Their first was when Kyungsoo was three and Jongin was two. It was half-hearted and a quick one, which lasted less than a second, before Jongin pulls away and rubs furiously at his lips. Jongin had hit his hyung hard on the head, sending Kyungsoo into a shrilling wail, face turning red as tears rolled down his chubby cheeks. Despite his younger age, his hands proved to have more strength in them compared to the three year old. Their mothers came rushing from the living room into the playroom the boys were at, to find Jongin playing with his fingers with guilt printed all over his face.

 

It took the two mothers a few minutes to calm Kyungsoo down, telling him that it was alright while rubbing at the spot where Jongin had hit him. The aftermath was a tear-stained Kyungsoo with snot still running down to his lips, and a Jongin who looked like he was going to cry from the guilt of hitting his hyung.

 

“Jongin, say sorry to your hyung,” his mother’s voice was stern, making Jongin slowly make his way up to the said boy.

 

“Mianhae hyung,” he says with trembling lips.

 

“It’s okay Jongin-ah,” Kyungsoo replies.

 

“Now kiss hyung and give him a hug,” his mother urges on. Jongin doesn’t have a choice, and he leans in.

 

Their first was half-hearted and quick, and it had Jongin rubbing furiously at his lips.

 

Their second was accidental, but it had Jongin turn red. Jongin was five while Kyungsoo was six.

 

Jongin was watching Kyungsoo colour the drawing of a house in the colouring book their playgroup teacher had given to them. But Kyungsoo was colouring it all wrong. The sun was blue, and clouds were purple. Jongin has heard his mother talking with someone about colour blindness among boys, and he wondered if his hyung couldn’t see colors right.

 

“Hyung, why are you colouring the sun blue?” he questions, getting closer to his hyung to examine the colouring. What if he was the blind one?

 

Kyungsoo mumbles a reply, and Jongin doesn’t understand what the elder was trying to say. He leans in closer and asks Kyungsoo to repeat himself.

 

“I said, because orange is hot, and I don’t like being hot. Blue means cold,” Kyungsoo replies clearer this time, eyebrows furrowing in concentration as his fat fingers pick up another crayon to colour in the roof.

 

Jongin turns to face his hyung, frowning at how weird he was.

 

Kyungsoo feels eyes boring holes into the side of his face, and abruptly turns to Jongin and that’s when it happens. His lips stops right on Jongin’s. It is also when Jongin realises he was too close to his hyung for comfort. He realises this as they were already two seconds into the kiss. Jongin’s head flung back, and Jongin feels the blood rush up to his cheeks.

 

He just kissed a boy. Not just any boy; it was his hyung. Kisses were meant to be shared when two people were boyfriend and girlfriend, or when they get married, like their parents. Kisses were not meant to happen between boys. (Of course, he doesn’t recall the time when he was the one who leaned in to kiss his hyung when he was two.)

 

He looks back at Kyungsoo, who was staring at him with eyes as large as the marbles they collected and placed in jars in their rooms. Kyungsoo blinks, and Jongin moves to sit further away from his hyung, embarrassed from the situation. Not a word is said. Kyungsoo goes back to colouring the roof of his house red.

 

Their second was accidental, but it had Jongin turn red- almost the same shade of the red crayon Kyungsoo was coloring the roof in.

 

The third was at a party Chanyeol was hosting. Jongin had turned 18 a few days ago, and Chanyeol wanted to throw a belated birthday celebration for him. They were gathered in the living room; 24 teenagers in a circle surrounding an empty glass bottle. They were playing some kissing game in which Jongin wasn’t particularly interested in. He only prayed so hard that the bottle doesn’t point to him, but of course, it does.

 

“Oh the birthday boy got it! Come on, spin again to get your partner!” Chanyeol hollers, throwing his arms into the air. Jongin sighs and reaches to spin the bottle around. His eyes follow the mouth at the bottle, which eventually stops, pointing to a pair of feet in blue socks. Jongin’s eyes travel up to face the owner of the blue-socked feet, and finds himself swallowing in anxiety.

