Fragments of water and blurred visions of dark eyes haunt his dreams. 

Jiyong wakes to darkness and the feel of starch sheets beneath his skin. It's rough and scratches. His heart isn't pounding though. He awakes from this dream every night roughly at the same time, right as a soft light flashes under his door indicating he still has hours left until they call him. 

He blinks into the darkness and wonders what real dreams are like—whether if being born would have somehow induced active images in his mind or if he'd have to live with just water and murkiness for the rest of his life. 

He doesn't fall asleep again until he trains his mind to remember the way his fingers weaved color onto canvas. He wishes he could dream of the few activities he was allowed to undertake, but maybe not dreaming of them is his way of not hoping. Hope meant dreams—dreams of some other life—and that kind of hope resulted in cracked minds, screams behind padded doors, and a check mark labeling him as defective.

The knock on his door pulls him back from his sleep and he blinks away the repetitiveness of his thoughts. He sits up and watches as his door opens and an orderly shuffles in to leave behind a tray of food. Today it’s toast, eggs, orange slices, and milk. The meal meant it was Wednesday. He eats quietly while the orderly goes about drawing his blood, taking his temperature, and checking the rest of his vitals.
 

Jiyong finishes his meal in fifteen minutes, like normal, and stands waiting for the orderly to take him to the bathroom. They walk down the hallway and he stares ahead, 240 tiles until the bathroom, each tile the size of his foot, the walk takes exactly 2 minutes and 46 seconds. There is no deviation.

He was told having a pattern in his life was normal—as if anything about him or his life was normal. Jiyong is a product of science created by the super conglomerate corporation DSC. They specialized in cloning, artificial intelligence, and DNA.

Jiyong is subject 001. The first, and only successful, creation the company could boast about. He is a mix of human and robot. As such, he made appearances for the company.

Today marks the 50^th anniversary of DSC’s opening.

Today meant he got to go outside—deviation.

After using the restroom, Jiyong follows behind the same man in white. His name is Soohyuk. He is one of a rotation of six who are assigned to watch over him. Soohyuk is nice and Jiyong often paints the man’s hands into his pictures. He’s careful not to paint faces. He remembers one of his favorites disappearing after he did a full model rendering of them. He was told they were fired, but Jiyong knows that wasn’t the case.

Soohyuk leads him to a large mirrored room. His “stylist” smiles brightly at him and motions for him to sit down. He does. It doesn’t take long for his hair to be cut short and thin to his head and a quick input of numbers into the computer beside him before his hair changes color. The current black color disappears to reveal a smooth metallic that shines when hit with the correct lighting. Jiyong thinks it makes him appear more inhuman, not that he needs it.

He has all the right skin cells, hair particles, and nerve wirings as any other human. The only thing different were the microscopic nanobots floating in his fluid, not blood. It bleeds green whenever he is pricked or tested and his nanobots naturally created more like a human’s created blood cells. His “heart” was mechanical, beating to imitate that of a human one, but not needed for his survival. He looks human from head to toe, except not, there is an unearthly manufactured feel to him, his skin is too porcelain and smooth, body too proportioned, and eyes too brown. He wonders how anyone could mistake him for anything other than a science creation, but people had.

“Hey, you look familiar.”

Jiyong stops in his tracks at the deep, slightly shy voice of a man in front of him. His mind races through several scenarios, he has the knowledge and the skill to knock the person unconscious, but his processors point to solving the conflict safely.

He smiles, perfectly straight white teeth showing, “Are you sure? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before, I’d remember that face.” Jiyong watches a hint of color flood the taller man’s face. He secretly wishes he could feel it when his body blushed.

“I—uh, do you live around here?” Jiyong studies the other man. It was an odd question considering they hadn’t proceeded with the usual human pleasantries.

“You could say I do…” He lived…resided exactly 5,217 steps away. He wasn’t supposed to be outside. It broke protocol, it broke his program restrictions, but the human side—the one that struggled against the cold rigidity of his nanobot’s—wanted to taste the kimbap that his kind orderly Daesung spoke about…before he disappeared.

“Oh…well, if you aren’t in a hurry to go home or be anywhere do you want to grab some coffee with me?” Jiyong’s eyes train on the other man’s sincere face. He gathered he was being asked out. It was an entirely foreign idea to him, but he had never had coffee before. 

He glances around, his handlers were probably looking for him but he had time to go to coffee just this once…

“Yes, I would like that, thank you.” The other man smiles at him and he notices deep dimples and the beginnings of small laugh lines around his eyes. He likes the other’s face, the little nanobot’s speed up in their movement and his heart beats faster.

