Chapter 24

The question lingers on Irene’s mind even after she wakes up the very next day, and the next day, and the next, and the day that followed, and the days after.

It doesn’t help when the same question affects her thinking and her actions.

Her behaviour.

That even when days passed that she had that talk with SeulGi, and she starts having the same damned feelings hitting her insides every time she even simply thinks of the other girl, she still seems troubled and disturbed and uptight.

That it affects her relationship with people.

That she becomes more irritable whenever SooYoung purposely pisses her off by merely mentioning SeulGi’s and Wendy’s name together.

That when Irene knows it shouldn’t bother her in any way – even if SeulGi’s and Wendy’s name were mentioned separately – she still can’t help but flinch.

And the bothering feelings affect her relationship with people because then she becomes more short-tempered when it comes to SuHo.

That even the slightest of arguments they have turn to big fights.

That even the littlest of slip-ups turn to endless days of throwing hurtful words.

That even the smallest bickers turn to furious scuffles of pointing, accusing fingers.

That even the least of faults turn to huge clash of countless times in blaming each other.

That the smallest of misunderstandings always transform into a bigger one that will take them days – or in some cases, weeks – to fix.

And in those times, Irene is the most thankful that they’re actually not committed into a real relationship or things will turn out to be uglier and messier.

That Irene knows too well why they didn’t work out the first time, that they only remained as always a ‘more than a friend, but less than a lover’ kind of relationship.

Because Irene knows him too well.

Because Irene knows herself too well.

---

And Irene hates that feeling.

Of course, she does.

That when she and SuHo fight because of trivial things – and they’ll forget who started what – it makes her feel more uneasy and the feeling in her chest heavier than it already was.

That feeling when both of them stop trying to make up with each other.

When the both of them give up on the other.

No, Irene hates that feeling.

So even if she knows she’s too prideful, she does try her best to patch things up between them.

Yes, she will mend things because she hates that feeling.

And maybe – just maybe – along with it will be the nuisance of a feeling she suffers when she’s with SeulGi.

---

But SeulGi seems to make it hard for Irene all the time because just when Irene thought that whatever weird things she feels inside are gone, SeulGi just have to smile at her first thing in the mornings.

And that is all it takes for those strange feelings to come running back to Irene.

And those strange feelings keep on getting stronger and stronger when she sees SeulGi turn her head time to time to look outside during their drives to school.

Irene doesn’t know how simple gestures – simple gestures that show how SeulGi’s uneasy, or how SeulGi’s anticipating something, someone – can ever mean so much to Irene.

How it can easily send Irene seething mad.

For Irene knows who SeulGi’s looking for.

“There’s Wendy.” Irene tries not to sound as bitter as she lets that name roll off her tongue.

And like it was what SeulGi’s waiting for someone to say, the blonde snaps her head to where Irene’s referring to.

Irene doesn’t look back, because she doesn’t know what expression SeulGi’s wearing. Afraid that any of the smallest smiles or littlest glints of restlessness is already smudged on SeulGi’s face.

And Irene doesn’t need look back, for she hears SeulGi timidly say, “Oh.”

It irks Irene, because she knows – she’s sure – that it’s Wendy who’s SeulGi’s looking for, and yet, SeulGi acts like it does not matter.

It irks Irene, because she suddenly remembers all that Wendy had said to her the previous day about information she never even knew about SeulGi.

It irks Irene, because SeulGi doesn’t care as much about her anymore.

“What?” Irene quickly snaps at SeulGi, “Isn’t Wendy the one you’re looking for?”

She might have asked it in a tone that it sounded like she’s demanding SeulGi to answer, for she sees SeulGi cower a little with how she said it.

But Irene continues with her cold, callous tone, “Don’t you want to walk with her to school again?

“Don’t you, SeulGi?”

She sees SeulGi blink a few times from shock, but SeulGi manages to stutter, “I-Irene…”

“Don’t you?!” Irene shrieks, “Go! Walk with her!”

 Irene starts to feel the heavy emotions budding in her chest again. Her deep breaths and frayed sighs prove how much control she has to not shout anymore.

And SeulGi really might be dense, Irene thinks.

Because then SeulGi decides to hurt Irene once more,

For SeulGi smiles.

Like how she smiles lately – genuine, bright, lovely.

And Irene clenches her teeth as she stops the gnawing at her heart,

For SeulGi says,

“Thank you, Irene.”

And that is all it takes for those strange feelings to come running back to Irene.

---

And Irene decides to push, to shove, those weird feelings out once more.

That when she sees SeulGi and Wendy by their usual table, she gathers all her strength to walk to them and say to SeulGi,

“Accompany me and SuHo later.”

SeulGi looks at her first, clearly dumbfounded, before looking to Wendy and then back at her. SeulGi says, “But… SeungWan and I will go somewhere later.”

Irene feels twitch, and it only intensifies the anger seeping through her. She doesn’t know where she feels angrier, the fact that SeulGi won’t go with her, or SeulGi going with Wendy. And so she demands, “Do it some other time.”

And her anger was at its highest when she hears the annoying voice of Wendy saying – defending SeulGi, “Didn’t you hear SeulGi, Irene? She said we’ll be going somewhere.”

