He pulled the long tan trench coat on and started out.

“Hyung, you’re leaving?”

He turned to look behind him, smiling slightly, “Just going out for a walk Taem, I’ll be back in a bit.”

Taemin stared at him and nodded, taking a step back. He waved bye and headed out, pulling his black leather gloves on, slowly making his way down the stairs and out through the gate. He let the guard know and turned down the sidewalk. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled a mask out, hooked it over his ears and continued walking.

Knowing Taemin, he’d be worried until got back, that’s just how he was and he appreciated it. Everyone always thought it was Key, the mother of the group, not completely. Taemin had this way, this quiet caring and strength about him that many didn’t see, sometimes even he forgot he was the youngest. He didn’t want to worry him, but he just needed some time alone, it’d been a long time since he went out for a walk, since he could just have a moment to himself to think.

Things had changed so much over the last few years, he was so busy, all the time. Between touring and comebacks, mc duties, dramas, variety shows, sports, he was tired constantly and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. All that said though, to have it, he had to sacrifice, primarily in the relationship department.

He had friends of course, lots of friends, but only a few close friends, his fellow members were included in that. He was a young man though, there were other relationships he wanted, particularly with the opposite , those were hard to come by, friendship and otherwise. It was the otherwise he wanted the most.

Sighing heavily, he turned and headed down a back alley. Not that he’d had a lot, he tried but he was shy when it came to women, not so much as when he was younger, but still slightly uncomfortable.

It brought to mind her, the one who got away he liked to refer to her as. He couldn’t help but think of her, she was the one who made him decide to go on this walk, her he thought about even to this day, like a mist clouding his brain, haunting his memory.

~~~

He made his way out the building, waiting for everyone to come out, when his phone started ringing, he climbed into the van, pulling his phone out. He looked at the id and smiled.

“Yeoboseyeo?”

“Annyeong! How are you? How’d things go today?” She asked.

He loved hearing from her, she made him feel good and she cared about him, about how he was doing. He was waiting for the right moment, the moment he’d tell her, ask her to be his. It had to be the right moment though.

~~~

But that moment never came, he’d waited too long or had he? Would it have even made a difference? Probably not, it just wasn’t meant to be.

~~~

He would surprise her, he’d show up at her job and surprise her with lunch and she’d be so happy that… he stopped, his heart dropping. She was there, only she wasn’t alone, he was with her and he was holding her hand, what was going on?

Look at my eyes, I whisper alone as I look at you from far away

Just smile for me once, I can endure it just by seeing your face

If you are standing at the end of my life, if I can get closer to you

I can throw away everything and run to you

~~~

He’d been a fool to believe, to think there could be anything more than friendship and even the friendship turned out to be a lie, he couldn’t believe it, maybe he was just reading into it more than he should’ve been, maybe there never were signs, maybe he just wished it so, but it wasn’t.

~~~

“Aww Minho you’re so sweet, thank you for this!” She smiled, sipping at the coffee and taking a bite out of one of the doughnuts he’d brought for her.

He blushed, “Anieyo, it was on my way and I wanted a cup,” he reasoned, holding up his own cup of coffee.

“It is not, this is way out of your way and I know it. I appreciate it though,” she smiled.

This was the moment, it was time.

“I wanted to tell you something, something I’ve been meaning to…”

“Hi!!!” she waved at something behind him.

Minho turned to see a group of people motioning her over.

“I’m gonna get going, I’ll see you later Minho, thanks again!” She grabbed the bag and her coffee cup and hurried over to the group of people waiting.

Minho watched her leave before standing and throwing his cup out, it didn’t taste very good anymore.

Though I extend my hand, though I extend it with all my strength, I can’t reach you

It seemed like I got closer so I called you with a fluttering heart

But there’s no answer, I guess I can never reach you

~~~

He turned out onto the main street, ducking his head as a group of young school girls made their way past him. What did it matter in the long run? It didn’t, not really he was still there, still stuck in the past, still waiting for her to want him back, still waiting…

~~~

“So we’re all taking a trip to Jeju! I’m so excited, everyone is going, it’s going to be a lot of fun! Remember that time we went together with our families? It was so long ago it seems, we were so young, I can’t believe we’ve known each other so long. How long has it been now?” She asked, looking over at him.

“Ten years, before I became a part of SHINee,” Minho answered, watching her adoringly.

“Ten years? Wow so long really. Anyway, I wish you could come with us now, you’re always so busy though, goes along with being famous. I still can’t believe I know a famous person, no one ever believes me when I tell them, so I have to show them a picture of us,” she winked.

Minho smiled, “Maybe sometime we can go together, just the two of us, a mini vacation.”

She shook her head, “It’s no fun that way, you need a group of people, it’ll be boring with just us.”

Minho frowned, looking down, “But, we’ve done things alone before.”

She shrugged, “We were little kids then, we could entertain ourselves, we’re grown, we need a group of people. We can go out drinking and dancing and maybe you can find a girlfriend and I can get a boyfriend,” she grinned.

He looked up at her, “Speaking of which…”

“Do you have someone you like? I do, I’m just waiting for the right moment to tell him, he’s my co-worker and he’s beautiful!” She squealed.

“No…” Minho whispered.

“I’m gonna get going, I’ll call you after the trip and let you know how it goes, we can make plans to get together after!” She waved as she walked off.

“No…” he whispered again, watching her retreating form.

Every day changes so quickly and you are warmly and brightly shining

I’ve never seen that turned back (your back) – is curiosity also part of my greed?

Since when did I start being with you? From the moment I opened my eyes and started to breathe

I was with you every night (we were together) but I can’t approach you

~~~

Turning down another street, he came up closer to the building, he could see it in the distance, he was almost there.

