Confession...
Love waits for one thing, the right moment...
“Hyung, what do you think New York will be like?”
The rapper turned and smiled at his seat mate, shrugging.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, we’ve all seen it in pictures and movies, but I don’t know what it will actually be like.
I don’t think I will till we get there.”
“Do you think you might…”
Minho looked straight at him and cocked his eyebrow.
“Might what, Taemin-ah?” Taemin felt his face go red, and just shook his head.
“Nothing, Hyung. Just wanted to know if you were going to go sightseeing, or something.”
“Oh!” he exclaimed with a laugh.
“Well yes, of course, it is New York City. I want to see Times Square and Central Park.”
Taemin grinned and nodded.
“You should come with me. We can see the city together.”
Taemin’s heart began to beat faster as Minho looked at him eagerly, his cute innocent smile
pleading Taemin to go with him.
“Sure, Hyung. I’d love to see New York with you.”
Minho grinned widely, and brushed his band mate’s soft cheek,
something he always did when he was happy with him. They shared a glance before
settling back into their plane seats to rest before they landed in a few hours.
This was going to be it. This would be the time he would finally tell Minho his true feelings.
They were going to be in New York City, after all! One of the most
romantic cities in the world. He just had to find the right moment. He just had to plan it out perfectly…
He sighed, and turned around to see JongHyun and Key whispering and giggling to each other.
The way they looked at one another, with such adoration
and gentle, but protective care, that was how he wanted Minho to look at him.
Just once, that was all he wanted.
Jonghyun noticed his stare and nudged Key. Minho was now listening to his headphones,
his eyes closed in relaxation, so Taemin’s hyungs leaned forward to talk with him.
“You’re going to tell him this weekend, right?” Key asked.
Taemin nodded shakily, and glanced back over at the rapper. He felt a hand on his shoulder.
“You have to be firm with your feelings, Taemin. Have no fear of anything.”
He looked into JongHyun’s eyes and saw a strength he knew came from only one thing: love.
It was a strength he prayed and wished he possessed. The strength to tell Minho he loved him.
His hyungs gave him a caring pat on the shoulder, before leaning back into their seats, resuming their conversation.
Taemin sighed and closed his eyes, hoping to get some rest before he confessed himself.
It was going to be a long plane ride…
They landed a few hours later, taken straight from the famous JFK Airport, to their hotel, The W.
Minho threw his things onto his bed and unraveled his scarf,
as Taemin began to unload the few sets of clothes he had packed.
“So what do you want to do, Taemin?” He turned to look at his hyung,
who was now in the process of changing his shirt.
I want to kiss you so bad right now, Hyung…
“Umm-” He focused very hard on precisely unpacking his things,
and tried to keep his eyes from looking at this half man next to him.
“We could go to Central Park, maybe?” His words were rushed, he could hear them,
but apparently Minho didn’t notice.
“Oh! You know what might be good, Maknae? Those bus tours they always have,
I heard Key Hyung might be going with Amber or something, we could go.”
Taemin nodded in acknowledgement and skimmed his fingers over his shirts,
beads of sweat forming on his forehead.
“Taemin-ah…” he nearly jumped when he felt Minho’s fingers on his shoulder.
“You’re sweating. Do you have a fever?” His cool hand caressed his forehead.
“Ah, no Minho. I’m okay, just a little warm.” He couldn’t help but notice that Minho was still shirtless.
“Let me get you some ice, and I’ll go get Key. Just sit down here.”
The older boy placed him gently on the bedspread, and Taemin could hardly resist his touch.
Maybe he was coming down with something…
After returning with the ice, Key-umma, as well as the manager, they realized Taemin had a fever.
“It’s slight,” said Manager-hyung.
“By tomorrow, if you stay and get sleep today, it should be fine.” Taemin nodded weakly,
but in his heart he was crying. Why did he have to get a fever now?
Why couldn’t this have waited until after the performance, until after his confession?
