“Do you love me?” her voice trembles as she asks.

I hesitate. I feel my pulse race, sweat forming on my forehead and my hands begin to shake. I stare at her. She looks beautiful tonight. The moonlight is shining so brightly on her skin. Her eyes are sad, tears are threatening to stream down. She sighs and looks down at the ground as she blinks back tears.

“I think I already got my answer,” she whispers before she walks away. She leaves the balcony and walks inside the house. I stare at her retreating figure until it’s lost in the crowd. My heart begins to physically ache. I feel wetness on my cheeks. I touch my cheek. I’m crying. Crying is completely foreign to me. I rarely cry, but at this moment I feel completely shattered inside. How did this happen?

Flashback

“Do you wanna ride the Ferris wheel?” I ask as we stroll hand in hand in the amusement park.

“Yes!” she says excitedly.

We walk to the line to get on the Ferris wheel and stand there as we wait for our turn.

“We should play the carnival games after,” she says smiling at me.

“Of course!” I smile at her. She was breathtaking.

“Step up ladies,” the man who operated the Ferris wheel says.

We sit in the cubicle as the man buckles us up.

“Ready?” I say as I look at her.

“Ready.” She holds my hand tightly and the wheel begins to rotate. We laugh as it goes down because it tickles our stomachs. It suddenly stops us at the top.

“Look how beautiful everything is,” she says in awe as we look down at the amusement park. It’s nighttime, there are lights everywhere illuminating the park. People were scattered all over the place having fun as music was blaring from someplace else in the park. I smile as I feel a slight breeze rush through my hair. I look at her.

“Not nearly as beautiful as you,” I whisper.

She turns her head and smiles. She leans in closer. The gap between us becomes non-existent. I feel her minty breath hit my face. Her lips part, her eyes fill with desire. I lean in and our lips meet. Her lips cushion mine. My hand drifts to her face, lifting her chin. We let go. Her eyes sparkle as she stares at me.

“The most beautiful person in this world to me is you.”

End of Flashback

I look over the balcony. I hear the people inside chattering away, laughing, and music playing softly in the background. I’m at my friend’s engagement party. I wipe my tears and walk back inside the house.

“Nana, where were you?” a short girl with reddish-brown hair asks as she hands me a drink.

“I was on the balcony getting some air,” I reply as I take a sip of the drink in my hand. God knows I need it.

“I saw Lizzy leave the party. Did something happen?” she asks.

I take another sip of my drink.

“I don’t know. I didn’t know she left,” I say nonchalantly.

“I think it’s kind of rude to leave in the middle of your friend’s engagement party. Don’t you think?” she comments.

“Yeah totally,” I say distracted. I see her. She’s laughing, smiling, kissing her new fiancée. She notices me staring. Her face becomes expressionless. She pecks her fiancée on the lips. She stares at me and mouths me to go to the bathroom. She walks upstairs.

“I’ll be right back,” I say to Raina as I follow her upstairs to the bathroom. I walk down the corridor and turn left. I knock on the door.

“Come in,” she says. I go inside and shut the door behind me, locking it.

“Lizzy left,” she mentions.

“I know.”

“Why’d she leave?”

“We fought. She knows,” I say.

Her eyes widen.

“How’d she figure it out?” she asks shocked.

I shrug. “I wish I knew.”

Her expression turns serious.

“Nana,” she pauses as she contemplates her words, “whatever we had going on is done. I’m engaged to Uee. I love her.”

I feel a sting in the back of my eyes.

“I know. You and Uee deserve to be happy. What we had was just infatuation nothing more,” I say.

“Thanks for understanding Nana. I hope you and Lizzy figure things out,” she says.

“Thank you,” I mumble.

“I do love you Nana, and I know you love me too, but we’re not in love.”

“I know Jooyeon. Don’t worry about me. Go enjoy your party,” I say forcing a smile.

