March 30, 23:17

 

I woke up to the sound of knocking on my door.

My door?

Funny. I live alone in this house. There’ll be no one who will knock on my bedroom door unless the knocking didn’t came from my bedroom door, but from the front door.

 

The front door.

 

The knocks never stopped. The person outside seemed to be pretty persistent to get into my house. Who’s left anyway? Mom and Dad are gone. Oppa is probably home drinking his favourite hot chocolate with his wife after kicking me out of his house. Jongin is still in LA. Taeyeon said that she’ll never see me again. All of them are the only people who’s been there with me in my life. Who else? Did I forget somebody?

The knocks keep going and as time goes by, I decided to head downstairs. Had this house always been this silent? How can I heard the soft knocks on the door despite sleeping on the second floor? Moreover, it’s raining outside. I slowly walked down the stairs to count them one by one.

One, two, three, four.

 

The knocks stopped. I tilted my head to the side. Did the person leave?

 

Five, six, seven, eight.

 

The knocks started again. Well, I guess not.

 

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve.

 

“Yeongbi! Jung Yeongbi!”

I bit my lips in confusion. That person knows my name.

 

Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen.

“Yeongbi, please open the door. Please.”

 

Seventeen, eighteen.

“Bi, it’s me. Please open the door. We need to talk.”

I fell dead on my tracks. Bi? That sounds strangely familiar. Too familiar that tears of recognition welled up in my eyes. With heavy steps, I reached for the door while blinking my eyes away. I can’t cry in front of him. Not again. Hesitantly, I placed my cold hand on the doorknob and opened the door. In front of me is a man whom I gave my everything to. His eyes never change, I thought. It’s always that brown pair that stared back up at me. Seeking through my mind, and saw everything I keep in my heart. I wonder how he do that. Reading me, I mean. I can never lie in front of him, no matter how good I am in doing that in front of other people. He used to say that I’m a terrible actress that even with his amazing connection, he can’t sign me in YG. That’s a lie, though. I know he can. For the love of all cats in the world, he can get me in YG as an idol trainee with a snap of his hands. He is sajangnim’s soon to be son in law after all.

Son in law.

My insides are dying with the power of those three words. How can words have that much impact on one’s feelings? I draw in a lot of air in attempt to stop myself from crying. I can’t cry, I don’t want to cry. Not now, when his wet and messy self is standing in front of me like everything is not over yet for us. I sighed. He’s not yours anymore, Yeongbi. He belongs to someone else now. Not you. He is now someone’s wall, someone’s strength, someone’s other half. Get a grip on yourself.

 

 

“You’re here.”

 

 

A tear rolled down his cheek.

 

 

“I’m here.”

 

 

I should’ve known that when everybody turned their backs at me, he’ll gladly stay. I should’ve seen this coming.

 

 

Kwon Jiyong didn’t visit me in my dreams, he visited me for real.