 

Of course it had to be Kyungsoo.

 

An awkward silence lingers in the air, for nobody had expected it to land on another male. A sigh can be heard from one of the girls, and Jongin was pretty sure it was Sung Ah who seemed to have a crush on him.

 

“Well! The game has to go on now, right? Go on Jongin, kiss Kyungsoo!” Chanyeol’s loud voice startled everyone, breaking the silence with a shatter, making everybody jump in their places.

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo slowly crawl to the middle. Apologies were made through Jongin’s eyes, because he knows it will only get awkward after the kiss. Jongin prays that nothing will change between him and his hyung as he closes his eyes and feels Kyungsoo’s breath on his lips. He doesn’t lean in this time, so Kyungsoo does, pressing their lips together for the third time in their lives. Kyungsoo starts moving his lips after a few seconds and Jongin comes to realise that Kyungsoo’s lips felt as soft as a marshmallow. Jongin also realises how much he liked his hyung’s lips against his as he presses harder against Kyungsoo. Ten seconds feels like only two has passed, and Jongin already misses the warmth on his lips after both they pull away.

 

Going back to his place, Jongin wishes to feel Kyungsoo’s lips once again. He wishes for the bottle to spin to Kyungsoo, and for the bottle to spin to him again, but of course, it spins to neither of them.

 

The third was at a party Chanyeol was hosting, and it had Jongin craving for more.

 

Jongin spends sleepless nights replaying the scene over and over again, and wishes to feel the elder’s lips against his own once again. But when it does, he wishes that it didn’t happen.

 

“Yo so Joonmyun’s been asking me what kind of things Kyungsoo likes. Think he likes him,” Chanyeol tells him one evening over the phone.

 

“What?” Jongin frowns at the tugging feeling in his chest area, and wonders if he’s having a heart attack.

 

“Yeah, haven’t you noticed lately? He’s been hanging out with Kyungsoo a lot these days.”

 

“I thought it was cos they had this biology project of some sort. Heard hyung talking about it,” Jongin denies.

 

“Jongin, that biology project’s finished over three weeks ago,” Chanyeol reminds him.

 

Jongin frowns. His mind does a flashback on its own. He recalls Joonmyun joining them for lunch and placing himself on the other side of Kyungsoo. He recalls Joonmyun asking Kyungsoo over to his place after school (and all this time Jongin brushed it off thinking it was for the biology project). He recalls Joonmyun steal glances at Kyungsoo. He recalls feeling ticked off and wanting Joonmyun’s eyes off Kyungsoo. He recalls wondering if he was jealous, but brushes it off while chewing on his sandwich.

 

“So yeah anyway, you’re close to Kyungsoo, tell me what he likes. Then I’ll let Joonmyun know,” Chanyeol snaps him out of his reverie.

 

“No,” he answers. Some form of warmth was surging inside of him and Jongin can’t seem to put a name to the feeling. He feels sick, and his heart beat seemed to be getting faster.

 

“Wait what?” confusion was thick in Chanyeol’s voice. And Jongin was as confused with himself as Chanyeol was. What the was he doing?

 

“If Joonmyun likes Kyungsoo then he would know what he likes. Tell him Kyungsoo hyung’s not someone he can pick up and throw away like some kind of trash,” Jongin doesn’t realise what was coming out of his own mouth; it just seems to flow out of him.

 

Jongin was answered with a few seconds of silence from the other side of the line.

 

“Jongin.”

 

“What.”

 

“You’re jealous aren’t you?” Jongin swears he feels Chanyeol’s smirk.

 

Jongin doesn’t reply. He repeats the question to himself, and doesn’t know the answer either.

 

“I don’t know,” he goes with his guts and says the honest truth.

 

“Oh my god Jongin you sooo are into Kyungsoo aren’t you?” Chanyeol laughs and Jongin’s cheeks start to feel warm.

 

Does he? Does he really like his own hyung?

