50/51

It’s interesting how even the most minuscule changes to the course of one’s day can dramatically affect a person’s life.
 

Pencil. Just ask for a pencil.
 

In her peripheral vision, Irene could see the thin piece of wood sticking out of her classmate’s pencil case. All she needed to do is to lean over slightly and whisper in the steadiest voice she can manage, “Hey, can I borrow a pencil? I lost mine.”
 

Real simple. It wasn’t rocket science (ha ha). Nine words. One deep breath. A dose of confidence and voila – a pencil she could use to take down the equations on the board. She would have used a pen, but correction tapes creates a whole lot of mess and Irene really hates how the ends of the little white strips would not stick down on the paper sometimes.
 

She pressed the base of her palms against her thighs, feeling like her eyes were going to spin out of their sockets soon as she constantly looked back and forth between the board and the pencil. Irene already lost two minutes earlier rummaging in her pencil case and coming up with nothing. She also peeked, for the hundredth time, at the name on the notebook, making sure that she got it right.
 

Clock was ticking.
 

Inhaling as much oxygen as she could, Irene leaned a little to her right and cleared softly. Mic test, one, two – “M-Minju-sshi? Can I borrow a pencil? I lost mine.”
 

Minju looked up and widened her eyes in surprise before replying, “Oh s-sure,” she grabbed the pencil and handed it over to Irene in one swift motion.
 

Irene was so relieved. She took the pencil gingerly, mumbling, “Thanks,” and quickly copied down the equations before her professor erased them.
 

When class ended half an hour later, Irene was on the verge of a panic attack again as she wondered exactly how to pass the pencil back when Minju called to her, “Hey, Irene-sshi?”
 

Irene was so surprised, she almost knocked her table over, “Y-Yeah?”
 

Minju smiled, “You can keep the pencil. I have a lot actually.”
 

Oh. That settled things. Irene blinked before inclining her head slightly, “Thank you.” She proceeded to busy herself by keeping her notebooks in her bag.
 

“No problem,” Minju stood up and made a move to join her friends when she stopped suddenly and retraced her steps back to where Irene still sat, “Actually, Irene-sshi, is it okay if I ask you something?”
 

Irene thought Minju was going to ask how she lost her pencil (at that time, it did seem like a possibility) but instead, was once again taken aback when Minju continued, “I got really terrible grades for the last homework set and I’m thinking there’s something I’m not getting. Do you think you could help me out?”
 

Irene prayed that the universe was not playing a cruel joke on her, “Pardon? You...want my help?”
 

Minju nodded eagerly, “You’re the best in class! Prof said so!” She rubbed her neck in embarrassment, “I’ve been wanting to ask you for a long time but you...um...you don’t talk a lot and I figured you don’t like people bothering you – I’m sorry, I’m rambling, am I?”
 

She could knock Irene over with a feather. Her classmate had just initiated a conversation with her and Irene felt really overwhelmed. This had never happened before.
 

This had never happened before.
 

Irene gulped, “I – No–” Minju looked crestfallen and Irene mentally kicked herself, having not mastered the subtleties of tones, “I mean, no. You’re not rambling. I d-don’t mind helping y-you.”
 

Minju immediately brightened, “Great!” She tried to speak again but another voice interrupted them.
 

“Yah, Minju, are we going for lunch or not?!” yelled one of the girls standing by the doorway.
 

“Coming!” Minju called back before glancing back at Irene. She looked thoughtful, “On second thought, do you want to join us for lunch? We’re just going to the cafeteria.”
 

The day could not have gotten any weirder. Irene stared at her classmate, “A-Are you sure?”
 

“Of course!” Minju beamed before calling to her friends, “Hey, can Irene join us?”
 

“Sure!” Piped the girl earlier – Halla? Irene thought that’s her name, “Come with us, Irene!”
 

“If you don’t hurry, there’ll be no more pudding!” added another girl, Yuna.
 

Minju rolled her eyes at her friend and grinned at Irene, “So how about it? I promise we don’t bite.”
 

Her eyes brimmed with sudden hot tears and Irene pretended to scratch her forehead, quickly wiping her eyes as she nodded, “Okay.”