On camera Jiyong is the perfect spokes-model for the company. Every mannerism and word is preprogrammed into him and he nails his performance every time. Today he gets to discuss all of DSC’s achievements, from their cure of cancer, their successful defect free human heart clones, and of course, him.

While the stylist picks out an outfit for him the programmers come in to insert his speech. He stands still, as expected, and one of the programmers runs their hand along his side. They press into a spot just below his ribs and a skin flap stretches back to reveal a panel, much like that of a computer circuit. He doesn’t feel pain when his skin pulls away but some of his green fluid slides down until it catches in the socks he’s wearing. The programmer presses a thumb to a certain portion of panel and his whole body tenses as if he were frightened. A thin opening appears and the programmer inserts a chip into it. With another press, to the same spot, his body relaxes and his nanobot’s process the new information inside of him.

The nanobots also return his skin to its original position and the stylist soon fits him in a pair of tight leather jeans and a light colored black shirt.

Once he is completely dressed, he follows the programmers down the hall and to the waiting room. It is the same room he is led to for every public outing. It’s lined with white walls and white tiles. He is allowed to sit in one of only four black chairs, so he does.

He counts the minutes in his head.

The door opens and he stands surprised by the sudden appearance of a familiar ever smiling male. His face is called up in his mind quickly. He’s the head of the company, Yang Hyunseuk. Jiyong’s met him before. He is always nice and brings him new art brushes after every public speech. This time Hyunseuk smiles and happily shakes his hand. It’s firm and unhesitant. There are many times that Jiyong has greeted humans and found they are scared by him. He can always read their nervousness. They look at him like he’s not real.

And they are right in a way, he thinks, but Hyunseuk looks at him like a person. Treats him like a person, and even calls him his son, although Jiyong thinks there’s possessiveness behind his gaze at times. Jiyong understands being considered family is a compliment by many so he smiles gratefully, like he’s supposed to, and allows himself to be led outside to a car and driven to an outside stage. Hyunseuk is naturally charismatic. Jiyong can see how other humans like him.

Soon Hyunseuk is turning towards him and Jiyong’s lips move, forming the words programmed into him, they come easily and he can feel sincere sentiment behind them. They’re not his sincerity but an artificial emotion. Sometimes he thinks all his emotions are artificial, but he’s touted as half human so he has never really known.

The publicity speech ends and Jiyong is led back to the car. His eyes trail around him toward a few shops with people walking to and fro. His steps falter but a hand on his shoulder directs him the rest of the way to the car. The drive back to the building is short and he makes sure not to look out the window too long. He’s learned the more he shows interest in the outside world the longer they keep him locked inside.

Within moments he is led back inside the walls of the research center. Since he did well today, they let him paint.

When his favorite orderly had disappeared after he had painted his face, Jiyong swore never to paint anyone he knew again. But on a large canvas in the center of the room rested the painting he had been working on for over a month. It depicted a single man sitting outside, laughing, at a coffee shop. Jiyong carefully reaches for his paint brush and begins to work. It’s painstaking getting all the right details. It should be easy, his processors make it so he never forgets anything, but with painting he finds talent is something programs can’t give. So, he’s taught himself how to blend and shadow, how to put the right amount of color, and how to form a pair of deep black eyes reflecting light. 

Each brush brings up flashes of the man he’s painting. The deep voice, the shy laugh, the light blush, while he can’t capture it all he wants to immortalize the memory.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never had coffee before!”

Jiyong swipes his tongue along his upper lip to wipe off whipping cream. He should act sheepish about it. That’s what a human would do when confronted with the playful shock in the other’s words. They don’t know who he is and he doesn’t tell them. He thinks it will make a good learning experiment, to actually interact with another human and put to use his programming and hardwiring that says he should think and act like a human too.

 “Ah, sorry. I haven’t actually!” He bites his lip attempting to appear embarrassed about it. He wasn’t, but he likes the sudden gaze that’s open and light and the accompanying laughter. Jiyong likes it, as much as he could like something and not have it programmed into him, and he wants more of this untested feeling.

Seunghyun, that’s what he said his name is, raises his hand toward him then. Jiyong stills because that’s what he’s been taught to do and watches with rapt fascination as they wipe at his mouth with their thumb. Maybe Seunghyun realizes what he’s done because Jiyong tracks the rise of blood to their face. For a human, he finds them extremely amusing and allows himself to smile.

“Finally…” Seunghyun speaks and quickly answers Jiyong’s accompanying confused expression, because he doesn’t understand the reasoning for his words. “I mean, finally you smiled. I was worried you were having a horrible time…” Seunghyun looks away from him and Jiyong doesn’t grasp their words.

