x (I don't understand, do you?)

  The main vocalist of the boy band is in their shared room, way too engrossed with the characters of a classic chick flick movie for a person like him. A boy, in this matter too. Junhoe though, couldn't care less about what others will think of him. He takes pride in everything he do. If he can't change it, then he might as well embrace it.    But there is one thing he couldn't change and wouldn't embrace it.    And that is-   Jiwon strolls into their room, looking for an item Hanbin has asked nicely for. Junhoe always make Jiwon feels guilty by shooting menacing glares in his direction before training his eyes back on the laptop's screen, as if Jiwon has committed a crime. Trespassing, that is. He should have gotten used to Junhoe's queer behaviour when he is around, breathing and alive. He should have, but he can't. Honestly, he wants to get close to the younger boy, because Junhoe is a good guy. Much to his displeasure though, it is not happening. Even after two long years of being teammates and now sharing a room, can't buried neither the resentment Junhoe has against him nor the grudge Junhoe holds on him.    It is not like Jiwon didn't try. In fact, he gave his best shot, every time.    That was this time, Junhoe was sick. He caught a flu. Jiwon has always been very attentive to Junhoe's movements, changes and whatnot. Up till now, it is something he is still trying to figure out. Okay, back to the flashback. Junhoe was sick and Hanbin being Hanbin, was at the studio. Only Junhoe and Jiwon were in their bedroom. The whole night was a miserable one for the younger, because he was coughing non-stop. He emptied boxes of tissue papers, it could easily be a week's worth. Perturbed, Jiwon flopped out of bed and went to get cold medicines from Hanbin's drawer. More often than not, Hanbin would fall sick. With responsibilities accumulating and that obstinate tendency of overworking himself, being in bad shape were inevitable. On numerous occasions, Jiwon would flout at their suddenly puny leader, sniggers when Hanbin popped two pills into his mouth. However, when it comes to Junhoe, Jiwon ran at breakneck speed to be precise, foraged through Hanbin's many packets of tablets. Who knew they would come in handy? Definitely not Jiwon. He remembered how his mother would cradle him into her arms, rocking back and forth until he was sound asleep. Jiwon got a glass of water for Junhoe, to make the process of swallowing medicines more tolerable. Yet, when he was back, Junhoe had Jinhwan by his side.    "Bobby hyung, I'm sorry... Is it alright for you to sleep in the living room?"    That night, Jiwon wondered if he had caught on the flu too. He felt sick when Junhoe sent him away. He felt foolish because it was obvious the member standing at the height of hundred and sixty-five centimetre knew more about taking care of others than he do.    There was another time, Junhoe wanted a pair of basketball shoes. He was short on cash. Given a circumstances like this and being a recalcitrant as follow up, Junhoe went all out with a cute act. Each and everyone relished Junhoe's half-begging and half-threatening way of asking for things. Each and everyone, except Jiwon. Of course, Jiwon was not included. Sometimes, Jiwon contemplate if Junhoe have ever regarded him as a teammate or not. He treated Jiwon like the older was transparent and unfeeling. Transparent because he marched pass Jiwon like he was not there, he did not even bother to try his luck with the older. Unfeeling because by doing all these, remissibly, he make Jiwon felt less than others. Funny how Junhoe could make someone as assertive as Jiwon to question his own self-worth. Set that aside, at the end of the day, Jiwon was someone who did not know when to give up. And so, he went ahead to offer the used-to-be maknae a pittance of his reward that he had won from Show Me The Money 3. He would go above and beyond to see Junhoe grinning from ear to ear. Despite Junhoe drew a line between them, Jiwon swiped his card, nonetheless. All Junhoe had to do to repay his debt was to smile. Awkward or not, it did not matter. Jiwon was beatific because he made Junhoe happy. Even when he knew, Junhoe would be even more so if it were other members who got him the pair of shoes.   "Bobby hyung, here. You shouldn't buy me things."   That evening, Jiwon wondered if he had inferiority complex. Junhoe returned him the money. It was like a sign that screamed the younger boy wanted nothing to do with him. It was plain to see. Jiwon wanted to ask if he could purchase an hour or two of the younger's time to build an acquaintanceship with the money in his hand. He didn't, because the cost of it was probably exorbitant.   These were just a teeny-weeny part of Jiwon's many failures.    Jiwon taps Junhoe and asks the younger boy where Hanbin's water bottle is. As on cue, the bedroom door slams shut. And Junhoe knows, Jiwon has fallen into their leader's wicked trap.    "What the- Yah! Open up!" Jiwon bangs his fist on the door, furiously and somewhat flabbergasted. It is not like it would open, magically. Junhoe roll his eyes.    "They are man of their words." Junhoe says. He does not pause his movie though, because they are not having a conversation of any kind, right now. In fact, they would not have any conversation at all. "Donghyuk did mention that we should be locked in a room together and everyone else agreed, so, I saw this coming."   Jiwon takes a minute to process that piece of information before he went, "Oh!"    Junhoe tunnels deeper into his blanket, not before sipping a mouthful of his green juice. He lies on his side, cuddling with his bolster and head tilt upwards, the movie is still playing.    The room is in a crispy grey tone with all possible light blocks out by curtains. This is a quintessential Saturday, in Junhoe's point of view. You know what could make it even better? The younger extends an arm, ferrets the floor around his mattress as blind as a bat. When his hand finally finds what he is looking for, he fumbles with the remote for a bit. He can't see that well in the dark. The younger manages to turn on the air conditioner, nevertheless.    The air is kind of musty. To top it off, now that the door is closed, is it suffocating as well. Incredibly stale with awkwardness, a knife can cut. Junhoe will choose cold and awkward over smouldering heat and awkward, any day, you see.   Jiwon resumes banging the door, unceasingly.    "Why aren't you panicking like I do?" Jiwon quizzes, knuckles rapping like there is no tomorrow. He twiddles with the doorknob a few more times. "Why am I the only one panicking?"   "Can you shut up already." Junhoe retorts, kind of crossed. What is his hyung freaking out about? Can't Jiwon see that he is trying to watch a movie here? "It is not like anything will happen, Bobby hyung." Junhoe rub his hands together. The temperature is getting colder and colder. He increases the volume of film, after saying, "Nothing will. Nobody can make us do anything without our consent."  

A paper creeps through the crack between the door and floor. It reads,

  "Dear Jiwon and Junhoe, it's bonding time for you guys. My deepest apologies that things have to be this way, because all of us knew, you guys would just play deaf and dumb if we want the both of you to interact. Please just ing get it done and over with, you idiots. The tension is overpowering. This is the measure we have chosen to take. Eight more hours to go before we unfetter our dear rapper and vocalist. See you at dinner time!"   Jiwon recognises whose penmanship this is.   Some men just want to watch the whole world burn.     The person holding the highest position of this deplorable organisation is none other than Kim Hanbin, the leader of iKon. No no no, he is just a typical leader of a boy band. But of course, the victim beg to differ. To him, Kim ing Hanbin, his best friend, is an .   For one, he got lock in a room with Junhoe.   For two... Screw that. Having one reason to hate Hanbin for the rest of his life, is more than enough.   What is he going to do with the ridiculously long period of time? Talk? Jiwon cancels it in a New York minute. He is the human epitome of 'chatterbox', he can talk all day. Jiwon never runs out of saliva Junhoe, on the other hand, never speaks to Jiwon more than three sentences. It takes two hands to clap, for goodness' sake. Jiwon does not want to be hit by the stupid stick. Again.   Junhoe's words are stuck in his head. It is not like anything will happen. Wait... What? Nobody can make us do anything without our consent.      Jiwon feels as if he was being challenged. Junhoe is younger than him by two years, yet, he is so certain that the both of them does not have any room for improvement on their relationship. How ironic. The room they are currently lounging in is spacious.   He ambles to where the beds are.    There is a double decker bed. Hanbin picked the top and being the great best friend he is, Jiwon did not protest. As for Junhoe, the younger slept on a mattress. The kind whereby you could pull it out from the bunk bed. That way, three grown man could minimise the space.   Now, Jiwon thinks, he should not let Hanbin have the top bunk. He should have play with their age.    Every time he wants to get to his bed, he has to hurdles pass Junhoe first. It drains his energy. It can be due to the reason that the younger refuses to acknowledge him. The use of honorific is inadequate. Especially, if one does not mean it.    Determined, Jiwon does not get to his bed. He could just walk pass Junhoe and not give himself a hard time. But no. Not this time, not ever. He ensconces on the spongy mattress beneath. Something he has not done before, in fear of making Junhoe disliking him some more.   Junhoe is beyond surprised when Jiwon sits on his bed.    Paused.   "This is not your bed." Junhoe grumbles. Great, he has to pause his movie for something so pointless.   "I know." Jiwon replies, as he snuggles right against the younger boy, as if there is absolutely nothing wrong.   Since they are locked in the same room, Jiwon finds it a waste if he does not use it to his advantage. Better yet, Junhoe has no place to run to. It is just the two of them.   Jiwon starts, lifting covers over himself, "The members think we should form a bond."   "Didn't I tell you, nobody can make us do anything without our consent?" Junhoe is about to blow off his top, because he has to repeat himself for the second time. He is about to take a blind notice of Jiwon. However, he figures, he can't have the older in his bed. Especially not, when he is enjoying his pastime. "I know you didn't want to be in here as well. Who is to blame though?" Junhoe snatches his blanket back. He snickers, "Water bottle? Seriously? Hyung, we have a kitchen in the dorm for a reason." Jiwon hears that underlying mockery in Junhoe's voice, when the younger addresses him.    He let that remark pass, eyeing at the tall glass of green juice in disgust. Is that even drinkable? It is glowing. It can be due to the light illuminating on it from the screen though.    "Who says I don't want to be in here?" He counters. This is an once in a lifetime opportunity. There is no way he is letting it slips away like water in his hands.     In that moment, Junhoe freezes.    "I want to be close to you. I'm not lying." Jiwon exhales, steadily. "Tell me why aren't you giving me a chance? I'm not half bad, I swear."   He steals one of Junhoe's earphone and plugs it in his ear.    Play.   "You won't understand..."   Jiwon hears it. Indeed, he does not understand what he won't understand.   There is one thing Junhoe couldn't change and wouldn't embrace it.   And that is his crush on the group's main rapper.           x (Can be your cherry tree.)   The movie is quite comical, if Jiwon has to speak the truth. The girls knew exactly what to say and what to do. Jiwon has a good belly laugh.    In contrast, Junhoe enjoys none of it. Usually, Junhoe prays for the movie to go slower. That way, he can savour every moment of it. With Jiwon by his side though, that can't be the case. He can't help but to want the movie to end as soon as possible, because he can't concentrate. Not when Jiwon is all pressed against him, totally disregarding the fact that they are still awkward with each other. All in all, Junhoe is just wasting his time.   While Jiwon is being his jaunty self, giggling here and there, Junhoe finds the situation inadmissible. The way things are linking in conjunction, is too easy. Anyone would have mistaken them as ten years of buddies with a look. There is no need for great details, really.    To support his statement above, the other evidence is Jiwon's mirthful laughter. The exuberant boy is getting on his nerves. Here Junhoe is, mourning internally at his sudden loss of alone time. But there Jiwon is, putting himself out there and absorbing all the good vibes. Junhoe hates it. He hates that he is at rock-bottom and Jiwon is at sky-high. They don't match, like two separate socks.    Jiwon is a positive guy. Junhoe is just a boy that has god-complex. He does not like to compare themselves to socks, in all honesty. It is the best presentation, regardless. Not shoe and sock, no no. Socks because they are of same gender. Odd pair because their personalities clash and they don't match.   Jiwon brings energy wherever he goes. He has a sunny smile, sun-kissed skin and irresistible personality. How can anyone not like this boy? Looking from Junhoe's aspect, what he is doing is for his well-being. To safeguard his poor heart. He tells himself, regularly, that he catches feelings easily. Yeah, that's why. He falls for people, effortlessly. And Jiwon treats everyone equally.    There was this time, he was sick. He should had heeded Jinhwan's wise words of wearing extra layers of clothing, convenience store nearby or not. He wasn't the rebel kid in the group for nothing. He went against the oldest's suggestion and stepped out of the dorm in a wife beater and sweatpants, seeing no wrong with his outfit. Until, those words made some sense. A cold made him realised it. He had a terrible night. It was filled with nasty snorting and blaring coughing. He barely slept a wink, but he couldn't keep his heavy-lidded eyes open. He heard scuffling of feet and rummaging of things. He reckoned it was Jiwon's doings, producing such noises in wee hours. Junhoe's throat felt extremely dry, like a year without rain. Jinhwan was the lightest sleeper in the whole dorm, so naturally, he woke up when he heard someone calling. Not long after Jinhwan came, Junhoe saw a figure by door. He squinted his eyes before assuming that it was Jiwon. It would be fantabulous if it was Jiwon soothing him into dreamland now. Truthfully, whether he is sick or not, he would rather have Jiwon's features imprinted into his head than sleeping. He condemned himself when he saw the look of dismay on the rapper's face. How is that possible? His eyes must have played a trick on him. Jiwon passed him what he desperately needed and remained on the spot like a stone statue, unmoving. As though a soldier waiting for the next order. Junhoe did what was the best, he practically demanded Jiwon to sleep in the living room. It was for the older's own benefit, after all, he did not want Jiwon to catch his sickness.    "Oh, I get it... Goodnight, Junhoe ah. Get well soon."   That night, Junhoe chugged down the glass of water. The warmth he felt inside out was pure exhilaration. It was out of this world. He forced himself to stay grounded though. Higher the expectation, higher the disappointment, as the saying goes. Most importantly, given that he knew Jiwon to a limited extent, the older boy will probably do the same for others. Funny how he gave Jiwon's health a groat when he was the sick one.    There was another time, he wanted a pair of basketball shoes. He was short on cash. By hook or by crook, the monotone coloured shoes were his. If anyone were to tell him otherwise, a bombard of sassiness ensued. Before that happened, he used his tramp card. With lots of 'please', squashing of cheeks and pouting of lips. Of course, not in front of Jiwon. The older would think gross of Junhoe, undoubtedly. Junhoe could see disgruntlement in Jiwon's unfamiliar pitch-black aura. Something he had only seen once when Jiwon was in a passive aggressive argument with their leader during WIN era. He brushed of quickly, after all, it was none of his business. They were teammates, not friends, Junhoe chided himself. His main concern was about getting the shoes and that was all it matters. Junhoe was about to pass Jiwon yet again, to Yunhyeong. Maybe that kind soul would take pity of him, unlike the rest of the members who knew nothing except being a clan of hyenas. Without warning, Jiwon grabbed him by the his checked outerwear. Jiwon flashed a dazzling smile. Junhoe was stunned. He did not move, expecting Jiwon to be like others, telling him to drop it and go, since the vocalist had uncountable amount of shoes at home. That he was tired of Junhoe's bull. Jiwon swiped his card, crashed the receipt and ed the box into Junhoe's arms, instead. Junhoe had two kind of smiles, the one he showed on stage and the one he showed off stage. Jiwon never got the chance to see a genuine one from the other boy and Junhoe thought, rewarding the same rapper with one for a second was more than enough.    "You really don't have to- Actually, can I buy some of your- You know what, forget it. Never mind."   That evening, Junhoe wondered what Jiwon wanted to ask. He took a glance at the shoes, mulling, did he really ignore Jiwon to a point whereby, they were strangers? That certain topics were a no-no. Junhoe was sure, it was for the best. Those feeling he had harboured for Jiwon, he should have long forsaken them.    Junhoe is lost in thoughts, he is not aware when movie has ended. All these while, Jiwon is staring. Junhoe's side profile is to die for. He has a gist of why girls like their power vocalist, in that moment. Junhoe carries an air of nobility, like people are below his soles. Jiwon adores that trait of Junhoe. That is his secret to keep.   "What are you thinking?" Jiwon moves closer. The younger boy is like a human heater.    "Is it alright for you to take your crap somewhere?" Junhoe snaps.   "This isn't going to work if you're going to be like this, you know." Jiwon laments, a hand clasps gingerly over Junhoe's slightly bony wrist. He initiates a contact and all Junhoe has to do is not to break it off. It will be a splendid start.    Junhoe's gaze is flickering, as if he is debating on whether to push Jiwon off his bed or not. Those few minutes are what Jiwon needed.    He believes that beauty is skin deep and Junhoe is flawless. If he can, he will want to say, he knows the younger boy like the back of his hand. He does not want to lie though, in all seriousness. Up till now, all Junhoe has show and has yet to show, he has fallen for all of them.    Hanbin, his brother from another mother, knew about his pathetic crush on the younger all along. And this is why he is boiling. How could that er lock him with the arguably love of his life in a goddamn room? This is outrageous.   Junhoe clicks open a new website, planning to watch one more chick flick. He says that every time the previous one has ended. That is what he do on every Saturday. He is not even going to conceal facts about visiting toilet twice and only leaving the room when it is lunch and dinner time. This speaks so much about him already. However, he is not going to press 'start' with that thing in his bed.   Jiwon nudges him.   "Stop bothering me." Junhoe says. He finishes his healthy drink. Jiwon calls it the faeces of vegetables and fruits. Honestly, a person with thick skull and drinks coke, it is hard to talk through. Yet, Junhoe loves it when Jiwon wrinkles his nose in disgust. "I've got better things to do, hyung."   "Like what?" Jiwon props on his right elbow, body facing Junhoe, staring blatantly. Since he has already make his intention crystal clear, there are no dos and don'ts with Junhoe in his dictionary, anymore.    "Let me think," Junhoe pretends to ponder. A nanosecond later, "Like, I don't know? Ignoring you?"   Jiwon scoffs at the younger's replies. As expected, rude comebacks. The wrist in his hand has brittle bones. It should come with a warning that says, "Fragile. Please handle with care." He glides his hand near from the wrist to the palm, applying gentle pressures on the other boy's cushions of flesh with the pads of his fingers. Junhoe does not notice.    "Bobby hyung, please, go back to your bed." Junhoe mutters.   "Nah, I like it here." Jiwon beams. He adds quickly, "Besides, I'm not leaving until we have a real talk. And I'm pretty sure, it's not going to happen if I'm on my bed."   That's that, it is final.   Junhoe bellows as he hugs his bolster tighter. His own heartbeats are scaring him.   It is too late to be afraid now, Jiwon tells himself. Aborting mission is not an option.   The sound of engines, generates by the air-conditioner, is luring Junhoe into a slumber. Jiwon watches how Junhoe's eyelids flutter, before resting completely. Long and luxuriant eyelashes fan out along the slits.    "Go on and take a picture," Junhoe murmurs, stoping for a yawn. "I'm sure it'll last longer."    There is a immediate loss of warmth. Junhoe's hand is cold.    Junhoe is only pulling the older's leg. He thought, Jiwon will get his joke. Perhaps not, because Jiwon whips out a phone and without a doubt, he takes a picture as per what Junhoe has suggested. Junhoe grunts, he must have think too highly of their main rapper. They are not on the same intellectual level. That is the last straw that breaks the camel's break for Junhoe.   "Goddamn, hyung!"   All members of IKON who have been eavesdropping for half an hour are snickering. Jiwon's action causes an uproar. Well, yeah, their main rapper is a dimwit.    Jiwon is in awe. With dashing good looks, Junhoe looks like a model even when he is asleep. In the picture he has captured, Junhoe's skin has a natural glow to it and the light from the screen highlights the high points of Junhoe's features. Jiwon believes, if this picture of Junhoe went online, fan girls will go mental.    Obviously, he is not going to do that. He is never going to share this beautiful snap of his with anyone. Against Junhoe's will, he sets it as new wallpaper in his phone.   Junhoe wears cherry blossom on his cheeks, from the shade of tea rose that blooms into a pink rouge.    Jiwon taps on his camera app once more. He has to have this picture of Junhoe too.   Junhoe is like a cherry tree. Overwhelmingly beautiful but also, tragically short-lived. He is inferring to the shyness.   The older among two tucks the younger boy in. With a husky voice, he tells Junhoe to sleep for two hours. After all, it is their day off. He is not going to rob it away. Junhoe always give his hundred percent for their dance choreography. His aching body deserves a good rest. His hand finds Junhoe's and experimentally, he holds it palm facing down.    Junhoe's hand loses rigidity. His mind is a mess. Despite the inability to comprehend what is happening, he feels Jiwon is sheltering him with endearment. The dorsum surface of his hand presses cotton candy soft against bedsheets and with Jiwon's calloused one overlapping his, he is on cloud nine. He abides by the instruction given, he is awfully tired, anyway. When he wakes up, he hope, Jiwon will be gone. Because that feeling in his chest, fuels by Jiwon, sparks like a matchstick. A few more times, Jiwon will successfully relights what he has devastatingly extinguished.   What he does not know, oh, what he does not know, the fire was never put out.           x (So DJ, play us a love song.)   Each strand golden hair between his fingers, Jiwon can only dream of touching them once, he is having a thrill of not getting caught red-handed at present. He gives himself a dressing-down that he should live a little. Really, if anything, this is an excuse. Jiwon is somewhat lethargic while watching the younger snores and drools. However, he figures, if he were to take a nap right now and overslept their time together, without doing bonding exercises of any sort, he will damn himself to hell. In order to counter this forthcoming problem, he will be staying up until their end of time in this confined room.    He shouldn't be invading Junhoe's privacy. He really shouldn't, but he does it anyway. He is going through all the files and a particular one seizes his awareness the most. Junhoe labelled this file in bold and capitals: DO NOT OPEN. Jiwon snorts, their vocalist can be unbelievably juvenile sometimes. (Says the person who is about to click on it, anyway.) Does the other boy expects people to not browse through just because he saved a warning as label? Jiwon has to curb a barking laugh, seeing that Junhoe is kind of cute. He sideway glances Junhoe briefly. Okay, he is good to go.   There is