In Sickness and In...

I awoke at three in the morning and decided to call Yongguk. He picked up on first ring with a sleepy groan.

 
"I know this sounds weird, but can you please pick me up and bring me home?" I blurted right away on the receiver. "We could also eat breakfast together. If you like to. If?" I no longer remember the reason why I decided to call him.
 
"But if you are busy, or if this is too weird, it's okay to pass. I won't get hurt," I added, crossing my fingers. This is all too weird to begin with. But if he really has become my best friend over the years, then he won't ask too many questions over the phone.
 
"It's not the strangest thing I have heard from you, Jem-ah," he replied and I sighed in relief. 
 
"I will message you my location. And thanks, Yongguk-ah?" 
 
I heard faint laughter on the other end of the line. "I'll be there in thirty minutes, Jem-ah."
 
And indeed he was. He did not hover nor ask fussy questions. Maybe this is why he was my best friend and I was grateful.
 
However, he did ask one thing. "Did you run away again?"
 
"Again?" I almost choked on my Coke. We were eating a McDonald's cheese burger and fries along with it. We went to a drive-thru and parked near a playground a few blocks from Songpa Towers.
 
"He called me last night and asked if we were together."
 
"Oh." Shocks, so I have done this before and repeatedly. "I was with fandom friends."
 
"Great, was it fun? Uhm, actually no, I'm not asking that question," he said. "I'm not supposed to ask any questions. You never tell me anyway. So much for being best friends.
 
"I'm just your chauffeur," he was sulking. I couldn't blame him either.
 
"I'm sorry, Yongguk-ah," I said faintly. "But I promise, I will tell you everything within this week once I have talked to Hyukjae."
 
Yes, I was talking to that guy. I could no longer run away from this, and would have to confront him one way or another when I get home. I just hate it that it is me, the Jem-of-the-Past, who has to make all these decisions when I did not even get to decide how I came to be in this place of my life in the first place.
 
"Just tell me that you will no longer be running away, Jem-ah," he was serious now. "You can always tell me, or Hyukjae, especially him. I hate to say this but he gets so worried every time you do this. It makes me want to rewind everything and not have punched him during the President's Ball. He gets that really pathetic look and voice, you know."
 
What I know was that I was getting more incredulous by the moment.
 
"Why is everybody on his side?!!" I snapped at my dear chauffeur. 
 
"It's not that. But wait, what did he do?" Yongguk was sensing something. But I zoned him out and was just thinking of bloody murder.
 
"I'm sorry. Please just drive me home," I told him. I was not-talking-Jem again.
 
 
I thought that I will have the first word with Hyukjae. However, he was already home when I arrived. In fact, he was waiting for me at the lobby. Yongguk may have texted him. I hated conniving boys.
 
"We need to talk," he said as soon as we were inside the elevator.
 
"That's my line," I quipped.
 
He just sighed. "I'm glad you are now talking to me."
 
He was standing next to the elevator controls while I was at the far back. When he looked back at me and I threw him the most uncaring look I could give. The entire elevator ride seemed like an eternity. 
 
"Come on, tell me why you're angry at me," he whined again once we were inside the house. "Jem-aaaaa! I should be the angry one here, you know, with you running off with that dork.
 
"You were together the whole night and wouldn't even answer my calls…
 
"I should be the one throwing dagger looks to the edge of the earth, and or throwing plates to the walls," he followed me to the kitchen where I was starting to cook rice for breakfast of the kids when they get home. "Here," he handed me a rice bowl, "Come on; throw this at my face if you're that angry at me!"
 
I continued to ignore him and proceeded on getting the cereal from the overhead shelf and milk from the fridge. Whatever happened to confrontational and talking-Jem.
 
He snatched the cereal box from me, removed the lid, and threw some cereal puffs directly at my face. I blinked back in disbelief.
 
"What did you just do?" I calmly asked.
 
"You've become so closed-up, Jem. Release your tensions," Hyukjae answered back calmly with a grin. I turned back towards the drawers and looked for a glass for the milk jug I was holding.
 
"Oh, come on! You are not communicating for the past months now, Jamaica Lee," and he playfully threw more cereal towards my face. "This is good for us. Talking. Now throw back those cereals.
 