“Why would you think that? This coffee is very pleasant and I like listening to your voice.”

Seunghyun’s temperature rises again and Jiyong can hear the fluttering of their heartbeat as it increases. Their mouth opens and closes and Jiyong just waits, putting on a smile that he hopes will reassure them. In his programming it states that smiling can ease tense situations. It seems to work because Seunghyun returns the smile, deep indents appearing in his cheeks. Jiyong has never seen them before. He knows they’re called dimples and he finds himself liking those too.

“I was wondering…do you want to go to dinner with me sometime?” Seunghyun looks at him, smile still in place but Jiyong hears the uncertainty. Again the complexities of human anxieties elude him. But he wonders if he isn’t being human enough in his responses, if Seunghyun thinks he isn’t enjoying their company.

His reply that he would like that, that he likes a lot of what Seunghyun does and says, dies on his lips. He can see his handler out of the corner of his eyes. Can hear their soft voice that they’ve found him and he stands up. Seunghyun startles and gazes at him with wide eyes.

“Sorry, sorry! Was that too presumptuous of me? I didn’t mean to offend you, Jiyong.” Seunghyun’s words come out in an embarrassed huff and Jiyong wants to make him feel better but he feels firm fingers wrap around his bicep.

“Sorry to interrupt, but he has to come with me.” Jiyong doesn’t miss the crestfallen look Seunghyun gives him and he deduces that they must think he has a boyfriend. Although, that concept—of having anyone, anything as something he has an emotional connection to— is far too foreign. He isn’t given the opportunity to correct the assumption though and only gives a small wave before being dragged away. He isn’t sad about it, or even disappointed, but he thinks for the first time that maybe he doesn’t really like his handler all that much.

That one time excursion had caused him weeks of extended evaluation and testing. They had to make sure his programming wasn’t damaged. His monitoring increased too. And his publicity campaigns stopped for awhile, that is, until today.

His thoughts shift back to the man he’s trying to recreate. Seunghyun’s jaw line is hard for him to capture correctly so his hand stills for a moment. He hears his handler’s conversation drifting toward him. He has another appearance tomorrow. Before he can continue his painting an orderly enters and takes him back to his room.

Dinner is delivered but he isn’t hungry. He eats anyway because he knows deviation from his routine would cause rounds of tests all day tomorrow and he doesn’t want that.

Afterwards, he lies in bed unable to sleep. The last time he escaped it had been on a whim, but he found himself planning for it now. If any of them figured out his thoughts he knows they would instantly put him into incubation to fix his programming.

Half of him understands the reasoning behind this. After all, he is their property and should follow orders but they also created half of him that wasn’t governed by a program. This half is one he doesn't recognize often because it isn't the part that needed to be utilized. Technically, he knows he isn't human but he had slowly been developing emotions that he had never had to deal with before.

Freedom isn’t a foreign concept for him, but the idea of not being a part of DSC is something that is. Ideas of sneaking out and drinking coffee again and trying ice cream for the first have become more frequent. His dreams have more color. Sometimes he finds himself awake long after the lights are off, a queer feeling settled deep within him that something is missing. He worried at first that his programming was off but his vital readings remained constant each morning. Only with careful reflection did he realize maybe it was longing for something. Somehow he knows it all leads back to his interaction with Seunghyun. The nagging thoughts will go away if he sees Seunghyun again. So he thinks about an escape plan.

The next morning, as he counts the steps of the first orderly to greet him, he closes his eyes and exhales. The morning routine is the same as always and he receives new speech programming. This time he’s taken to a crowded area not far from where he was yesterday. He sees the same shops as before and he calculates the time and speed it will take to slip free of watchful eyes as he says his speech. There’s a bit of chaos in between the shuffling of him off the stage and the next guest speaker and before his handler reaches him he slips into the crowd. He knows they’ll be on him if he doesn’t disappear completely so he sprints around a sharp corner.

In a moment he’s walking into a store and heading toward the far back. It’s a bookstore and he pretends to browse, seeing his handler outside and looking frantically around. From there everything gets easier. He hadn’t figured out how to find Seunghyun during his planning but they seem to find him. Jiyong drifts out of the bookstore and wanders the opposite direction his handler took before walking a few more blocks. He recognizes buildings from there and finds the coffee shop Seunghyun had taken him to. Jiyong doesn’t believe in coincidences but it’s an eerie relief when he sees Seunghyun standing in line. He walks straight up to him despite a few voiced complaints at his cutting.

Seunghyun physically startles at seeing him but grins easily enough.

“Jiyong! Hey, how are you?”

