"Violets are blue..."

 

***

 

It was one cold night and Guren was inside his room, alone, sitting on his bed while looking at the view, outside of his window.

 

"Oh right, it's already December e?"

 

His lips slighty twitched as he realized it. But it was not long ago when he realized that another thing is about to happen. Even though the view from his window was very dark, he was 100% sure that it's bound to happen.

 

From sitting, he slowly lifted up his feet and rested it on his bed. He moved a little bit backward so that he could rest his back on the headboard of his bed and there, he continued staring at the outside of his window.

 

"Ah.. The snow will start anytime soon."

 

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. How he missed breathing the fresh air from his room. He loves it so much because it never fails to calm him. Unbelievable as it seems, but Guren realized that he should enjoy every bit of his life, breathing and alive, because second chances will not always be there, most especially with his position where he's a Lieutenant Colonel and anytime soon, the Hiiragi's will call out for him and demand him to go off somewhere around Japan to kill vampires that's been taking the lands of the humans and scaring the hell out of them to make them their source of food. Of course, vampires need blood in order to live and humans are the only living creature that could fill their thirst over it.

 

"How long has it been Shinya?" He suddenly said outloud and chuckled for a bit.

 

He's remembering it again. Oh, wrong, he always remembers it and even though it has been two years ever since that incident happened, he can't seem to find himself a way to forget it. But actually, it's not that he can't find a way to forget, he really doesn't want to forget it. He's the type to never forget important things or even people around him that he treats as his family, most specially if it left him too many things to remember.

 

He gave himself a minute or so to smile like an idiot as he remembered everything. He realized how time flew so fast he didn't even notice that it has been two years and soon enough, once December ends, it'll be three years already...

 

Three years looking back... Three years having the same feeling... Three years blaming himself... Three years burdening himself from the pain of long ago...

 

He finally took the medicine from the table beside his bed. It was a medicine for someone who took a surgery, and Guren happened to be one. Even though it's been two years since his surgery, he's still required to take dozens of medicine to maintain his good health. Guren hates taking medicines, so much he almost puked it at Yuu's face one time when the little kid suddenly barged into his peaceful room only to demand him to let him fight with the vampires. That little kid he usually calls brat suddenly went in exactly when he just finished taking the medicines and he happened to be having a hard time swallowing it all. He can't let the little kid see that side of him, never in his whole lifetime he'll let Yuu see his weak side. He's a superior afterall and his ego won't accept Yuu's probable teases about him, being a weakling who can't even swallow pieces of tablets and capsules. Maybe it was a good thing that he finally regained enough strength that time that he was able to kick Yuu out of his room, and that kick too, was enough to make his little kid shout non-stop outside of his room. Even though it really annoys him, he still can't stop himself from smiling whenever he sees that little brat who never stopped nagging about how he would kill every living vampire on earth and take revenge for his family. Guren, honestly can't accept it himself because he knew he was not as dumb as that little brat but maybe, it was somehow right to see himself in Yuu who happened to be the key for the seraph of the end to happen.

 

It's been two years but it's still an everyday struggle for Guren to take such amount of medicine. He finally accepted the fact that he will never be used to it, but even though he hates it, he just can't easily let it go as if no important part inside his body will be affected. And it's just not important, it's something Guren will never-ever take as nothing, because aside from it's the reason why he's still living up 'til now, that special part inside his body also used to be owned by someone he treasures so much.

 

After he put the emptied glass of water above his table, his eyes moved down onto the drawer which happened to be half-open and noticed the white piece of paper inside it. Actually, it was an envelope. It's not the first time he've seen it, he was even the one who put that unopened envelope inside his drawer. He never dared to open it ever since it was given to him two years ago. It was a letter he never had the guts to read, because even though he kills vampires, he's a Lieutenant Colonel, he's still a human who's afraid of being hurt. He's afraid he might cry after reading what's inside it. Even though he once admitted that he really cries when one of his people dies due to fighting with vampires, this is a different story.

 

He pulled out his drawer and took the envelope out of it. Staring at it closely, he read what's written on the envelope.

 

To: Guren Ichinose

From: Shinya Hiiragi

 

He put down his hand which holds the envelope after reading it and sighed. "You really hate me that much Shinya?" He sarcastically said as he grinned a bit. It's been so long since he started talking outloud to himself. That has been his secret hobby actually, and he was just lucky enough that no one has ever seen that side of him.

 

He stared at the envelope once again and let his deep thoughts linger him. Minutes have passed and he was still in deep thoughts, wondering what he would do and how he would do. It's been two years and he's still a chicken, afraid of knowing what he should have known long ago.

