Author: kyuri91

Story link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/86821

Reviewer: BornToBeatU
 

Story title {4/5} : I really do not know how to describe how good your title is. It is so original and it is not too revealing either. The moment I looked at it, there were a lot of questions in my mind and to find the answers to those questions, I would have to read the story. Therefore, well done with the title!

---

Description/Foreward {12/15} : Your description and foreward perfectly suit your story. They give neither too much nor too less information, and they would definitely draw your readers in. Moreover, I love how you ended your foreward with the suspicious scene, it left a lot of questions in my mind. However, I took points off because of grammartical erros and I will talk about that in grammar section.

---

Poster {3/5} : In my opinion, it is kind of banner, isn't it? I do not think it is poster. Anyway, I do not like that banner that much, it could have been more creative and Junhyung's picture could have been better. Also, I do not find it suiting the mood of your story.

---

Plot/Originality {24/30} : I do not have to talk much about this section, I was totally speechless while reading your story. Actually, I wanted to give you full points for this kind of plot. It was sure interesting and good, but about originality, it was not really original. I used to read some stories with the same plot. Moreover, I like that 'Angel of Death' idea, I do not think it exists, but it is so unique and the twist which Junhyung and Jaesoon are the same person makes that story even more interesting. Good job!

---

Flow {5/5} : The flow is perfect. It's neither too fast nor too slow.

---

Grammar/Spelling {10/20} :

Grammar-

Chapter 1-

Kim Yeona, a twenty one years old blind girl who will spend her thirteen last days before she die in a plane...

->Dies

She still hasn't think of her last wish but she doesn't seem to be surprised with his presence.

->Thought

Chapter 2-

He still need to do this for twelve days.

->Needs

At least it means Junhyung want to talk with her.

->Wants, to

Chapter 3-

He knows that this girl is the cheerful one, but something must has happened...

->Have

Doojoong always be a good listener even if...

->Is always

Chapter 4-

No matter how hard life been to her, Yeona must stay...

->No matter how life has been hard to her

And Jaesoon never broken his promises.

->Has never broken/Never broke

Chapter 6-

He let Yeona to sleep...

->Lets, there is no 'To' .

Besides she still have chance to change her last wish.

->Has

Chapter 7-

He sighs, doesn't understand why human always curious...

->Human are always

"You better sit down."

->You'd/had better

Chapter 10-

Yeona continues, didn't listen to what Junghyung said to her.

->Continued

Chapter 13-

......even though Junhyung hasn't take it away.

->Taken

But she blames herself from being blind.

->For

Ironically, she doesn't even this pathetic when she...

->Isn't

*You did not have much problem about grammar. However, I noticed that you ofen used present or past tense incorrectly. For example :

"I love you." He says.

That's what you often typed, but remember after the quote, it should be past simple.

~~~

Spelling-

I did not find many spelling erros except the characters' names.

In chapter 1, you typed Yeone instead of Yeona and also gir instead of girl.

Chapter 2-

Junghyun leans to the wall with his expresionless face.

->Expressionless

---

Writing style {13/15} : Nothing is wrong with your writing style, I love it, but I also got a little bit confused about Junhyung and Jaesoon part. In addition, please try as much as possible not to use 'But'  or 'And'  at the beginning of the sentence.

---

Ending {5/10 } : I am sorry, but I cannot give you full marks for this. The ending was too sad, I even cried while reading it. It would be better if Junhyung and Yeona met each other again after Yeona could see the beautiful world. Her last wish should have been granted.

---

Overall enjoyment {4/5} : I did enjoy reading your story and I liked it except the ending. I would also suggest this to all Junhyung's fans!

---

Total {80/110}

Thank for requesting at Mr.Simple!

Please credits me in the foreward or posting this review as a chapter!