"Tell me what is freaking wrong, Jem!" he shouted, and flung the entire cereal box to my face.
 
"Stop it, Lee Hyukjae!" Shocked, I shouted back. "You're being so childish!"
 
"Am I the childish one now? Huh? Am I the one who suddenly goes not-talking?"
 
"I already told you that I do not like you hanging out with Bang Yongguk. I don't care how creative or how artistic or how friendly or how caring he is. I don't careeee!" I don't know where this was coming from. 
 
"You can't tell me who to be friends with," I shouted back. "At least he is more loyal." And he really did just threw a box of cereal to my face.
 
I heard the front door opening and closing. The kids have arrived. Shen and Jae were staring wide-eyed at both of us and the mess that was of the kitchen and parts the living room.
 
"Hi, guys!" Hyukjae and I greeted at the same time.
 
"Ma, Jae sa – " Shen started her sentence.
 
"You both go to your rooms to change, close your doors while Appa and I talk here." I told them right on. 
 
"Ma, are you fighting?" Jae asked feebly still clutching his favorite blanket from the vacation house. "Appa?"
 
"No, of course not," I crouched down to his level and felt his warm cheeks. "We are just doing some emotional talking. A very emotional one. So you two go to your rooms and stay there until I say so." But they stayed rooted to the floor.
 
"Now, guys!" Hyukjae commanded and the two ran to their rooms to the other side of the house.
 
"Yah, you do not have to shout at the children!" I told him off when I heard their doors shut.
 
"Yeah, yeah, sorry about that," he mumbled.
 
"But that Bang Yongguk?!" We are back to level one of our emotional talking session. "Loyal my arse!" he hasn't forgotten. 
 
“I know you cannot remember this. But he broke my sister's heart before!" Oh, this is news to me.
 
"I don't care, okay! Just leave him alone! And clean up all these cereals!"
 
Hyukjae did not listen. He did pick up some cereal pieces but only to throw them back at my direction and pouted his way out to the adjoining living room.
 
"Ya! I told you to clean up all these mess!!"
 
"Ask that Bang person to clean up for you. He is your husband now, right? You talk to him, right? Right?" he yelled from the living sofa to where he was sitting at. 
 
A part of me tells me that he is just provoking me to open up and all these talk is meant well, somehow. But when a person emphasizes questions by repeating them to me like he is, isn't he, you know, right? Right? My fuse tends to run out sooner than expected.
 
"I don't care about his past relationships. Maybe he and Sora eonnie just did not work out and you’re already decided to hate on him basing on that? Sora eonnie does not even hate me for being best friends with him! Now, clean this mess in the kitchen!" My brain was whizzing and my throat parched.
 
"Ask that Bang person to clean up!" Oh, he was being such a brat!
 
I marched up to him in the living room. "Stop shouting. The kids are here." I warned him, trying to keep my voice as low as possible. "I know you just want me to talk, but we will not talk like this here with the kids around!
 
"And don't tell me you are jealous of Bang Yongguk?" I added, before walking back to the kitchen in a huff. "Well, you should be because he is more loyal than you!" 
 
Hyukjae stood up from the sofa, and yelled. "Yeah right! He is your husband now, right? You talk to him, right? Right?"
 
Oh he just did not do that repeating ending words of sentences to make a point thing.
 
I have just reached back the confines of the now messy kitchen, where on one side of the kitchen counter was the milk jug I left. I do not even remember reaching for it, but when I opened my eyes, I saw white liquid dripping all over the side of the sink, cabinets, and floors.
 
"Shut up Lee Hyukjae! You are the one having an affair and you're the one telling me to communicate?! Screw you!" I was uncontrollably shouting now. "You think I did not see you with that woman at the airport, at SM, at the TV station?!! Where else have you two been, you adulterating mass of spoiled beans!" I wanted to shout more and more as if it would help me let my message across.
 
"You saw that?" Hyukjae's voice was closer now. I turned around and he was in the kitchen. "Oh, Jem-ah, I am not with that woman! At all!"
 
He is defending himself. Of course. 
 
"Spare the speech."
 
"That was Maeri Han! Maeri Han! It was just Maeri, Jem-ah. She is an old friend of yours." 
 