Was pulling SeulGi closer even necessary, Wendy?

“Back off, Wendy.”

“You back off, Irene.” Wendy tugs SeulGi closer, closer than they already are.

And that was enough for Irene to slam the table with her palm.

“Damn it!” Irene screams, as she starts to breathe rather loudly again.

She takes a moment to at least calm herself when she sees the shock on the other girls’ faces, and when she sees confusion on SeulGi’s as well.

Irene says in a weaker tone, but it’s still firm enough, “Listen, Wendy. I don’t have time for any of your , but once I say that SeulGi will go with me,” She brashly pulls the taller girl away from Wendy – completely detaching SeulGi off – and closer to Irene, “She will go with me.”

Irene sees Wendy glare back at her, before the latter calmly – mockingly – says, “Why don’t you ask if that’s what SeulGi wants?”

The question catches Irene off-guard. For Irene backs away a bit.

She unintentionally looks at SeulGi and she can see how the same question had the same impact on the other girl with how SeulGi looks back at her.

“What, Irene?” She hears Wendy speak once more,

And she feels the hard thumping of her heart against her chest when Wendy continues,

“Ask SeulGi if she wants to go with you,” Wendy shrugs, “If she even ever wanted to.”

“SeungWan,” She hears SeulGi mumble, and she sees SeulGi soflty tug at the girl called.

She also sees Wendy hold SeulGi’s hand, but Wendy’s stares not leaving Irene.

“Go ahead, Irene.” Wendy narrows her eyes, “Ask her.”

Irene feels a sting by when she tries to swallow. She hasn’t noticed how it had gone dry already.

She exhales first before going back to her composed state.

She stares at SeulGi, and she dreads for her poor heart.

Because she can’t ask that stupid question.

Because she’s afraid to ask.

Because she knows that it’ll hurt. That it’ll somehow does.

That she somehow already know where this was leading.

For she somehow knows the answer, the truth.

That she’s nothing but the girl that SeulGi was forced to serve, that SeulGi was forced to be with. Because SeulGi needed to, because SeulGi was asked to, because SeulGi was forced to. Not because Seulgi wanted to.

Never because SeulGi wanted to.

When Irene realizes this – accepts this – she can’t help but surrender in defeat once more.

She looks at SeulGi one last time before turning and walking away.

Afraid that the constant sting in her eyes – and in her heart – makes its way out.

---

“I’ll go with you.”

Irene doesn’t need to turn around to see who it was who ran up to her to say those words breathlessly.

She only clutches tighter to SuHo as she prompts him to already walk.

But she’s soon to stop when she hears, “Irene, I’ll go with you.”

“I thought you’ll go somewhere with Wendy?” She finally turns to the other person.

“I…” SeulGi bites a lip, but it will be Irene who’ll do the same for SeulGi just has to say,

“I want to go with you.”

Irene saearches SeulGi’s face first though she’s also the first to break their gazes off as she yet fears for her roaring heart once more.

So she’s only compelled to say a thoughtless, “Suit yourself.”

And Irene admits all her thoughts left her at once when she sees SeulGi smile again.

---

But she also sees SeulGi’s smile waver as the taller girl stand a little bit far behind.

Looking at shop windows as they go through the mall, maintaining a safe distance between Irene and SuHo as they go from store to store, walking a bit slower and farther as the other two continue to talk, having to act like the third wheel yet again.

Though it’s not as awkward as it was the first few times.

Because now SeulGi passes time, she passes time through rummaging her phone.

And Irene’s sure it’s not for playing games. She’s sure SeulGi’s exchanging messages.

So when the thought of SeulGi asking Wendy to come over and accompany them as well play on Irene’s mind, Irene quickly – and she’s not sure why – feels fearful.

So fearful that she asks SuHo to take them home already.

“Why? Are you alright?” And it really should be SeulGi to ask first.

“I-I’m fine.” Irene waves a hand to dismiss the conversation already – and maybe to dismiss the damned feelings again, her other hand looking for something familiar, comforting, and so she holds SuHo’s arm, “Just bring us home already, SuHo.”

Irene sees from the corner of her eye how SeulGi simply nods before backing away to go to her position behind Irene and SuHo again,

With teeth on her lips, and her eyes casted down.

---

But it will soon be Irene biting her lips because the rain starts to pour hard just before they can reach the house.

They already spent a good 5-minutes blaming and arguing on why nobody ever thought of bringing an umbrella and another good 5-minutes arguing on how they’ll get in the closed front gate of the Bae’s to at least have SuHo park his car by the porch that still was too far to walk considering it’s raining hard.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault when SuHo’s and Irene’s voices start to get louder and louder as they commence with their finger-pointing once more.

“Didn’t I tell you to bring an umbrella?!” Irene questions him.

“You told me you have one as well!”

Irene scoffs as she irritatingly answers back, “Now we’re stuck inside your car!”

“Is it my fault you wanted to go home already?”

“Now you’re blaming it on me again?!”

“What do you want me to do?! Go run through the rain?!”

Irene’s eyes widen and widen, mirroring the same reactions SuHo’s having.

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