Suddenly, conversations weren’t the most terrifying thing in this side of the universe. Her new friends, with their salon-cut hair and taste in trashy pop music, aren’t terrible. They were friendly, fun and – this Irene is very much happy about – completely unperturbed by her weird counting habit. In fact, they welcomed it.
 

“Oh, don’t worry about it,” said Halla, when Irene had to explain her observation of the amount of buttons on the girl’s shirt. She jerks her thumb at Minju, “This girl starts dancing out of nowhere when she’s nervous,” She gestures to Yuna on her right, “She eats a lot, and I mean, a lot–”
 

“Stomach like a black hole,” Minju snickered, earning her a kick on the shin from Yuna. She yelped and frowned at Yuna, rubbing the bruised spot on her leg. She added anyway, “Halla binge-watches anime the night before a test.”
 

“Trust me,” Halla assured Irene, as Yuna and Minju tossed fries at each other, “We can be really weird.”
 

Irene doesn’t mind. Weird is nice. She likes weird. She’s the epitome of weird from down south. What struck her the most was that, with these ‘weird’ people, she can also have debates about the origins of the universe and the possibilities of wormholes.
 

All the things only nerds like her understand.
 

Irene had never met anyone back home who had shared the same interests as her. But after drifting out of her orbit and finally adjusting to the new atmosphere, it helped to break the many barriers she had set between her and her classmates. Surprisingly, Irene wasn’t the only introvert – there are a few who were just as shy at making friends and they waited for others to make the first move.
 

“Physics attracts introverts like bees to a flower,” Yuna commented, “We’re like sitting ducks, waiting for someone to sweep us out of our misery.”
 

“We’ve always wanted to talk to you,” Minju started, “But you just seemed so distant. And quiet. I keep thinking we might frighten the hell out of you or something.”
 

Had she? Had she been that way all this time? Was that what people think of her? “I didn’t think anyone…would notice me,” Irene mumbled, shifting in her seat uncomfortably at the sudden attention directed to her.
 

Yuna snorted, “Being the genius you are, who wouldn’t?”
 

It made Irene realise how very much wrapped up in her thoughts she was, to the point where she failed to see the things happening around her.
 

But it feels great working together with like-minded people, sharing the wondrous feeling of understanding the laws that underlie a wide range of phenomena once they got the hang of a concept. It’s the kind of excitement that only Physics majors are familiar with, the great thrill of learning some of the amazing secrets of the universe and following in the footsteps of great scientists.
 

The more time she spent with them, the more aware Irene was of the blooming sensation in her chest, coming to life with every passing day.
 

The feeling of acceptance.

“You’re friends with Wendy Son?” asks Minju one day, during one of their study groups meeting.
 

Irene nods absent-mindedly, not quite paying attention as she skims through her notes. When she notices the unusual silence, she looks up, blinking at the surprised looks on the faces of her friends.
 

“Is there something wrong?”
 

Minju shakes her head, still in awe, “Nothing wrong. It’s just – well, we heard a lot of things about her.”
 

A feeling wells up within her and Irene completely forgets about school for a moment, “Wendy is a nice person! She’s a good friend to me and taught me a lot too.” She expected the topic to come up one way or another – it can’t possibly be a secret when many people had already witnessed the two hanging out together a lot.
 

She didn’t mean to sound really defensive but Irene thinks she ought to stand up for Wendy and dispel away any bad rumours circulating, even if she doesn’t know the full extent of them.
 

Luckily, her friends don’t take offence at Irene’s outburst. Yuna raises her hands in mock surrender, “Relax, we’re not saying being friends with Wendy is bad. At least, judging from what you’re saying.”
 

“She hadn’t been going to any parties lately,” Halla wonders out loud, tapping a pen thoughtfully against her chin, “She was notorious. The wild party animal. She used to go to one every week.”
 

“And she still manages to keep her straight-As,” Minju chips in, shaking her head, “Wonder how she does that.”
 

“So, Irene, did you tame her or something?” Yuna jokes, snorting while punching a few numbers into her calculator.
 

