There’s no such thing as rationality at 2 in the morning. Kibum realises this when he agrees to go somewhere private with a stranger who he has been making out with for far too long in the club. He may not remember the stranger’s name but his decent looks and above par kissing skills are enough for Kibum to throw caution to the wind and agree to (what will probably be) a one night stand. It’s a term he never thought he’ll use in his life but of course, Kibum has come to learn that, as simple as it sounds, things change.

The stranger is trying to flag down a taxi when Kibum is startled by the sudden loud ringing of his phone. Who in the right mind would call him at a time like this? Annoyed, Kibum takes his phone out of his pocket and answers the call without checking who it is.

“Hello?”

“Hyung, you’re awake! Wait, are you outside? Where are you?”

Kibum may have a little alcohol in his system but he easily recognizes the voice on the other end of the line.

“What do you want, Taem?” Kibum asks as he watches his date for the night fail miserably at getting a taxi, “I’m a little busy right now so could you make this quick?”

“It’s not me, hyung… It’s Minho hyung.”

Tired of hearing that name, Kibum frowns and lets out a sigh, “I have nothing to do with him anymore, Tae, you know that-”

“It’s bad, hyung. He’s in the hospital… and it’s not looking too good.”

“What?” Kibum almost drops his phone.

“Car accident.” Taemin goes straight to the point before he explains, “Some idiot jumped the red light and-”

“Lee Taemin.” Kibum interrupts his friend and asks the all-important question, “Which hospital?”

Just as Taemin gives him the details, the stranger manages to hail a cab and holds the door open for Kibum. What great timing. Hopping straight into the passenger seat, Kibum steals the taxi, leaves the stranger behind without an explanation and makes his way to the hospital as fast as the taxi driver is willing to drive. Kibum may not have anything to do with Minho anymore but like he says, any semblance of rationality is lost in the wee hours of the morning.

Minho’s entire family along with his closest friends, all of whom Kibum is more than familiar with, are waiting outside his ward. When they see him, they don’t say a thing but acknowledge him with sad smiles. Kibum doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t even know what to think or feel at this moment in time. He’s mostly just lost and helpless, completely clueless about how to deal with a situation like this, so when Taemin quickly comes forward and gives him a hug, Kibum clings on like he is his lifebuoy.

“He’s alright, hyung, the doctor says the operation was a success.” Taemin pats Kibum soothingly on his back, “We’re just waiting for him to wake up now.”

The hours go by so slowly that night, and one by one, Minho’s friends leave. But Kibum stays, and no one advises him to go, not even Minho’s family. He chooses to wait outside the ward while Minho’s family goes in and stay by Minho’s side. Everything goes by in a blur and the next thing Kibum knows, Minho’s mum is sitting beside him and holding his hand.

“Kibum ah…”

Slowly, Kibum turns to the woman who he still treats as his own mother even though nothing ties them together anymore.

“Minho’s awake.”

Kibum’s mind becomes alert as his eyes widen.

“He’s asking for you.”

Minho’s mother’s bottom lip trembles and Kibum instantly knows something is wrong beneath that strong front.

“I don’t think…” Biting her bottom lip to prevent herself from sobbing out loud, Minho’s mum pauses for a moment before she takes in a deep breath and continues, “I don’t think he remembers…”

The rest is left unsaid but it’s more than enough for Kibum’s mind to go blank.

“How are you feeling, Minho?”

“Better… now that you’re here.”

Amnesia is something Kibum has only seen happen in the movies but it’s what the doctor tells him when he asks about Minho’s condition two days after the accident. Fortunately, as severe as the accident is, Minho doesn’t go into coma and wakes up soon after the general anaesthesia wears off. Even so, Kibum finds out that the injuries covering Minho’s body which he can see with his own eyes are only the least of their worries. Minho is also suffering from a traumatic brain injury that has apparently taken away a good part of his memory.

When he asks the doctor to clarify, Kibum is bombarded with all sorts of medical terms that he can’t even pronounce let alone remember, but he soon understands that the type of amnesia Minho is diagnosed with actually doesn’t matter. Nothing changes the fact that Minho has indeed lost his memory.

After a series of questions with the help of Minho’s family and Kibum himself, the doctor concludes Minho doesn’t remember the accident and anything that has happened in the recent year or two. They’re mostly thankful Minho has retained most of his memories but Kibum finds himself in an odd place. After all, he makes up a large part of Minho’s life for the past 3 years. Yet now, what Minho doesn’t remember is that Kibum is no longer a part of his life. In fact, their relationship of 2 years has already ended a month ago.

Whoever said breakups could be amicable is a liar. Kibum thought he could be friends with Minho but seeing Minho only reminds him of a love lost. It’s sad. It’s painful; and like most, if not, all breakups, theirs isn’t a happy one. Three years ago, they met and fell in love. One year of friendship, ambiguity and lots of tiptoeing around each other, two years together as a couple who had plans and dreams for the future, and three years later, they, everything, fell apart. It’s heartbreakingly difficult to let go of a relationship that they both believed would last. But when arguing became the only way they communicated with each other in the last few months of their relationship and silence was all they shared in their last week together, breaking up seemed to be their only solution.