She leaves the bathroom. I lock the door again. I sit on the toilet and put my head in my hands. Why did I let this happen?

Flashback

We’re in the bathroom. She pushes me up against the sink. Her hot breath heating up my skin, her gaze intoxicating me. She looks at me with the devil dancing in her eyes. She smirks.

“What would you do if I kissed you?” she asks in a sultry voice. Her eyes half-lidded.

“I’d kiss you back,” I reply with a smirk.

She grabs my waist and pulls me close. We lean in and kiss. Her lips are rough against mine, but I don’t care. She’s too hard to resist. A temptation. An infatuation. Lust.

End of Flashback

I lose count of how many drinks I’ve had. Raina’s been keeping the drinks away from me for the last half hour. I plop down on a couch and I begin to laugh.

“What’s so funny?” she asks.

“I don’t know!” I yell as I continue to laugh hysterically.

“Okay,” Raina says slowly. “I think it’s time to take you home.”

“I don’t wanna.” I shake my head in protest.

“The party’s gonna end soon anyway, so you kinda have to,” she explains.

I groan.

“Why’d you have so much to drink? This is so unlike you,” she says quietly as she crouches down in front of me.

“I just want to forget,” I mutter before I black out.

Flashback

“You’re getting married?!” I ask in shock.

“I proposed to Uee last night,” she says excitedly.

I stare at her dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“You really didn’t think that we were anything more than a fling, did you?” she asks.

“No, of course not,” I lie.

“Good. I was worried that you did,” she says relieved.

But I did. I did think we were more than a fling. A one-night stand. An affair.

End of Flashback

My eyes flutter open. It’s dark. I look around me. I’m in my room, in my bed. Raina must’ve driven me home. I stand up and groan. My head is pounding. I look over to my night table; it’s 4 in the morning. I walk out of my room and see someone sleeping on my couch. I approach it slowly and I stop. My mouth opens. What’s she doing here? I walk up to the couch and sit on the floor. My eyes well up with tears. My throat closes.

“Lizzy,” I say my voice shaking. “Lizzy, I’m sorry.”

She opens her eyes slowly and rubs them.

“You’re awake,” she says sleepily.

“What are you doing here?” I ask.

“Raina called me. She said you passed out. I drove you home,” she replies.

“Thank you,” I say sincerely.

She sits up and motions for me to sit beside her.

“Lizzy, I-.”

“Shh.” She puts a finger to my lips. Her eyes are sad, but she’s smiling. She kisses me. I feel tears strolling down my face. We let go.

“I just want to freeze this moment while we’re together,” she whispers. “I thought we’d last forever, but we didn’t. It’s okay, you can go.”

“Go where?” I ask confused.

“You’re free to love whoever you want.”

I shake my head.

“I love you. I always have, I always will. I’m in love with you,” my voice cracks.

“Then explain the affair you had with her,” she says.

“It was infatuation, it wasn’t love. I never had feelings for her,” I explain.

“I don’t want you to lie to me Nana,” she says.

I hesitate before responding.

“I thought I had feelings for her until I realized it was just lust, nothing more than that.”

“How can I trust you again?” she asks.

My heart aches. “You are the love of my life, I would never cheat on you again.”

“Don’t make empty promises,” she says bitterly.

“Please, take me back,” I plead.

She shakes her head slowly. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

“I need you,” I begin to shake violently.

“Just because we love each other doesn’t mean we were made for each other. Maybe we are made for each other. But, who knows? I do love you Nana. But, we met at the wrong time, the wrong place. Maybe in another life we could be together,” she says sweetly as she caresses my cheek with her hand, my hand on top of hers. She kisses me one last time.

“Goodbye Nana,” she whispers before leaving my apartment.

As soon as the door shuts, I sob. I sob for the first time in my life. I cry hysterically. Everything hurts. Everything is in pain. Is this what a broken heart feels like?

“Come back,” I cry into the darkness. “Come back.”