But Irene doesn’t hear her.
 

I thought I was in the mood to party…but I’m just feeling bored

On the contrary, I am having fun with you.

…I don’t party all the time…
 

Memories flit through her mind, too fast for Irene to stop and arrest any one of them, the gears in her head working furiously to make sense of them all.
 

Puzzle pieces again. But where do they fit this time? What do they mean? Irene blames herself for only being able to understand the mysteries of the universe, but not the complexities of the human mind. Something is there. Something important and she can’t figure out what it is.
 

Where do they fit?
 

“Irene? You still with us?”
 

Irene instantly puts aside the maelstrom of thoughts in her head and flashes a quick smile, “Sorry, I was just trying to remember an equation Prof taught a week ago.”
 

“Oh! I think I know which one it is!” Halla quickly flips open her notebook in search of last week’s notes while Yuna joins her as well.
 

But Minju is still looking at Irene, “It’s alright to be friends with whomever you like. We won’t judge.” She must have caught onto Irene’s distress, though she does mistake it for another reason entirely.
 

But nonetheless, Irene is grateful for the vote of confidence, “Thanks, Minju.”
 

She only wishes her mind stops trying to solve the puzzle that is Wendy. It becomes a distraction throughout the day, even long after she bids her friends goodbye and heads to the dorm. But, puzzle or not, Wendy’s always on her mind and Irene thinks this is becoming a borderline obsession.
 

Even her counting isn’t enough. Her inner voice falters at the number 21 and she loses track of what she’s counting once she reaches 29.
 

It's close to midnight and Irene's still up, having hunkered down in preparation for her exams coming up next week. With her mind feeling like it’s full of mould, she can't wrap her head around the new concepts that her professor had introduced. Even after forcefully downing three cups of coffee (awful things, these drinks), they failed to jumpstart her brain and remained in neutral, going absolutely nowhere.
 

How amazing it must be that scientists of the past probably spent their whole lives in search of the answer to their many theories and now, these theories have been compressed into textbooks and students are expected to master them in a matter of weeks. Days even.
 

Frustrated, Irene slumps in her chair, unable to process anything even with her already over-caffeinated brain.
 

A snore rips through the silence and Irene casts an envious look at her roommate. The girl was already through most of her exams and did not seem to be the least panicked by anything. When asked how her exams went, Seulgi only shrugged and said nonchalantly, "Nothing bad. A little mistake here and there but I'll live."
 

Irene, on the other hand, won't allow herself to live if she makes even the smallest of careless mistakes. And in an exam where answers are dependent on using the right equations and mathematical operations, mistakes are best avoided.
 

Irene checks her cup. There's little left of her drink and she wonders whether the fourth cup would make any difference. Flipping despondently through her notes, Irene tries to tackle a different section when her phone screen lights up.
 

Grabbing the device, she reads the message that just came in.
 

"Hey, you awake?"
 

Irene smiles and shoots back a reply at the speed of light, "I'm alive but barely."
 

"How terrible. Did the spirits of past scientists not give you inspiration?"
 

"If you could recall them from the dead, I would gladly appreciate your help."
 

"Unfortunately, I am nothing, but a mere fungi. Even Super Mario's mushrooms are way more effective than me."
 

Irene bursts into laughter but quickly clamps a hand over , looking over her shoulder to make sure Seulgi is still sleeping.
 

"What do you want, Wendy? Seeing as how you're useless to me right now..."
 

"Me? Useless? What are you talking about, I put the FUN in FUNgi pfft."
 

Irene barely had time to react properly to that very terrible joke when Wendy sends another message.
 

"Why don't you take a little break and join me in the carpark? :P"
 

Her chair almost falls over in her rush to the window. Sure enough, there's that blue convertible, sitting idly in a lot with its headlights on. If she squints harder, she could make out the figure behind the wheel. Irene immediately calls her.
 

"Oh, good timing, my thumbs hurts from typing," greets the melodious voice, but Irene doesn't have time for jokes.
 

"What are you doing here?!" she hisses into her phone, briefly glancing at her roommate.
 

