I didn't mean to push you away. I didn't mean to hurt you. I didnt intend to make you cry. I didn't mean to stray to the dark.... Light up my darkness

 

I wanted to keep you close, protect you and keep you safe. You were like a flower. A flower which bloomed in the darkness, forlorn and delicate. The world was like a storm, strong enough to break you and make you wilt. I wished to hold onto you and support you, but all that was in vain. Your petals got crumpled by a mere push. 

That push was me.

I was more dangerous than the world's harm. More sinister and ruthless. As much as I wanted to cherish you, something in me wanted to break you. I was scared of what I would do to you. I could only tell you to get away.

 

I didn't mean to push you away.

 

 

 

You still stayed and ensured you were fine, saying you were strong and could withstand the storm, but the storm I was conjuring in me was getting stronger by the day. Everyday was a constant reminder to finally shatter you. I was starting to go insane. 

 

Days went by and I could slowly feel myself relapse into another world. A world where there was no one to protect, only to hurt. A world in which only my insanity could thrive and take over.

Everyday was another dispute in my mind where another entity took over. My knuckles turned white and nails dug into my skin, drawing blood to control myself of hurting you and tainting you. My  beloved, if only you knew.

However all that self control finally snapped and I lashed out. 

 I wanted you to open your eyes so I could apologise and hold you in my arms once more. You only shrank away and wilted in front of my very own eyes.

 

I didn't mean to make you cry...

 

 

The day you opened your eyes and graced my life again made me feel the emotions I felt before. Love. Pain. Guilt. Emotions I felt before my change. A change which threatened your life more than mine. I wanted to protect you even more. Protect you from myself, but I was selfish, love, and I kept you close by my side. 

As you recovered from my deeds, I fought an inner battle within myself to reclaim my sanity. I felt reality slipping away and fading into the darkness. There were now whispers. Whispers of threats and sinister actions. The more I listened to whispers the more my twisted world grew, and the more it grew the more I had to guard you before I hurt you again. 

But my love, I was too late. I crashed into the dark and I couldn't differentiate between the light and my insanity. 

I don't remember anything which happened that moment after. I lost myself to the darkness. I woke to finding your cold body in a scarlet pool...

I counldnt stop sobbing as I tried to hopelessly repair you again. Repair you of the damage I had inflicted. My hands were stained and I couldn't pick up all the broken fragments of you shattered heart. 

 

I didn't mean to hurt you...

 

 

Now that I had broken you and fulfilled the wishes of the monstrosity inside me, I could only see pitch black. 

There was no light or normality, just an empty darkness.

I didn't mean to stray to the dark....

 

I was struggling to go back to the real world and escape form the clutches of my inner demon. 

I was gasping and writhing in pain, thrashing aimlessly until I found you. 

I reached for your hand and hoped you would open your eyes for the last time...

 

And as if you were answering my prayers, your eyelids fluttered weakly and looked upon me... Your eyes were still the same and would never change. They were an anchor for the reality I hoped to stay in. You were the lit pathway to my freedom. My light.

I'm sorry my love...

But all I can do is to reach out in hopes of you saving me and my lucidity. 

Save me my love, from the suffocating darkness.... 

 

Light up my darkness.