 

Not knowing what to do, the face of his little brat Yuu suddenly appeared in his mind. That little brat faced too much hardships than Guren but he's still able to live his life as if nothing as hard as rock happened to him, not to mention it was Guren who helped him face the obstacles when he was on the process of accepting everything. Much more than that, that little brat managed to take what happened to his family as his strength and reason to live.

 

Slowly, realizations are hitting Guren one by one. He finally saw the reason why he can't accept to see himself in Yuu, and it was because he was never strong as him. He never learned how to accept things like they're bound to happen, just like when Mahiru left him. Funny how he's capable of helping others when he, himself, can't even manage to take a step forward and look at what's ahead of him.

 

Guren suddenly laughed when he realized who really deserves to be called dumb. "Well, he's dumber though." Feeling ashamed of himself, he put his other hand on his face as if he's covering it and chuckled sarcastically. "Guess I should take back what I said on that little brat about him wetting his bed."

 

For the last time, he looked at the unopened envelope. "You win Shinya." He finally opened the envelope by tearing the other side of it and took the piece of paper inside, out of it. With hands shaking and nervous feeling, he opened the folded letter and started reading what's inside it.

 

~~~

 

Guren Ichinose,

 

Hey Guren! You know, I'm still thinking of how I'll start this letter. I'm honestly having troubles with the right use of words right now, and funny how this happened when, whenever we're together, all I do is tease you about your arrogant attitude that makes my family hate you even more. Do you think I should consider the right use of words? But will you ever believe that it came from me? Ah, I bet you're mocking me right now by just knowing that I'm considering it today. But you know I love teasing you right? So I think I should not consider it.

 

Now let's start with your harted towards the girl-you-loved-the-most's fiancé who happened to be me. You hate me into the core right? Oh, why am I even asking something ever since was so obvious? I bet you're smirking in annoyance right now and if I happened to be with you, I'm sure you won't hesitate punching me on the face. You'd do that right? You'd do that because I took away the girl you loved the most from your arms, I took away Mahiru whom you treasured so much than your life. Does it hurt Guren? Ah, did I ask something so obvious again? Are you mad? Are you now gritting your teeth in madness and is on the verge of tearing this letter of mine up? Guren, I'm sorry...

 

Now let me tell you trivias that I'm sure you still don't know...

 

First trivia, did you know that being Mahiru's fiancé didn't make me happy?

 

Yes, I wasn't happy because I knew you were mad. How can it make me happy if it makes you sad? Ah, I think this is the start of me, being cheesy and all. But do you know that I always wanted Mahiru beside me because I want seeing that violet eyes of yours getting mad? I told you, I love teasing you. But aside from that, I want Mahiru beside me because that's all I can do to witness your smile. You only smile whenever you're with her, you only show your true smile whenever she's around. That's why even though your lovely violet eyes glare so bad at me because I never left Mahiru's side, I managed to stand it. Remember that time when you called me out in the middle of our meeting with my family? I was so happy because I got the chance to talk to you alone, even though all you did was ask me to stop sticking around with Mahiru and got my first hard punch on the face from you because I disagreed, I was still happy. Did you know why? It's because I was Mahiru's fiancé. Oh, I just said earlier that it didn't make me happy right? I know, I'm weird but because of that, because of being Mahiru's fiancé, I managed to get your attention, you knew that I exist and that alone, made me so happy... really happy.

 

Guren, I knew how much I hurted you during those days and how I was an eyesore to you. Would you believe me if I say I really feel bad about myself whenever I do it? I'm sorry, I was born selfish.

 

Second trivia, did you know that I kissed you?

 

Yes, I kissed you Guren. Oh are you mad again? Was that your first kiss? But I bet you and Mahiru kissed already, much more than how much we kissed. Oh, my hand slipped there... Now getting back to when I kissed you, remember that time when we successfully killed all the vampires in one of our missions and saved all the humans that they made livestocks? We did a celebration party after that right? Yes, it happened that day because you were so stupid you drunk yourself hard just because of the fact that the Hiiragi's will never acknowledge you as Mahiru's lover because you're an Ichinose, because I am Mahiru's fiancé and not you. Afterall, it was all about Mahiru e? But I thought, somehow, it was a blessing that you got drunk. Have I told you that I'm also abusive? Because you were so drunk you can't even stand by yourself, I volunteered to bring you to your room. Ah, I remember you cursing and shouting at me during that time about Mahiru again but I didn't mind. And right after I put you on your bed, all you did was say "Mahiru..." again and again and with that, I wasn't able to stop myself from kissing you. Wait, let me correct that, I really didn't stop myself from doing so. That was my only chance so why would I let that slip away? Plus, you made me mad for calling Mahiru even though I was the one infront of you. You and your rude violet eyes.

 