Wendy hums, "I have somewhere to be and I'm wondering whether you would like to join me."
 

Irene can't believe what she’s hearing, "I have exams next week."
 

"Me too."
 

"I need to study."
 

"Great. How's it going so far?"
 

Irene stares at the mess of papers and books strewn all over her table, "It's going well."
 

Laughter streams into her ear, "Liar. You need a break."
 

"You need to stop popping out of nowhere."
 

"Hey, I'm a mushroom. I popped out of nowhere and everywhere."
 

"You are growing too fond of that name," Irene claps a hand over her face, wondering what she had done in her previous life to meet someone like Wendy, "I have a curfew and the gates are locked right now."
 

"Oh? Then just climb it."
 

In another universe, Irene would greatly appreciate Wendy's ability to make everything seem so simple. It would be a boost to her studies definitely. But another look at her notes and Irene had to agree that tonight, she's just not going to make any headway.
 

Hurriedly exchanging her pyjama bottoms for jeans and throwing on a jacket, Irene hastily scribbles a short note for Seulgi, just in case. She puts on her shoes and exits her room, creeping down the hallway. Of course, there are other girls who never took the curfew seriously and managed to avoid getting caught, but Irene, having not broken any rules before, is terrified that someone could hear her thumping heart and the light squeaks of her shoes.
 

But it's exhilarating at the same time and when she manages to reach the entrance, the excitement increases tenfold.
 

Wendy is waiting for her on the other side, casually leaning her shoulder against the lamppost nearby. She turns when she hears the click of the door, her face lighting up instantly upon seeing Irene, "Hey. No lasers zapped you when you walked down the hallway?"
 

Irene smiles, happy to see the other girl too, "I'm a cabbage - lasers only detect humans. Sorry to disappoint you."
 

Wendy snorts and edges closer to the gate, "Now, who's the one too fond of her nickname?"
 

Irene gestures at the girl to keep her voice down - after all, she's still within dormitory compounds and not quite free yet. She eyes the gate worriedly, "How am I going to climb this?"
 

Wendy rolls her eyes, lips curling in amusement, "Lucky you, there's no spikes to impale you at any point. Just put your foot here," she gestures to a low bar.
 

And it went like that, Wendy guiding Irene on where to put her feet while Irene tries not to think of slipping and falling. The gate isn't that high - Irene estimates it to be about two and a half metres - and she reaches the top quickly.
 

"Okay, swing your leg over," Wendy orders and Irene does as she's told, "Find a spot for your feet – yeah that's it. Now your other leg."
 

Irene is fully on the other side and she silently congratulates herself for no mishap so far. She strains her ears for any footsteps coming from inside the dorms but no one appeared. Glancing down, it's still a little too high to jump off and she tries to locate the next foothold.
 

When she tries moving down, she is abruptly stopped and looking up, she sees why, "Oh."
 

"What's up?"
 

"My jacket, it's stuck," The zipper is caught in between the gates. Irene grits her teeth and attempts to pull it free, but it will not budge.
 

Wendy laughs, not at all helpful, "Can't you get it out?"
 

"I'm trying," Irene tugs harder. Nothing, "Urgh, it won't -" Putting all her strength into her arm, she pulls and finally frees her jacket. But the sudden absence of force surprises her entirely, causing her to lose her grip on the gate and fall backwards.
 

She lets out a shriek and is vaguely aware of Wendy trying to stop her descend by gravity but both of them ended up tumbling onto the ground.
 

So much for no mishaps.
 

They sit on the concrete, breathing hard. Irene thinks someone is going to burst through the doors at any moment - her shout should be loud enough to stir the dead - but still no one appears. As she ponders over the lax security, Irene glances at Wendy and is suddenly overwhelmed with the urge to laugh. She chokes out a mangled, "S-sorry."
 

Wendy turns to look at Irene, utterly indifferent, "For the record, this mushroom did try to stop you from falling, therefore I'm not completely useless."
 

"Thank you for your efforts."
 

"No problem."
 

And they collapse into laughter, tears running down their cheeks.

The beauty of the night is that one doesn’t really know when it