I actually don’t mind being alone. So what? Be it. Be alone walking, sitting, drinking or whatever. I don’t prefer smoking cause I hate the health precautions of it. Whatever comes, whenever, whoever. I don’t care.

I don’t care anymore.

But you came.

Why do you have to?

I know most girls are fickle-minded sh*ts. Sorry for the bad word but I know most of you guys hate that part of us. I mean, it is not that we are trying to be like that always. I think it’s part of it – of us. But mind you, we are aware of it so bear with us.

I don’t like blaming nor cursing somebody because that won’t do any good. It could even make a situation worse. But due to my last break-up I think I broke the rules I set my own. It wasn’t easy. Who moves on easily after a five-year long relationship? And while my friends and everybody kept asking me what’s my problem I couldn’t even tell them the whole story because they won’t understand. And also, even if we are both exes of each other now can we get some privacy?

So please don’t ask.

It just happened that one day. And that one day changed everything we have. Everything we built. And it shattered both of us. We weren’t as tough as we thought. We weren’t happy anymore. Just that.

And then you. You are the only person I held on to. Because you are always present in my lonely hours. You pick up whenever I need somebody to talk to. You’re just too kind. That’s too much to make me realize that I was doing stupid things. And I have always said ‘thank you’ even though I know it was not enough. I feel guilty whenever I told you my sad stories. Because I needed you and I know you also have other things to do.

Then a year turns. It was really quick. You began to be my long-distant-appearing-disappearing-friend. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. For the first weeks I thought that this must be something, a solution perhaps. That you were given to me by a fairy of some sort to watch over me and make me feel okay again. To forget and heal all the wounds I gained from the past. And I am thankful for that.

And now that I am okay, how can I talk to you? How can I manage to get your attention when my problem now is being troubled about the feelings I have for you? How do I start when I’m already falling for you?