That long weekend started to come to a close. We partied hard and we made new friends. We explored all over the streets of Korea town as we always did every time we had the chance to go to Toronto. And every trip we made was relatively funnier than the next. But something was off. Kiti and i had gone to Toronto twice within the span of the past three nights. but for some reason, i couldn't shake this weird feeling. Don't get me wrong, the weekend was great. and i danced harder than i had ever before. I missed the dance floor, and i missed dancing to every song that i knew the choreo for in public without being judged. But as the weekends passed, and the summer months came to a close, i couldn't shake a dread in the pit of my stomach that would change my life forever. Kiti and i had grown so close this past year that if we missed a conversation on skype we would talk and laugh the next night as if we hadn't talked in months. We had constantly been living it up in the Korean night life the past year that i knew her, and i had no complaints. Before her, i stayed home, with a constant fear of what the outside world held just because of my mothers stories and horrible past experience of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Kiti broke through that fear, and i owe her for that. But after this week had passed, and our skype conversations continued, i knew tonight would be bad. "hey Kyura.." Kiti called me through the other end of the screen. "neh?" there was a silence... "CHOCOLAGATE LIPS!" the anger boiled in me. In the span of a week i had become ridiculously attached to Yongguk and everything he embodied, I even started to paint a small portrait of him ...But his English was killing me! "UGH! FOR SAKE YONGGUK! THERE IS NO "G" IN CHOCOLATE!!!!" As we shared a laugh i heard the front door open and the house alarm beep accordingly. Uugh, great... moms home. "hey ma' how was work?" i called to her. Fully knowing what her answer would be at 12:35 in the morning. "Fine... you put in your college application yet?" Ugh... you gotta be ing kidding me. I didn't answer. At this point i stared at Kiti through the screen and asked her to stay why i talked to mom on the side. "umm, yeah, about that, i need your credit card for it." "okay just give me a sec- Kyura... COME ON! CAN'T YOU PLEASE DO THE DISHES?! HOW MANY TIMES TO I HAVE TO ASK YOU! YOU KNOW WHEN I COME HOME LATE I'M TIRED AND DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THIS CRAP RIGHT NOW! COME ON!" Ugh man, here we go again. just tune her out while you load the dishwasher man. that might just shut her up. As i loaded the dishwasher, she began to go off about something completely unrelated and why that had to deal with what she called my "lack of responsibility". "Kiti is on skype mom, she can hear... behave" My mother was never very tech savvy, and when she wanted to crank on your , she would drown anything you just said out with her own noise. "AND CLEAR UP ALL YOUR CRAP FROM THE TABLE! THIS ISNT AN ART STUDIO!" Her words were starting to get under my skin now. "the pain just has to dry mom... ill clean it up when i get up tomorrow." she stopped herself half up the stairs like she always did when she was angry and worked her way back down to chew my some more. "where is all this attitude coming from?!" "what attitude? i'm sorry this is my tone, i know i have a deep voice for a chick mom but i'm sorry." "NO! this has nothing to do with your tone Kyura! it's the company you keep!" And there she goes again. when she cant deal with me as a moth, she propels into Child and Youth worker mode. I dont know why shes still going off when shes only ever hated one friend i've made in my life, which i got rid of eventually since i eventually realized he was a waste of space. why is she still chewing on my friends like this man. "mom, you've only ever hated one person in my life... what friends are you talking about now?" "THAT KITI CHICK! just because she hopes from house to house it doesnt mean you can! Thats not what a lady does!" "mom... she doesn't sleep with men. what are you talking about 'lady like'?" "she never stays home! shes a bad influence on you! what's with all the talk about art school? she doesnt go to school and you're gunna take advice from her?" "she doesnt go to school cuz she lives too far from anything mom... you know this. and Kiti has nothing to do with art school. you know its always been a thing for me. and im not the only person in an art program. a good handful of my friends are as well. and they seem to be doing fine." "but you're not them Kyura! you dont have to parents to lean on! its only me! if you want to be with Kiti so bad, and live her tailor park lifestyle then be my guest! but shes never welcome in this house again! all your little ing friends that tell you you're grown and can do whatever you want can go themselves!" At this point, i was starting to break down. But i wouldnt make a sound, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction. Calmly i spat back at her "you dont know my friends like i do... and none of us are perfect. so where is all of this coming fro-" "KYURA SHUT UP! WE'RE DONE!" With that, she stopped up the stairs for the night. Standing there in silence a second, i then ran to the laptop in a crying panic. No! Kiti! she heard all of that! no, no, no! Trying to text her once again i apologized as i cried my heart out. Being threatened like that by my own mother. Threatening to throw me out if i ever associated with Kiti again. I couldnt do it. She was my sister, the closest friend i ever made. Come on Kiti pick up please, i dont want this friendship to end, not like this! Thankfully after many tries, she responded. Knowing she was equally as hurt as i was.​We had always talked about moving in together, but we didnt think it would be so soon. I loved my mother, but this friendship was the strongest ever. We bonded spiritually so such a level it was overwhelming. That night we texted eachother in an attempt to console one another. From here on i already knew what to expect from my mom. She wouldnt talk to be for days and would later shrug everything off after another one of her famous speaches. But this time was different. I could feel something boiling. And it wasnt good. A week went by and i hadn't seen her in the house. She had a very conflicting schedule so it was kind of normal. But as the second week started to role around, so did college since i eventually got to finsihing that college application.This is getting ing ridiculous. I desided i'd text her while she was at work.

Me: Mom, this is getting ridiculous. When you come home i would really like it if we could settle this like adults and talk.
.....
Mom: that sounds like a good idea.

That night when mom got home, i started the conversation "mom-" "no im done." "what do you mean you're done? what happened to our conversation?" "Kyura im done. you want to prove you're a grown up and hang with who you want and do all the late night nonsense you want, then go ahead, im done." "mom what happened to talking about this like adults" "KYURA IM DONE!" i fell silent. She hadnt looked at me, i hadnt heard her voice in two weeks.and this was the image i saw. That night i went to bed. Crying myself to sleep realizing mom would fail to see my view of the world, my view of the people in it, my view of living life to the fullest, my view of my dearest friend and sister Kiti.

The next day i woke up. Eyes swollen as i rolled in my bed. i stared at my bedroom walls. An EXO wall, a VIXX wall, and a massive wall of B.A.P at my headboard that i had collected over the span of the past month while i was in Korea town with Kiti. Little did i know.... that this was the day that would change me and cause the largest internal battle a 19 year old of my position could ever fight on her own.