“Okay,” you clear your throat, seat yourself in front of your boyfriend who’s lounging on the floor because Taemin is the kind of person who does that (literally, he’s on the floor leaning against the couch, not even on the couch). “Okay, we need to have some real talk.”

He’s puzzled, looks at you with a blank expression over the book he really wasn’t reading in the first place. Taemin never reads books. He skims until he’s got the gist of what happens so he can talk about it on a basic level and not feel like an uncultured swine.

You just don’t even bother.

“What’s up?” You can tell he’s a bit nervous now as he sets Sylvia Plath to the side, purses his lips and raises his eyebrows in the way that shifts his face from sultry to childlike. Puffy cheeks. He has puffy cheeks.

You probably shouldn’t have started that out with such an ominous suggestion. “It’s not anything bad, don’t worry. I just had an idea. Kind of. I just got a thought and I wanted to just, y’know, break the ice.”

He raises a brow this time and now he’s back to looking hot. Damn him. “All right…”

“How big is your ?”

Taemin blanches, and you know that this is most certainly not the question he was expecting. “Excuse me?”

So, backstory. You haven’t had with Taemin yet.

“I was on tumblr a few minutes ago and there was this discussion type post about how like, the big movement was kinda full of ? Like, I measured my forearm and it was literally ten inches. I’ve read fanfic about ten inch before and now that I know that ten inches the length of my forearm, I’m greatly concerned about the length of your .” There’s a definite silence. “s are only like, six inches deep, you know?”

Taemin’s obviously confused as to what you’re talking about. “I don’t… I haven’t really-“

“Don’t tell me you haven’t checked. All guys check.”

His face flushes a deep red. “You don’t have to worry, babe.”

“I just… isn’t the worldwide average like, six inches? I feel like that’d be optimal. I don’t care about your girth maybe,” he’s uncomfortable. You should shut up. “I- okay, yeah, sorry. You’re more than your . I shouldn’t be concerned.”

He’s very awkward and very confused and when you stand up, but reaches out as you pass by. Taemin probably thought you were insinuating that you wanted to be up close and personal with his in the near future, but really, you were just being objective.

You may actually consider being up close and personal with his in the near future.

“Six,” his face is very red. “I’m six.”

ing score.

“I don’t think you realize how happy I am right now.”

Maybe tomorrow.