Jiyeon was staring at the pen with bunny cap which the cuter girl handed to her for a while now. Her gazes with her lovely stares on it made me think she’s on a cloud nine or something. Although it may be weird to think about it but a person whose heart’s fluttering acts like this.  The brunette swayed her feet slowly as a pleasant smile shown on her face as well as her cheeks slowly starts to blush; a sign which she’s feeling the butterflies in her stomach while imagining delusional thoughts again.

I continued my nap for I felt something on my head – a headache starts to form to ruin my day even more. My furrowed brows were too obvious so I hid those as I buried my face again on the table. How I wish I could just stay at home and sleep all day but I couldn’t just now. Deep inside me hoping everything happened will come to an end; that someday broken hearts and broken promises will fade away carried by the wind. But I guess it won’t happen that easy, I wonder when it would or it won’t actually?

“Did you hear that?” Jiyeon asked in joy, glanced at me before back to stare at the pen again.

Alright I can’t really stop her for it. She’s too happy today and I don’t think there’s a problem about that.

“I heard it. Who the heck won’t?”

“She’s cute.”

I lifted my face up and see this usual Jiyeon I would always see.  People would think she’s insane if ever they’ll witness her smiling really wide that it could reach to her ears. I don’t really have an exact idea of how it would feel like; falling in love was the best thing people would say and I guess it wasn’t that hard to. It’s so lame for me to say this but yes, I had never been to – I had never been in love to someone since then and I don’t think infatuation could count as ‘falling in love’.

“Why won’t you tell her you do?” a sudden question filled in my head, I was way too curious.

“Tell w-what?”

“That you liked her,” I pointed Soyeon out using my pouts.

“No.” she got startled a bit, frowning “I-I mean not now, I don’t have the guts.” then shook her head lightly.

“Well it’s not like it’s already too late,” I sat straight flipping my hair “but we don’t really know what will happen if you would.”

The brunette sigh, lonely expression now starts to cover her lovely smiles earlier.

“Actually I’m good hiding it,” Jiyeon spat with determination “it’s just that I’m afraid of some circumstances I had right now, you know, gay stuff.”

“You’re afraid of that? Of other’s opinion?”

“I don’t think it is - ” she sigh again, for the third time now “to tell her the truth about my identity and her reactions, I guess it would scare me.”

How pure and innocent Jiyeon’s heart is, someone might be so lucky to have this kind of a person. I had thought about it too – about the circumstances she talked about.

“I’m afraid I might lose her..” her voice gets smaller, I think I know why.

“You don’t even own her.” I replied, too rude.

“Ouch.” she gazed at me with her pitiful look.

Huh. I shouldn’t say that.

“I’ve been keeping this for 2 years now, ” the girl starts again.

“Two…” I look at her, a bit shock “t-two years now?” then asked.

“Yup. Such suffering. However, I planned on telling her one day but not just now.”

“Why not now?”

“Because every little single thing about her makes me happy,” the girl now grins “and I’m just going to treasure it for now.”

I had never seen such happy face for a while now. Now I get used to, thanks to her. Seeing people’s smiles made me happy and I’m saying I’m really that kind of a person. Love really makes people happy, the thought of it makes me too but somehow the irony was on my side right now. For a long time now, got to courage myself to believe on it again but I’m afraid it won’t. I once seen couples had lovey-dovey moments when I was young – I was way too young back then when I felt the warm embrace and sweet kisses on my cold cheeks when it’s winter. The two paired of arms protecting me while I witness them being really in love to each other. I don’t know what happened after that, I don’t even want to remember what happened that day. Now only cold embrace and cold kisses could be felt – but now no more, I can’t even have one like before. Like sweet words gone for miles away.

The broken promises.. the broken hearts, I didn’t expect it would give this much impact onto me. Just then I thought feelings weren’t forever; it won’t even reach for eternity. Now that I’m mature enough, I’ve been keeping this thought all the time – which is, that love is the stupidest thing I ever knew.

The next class will start soon, so I will attend. Though it always bothers me remembering that night when my mom intended to embrace and protect me from harsh and violence words that I think she shouldn’t. I prefer her protecting her own instead and get away from that anguish life. Her wounds were too deep to get healed, but I’m here making it worst by ignoring her for every decision she had made.

I wanted to clear my mind now, I can’t concentrate. I was thinking things too deep on how to get rid of this. Well, my mom won’t want me to as usual and that what makes me hate her.

“Turn to page 148 and I’m giving this to you as your assignment since we don’t have much time.” the teacher giving us task, folding one of the book’s pages as she closed it, “now class dismissed.”

