Jonghyun was afraid.

 

They didn’t want to be afraid, wished so much that they weren’t, but there was nothing that could stop it.

 

They felt their heart pounding in their chest, and their eyes darted back and forth as they paced down aisle after aisle in the store.

 

They’d woken up extra early to do this, to make sure few people would be around, to guarantee them some privacy. And yet here they were, avoiding doing the one thing they had come to this place to do: enter the girls’ section to try on clothes.

 

Jonghyun had anticipated everything that could possibly go wrong. What if they saw someone they knew? What if someone asked why they weren’t back in the boy’s section where they 'belonged'? What if...What if...

 

It wasn’t like they hadn’t tried on skirts or dresses before, but they had been their sister’s old hand-me-downs and had never fit just right. Jonghyun had really wanted to start off this year with being confident and open about what they wanted to wear to express their gender identity, but of course it was more difficult once they were faced with the actual challenge.

 

They rounded the corner yet again and started to walk quickly in the direction of the dresses. Maybe if they did it fast, like ripping off a band aid...That was until someone else walked out from another aisle, causing Jonghyun to freeze and turn away.

 

That was it, this was getting ridiculous. They were calling Jinki.

 

Jonghyun had only been out to their boyfriend for a couple of weeks, and he had been thoroughly lovely and supportive. However, it was one thing to tell Jinki they identified as agender and it was another to ask him for help shopping for dresses. But on the other hand they were so sick of hiding who they were…

 

They pressed the ‘call’ button before they could convince themself otherwise.

 

"Hey Jjong, what's up?" Jinki picked up almost right away.

 

"I'm sorry to bother you." Jonghyun started, bracing themself to ask him. They ducked into the nearest empty aisle and pretended to be looking at the shoes.

 

"You could never bother me. You know you can tell me anything, right?"

 

Why did Jinki have to be so nice? They were so scared of hurting him.

 

"So, um, I'm at Denver's looking at clothes and I could really use your support." Jonghyun ran their fingers through their hair. Why was it so hard to say what they wanted?

 

"Do you want me to come meet you? Do you need me to bring anything? Are you ok?"

 

Now Jinki was worried, they hadn't meant to worry Jinki...

 

"I’m ok. It’s ok. I'd really like it if you could come, but, uh, before you come you should know that I want to try on some dresses and stuff. I just can't find the guts to do it myself... I'm sorry." They added the apology on reflex.

 

If Jinki thought anything of his partner trying on dresses he didn't voice those thoughts.

 

"It'll take me about ten minutes. Go look at the kids' clothes or something until I get there. I know you love doing that." His thoughtfulness made Jonghyun smile. They had found something special with Jinki.

 

Ten minutes later Jinki found them cooing over small onesies with cute dinosaurs on them.

 

"It's no fair." They greeted Jinki, "We don't know anyone who's having a kid and I really want to buy this."

 

Jinki hugged them in greeting.

 

"Don't be too impatient. Soon most of our friends will have kids and we'll have to shell out a lot of money for presents."

 

He took the onesie from Jonghyun's grip and put it safely back on the shelf. "Are you ready?"

 

Jonghyun sighed loudly.

 

"As ready as I'll ever be."

 

Jinki guided them away from the cute clothes, across the store, and into the teen girls’ section. As Jonghyun's heart began to pound faster in their chest Jinki ran his arms comfortingly over their arms and back.

 

"You're going to look so cute." He whispered in their ear.

 

He helped Jonghyun pick out of things they liked in various sizes. Neither of them were sure of how to convert the way guy's clothes sizes were labelled to the ambiguous letters and numbers of these clothes.

 

The changing rooms were unattended (Jonghyun had picked this store for that very reason) and there was no one else around.

 

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Jinki asked kindly.

 

“I want to say no, but I know if you don’t I’ll chicken out and won’t show you so yea, come in.” Jonghyun reached out for Jinki’s hand and pulled him with them.

 

“Are you sure? You don’t have to feel like you have to-”

 

Jonghyun stopped Jinki with a quick peck on his lips.

 

“It’s ok, it really is. I’m really happy you came and I want to share this with you.”

 

The first outfit was scary. Jonghyun was afraid they wouldn’t look good and almost refused to look at themself in the mirror, but as time went on they tried on things with more and more confidence.

 

“I think I really like this one.” They said happily as they spun in front of the mirror to show off the skirt of the dress. “It feels so freeing, and it’s really cute.”

 

“You look beautiful. “ Jonghyun watched in the mirror as Jinki stood up behind them and wrapped his arms around them, tucking his chin on their shoulder. “You are beautiful.”

 

His tone changed immediately as he saw Jonghyun’s eyes begin to water.

 

“I’m so sorry Jjongie, did I say something wrong?”

 

Jonghyun reached up to touch the tears that had begun to trickle down their face. They locked eyes with Jinki through the mirror.

 

“I feel amazing Jinki. I feel so free, and to have your support means so much I can’t even explain it. Thank you so much for accepting me for who I am.”

 

Jinki could see his own eyes growing teary reflected in the glass.

 

“I am so happy for you, sweetie. And I am so, so proud.” He shifted his head to give Jonghyun a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll always support you.”