"Great so now you’re screwing my friend?"
 
"Oh my God, no!" he exclaimed. "Tsk that friend of yours always gets me in trouble."
 
"Heol," I deadpanned. "If you're not cleaning this mess, just get out of here."
 
"Jem-ah, I'm serious. Maeri is an investigative reporter, she is helping out regarding your accident." he explained while I continued to avoid him by wiping and setting paper towels on the pool of milk in the floor. "We did not tell you because of the nature of the case and due to your present condition. Only she and I know."
 
"The next thing you will tell me is if I want to meet her or not," I caught him off guard. "And my answer is no thanks."
 
"Please, please believe me," he pleaded, his arms circling my waist. "You know me; I care for this family very much. I will never do such thing ever."
 
No, I do not know you, Lee Hyukjae. You are just an idol whose concerts I watch and whose albums I buy. This is not love because
 
"I do not know anyone named Mirae Han," I said, then pushed his hands away from my waist. "The Jem of the Past and this Jem now does not know anyone of such name and face."
 
I could see Hyukjae's teary eyes, his arms hanging aimlessly in his shoulders. "She is your friend! I will call and talk to her so that you will really believe me." He began fumbling over his pocket for his phone.
 
"It's okay, Hyukjae. I will talk to her if you want. All this shouting is tiring," I said amicably. "But it's over."
 
Our eyes met. He was crying uncontrollably now. Why is it that he was the one who gets to do the pathetic crying thing? Then, he walked towards me.
 
"No, Jem-ah. Let's not do this! Let's work on this," he said while attempting to hug me. "I am sure I can explain everything about the girl. It is not what you think at all, Jem-ah."
 
I heard another set of crying from across the other side of the room. When I glanced to my left, I saw Shen and Jae standing next to each other in the mess that was the living room, both sobbing and scared.
 
"Let's talk about this later, the kids are getting scared," I faced Hyukjae and started to walk out of the kitchen.
 
"No, you're mistaken about all these! Let's talk about this now, Jem!" he said in a louder voice, still trying not to shout.
 
"Jem, I love you! Nothing has changed over the years! I love you now! I love the kids!"
 
"Lee Hyukjae, just shut up, okay?" I shouted back to interrupt him. "I don't freaking care if you have a proof that you are not having an affair with that girl or not. But it's pretty clear that you want me out of your life!"
 
I slammed my hands in the kitchen counter in frustration and anger. And as I did, the drinking glass perched on its edge came tumbling to the floor.
 
"You freaking already signed the divorce papers yourself," I said feebly as the sound of breaking glass and Shen's wail reverberated through the still air inside our Songpa Towers condominium.
  
"Ummaaaaaaaa!!"
 
I turned and ran to Shen's side within seconds. At first, I thought she was hurt by flying debris from the glass. There was no blood. But it was Jae, my baby, lying limp on the carpet.
 
"What happened? What happened?" I searched Shen's pale face for answers.
 
"He was having a stomachache before the flight," she stuttered, while Hyukjae cradled Jae in his arms. "Gran gave him medicine in Jeju. He was okay in the plane and when we arrived."
 
"We're going to the hospital," Hyukjae announced. "Jem, bring the IDs and my phone and car keys please."
 
I nodded and went to the bedroom to get the kids' IDs, grabbed Hyukjae's phone and keys. He was already in the hallways and calling us to hurry.
 
I gave a quick glance at the messy living room and kitchen then turned to Shen who was still frozen at her spot.
 
I hugged her, and told her while shaking: "Shen-ah, it's time to be brave, okay? Be there even if Mother cannot, okay?"
 
To this, she nodded. We both left the messy house holding each other's hands and caught up on Hyukjae who was waiting for us by the elevator.
 
***
 
 
We ended up inside my car since it was parked nearest the elevator. Hyukjae drove while I cradled Jae in the passenger's seat, Shen sat at the backseat. I strapped in both of us into the seat belt.
 
"It's alright, Big Boy," I told him. "It won't be long now and we will be at the hospital." 

"Eomma, is he gonna be alright?" Shen asked from the backseat. "I will pray for him."
 
"Of course, he will be," Hyukjae answered her.
 
"I th