Jiyong matches their smile and replies curtly. “I’m fine. Do you live around here?” His escape plan had revolved around hiding for a few hours and he deduced that hiding in Seunghyun’s apartment would be best if he found him, and luckily he had.

“Uh, yeah? Do you want to come to my apartment?” Seunghyun visibly flusters a pretty shade of red that Jiyong has had trouble copying on canvas. He takes a mental picture to remember for future reference and nods. Seunghyun’s hands sputter in air as if he’s not sure what to do but he eventually steps out of line and motions for Jiyong to follow. “Okay…okay!” They laugh and sneak glances toward him as they walk. Jiyong makes sure to keep an eye out for his handler but finds himself enjoying the short walk to Seunghyun’s apartment.

Inside Jiyong takes in the sparse interior. It reminds him of his room in fact, white walls, white furniture, and a white bed. It’s small but he likes that. Seunghyun rubs his hands against his jeans and Jiyong wonders what it’s like to kiss someone. This type of thinking isn’t new for him and he thinks now would be a good time to try.

He calmly walks toward Seunghyun, who looks ready to bolt, and grabs their face. The height difference makes things complicated but Jiyong calculates if he stands up on his toes a bit they can meet in the middle. Physically it isn’t any better than a hug but the contact of their lips sends the nanobots inside of him whirring. He can feel the rush of his blood in his ears. Seunghyun remains hesitant for a split second before he’s kissing back.

And maybe Jiyong judged the way kissing felt too harshly at first, because now he’s suddenly enjoying the parted, wet kisses. His hand fists into Seunghyun’s shirt and they wrap their arms around his waist, guiding him back clumsily to the bed where they fall. Seunghyun’s weight on top of him reminds him of the scanning tube he has to go through every day to check his heart and organs; except this feels a little warmer, a little softer, and completely different.

The kisses turn erratic and Seunghyun pulls away panting. Jiyong’s breathing remains level but he touches his lips and likes the way they feel swollen against his finger.

“Wait, wait, what are we doing Jiyong?” Conflict is written on Seunghyun’s face but Jiyong doesn’t understand why so he pulls him back down and Seunghyun doesn’t fight.

In between their kissing and movement to the bed Jiyong lost his shirt and so had Seunghyun, but the lights of the apartment were dim and Jiyong only saw the shadowed planes of Seunghyun’s chest. It was solid enough beneath his touch and he liked how warm it felt under his fingers. It seemed, while Jiyong didn’t have the normal emotional functions of a human, he certainly could feel why they liked to touch so much.

It feels good to have Seunghyun’s hands roam over his body. And even though he had an artificial heart it still speeds up as that hand dips lower and undoes his jeans. Clothes come off quickly and for the first time in his life Jiyong feels the touch of another that isn't intent on poking and running tests.

Seunghyun kisses his lips softly then and Jiyong notices the worry in their gaze. “Are you alright?”

Jiyong wants to say yes, of course, it all feels so good but he notices he’s trembling all over. Instead, he threads his fingers into Seunghyun’s hair and kisses him again. They don’t do much besides touch each other and Jiyong is okay with that. It’s different than any other touch he’s had. There’s no pinprick or prods to his skin to test durability, instead, Seunghyun touches him reverently, fingertips skimming along his abdomen and lower body which causes his breath to gasp out of him. It doesn’t take much before Seunghyun draws a loud cry from his lips and Jiyong lays there in a daze.

He doesn’t know how to process the flush covering his body or the pants leaving his lips. But he lifts his eyes to meet Seunghyun’s and matches what they did to him until they are gasping in ragged breaths against his neck.

Jiyong is tingly all over and his eyes flutter closed as Seunghyun lies beside him. Eventually his breath evens out and he falls asleep to a soft kiss against the corner of his mouth.

Before Jiyong opens his eyes he knows that he’s not in his room. The air smells different and the soft breaths beside him sound in his ears. He slips his eyes open and turns his gaze to Seunghyun’s.

Involuntarily he smiles, surprised with himself, and watches the way Seunghyun’s back contracts as he sleeps turned away from him. With the light he sees the beginning of a tattoo on the other’s back. He wants to peek at it more but they shift and turn over with a groan. It’s a brief moment before they open their eyes and look at him, an instantly goofy smile that shows off their dimples appearing. Jiyong wants to tell Seunghyun that maybe he likes him, even though he doesn’t know what that human emotion should feel like, but it’s cut off by their lips on his and a knock on the door.

Seunghyun instantly freezes and Jiyong swears he hears the slow of their blood, but that’s impossible because humans can’t control the flow of their blood. Jiyong sits up and Seunghyun casts him a quick, unreadable look before calling for them to come in.

