Kibum stared at his reflection on the mirror. He smiled, contented with his outfit for the day. He was going to attend a high school reunion with his fiancé, Minho. He was quite excited since it's been so long since the last time he met his high school friends. From what he heard, everyone was going to attend the reunion. And that could mean that even Jinki was going to be there.

His smile faltered at the memory of Jinki. The man was his first love. He was the first person who taught Kibum the essence of love. The first person who showed him how wonderful it is to love and to be loved. The first person who loved him for all that he is. Jinki accepted Kibum despite his mood swings, and whinings, and tantrums, and emotional breakdowns. He loved Kibum even when Kibum himself couldn't love his body, his soul. Jinki accepted Kibum and all his flaws. And yet, despite all these, Kibum still left Jinki. And the worst thing is, Jinki let him go, telling him that he wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn't with him. Jinki let him go with a smile on his face and tears threatening to fall from his eyes.

Kibum couldn't say that he regretted his decision, but he couldn't say he didn't either. Jinki had been a big part of his life. And some questioned his decision to leave Jinki. Kibum didn't know. He never found out the answer, even until now. Maybe he loved fashion more than Jinki. Maybe his mind was clouded with the promise of a beautiful future abroad that he just forgot about love. He was selfish. Jinki knew that, but he loved Kibum anyway. And Kibum's decision to leave everything behind just proved him how selfish Kibum could be.

Kibum was pulled out of his trance by a voice. Minho's voice to be specific.

"Ready babe? We're running late."

"Yeah. Let's go."

• • • • •

When Kibum arrived at the place, he was greeted by his friends. He was surprised by the changes that occured to each of them. So much has changed, but the spark in their eyes as they reminisce the memories they shared through their high school days was still there. And Kibum was overwhelmed with joy because everything felt perfect. Suddenly, silence engulfed the table and all eyes were on Kibum. Or more accurately, behind him. Slowly, the man turned his head around. Standing behind him was the man he used to love.

"Hi Kibum. Can I talk to you?"

And all Kibum could do was nod. Because seeing the man in front of him made him feel things that he hadn't felt in a long time. Kibum stood up and followed Jinki outside the hall where the event was held. Silence engulfed the two. Jinki was the first to break the silence.

"So, how are you? The last time I heard that you're doing well in the fashion industry."

"Well, what you heard is right. I've been doing great and I love how things are going on with my life right now."

"That's good to hear, Kibum."

"How about you?"

"I work in a hospital."

"Pediatrics?"

"Yes." Jinki chuckled. "You still remember?"

"Of course I do. You used to talk about it a lot."

Jinki flashed Kibum a smile. It felt good that Kibum didn't completely forget about him.

"So Kibum, you're getting married."

"Yeah. My fiancé's here actually."

"I met him. Minho, right? He's a great guy. You're lucky."

"Thanks. How about you? I don't see any band on your finger. But maybe you're in a relationship?"

"I'm not. Haven't been in one since you left, actually."

"Oh."

Silence surrounded them once again. Thought were running endlessly through Kibum's mind. Why is Jinki still single? Have he not moved on from him? Does he still love Kibum? Kibum's thought ended as Jinki's voice resounded in the silence of the night.

"I have to go, Kibum. Congratulations on your engagement. I wish you all the best." Jinki smiled. But it felt wrong. Like the smile was strained. Yet Kibum let it be. "And uhh, for you." And placed on Kibum's hand was a pink envelope. With that, Jinki left.

Kibum was left alone. He decided to read the letter when he was home. Kibum didn't see Jinki for the rest of the party.

• • • • •

Minho was already in a deep slumber yet Kibum kept tossing and turning on the bed. He still haven't read the letter. He wasn't sure if he was ready to read whatever Jinki wrote on it. But then curiousity got the best of him. He took the letter out of his drawer along with his phone and silently went to the living room. 

Dear Kibum,

        Hi. How have you been? I heard that you were doing well. I'm glad to know that. I've been working in a hospital. In pediatrics. Remember that dream of mine? It came true. We both have been successful in achieving our goals, Kibummie. Cheers for us!

I also heard that you're engaged. That's great news. But know what? It hurt when I found out. Because I still love you. I still love you a lot. It's been years since you left, yet I'm still hoping that you'd come back, that I can have you in my arms once again. But you never did. I still find bits and pieces of you in my life. The coffee shop I go to everyday is still the same coffee shop where we had our first date. I sometimes see your figure dancing in the living room, but it's all in my mind. I still wake up in the morning, look at your side of the bed just to realize that you're gone. Your favorite songs are still in my playlist. The bits of ornaments you decorated my apartment with are still with me. Those polaroid pictures of us are still taped on my walls.

I never moved on, Kibum. I don't think I can. Because everytime I try to date someone else, all I can see is you. And it's pathetic because you've moved on already, yet here I am, stuck in time. It hurts, knowing that you're smiling and I'm no longer the reason behind your beautiful smile.

But, remember what I told you when you left? I want you to be happy, even if it's not with me. So even though it hurts so much, I'm happy that you're happy. Your happiness means so much to me. So as long as you're happy, I'll be okay.

Kibum, you've always been the one for me. You still are. You'll always be, even if I'm not the one for you. I wish you happiness. Keep in mind that I love you. Always have, always will.

                                                                                         

                                                                                               Jinki

Tears were streaming down Kibum's face. Jinki loved him so much. So much that Kibum's happiness caused him pain. Kibum was starting to question his decisions. Had he made the right choice of leaving years back then? Would he be happier if he chose to stay?

Kibum stared at the letter as tears poured from his eyes. He couldn't marry Minho. Not when his feelings were conflicted. Not when he thinks he loves Jinki more. Just then, his phone started ringing. It was Jonghyun, one of his high school friends.

"Hello?" Kibum was thankful that his voice didn't crack.

"Hello? Kibum I need to tell you something. It's about Jinki.."

"What? What happened?"

"Jinki was involved in a car accident. He was dead upon arrival."

Kibum dropped his phone. His tears never ceased from flowing. It felt like everything came crashing down.

A scream left Kibum's lips.

He was too late.

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