My name is Taemin and I'm 16. My hobbies include dancing and contemplating life. I've decided that there's not much to it. You're born, then about eighty years layer, give or take a little, you die. But some deaths come quicker than others. Like the other day when I was driving back home from Target, there was a wreck on Alpine road. The white car that was totaled belonged to a dealership and the poor soul that died driving it was taking it for a test run. Anyone who can afford buying from a dealership these days is probably around thirty five. I just hope the other guy had the insurance to pay for a new car.

If we die young, then what's the sense of living? That's the question isn't it. Since we're dying anyway, why are we all trying so hard to make something of ourselves? Oh that's right, because its because we want to be remembered. After we die, we want those who haven't yet to remember us. We want to be documented online or have our names in the history books at school or at our public libraries. Today I've decided that I'm going to be remembered.

Now right now, its pouring outside just as it has been doing since I woke at eleven this morning. I'm laying in bed and ironically enough its nearing eleven at night. I've been awake for a full twelve hours. Its interesting to think about, isn't it? That probably has something to do with the fact that its not something we don't normally think about. We don't go randomly in the day, "Oh, I've been awake for five hours and twenty four minutes now. Looks like I'm wasting the day away again."

Its kind of like breathing. We don't think about it, we just do it. We breathe. And for some reason, it seems like when we are actually thinking about taking in oxygen, we stop doing it. I wish I knew why that was. Maybe I'm just weird and that only happens to me. When I think about breathing, I stop breathing. I'm such a fascinating person.

Where was I going with that? Oh right, its eleven and I'm contemplating life again. What else is new?

 Earlier today I had a conversation with one of my friends and she wants to cut all of her hair off. She basically hates me now because I told her I wouldn't like it. Well no, I take that back. I told her that she was making a mistake and that she should take it slow. Did she listen to me? No. She was a about it and is ignoring me now. That's cool.

People are strange. I have this feeling that everyone in the world can't stand me and the only reason why I'm here is to entertain these ty people when they actually do want me around. Its kind of like that whole, "I'm your best friend but only when I need you," thing. You know? I don't know. 

I've always found how people react to things to be  interesting. I'm not gonna lie. I have my moments when I'm a complete . But so do other people. And the difference between me and them, is that I know I'm being a . Other people just get mad and yell at me when everything is their fault. Like okay, thanks. 

Minho on the other hand, he's a great guy. Not only is he basically my best friend, I'm also kind of in love with him. Out of everyone in the world, he's my favorite person and I wish there were more of him. He spent the night with me today and he's laying next to me completely asleep. We were in the middle of a conversation and he just passed out. He's such a dork. All the time he tells me he's gonna stay up all night then passes out at, like, ten. 

So yeah, he's been out for around an hour and its so quiet that all I hear is the rain and his breathing. Its a little off for some reason, I wonder if he has sinus problems? He does blow his nose a lot in the spring. Who knows. 

Whenever Minho comes over, he always sleeps on the left side facing my window. One time we had a conversation about it and I asked him why he always slept with his back to me. He said that he liked falling asleep that way because he could see the giant pine tree in the neighbor's front yard and it made him happy because it was taller than him. I laughed at him for a while and he didn't really understand why.

He's probably the most adorable person in the entire world. Even the way he sleeps is cute. If you were here you'd think so too. He always falls asleep on his side but eventually rolls over onto his back. When he does, I can hear his breath hitch for a second. Its cute. So is how happy he gets at the most random things like a cat across the street or a snowflake falling on his nose.

I want to tell him I love him but that'd probably backfire like most things do. My luck has been such lately. Incidents range from miniscule to gigantic. I stepped in a giant puddle when I was walking into school last week and my foot squished in my shoe for about three hours. I got a 64 on my English test too. IN THE SAME DAY. Then I got home and my mom told me my dad was divorcing her. So yeah. Life right now.

But I have Minho and he's keeping me sane. He said that tomorrow he was going to take me to Chocolate Fest in some town I've never heard of. I think he said it was Burlington? Either way, I get a day to myself with Minho and a bunch of chocolate. So tomorrow, hopefully things will get better. 

It's officially nearing eleven thirty and I can feel my eyes getting heavy. I think I'm gonna hit the sack. Good night.

                                                        ~

I woke at a quarter past eight today. That's honestly strange since I normally sleep til around noon. I saw Minho laying half on, half off my bed and decided it'd be a good idea just to leave him that way. I got up to piss and when I came back he was awake, playing with a stray chunk of hair that fell in his face.

I asked him what he was doing and he just smiled, telling me good morning. I climbed back into bed and laid on my side, watching him. I told him that he should really cut his hair. Then he laughed and pointed out that mine was getting pretty long too. 

"We'll go get a haircut together then." I suggested.