 

Maybe that was why he wanted so much to feel the elder’s lips against his own ever since their kiss at Chanyeol’s party. Maybe that was why he was always looking out for Kyungsoo. Maybe that was why he was always talking about Kyungsoo. Maybe jealousy was the feeling he felt when Joonmyun was stealing glances at Kyungsoo. (Also it proves that Jongin’s always looking at Kyungsoo so much he sees everything which happens around the round eyed boy).

 

“Don’t deny your feelings Jongin-ah,” Chanyeol says with another round of his booming laughter before hanging up on the younger.

 

Jongin’s phone was still glued to his ear long after Chanyeol’s hung up.

 

Jongin’s feet were still stuck on the carpet by the window where he stood as he picked up the call.

The time seemed to have frozen, but Jongin’s wild beating heart and his fast racing thoughts said otherwise.

 

It takes a few minutes but he eventually gets to it. Jongin’s stone figure slowly came back to life; solid ice melting into liquid. As his feet shuffle on the carpet, his mist in his mind slowly disappeared, showing a clear pathway before him. And at the end of the path, was Kyungsoo.

 

And so comes to a conclusion that he likes Do Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin only realises that he’s out in the cold fall breeze only in his home clothes, not bearing anything to keep him warm, when he is already running down the street to Kyungsoo’s home.

 

He comes banging on the elder’s door, and is greeted by a smiling Mrs Do.

 

“Kyungsoo hyung. I need to see him,” he says through pants. Mrs Do steps aside and lets him in wordlessly.

 

Jongin flies up the flight of stairs and flings the door open to Kyungsoo’s room.

 

Kyungsoo looks up from the book he’s reading, shock and confused at Jongin’s sudden entrance. Jongin closes the door behind him and stands by the bed where Kyungsoo was lying.

 

“Jongin? Why are you-” he begins, but is cut off by the other.

 

“Hyung. I’m gay, in case you don’t know,” he says. His face was stoic, no emotions seeping through.

 

“Well of course, you are. Why haven’t you realised that earlier?” Kyungsoo thinks it’s a joke and chuckles.

 

“And I like you. A lot.” Jongin’s eyes were boring right into his, and the intensity causes Kyungsoo to realise that Jongin wasn’t joking.

 

And then the fourth happens. It’s sloppy. It’s rough. It burns with passion, with a tinge of sweetness which tasted like Kyungsoo’s cherry lip balm.

Regret courses through Jongin’s veins when he pulls back and sees the confusion in Kyungsoo’s eyes. He makes it out the door, and sprints his way back home, hissing at the cold air brushing past his face.

The fourth kiss was spilling with emotions Jongin has been holding back without realising, and he wishes it didn’t happen.

 

They don’t talk to each other anymore.

 

Jongin brings his lunch to the dance room, and chews absent mindedly as he leans against the cold mirror. He is dying to know if Joonmyun was still making the moves on Kyungsoo, but he doesn’t question anyone about it.

 

It’s the eighteenth day since it’s happened (no, of course Jongin wasn’t counting), and so far he’s doing well avoiding Kyungsoo. And also anyone associated with the said male.

It’s on the eighteenth day when he runs into Joonmyun.

 

Jongin silently shuts the door to the dance room after having a cold tuna sandwich for lunch, away from the noise of the cafeteria. He’s beginning to get used to the isolation, he thinks.

 

Just as he turns to the direction of the washroom to rid of the grease and crumbs on his fingers, he hears a voice calling out his name, accompanied by the sound of light thuds across the concrete floor.

 

“Oh hey, Joonmyun hyung,” Jongin greets the elder, barely containing the growl which was aching to be released in his chest.

 

“So this is where you’ve been having your lunch?” Joonmyun gestures to the said room.

 

“Uh yeah. Is there a problem?” Jongin thinks he needs to find another hiding spot in order to avoid confrontation from anyone because Joonmyun being the nosey student leader he was, would probably reveal his location to the others, including Kyungsoo. Especially Kyungsoo.

 

“No, no. There’s nothing wrong with that,” Joonmyun shakes his head and holds his hands up in defence.