Outside the door stands Hyunseuk, his usual genial smile on his face. His voice is soft and abnormally sweet when he speaks, “Come now Jiyong, I need you to come back home with me.”

The words sound off in his ears and he glances toward Seunghyun. They don’t look at him but remain facing Hyunseuk. Jiyong stands because that’s what he’s been programmed to do, to obey, and walks toward Hyunseuk but he doesn’t know why the president of DSC is here to begin with. Hyunseuk offers him clothes and he changes into them not feeling embarrassed because most of his inspections and tests are done while he’s been .

“There now. There’s a good boy. Thank you Seunghyun for calling. I was absolutely worried he’d been stolen by some bad people.” And Jiyong processes Hyunseuk’s words faster than he processes their tone.

Hyunseuk knows Seunghyun’s name. He quickly shifts his gaze from Hyunseuk to Seunghyun and back again. It shouldn’t take him this long to understand but it does. A soft pressure on his shoulder directs him toward the door and he glances back at Seunghyun wanting to ask.

Hyunseuk’s voice is still far too chipper as he continues, as if Seunghyun isn’t hurriedly putting on pants. “We’ll be in touch with you later, we’ll need your report, and you need a check up too!”

Seunghyun mumbles, softly, too quiet for normal ears to hear but Jiyong’s not normal so he does. “Yes, sir. I’m glad to be of service.”

Jiyong frowns then, the first genuine one he can recall ever making, and finally speaks. “Seunghyun, you know Hyunseuk?”

It’s a quiet minute before Hyunseuk’s voice cuts the silence with a particularly eager edge. “Oh, did Seunghyun not tell you? He seems to have left that out of his last report. Anyway, he works for DSC! Quite the worker too. Never missed a day’s work and very timely, which I like.”

He instantly understands then. Maybe he would have already known if he thought the situation through before now. Seunghyun works for DSC. Jiyong doesn’t know in what capacity but the fact that he found Jiyong the first time is some indication.

Jiyong speaks voice level like it always is when interacting with his handler. “Are you my new handler?”

Hyunseuk laughs heartily then and claps him on the back. Jiyong pays no mind instead looking at Seunghyun who is meeting his gaze steadily for once. Seunghyun shakes his head but doesn’t speak. Hyunseuk seems to fill the blanks for him.

“You could call him that! He’s really more of a wrangler. We task him to watch you whenever you’re out in public. It seems easier since your programming precludes you to want to escape.”

Jiyong knows he should feel disappointment but instead he feels resignation. Of course. Whatever he does is programmed. He thinks he might be the most human out of all of them because aren’t human emotions just programs themselves with chemicals acting as agents?

“So my programming was set to have me want to escape and seek out Seunghyun?”

“Not quite that, but yes, it was set for you to want to escape and seek out human companionship. We wanted to test how you would do in a human setting with spontaneous interactions.”

Jiyong only nods. There’s a burning in his chest and it hurts. It’s not physical because his sensors aren’t alerting him to anything but it definitely feels like tiny stab wounds. He thinks it's anger or maybe grief.  But he knows whatever he’s feeling now is only a program and it seems fruitless to attempt to understand and differentiate between them. They’ll be analyzed when he returns to DSC, which is a small relief.

“Anyway, if you’d like to say goodbye now would be good. I’m sure Seunghyun has things he needs to do today and you’ve had quite the adventure!” Hyunseuk is still smiling but steps a little outside.

Jiyong bows and offers a polite goodbye. He wants to leave right away and it looks like Seunghyun wants to be alone judging by the crumpled look on his face so Jiyong turns to leave.

“Jiyong…” Seunghyun’s voice is rough like it had been last night except now it sounds watery and thin. He merely turns his head and Seunghyun mouths an “I’m sorry.” Jiyong doesn’t know why. There is nothing to be sorry for. Following orders is part of his job and he can’t begrudge him that.

“It was a pleasure to meet you Seunghyun. If I escape again I assume I’ll be seeing you.”
 

Seunghyun smiles, the corners of his mouth looking ragged. It doesn’t reach his eyes and Jiyong kind of misses the way they usually crinkle at the corner. He had spent such a long time painting them just right.

“You’ll be seeing me sooner than that.”

Before Jiyong can ask why, Seunghyun turns around. Jiyong doesn’t understand at first but his eyes scan over their back. Last night had been a dark affair with no lights and only fleeting touches and hot breath. In the light, Jiyong can see how toned Seunghyun really is and the few scar blemishes that crisscross along his back. But those aren’t what draw his gaze, on his lower back, in the same spot Jiyong has his own, is inked in black numbers "000," permanent and glaring against his skin.