It was hard to admit but they had drifted apart, their feelings for each other lost somewhere along the way. Living in one apartment, they turned from lovers to roommates. It felt like neither of them were putting in the effort to make their relationship work, and if they did try, it only ended in heated arguments and cold wars. Where exactly they went wrong, Kibum doesn’t have an answer, but it had come to the point where they knew they would be better off without each other. There was no point in holding on to a relationship that was becoming toxic to the both of them. So since they couldn’t save their relationship, both Kibum and Minho hoped to at least protect the happy memories they shared together and part ways before their feelings turned to hate.

Breaking up with Minho had been difficult, so much so that Kibum would rather forget about their relationship together. But not like this. Not with Minho losing his memory. That’s something he would never even dare imagine.

“Why are you crying, Kibum-ah?” Minho’s voice startles Kibum out of his thoughts, “I’m fine, baby, I’ll recover so fast, you wouldn’t believe it.”

Baby. How long has it been since he last heard Minho call him that? What will happen when he recovers and realises nothing is what it seems? If only Minho knew they weren’t even on talking terms just before their relationship ended…

“Don’t cry, Bummie.”

Kibum feels a bandaged hand cup his face before a thumb stiffly wipes his tears away. He sniffs and reaches out to gently grab hold of Minho’s hand before he can move away.

“Minho…”

“Yes, baby?”

“Do you love me?”

Minho looks at him like it’s the most nonsensical question he can ask. Isn’t the answer is obvious?

“Of course I love you.”

Minho’s reply doesn’t come as a surprise but the words that have once made Kibum unconditionally happy now leaves him with a heavy heart. Kibum knows Minho doesn’t understand that he only thinks he loves him because of his memory loss. If he remembers how their relationship ended, the answer may be different.

Kibum tries not to show his sadness but the bitter smile on his face does little to hide his feelings. He feels sad because things just aren’t the same anymore.

They just aren’t what Minho believes they are.

“What is it, Bum?” Minho asks, worried when he recognizes the look on Kibum’s face, “Tell me. I know something is wrong. My memory loss… did I forget something important?”

Kibum shakes his head and smiles.

“It’s nothing.” Kibum lies, “I’m the least of your worries right now. Just get well soon alright?”

“But I am well.”

“Say that after your bandages are removed…”

“Let’s not forget about regaining my memory too.” Minho laughs, finding the irony in his sentence funny.

Kibum isn’t laughing along though. Seeing the smile on Minho’s face, Kibum can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, it’s easier to forget.

“I’m sorry you have to keep visiting him even though…”

“Eomeonim, please don’t say that.” Kibum looks up from his coffee and smiles at Minho’s mum who is sitting across him at the cafeteria in the hospital, “I’m glad I can be here for him.”

Holding her drink in her hands, Minho’s mum nods and says, “You know, Kibum, I wish I had the chance to talk to you earlier but Minho, that child, he kept things to himself. If I didn’t check on him at the apartment you both shared, I would have never found out.”

Come to think of it, Kibum doesn’t know much about Minho after they broke up. He doesn’t know if he even wants to hear about Minho but he continues to listen as Minho’s mum talks to him.

“Minho tells me that the both of you wanted the break up?”

Kibum nods.

“Seems to me that he was lying…” Minho’s mum ponders out loud.

It’s obvious that she has more to say but eventually, she shakes her head and smiles at Kibum, “Are you happier now?”

Kibum finds himself stumped at that question. He doesn’t have an answer for Minho’s mum and the only excuse that he can give himself is that it has only been a month since he left Minho. Moving on takes time; but if he can’t see himself being happier in the long run, what’s the point of breaking up then?

“Eomeonim, I…”

“It’s okay, Kibum ah.” Minho’s mum reaches out to pat Kibum’s hand, “Don’t feel pressured to answer me. I just care about you, both of you… so don’t mind me giving you some advice, but sometimes, try not to be too focused about moving forward. The future is important but it’s good to look back at the past and reminisce once in a while. Perhaps you’ll find something worth remembering… worth fighting for.”

Five days after the accident, Kibum makes a trip back to the apartment that he had lived in with Minho. Needless to say, the advice from Minho’s mother has impacted him more than he wants it to. He wouldn’t admit this but a part of him is also curious to see how things are since Minho never moved out after he left.

As soon as he steps into the apartment and takes a quick tour of the place he used to call home, Kibum concludes that nothing much has changed. The apartment has been kept as how Kibum remembers leaving it and the only difference is the absence of his personal belongings. When they broke up, Kibum didn’t bother splitting the things that they shared because one, he found it too troublesome and two, he didn’t want anything that reminded him of Minho.

Clearly, he still doesn’t see eye to eye with Minho since his ex-boyfriend hasn’t thrown anything out and kept everything as it is. Even photos of the two of them together along with those taken with family and friends remain framed on the walls and shelves of different places in the apartment. Kibum wants to say he’s shocked but deep down inside, he has hoped for everything to remain the same. Somehow, it comes as a relief to him that Minho hasn’t removed anything.

