I came into the funeral home, conscious of the silence that loomed over the halls. Somehow it wasn’t difficult to find black clothes in my closet. Hey, the color did look good on me. I paused in front of a sign, which said “Li Family.” I went into the room.

Mrs. Li was sitting at a chair, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Mr. Li turned to me with a grave face. “Hello, Jongwoon.”

“Hello Mr. Li.”

“Thank you for coming. Would you like time to pay your respects to Karen?”

“Yes please.” I had seen the coffin in the front of the room, and now I slowly walked up to it. Karen’s face looked peaceful, like she was sleeping. Yet her face was pale, and not full of life that had made the impression on me when I got to know her well.

Karen, I hope you are at peace and have no regrets. I hope that I have done well with you when you were still here. I silently thought, but now I had to stop or tears would roll down my cheeks. I bowed three times, then went to take a seat in the middle. I bowed my head so I wouldn’t have to see the other mourners pay their respects to her.

After a while, I heard the seat to my left creak. “You doing okay man?” Hyukjae asked, patting my back.

“Yeah, just trying to sit it out.”

“I know how you feel.” Hyukjae sat back and sighed. “”I never thought I would actually see this day before I even graduated college or something. I figured I would be old and graying, stumbling to my seat with my cane, knowing my time would be next.”

“For Karen?”

He shifted in his seat. “Maybe not just Karen. Anybody I knew from our school.”

I sighed and sat up. “Do you think they will announce in our school?”

“Yup. And have a minute of silence for it. Did you prepare a speech?”

“Somewhat.”

“Good for you. I’m not going up there at all.” He rubbed his stomach. “Makes me queasy just thinking about it.”

“You could just choreograph a dance about her.”

Hyukjae laughed. “I could, but I’d probably knock things over. It would be a disaster.”

I started to speak when a hush went over the room. Mr. Li had stepped into the front of the room.

“I like to thank everyone for coming to my daughter’s funeral. A week ago, a drunk driver had crashed into her while she was in New York City. She held on to life, fighting for four hours before her body gave up on her. Even though her spirit has passed from this world, I would like to remind everyone what it was when it was present in our lives.” Mr. Li glanced down at his podium. “Karen was the sunshine that easily overcame storms. Even though she was human and had her bad days, she never failed to come back and shine. As she grew up, she put her enthusiastic energy into everything she set her mind to. Even though her life has been so short, it was always full of possibility. I want to remind everyone that we can all put what made Karen so beautiful and full of life into our own lives and keep it there. Even though the sunshine Karen has made in all of our hearts is now gone and the shadow is very dark, we will get used to sitting in this shadow. Maybe some of you will have other sunshine outshine that shadow. However, I don’t want any of us to forget the sunshine that used to be there. Thank you.”

Other family members stood up to speak, and I listened, trying to grasp other pieces of Karen I didn’t have time to find out, that I would never have found out on my own. In the end, I was full of someone that was gone. Half of me wanted to smile and laugh with this new pieces of knowledge, half of me wanted to get down knees and stay crouching to the ground, knowing I would never use them with Karen.

Finally, everyone stood up to shake hands with Karen’s family. I bowed to Karen’s body once more, hoping she was there, smiling at every mourner even though we couldn’t see her. I shook hands with Mr. Li, and through our eyes we reached a mutual agreement. We were both men in Karen’s life, and we would stand in those positions proudly. I shook hands with Mrs. Li, who managed to give me a small smile.

I waited at the doorway for Hyukjae, who came out shortly. He looked back at Karen’s body. “It’s really over,” he said, with disbelief in his voice.

“Come on man.” I nudged him to the door. “What’s done is done. We all have no regrets, and Karen can rest in peace.”

“I know. I just, still can’t believe I won’t see her the next morning, jumping up and down about something.” Hyukjae shook his head. “Don’t worry about me, Jongwoon. Even  if it looks I’m stopping for a moment, it doesn’t mean I’m going to walk backwards.”

*

Okay, this is based on my grandpa’s funeral, so please don’t come to me saying how funerals don’t operate like that. This is just one example, and I know it’s legit.

If you think the story is going to stop right here, well you’re going to be disappointed. Yesung is still alive…