He shook his head. "I like my hair long. It allows me to tie it up like you can."

"Yeah but when I tie up mine, my ponytail ends up being around six inches. Yours is like, a stub or something." We both stared laughing. 

"Tame your mane, Taemin!" He laughed harder.

Watching Minho laugh is hilarious all in its own way. His eyes shut real tight and his breaths become short and sporadic. I wouldn't compare it to giving birth but when he was laying down, it came pretty close. He's my tall weirdo.

Whenever we spent nights with each other, we had conversations like that. Stupid, mindless words spilled from our mouths about the most obscure and random things. The silliness that came from me was usually hidden away from the rest of the world but Minho could somehow find a way to bring it out. His silliness is always there. He's like an idiot. Where we contradict each other, we're also probably ying and yang. I'm the black, he's the white. We just work. 

We were sitting next to each other at an assembly that we had the other day before school. It was about finding the right college and it was for the sophomore class. (Minho is 17, but his parents signed him up too late so now he hangs out with us cool 16 year olds.) They were talking about how just because a college has your major, doesn't necessarily mean its good college for you. And my first thought was, 'no .' I was actually into the assembly and what the speaker had to say but Minho... Not so much. He kept trying to make conversation with me and was poking my cheek and my sides. I shoved him off once and he looked offended, but he stopped and paid attention too. 

That night we were laying in bed and I asked him where he wanted to go after graduation and he said he had no idea. And I didn't either. It hit me like a ton of bricks because I really thought I knew what I was doing with my life. I wanted to be a dancer and Minho wanted to go to art school even though he couldn't draw worth . We had this plan to find an art school that had everything that involved the fine arts and go there. But after today, that sounded like a bad idea.

Schools are s. Honestly, we had that assembly the morning of our review for finals. FINALS. Those seven tests, art doesn't count, are what's on my mind. They're stressing me out too. I can't finish with an A in Chemistry because my B is too much of a perfect B. And in my AP Korean history class, my teacher won't put in my grades so I have no idea what I have to strive for on that final. Everything about school is dumb. They want you to sleep well, but also g eat breakfast in the morning then be there at 7:30 in the morning. They don't tell you  directly, but your grades are more important than your morals and at this point I'm so sick of school. I have three and a half days left. I can do this. College will be on my mind around second semester of next year.

Right now, I'm going to get dressed and brush my teeth so I can leave and go to that stupid fair with Minho. I got out of bed and tore off my clothes. I threw them at Minho, hoping he'd get the hint to start getting ready too. He fell of my bed. Sigh. I slid on a white tank and pulled on a pair of black skinnies. Now if only I could find a hair tie. I looked over at where he fell. Hr hadn't got up yet. Instead he laid there, giggling.

"Did you smoke something when I wasn't looking? And why didn't you share?" I smiled at him.

His giggles subsided. "No no no... Drugs are bad, Taemin."

I pulled him to his feet. "Get ready stupid." 

"Yes sir!"

I eventually found a hair tie and pulled my hair into a messy bun. I don't know what it is about hair ties, but those things and bobby pins just disappear so much. Why are they the hardest things to find? I don't understand. I went to brush my teeth and stared at myself in the mirror. My parents installed a low sink and a giant mirror in my bathroom. It was probably 4 feet tall and 5 across. I could see a lot in that mirror and right now I could see everything from my jean pockets up. My arms looked like they were getting thicker but my waist looked smaller. My skin even looked whiter. Is it possible to get more pale? 

Minho came and stood in the doorway. "What are you looking at?"

"Myself..." I replied and took my hair out of the bun.

"Oh? And what do you see in yourself?" Minho crossed his arms, leaning on the door frame.

"I see someone who's far from proportionate."

Minho came into the bathroom and stood behind me. He took the hair tie from my hand and put it around his wrist, proceeding to play with my hair. "Well I see something different. I see my best friend standing in front of me looking beautiful as always." He braided my hair and tied it off. "I see him standing here with me, red in the face and needing to embrace his flaws. Taemin you've got to understand something. We all have flaws, okay? I have them. You have them. Your parents definitely have them. Yours are what make them you and I love all of them." He smiled and kissed my cheek.

"Choi Minho, I'll kill you if you do that again." My face was so red at this point.

"Do what? Kiss you?" He was smirking. I hate when he smirks. He's too devious for his own good.

"Yes..."

"Taemin I like you. And I know you like me too. So I'm gonna kiss you all I want and you can't stop me. Now let's go, I have a festival of chocolate waiting for me." He stepped out of the bathroom and left the house. I followed and got into the drivers side. 

"I hate you so much..." 

"No you don't." He rolled down the passenger window.

"Just tell me where this place is."

Minho programmed it into my GPS and we pulled out of the driveway.