Guren, this may sound stupid but thank you for being drunk that time, that was the only time I saw your eyes and gestures very honest. Well, that's what liquors usually do and I'm thankful for it. You did a great job on being honest, thank you for all the cuss and hatred you showed me that day. I know you've been keeping that to yourself for so long, and even though it hurted me, I was still happy... so happy I cried infront of you... But you know I won't tell this part anymore right? I know you can't remember it and I want you to go insane trying to remember what happened that day.

 

Third trivia, did you know that my heart belongs to you now?

 

Oh, you thought it was one of your soldiers' heart? Was that what they told you? This must be the most shocking trivia you've ever heard, I'll bet my on it. Please imagine me smiling while writing this part. Do you want to crumple this letter now? But hey, I asked everyone to do so. Please don't get mad if everyone lied at you, if you want to blame someone, blame it all on me. Your group members honestly didn't want to lie at you, even Shinoa's group and most especially, your little son Yuu. I just happened to be lucky that I was able to convince them. Actually, it was Sayuri and Yuu whom I had the most trouble with, convincing them to lie at you took me a day because they don't want to do it, but of course, I won't let that happen, because I want it to tell myself that I was the one who saved you from the verge of dying. But you know, those two cried the most when they knew what happened to you. Well, I'll add myself here too but of course, I never let it show. Your soldiers, Shinoa's group, your group members, they were all worried mad they thought they'll lose another family again. You see Guren, you are so important you just can't die. Everyone needs you to be there for them.

 

You still remember that incident right? Even though I told you to retreat that time because the noble vampires called for reinforcements, you didn't listen to me. Yeah, I know you won't listen to me even though I'm your superior because you're the squad leader and is in charge of everyone's safety and well... I'm Mahiru's fiancé. You put your life on the line because you saw one of your soldiers being hostage by them. You were hardheaded you went all the way to save him and got stabbed by a noble vampire's sword right on your left chest. You weren't able to fight because you used up too much energy from fighting with the other noble vampires, and I know you knew that but you still pushed through it and I hate myself because I wasn't able to stop you. But you know the funniest part here? I happened to witness your idiocy, all of it right infront of my eyes. Can you imagine that? And do you know what I felt that time? A person so dear to me got stabbed infront of my eyes? I wished that I was the one who got stabbed... I wished that it wasn't you... I wished that everything was not happening... I wished that I could still see your smile and hear you laugh... I wished that I would still see your violet eyes glaring at me...

 

On the day of the operation, I asked the doctor if I could see you for the last time and when she agreed, I immediately went into your room with my wheelchair. I don't know, I just wanted to see your face again before everything ends. Do you think that's stupid? But even from the start, you thought of me as a stupid one right? Right after I stepped in to your room, I saw you... I saw you unconsciously lying on the bed, waiting for my heart to be yours. And Guren, you don't have any idea how much this thought of mine during that time made me happy. I took the oxygen mask off your face and kissed you, I kissed, and kissed you again until I cried my heart out. Well, I think it's been my hobby to kiss you whenever your unconscious and I'm sorry for being not sorry about being very abusive that time, that was my last chance though. Are you mad again? Ah, but I won't be able to see you mad again.

 

None of my wishes came true, but I regret nothing. If it means letting the other people see you smile and hear your laugh again it's okay. If it means letting you live longer it's okay. If it means making other people see your lovely violet eyes again it's okay. If it means letting other people see your cold and arrogant attitude it's okay. You'd love if other people sees that arrogant side of yours right? I won't mind everything as long as it'll benefit you. You see Guren, for me, it was all about you afterall.

 

Do you think somewhere in your heart, you've forgiven me from all the things I caused you? Again, I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being Mahiru's fiancé. I'm sorry for lying. I'm sorry if you knew I died trying to stop one of the noble vampires from killing you, but I really did stop him from killing you right? Ah, why do I keep asking questions that will never be answered? Knowing you, I know you're still burdening and blaming yourself on everything that's happened but please don't, please stop, you deserve to live... really...

 

Thank you for everything Guren. Please take care of my heart as if it's yours. Even though from the beginning, it was actually already yours.

 

Fourth trivia, did you know that from the start, I knew you won't tear this letter up nor crumple it and would still finish reading this even though you're already annoyed because that's so you?

 

Fifth trivia, Guren Ichinose, I love you... and I don't regret not letting you know this before I die.

 

Shinya Hiiragi

 

***

 

"...because these blue eyes of mine, only see those violet eyes of yours."