 

“Okay, see you around hyung,” Jongin gives a wave as he turns back to his original path before Joonmyun found him.

 

It takes Jongin a few steps before he hears Joonmyun speaking once again.

 

“I don’t know what you’ve done but he’s hurting. And it’s hurting me too, seeing him like that. You’d better do something about it before I make my own move.”

 

He doesn’t have to ask to know who Joonmyun was talking about.

 

He stands in the middle of the empty hallway, lunch box in hand. Joonmyun’s quiet footsteps quickly diminish, and it’s so quiet he hears the breath he’d been holding exhaled out of his lungs and the wild thumping of his heart.

 

---

 

Jongin feels a sense of gratitude towards Joonmyun. He should’ve given him some credit.

 

If it wasn’t for Joonmyun keeping his mouth shut about his whereabouts, he would probably be in an awkward encounter with Chanyeol, and probably the others he’s been avoiding. He bets they want answers to questions left unanswered for 22 days, now. (Why was Jongin not sitting with them for lunch? What ever happened between Jongin and Kyungsoo who seemed to be always attached at the hips?)

 

If it wasn’t for Joonmyun, he wouldn’t have the balls to be walking to the cafeteria after 22 days of keeping his distance.

 

He approaches the table, greeted with silence. Even Baekhyun and Jongdae had given up with trying to lift up the heavy mood. Their eyes all vacant, a single word unsaid as the cafeteria buzzed around them.

 

Chanyeol is the first to notice the newcomer standing awkwardly behind Kyungsoo who was absentmindedly squashing the peas on his metal plate.

 

“Jongin!” He exclaims with shock. The other pairs of eyes look up when they hear Chanyeol’s exclamation, but one particular pair does not turn to Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo was still staring into space, still squashing peas.

 

Jongin gives a half hearted smile, taking a step forward.

 

“Why are you here, Jongin?” Joonmyun questions, and Jongin doesn’t miss the hate leaking through his words.

 

“I need to talk to Kyungsoo hyung,” he mutters. Kyungsoo still hasn’t noticed the tense atmosphere around him.

 

“Yo, Soo, someone’s here to see you,” Jongdae waves his hands across Kyungsoo’s face.

 

Kyungsoo finally snaps out of his reverie and looks up to find everyone staring in his direction.

 

“Is there something on my face?” he starts patting around his mouth, trying to find any piece of rice which could’ve escaped his mouth and decided to stick on his skin.

 

“Behind you,” Baekhyun gestures to Jongin with his chin.

 

Kyungsoo hands drop from his face into his lap as he turns to see who they were talking about.

 

Jongin.

 

“We need to talk.”

 

---

Kyungsoo’s tiny feet trudges behind Jongin’s large ones. He doesn’t know what to expect. Where was Jongin taking him? What were they going to talk about? Did Jongin hate him now? He shivers at the thought. He’s missed seeing the younger, he admits. He missed hearing the younger’s husky voice and talking about the wrinkled Calculus teacher who spewed out saliva with every syllable he pronounces. He misses Jongin, long story short.

 

Kyungsoo was way too caught up with his thoughts, not realising that Jongin had stopped walking entirely. He bumps into Jongin’s back and falls onto the ground.

 

“Oof,” he huffs as his comes into contact with the green grass beneath him. He looks around and notices that Jongin had taken him to the garden at the back of the school.

 

“Oh my god, I’m sorry hyung. Are you okay?” Jongin holds his hand out, genuine concern spread across his face.

 

“I’m alright, thanks.” Kyungsoo replies as his small hands grab Jongin’s. With a tug, Kyungsoo is back on his feet.

 

“What did you wanna talk about?” Kyungsoo starts, trying his best to hide the anxiety he was having. He only hoped that the younger would not see through him.

 

He is answered with silence and Jongin avoiding his eyes.

 

“Jongin?”

 

Seeing how Jongin wasn’t even looking at him now, Kyungsoo sighs and starts to walk away.

 

Instead, a hand wrap arounds around his wrist.

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Jongin whispers.