He remembered when it happened, when the storm came, the rush of everything, the agony and sorrow of it all, wrapped into one night, into one moment of pain that couldn’t seem to ever be rid of. He kept replaying it in his mind.

~~~

“What is wrong with you lately? You’re so moody and what’s with the temper? You’ve never snapped at me before,” she frowned.

“Well maybe I should’ve,” he said, his voice cold.

She blinked, “What does that mean?”

“Where were you last night?”

She raised an eyebrow, “Why do you care? I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“Yes you do, you owe me at least that much after all this time, you owe me that,” he said, his voice calm but uncommonly cold.

“I don’t owe you anything Choi Minho, not a damn thing do you hear me? What makes you think you have the right to ask me that? What?” She spat.

‘Because you’re mine!’ He thought to himself.

He continued to stare at her, “Yesterday was my birthday, we always spend it together, we talk, or text or do something, always, always you and me,” he said, his voice softening.

Her face fell, “Oh Minho I’m sorry, I just… just…”

“Just… what?” He said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Forgot, I forgot, I’m sorry,” she said sadly.

Though I extend my hand, though I extend it with all my strength, I can’t reach you

It seemed like I got closer so I called you with a fluttering heart

But there’s no answer, (missing you) I guess I can never reach you

“I waited for you, I waited for you to call, to text, anything, anything to show you cared,” he said, his heart breaking.

She frowned, “Well I’m sorry but, the world doesn’t revolve around you Minho, just because you’re famous doesn’t mean I have to drop everything for you!”

His eyes widened, “It has nothing to do with me being famous, this is about you and me, about something we’ve done forever, something we did together, this is about us.”

“There is no us, never has been, and there never will be!” She yelled and then stilled, her hand flying to .

I shout out loud (shout out loud and call you), I get angry but it’s no use

I’m just one out of the many people that pass by you (pass by you)

I’m not special to you

Minho stared at her, his heart split in two, his body cold.

“Minho… I’m sorry, I didn’t… that… I’m so sorry,” she whimpered, tears streaming down her cheeks.

He nodded and turned, grabbing at his coat and started out.

“Minho wait, just wait…” she cried, coming over and tugging at his arm.

He pulled away, “No, I’m tired of waiting, I’ve been waiting for 10 years. I’m done waiting for you. I’m done calling out for you and you don’t answer, of reaching out to you only to clutch at air as you walk away from me over and over. I’m tired of being ignored, I’m tired of wanting you and you not wanting me back,” he bit his lip, forcing back the tears. “You’ve just told me that it’s not going to happen, I wish I’d realized it sooner before I allowed you to break my heart.”

“Minho…” she whispered.

“Goodbye,” he said softly.

He made his way out, closing the door on her soft cries.

~~~

Now here he was, back here again. He stared at the building, he looked at his watch, it was just about time. He waited and a few minutes later she emerged, her arm wrapped around his, laughing loudly. He just stared at her, it’d been a year since he’d last seen her, but she was the same, only there was no romantic feelings on his part anymore, just pain, pain and hurt.

Minho pulled the mask off, stiffing it into the pocket of his coat and took a step forward and then another, watching her closely. Suddenly she stopped and slowly turned, her gaze finding his, he heard her soft gasp and she started towards him then stopped, just staring at him.

“M-Minho…” she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks again, reminiscent of their last meeting a year ago.

He could barely see her, his vision blurry from unshed tears. This was a bad idea, he couldn’t do this alone, he thought he was ready but he wasn’t. Just then he felt an arm slide around his back, giving him a firm squeeze and he turned to see Taemin, smiling sadly at him.

“Hyung,” he said.

“Ya, what are you doing here alone like this?” Key said, coming around on his other side.

“You should’ve had us come with you,” Jonghyun said, coming up next to Key, patting him on the shoulder.

“Yeah, we would’ve driven you here and waited in the car, that’s what we’re here for,” Onew announced.

The four guys looked over at her and crowded closer to him in support as she took a step forward towards him.

“Minho? Please, talk to me…”

Key stepped out in front of him protectively, glaring at her and she took a step back and then another.

“It’s ok Key, thanks,” Minho said quietly.

Key turned to look at him for a moment and then back at her, giving her a dirty look before stepping back. No matter how they bickered, he knew Key would always have his back and he loved him for it.

They all gave him the strength he needed to move on.

“I’m ready, let’s go guys,” Minho said, giving them a grateful smile. “Thank you,” he said to them.

They turned and started towards the van, Minho looked at her and sighed, this time he’d be the one to turn away. Slowly he turned and followed the guys to the van and climbed in, watching as their manager took off and she stood there, watching as he left. Somehow, he finally felt at peace.

He looked over at his fellow members and smiled, he’d be ok so long as he had them.

Though I extend my hand, though I extend it with all my strength, (I can’t reach you baby) I can’t reach you

It seemed like I got closer (so I shout out loud and call you) so I called you with a fluttering heart (I call out to you more)

But there’s no answer, I guess I can never reach you

I guess I can never reach you

Song: Selene 6.23 - by SHINee (English lyrics/translations from Kpoplyrics.net)