As he enters the bedroom they used to share, Kibum doesn’t hesitate to lie down on the bed. He tries to make himself comfortable on the side that he usually sleeps on but it doesn’t feel right. Before he can think, Kibum changes position and shifts himself to Minho’s side of the bed. A smile tugs on the corners of his lips as he closes his eyes and relaxes his body.

So. Much. Better.

Kibum has no intention to sleep though. He came back to look back at the past. He came back to remember what has been forgotten. Even though Kibum doesn’t know where Minho’s mum's advice would lead him, it’s still something he feels he has to do.

It’s almost 11pm when Kibum returns to the hospital and finds Minho wide awake, staring at the ceiling in the dimly lit room.

“Hey…” Kibum greets with a smile as he sits next to Minho by his bedside and turns on the nearest lights, “Why are you not sleeping?”

Minho closes his eyes for a moment before he lets out a breath and turns to look at Kibum.

“I know, Kibum.”

“Know what?”

“Umma told me.”

It’s just three words but the pain on Minho’s face is visible, even more visible than when the anaesthesia lost effect and he could feel all the bruises and injuries his body had suffered from the accident.

It’s just three words but Kibum’s smile disappears in an instant and he suddenly feels nothing but fear overwhelm him.

It’s just three words, the same number as “let’s break up”, and once again, everything is about to change.

“She thought it would be better for the both of us. When the doctor informed us that I could be discharged from the hospital in the next few days, she didn’t want me to return to our- my apartment only to find out that you don’t live there anymore. I can’t remember anything, Kibum… but maybe that’s why I forgot.” Minho says as he looks away from Kibum, “Maybe the memories were so sad that I didn’t want to remember any of it… was it, Kibum? Was our relationship that bad? What happened to us?”

“We forgot.” Kibum mumbles.

Minho turns to look at him again, “What?”

“We forgot about us.” Kibum meets Minho’s eyes, “We forgot about how and why we fell in love. We took things for granted… we forgot to love, Minho.”

Minho slowly sits up as he reaches out to cup Kibum’s face in his hands. That’s when Kibum realises tears are rolling down his cheeks.

“I made you cry again…” Minho smiles sadly as he wipes Kibum’s tears with his thumbs, “How much have I made you cry in the recent years?”

“So much that you would actually punch yourself in the gut.” Kibum laughs through his tears, “Maybe even hate yourself too…”

Minho sighs and mumbles to himself, “I already hate myself.”

With their close proximity, Kibum hears everything.

“Why?”

“I lost you, Kibum.” Minho says regretfully, “I let you go.”

“Don’t take all the blame when the truth is we both made mistakes…” Kibum removes Minho’s hands from his face and holds it tightly in his hands instead, “Maybe it’s good that we broke up… so we can give ourselves a second chance now.”

“A second chance?”

“Yes, let’s start again? I know you don’t remember how rough it was during the months before we ended things and it’ll seem like I’m taking advantage of the situation since you obviously still think you love me but-”

“I don’t think I’ve ever stopped loving you though.”

“Why’d you say that?”

Minho reaches over to the bedside table and grabs his phone. The screen has cracked as a result of the impact from the accident but apparently it still works. Minho swipes his finger across the screen, taps it twice and swipes down once before he turns the phone towards Kibum.

“I just got my phone back and found this photo that was sent to me on the night of the accident.”

Kibum squints at the pixelated, somewhat blurry, image that had been captured under poor lighting on the screen. It takes a few seconds before he registers that it’s a photo of him and the stranger he was about to have a one night stand with caught in a compromising position at the club.

“Who sent this to you?”

“That’s not the point, Kibum.”

“Oh right.” Kibum bites his bottom lip, “I can explain, Minho, I-”

“We weren’t together then…” Minho says as calmly as he can manage, “But it clearly still angered me enough to make my way to the club.”

Kibum’s eyes widen, “Am I the reason why you got into a car accident?!”

Minho can’t help but roll his eyes, “Don’t be silly, the driver who ran the red light was.”

“But still-”

“Yes, still…” Minho breathes out as a smile grows on his face, “If it wasn’t for that or the accident, we wouldn’t be talking right now.”

“I’m not thankful that you got into an accident and lost your memory, Minho.” Kibum says sternly and knocks on wood just to be extra safe at the same time.

“You don’t have to be.” Minho answers, “You just have to love me again.”

“That’s easy.” Kibum’s eyes crinkle as he grins cutely, “I already do.”

“And move in with me again.” Minho quickly adds once he hears Kibum’s reply.

Kibum shakes his head and laughs, “Let’s take it slow, Minho.”

Before Minho can rebut him, Kibum leans in and shuts him up with a kiss, one that starts off light and mostly innocent but becomes a little too passionate as Kibum ends up lying next to Minho in the small bed, lips and body remembering how they feel against each other.

Well, if this is what Kibum means by taking it slow, Minho definitely has no objections.