The last subject ended well but I don’t want to go home yet. So what I did, I took some sleep again to kill some time. I don’t think bodyguards won’t notice me here sleeping or anyone like what had happened in the library before. I could still feel my headache so bad that I got dizzy a little bit if I got up. So maybe staying here for half an hour is enough.

I woke up with nobody in the room but I’m sure enough the gates weren’t close for it’s not past 6pm. I set myself together for a while before I made my way through locker rooms to get something from mine. Though I have no idea where to enjoy myself for 2 hours, I just let my blank mind on me for I don’t want to think things all together.

“So it was you?”

A familiar voice echoed the silent building though it felt like it was mumbling. I paused for a while and get myself up to sneak up - it wasn’t really my intention to hear other’s business so I just close my eyes to leave it as it is and went back off.

“I’m afraid I’m not,” the other familiar voiced replied “I wish I could do the same thing – giving you pink roses every day secretly but I’m not.”

Oh.. Did I just hear pink roses?

“I didn’t see this coming,” the other girl chuckled “but why me? Qri you’re my best friend.”

“Do you like your secret admirer that much?” a silence happened after that, it was really deep that I thought I shouldn’t listen to this conversation but..

“No. I don’t..”

I can’t do anything since I overheard it.  A young friend of mine (which she told me she is) I don’t know what to say this but if ever Jiyeon would she’ll probably get hurt.

“Hyomin!”

Someone called me from behind; made me a bit startled as she led me back to reality. I looked on her with her genuine smile – right then I remembered her saying one of those phrases she had recently.

“Because every little single thing about her makes me happy,”

Maybe I’ve been avoiding this feeling for a while to be felt but I don’t want this friend of mine felt the pain that I was talking about – I don’t think it would work fine.

“I’ve been looking for you since I left you in class sleeping and back only to see you not there,” she retort panting, did she actually tried to find me?

“Anyways, did you went to locker room? I got something to get so wait me here.”

“and I’m just going to treasure it for now.”

“Wait,” I grab her right hand so she did turned, “do you have some free time today? My treat!” then I dragged her out, for her own sake.

“W-wait… I’m just gonna get my..”

I take her to a night market place and did treat her some sweets. We’ve been in some malls to have some window shopping and I noticed her not the type of a high school girl who loves ‘shoppings’. I don’t even know what I’m doing right now, to hear that conversation isn’t really the ‘me’ to drag her out to avoid what I wanted her to avoid to. Thankfully she didn’t notice something suspicious; she won’t get it anyway since I was the only one who got to listen onto it. It bothers me so much that I think I shouldn’t – I feel like I cared so much to Jiyeon right now with her situation.

Not so me. Just not really me.

“Ah! The teddy bears were too nice how come we can’t get some?” Jiyeon uttered in disappointment, she had been wasting few token coins to get that panda stuff one. Such a kid.

Now were on an empty bench nearby at a park where we met that Saturday afternoon. The cold breeze could be felt as we slowly eat this dukbokki in a small cup right now. A soda would perfectly match this snack time – I don’t think it’s a snack since I ate too much. We ate too much. I could even feel the burps were coming out from my mouth but I tried to not let it out that loud.

“Hyomin, do you perhaps knew it was my birthday today so you…” the girl beside me spoke out, having no clues why I did this so sudden.

“Not so me right? But…” I paused realizing what she had said, “w-wait, it’s your birthday today?” I asked, almost mumbling.

Jiyeon furrowed her brows, hung open. Bet she’s confused or what,

“I thought you knew it was. You were treating me with lots of food today, like why?” then she asked back.

I gulped. I have never been get startled to seek some great lie answers in my entire life.

“Sorry I never knew that. A friendly treat I guess,” then I wrinkled my nose.

“Ah so cute!” she complimented.

“Heh, don’t say that.”

I finished the food up, putting it all in my mouth. Intentionally to so I won’t be able to worry to answer her right away since I had my mouth full. I was thinking stuff answers so she won’t say I was kinda suspicious and that I could properly analyze things as well – to not get situation obvious and make it as a secret for good.

“My mom messaged me,” she retorted “we have some little party at our house tonight with my parents so I gotta go now…”

“Okay, I wanted to be here for a while so you go and celebrate your day.” I replied, meekly.

“Anyways, happy birthday.”

The brunette smiled puffing, slightly nodding her head.

“Why won’t you come and celebrate it together?” the girl stood up, “we’re friends anyway.”

~~~

Author's note: My apologies for updating late >.< had been really busy from now on so I won't be able to update as fast as I could. But anyways, I would update chapters if I had some free time. Sorry for waiting too long and thank you for reading :)