kai, where on Earth are you taking me?"

"We decided to go out and eat again. I was getting tired of you not being there and so I told the others that I'd get you out of bed," Kai explained as we stepped into the living room.

"Sehun-ah~" Chanyeol greeted, standing and walking over, embracing me in a hug.

Suho stood and placed his hand on my shoulder. "You finally came out of your room for good, I hope?"

"Seems Kai is quite the persuader," added Kyungsoo.

Kai blushed and rubbed his neck sheepishly. "Nah, I didn't do anything special."

You don't need to, I thought.

"I miss him too, but I know it's alright because I've got everyone else," I heard behind me. I turned and saw Xiumin, who was smiling a bit sadly.

I realized how selfish I was then. Luhan was my closest friend, but he was also close with Xiumin and Lay. Unlike me, they didn't hole themselves up in their room to keep themselves away from other people. They continued on with their lives like the knew Luhan would have wanted them to, like I knew Luhan would have wanted me to.

I looked around at all of my hyungs and noticed they all looked bad. Some looked tired, with bags under their eyes, while others looked sad. Taking a deep breath, I bowed 90 degrees. "I apologize for my selfish actions, hyungs. I've neglected myself, my position as an Exo member, and you all. I'm sorry that I disrespected you," I apologized, staying in my bow.

I straightened when I felt a hand on my back. It was Baekhyun, who was looking at me understandingly. "It's okay, Sehunnie. We don't blame you at all."

Looking around, I noticed everyone smiling at me, which made me smile in return. "Thank you, hyungs."

"So, who wants to go eat breakfast?" Baekhyun asked, rubbing his belly in anticipation.

We all agreed to eat noodles for breakfast so we headed out. It felt good to talk and laugh with everyone again for a little while. There hadn't been much of that these past two weeks. I could definitely say that I'd missed it.

~*~

That night, I awoke from a nightmare, breathing hard. I noticed it was almost one in the morning. Suho was asleep, but three people were usually still awake at this time: Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Kai. I couldn't go to Baekhyun and Chanyeol because they were usually composing music and I didn't want to disturb them. There was only one person left. I got up quietly and left the room, gently shutting the door behind me. I walked down the hall to the living room where I saw Kai laying sprawled on the couch watching TV.

"Kai," I whispered.

Said guy shot up, grabbing his shirt over his heart. "Jesus Sehun, you scared me!" Kai scolded quietly.

Smiling, I sat down on the sofa next to him. "Sorry."

Kai shrugged. "It's fine. So, why are you still awake? It's, like, three hours passed your bedtime, young man," Kai joked, fighting a smile.

"Ha ha. You're so hilarious," I replied sarcastically, punching him in the shoulder.

He chuckled quietly but quickly sobered up. "Seriously, though, what's wrong?"

I scooted closer and hugged his side, burying my face in his shoulder. "I had a nightmare."

Kai wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me onto his lap, my face now in his chest. I felt him place his head on top of mine. "You wanna talk about it?"

I pushed back the prickling of tears as I clenched Kai's shirt in my fists. "Everyone started leaving me. First it was Tao, then, one by one, everyone else left too until it was just you and me. But then, you left me too and I was all alone. Every single time one of you left, you'd say that it was all my fault." By the time I'd finished telling him about my dream, tears were running down my cheeks.

Kai must've noticed because he pulled back and cupped my face in his hands. "Hey now," he whispered, wiping the tears away with the pads on his thumbs," there's no reason for you to cry. We're not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here forever."

I sniffled and looked at him, confused. "Why would you want to stay here?"

"Because I really like it here."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It means that I want to stand beside you in whatever you do, forever."

I blinked before I realized what he said. Kai traced his thumb over my lips, causing them to part slightly. Right before we kissed, I pushed him back slightly. "That wasn't you hinting at a marriage proposal, right?" I asked. I was tired and my mouth had no filter right now, so I blushed from embarassment.

Kai buried his face in my neck, his back and shoulders shaking. At first, I thought he was crying but quickly realized that he was just laughing. Kai pulled away and looked at me again. "No, that wasn't a proposal. That'll be saved for later. Right now, I'm just content at the thought of you being mine, me being yours, and just loving one another."

I blushed a deeper red when he said the stuff about marriage coming later, but the rest of what he said made my heart start pounding fast and hard. "Kai, I've wanted to be yours for quite some time now. I just want you to stay and never leave me."

He leaned forward and his lips just slightly brushed mine. "I'm not going anywhere." With that, he kissed me softly, gently. The sweetness of the moment we were sharing caused a small sigh to ecape my lips.

After that, we just layed in each others arms for a while, talking in hushed tones. All I could remember before falling asleep was thinking that Kai was the most beautiful person on the planet as he hummed "Baby Don't Cry."

Luhan leaving still made me sad, but I knew that we'd still talk. Plus, I knew that Kai was here for a really long time and that definitely made up for it.