 

“I didn’t know what I was thinking, hyung. Chanyeol hyung called me that day, he asked me what you liked. He told me Joonmyun liked you and I just… I got so mad. I didn’t want anybody else to have you.” Jongin notices that Kyungsoo’s eyes have gotten a little larger, as if his eyes weren’t big enough.

 

“Joonmyun?” he chokes out a reply.

 

“Yeah. Joonmyun. I just ran out then, I didn’t even think of putting on a jacket,” he chuckles dryly.

 

Kyungsoo hasn’t even realised the advances Joonmyun has been making towards him. He’s only started to notice it when Jongin decided to avoid them during lunch. He’s never thought of Joonmyun that way, because there was already someone else who took that spot in his heart.

 

Jongin.

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t as dense as Jongin. He’s always been looking out for Jongin, it’s almost like second nature. Along the way, he feels something change- the way he feels for the younger. From being friends right from the moment they first met (well not really, considering the fact that they had memories didn’t bring them that far back), to feeling that little spark in him whenever Jongin came over for dinner. Kyungsoo knows from the many dramas he’s watched with his mother during summer vacation and from the romantic novels he borrows from the library on the weekends. Kyungsoo knows that the feeling that’s ever blossoming in him, was more than one of friendship. But Kyungsoo doesn’t say anything about his feelings to Jongin, afraid they would lose all they had. Never once has it come across his mind that Jongin might feel the same way. He never would’ve thought that Jongin would be the first to confess his feelings. He never would’ve thought Jongin would boldly kiss his breath away.

 

What he doesn’t understand was how Jongin took flight the moment he pulled away.

 

“Why?” the word slips off his tongue.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why did you run away afterwards? You didn’t even let me respond,” Kyungsoo’s words were laced with hurt, and Jongin doesn’t miss it.

 

The scene repeats in Jongin’s mind, replaying over and over again. He sees the confusion present in Kyungsoo’s eyes.

 

“I was scared, hyung. I wish it didn’t happen. Then we’d still be friends hyung. But I messed that up. I’m so stupid. I’m sorry hyung,” tears were starting to form in his eyes, voice breaking in awkward places as he spoke.

 

“You’re so stupid Jongin,” Kyungsoo’s face held little emotion, and Jongin doesn’t know what was going through the elder’s mind. Was he going to break off their friendship? He destroyed everything they’ve built over the years hasn’t he?

 

The wonder doesn’t last long.

 

Because then the fifth happens. It’s soft and slow, and slightly salty from Jongin’s tears which have escaped his eyes. It’s still as sweet as Kyungsoo’s lip balm. It’s uncertainty and confusion on Jongin’s part, but sureness and confidence on Kyungsoo’s. Warm hands travel to Jongin’s neck tugging him slightly forward. But yet, even with their bodies pressed up against each other, Jongin wasn’t responding to his kisses.

 

Kyungsoo pulls away with a frown.

 

“Why aren’t you kissing me back?” he whispers in demand.

 

“Hyung, I don’t understand. I thought you don’t li-” he doesn’t get to finish the question. He gets cut off by the smack of Kyungsoo’s palm on his head.

 

“Are you that stupid Kim Jongin? I just kissed you, what do you think that means?” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes in annoyance.

 

But he still sees the weird look Jongin was giving him and he sighs in exasperation.

 

“Do I have to spell it out for you Jongin? I like you too. As in I have feelings for you. I like you the same way you-”

 

Kyungsoo is cut off by the sixth. And the seventh. And the eighth. He smiles as the ninth is pressed against his lips.

 

“That was our ninth kiss,” he whispers on the younger’s lips.

 

“Wasn’t it our eighth?”

 

“I bet you don’t remember the first one when you hit me in the head,” Kyungsoo says with a chuckle. The memory is hazy and faint, but he is definitely sure it happened.

 

“Well this is our tenth,” Jongin says before leaning down to capture those soft lips once again.

 

They don’t count the countless number of kisses which come afterwards.

 

Who knew that one kiss could lead to a hundred more?