Key and Manager-hyung left, and Minho slid on the bed, caressing the young boy’s hand, and smoothing his hair.
“I won’t go on that bus tour. We might come back to New York in the future, I can-”
Taemin silenced him with his soft fingers and shook his head.
“No, you should go and have fun. Please don’t let me spoil your time here, Hyung.
Besides, I want you to take pictures for me of the city.” He reached into his open suitcase and pulled his camera out,
slipping it into the rapper’s hands before nudging him to go.
“The bus will be leaving soon.” Minho glanced between Taemin and the camera several times before sighing.
“I don’t want to leave you here when you’re sick.” Taemin just chuckled.
“Hyung, there are dozens of people here to check in on me,
I’m sure they would do that even if you do stay. I’ll be fine, like Manager-hyung said, it’s only a slight fever.”
It was a few more minutes before Minho finally stood up and grabbed his jacket.
“Call me, at anytime, for anything. I’ll jump off the bus and run back to you.”
Why did Minho have to be ? Why did he have to be a boy?
Why did he have to say such sweet things to Taemin, when Taemin knew it wasn’t right for them to be together?
Why did he have to be so caring, so…perfect?
He nodded and gave a weak smile, feeling himself drifting off into sleep already.
“Okay. Now go have fun.” Before he knew what was happening,
Minho’s lips were gently soothing his forehead, and in the next second, they were gone.
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
After the door was closed, and before he felt his tired body take him into sleep,
he could feel a tear rolling down his cheek.
Taemin. Taemin-ah, my Taemin-ah…
Taemin looked all around him, not able to place Minho’s voice.
“Minho! Where are you?”
It was all dark around him, a thick, heavy fog surrounding the space.
As Minho’s voice became more pronounced and clearer, the fog slowly began to lift.
“Minho…Minho! What are you-” His voice stopped as he saw the sight in front of him.
Minho’s arms were around Yuri. They were laughing with each other,
each other’s arms, and whispering secrets to one another.
“This is how it’s meant to be Taemin…” he heard a voice say.
“You being with Minho would only hurt him, you two could never publicly be together…”
He could almost feel the veins being ripped and torn from his heart
as he watched Yuri’s lips speaking so softly into Minho’s ears.
It was true, they could never be together publicly. Also, what would their families think?
Minho could never introduce Taemin to his mother or father. How could any of this possibly work?
“Just let it go, Taemin…”
As the scene before him began to fade, he realized he recognized the voice that was speaking:
It was his own. He was telling himself what he knew all along.
And so with a heavy heart, he turned away from the happy lovers, and returned to the dark fog…
“Taemin…Taemin-ah?”
His eyes fluttered open, just barely, and he saw the same sight he had wanted to see so badly just a while ago.
Minho’s face, only inches from his, painted with concern.
“Hyung…what time is it?” Minho glanced at his watch.
“It’s almost midnight. I just got back in and wanted to make sure you were okay.
I’m sorry I was out so late.” Taemin could feel the ache in his heart he had been feeling before.
It had only been a dream, but it had made him realize how foolish and selfish he had been for wanting Minho.
He his side, away from the worried rapper.
“I’m fine. You should go to sleep…” He could feel Minho’s confusion towards his stoic reply.
“What’s wrong? Are you mad at me?” Taemin sighed, and willed the irrational tears to go away.
He just wanted to be done with this trip, and back in Korea.
“I said I’m fine. I feel sick, okay? Please, just let me rest…” He knew he had hurt him.
But he needed to, he needed Minho to stop being caring and loving and everything that he was.
He needed that so he could stop loving him. So he could try to have a normal life, with a girlfriend.
He wanted to think about girls the way he thought about Minho.
Instead of wishing his hyung could sweep him away and only love him forever,
he needed to think about those sorts of things for a girl. That was the only way society would ever accept him.
Minho was now sitting on his bed, staring at the young boy.
“Why are you being like this to me?” Finally, Taemin couldn’t take it. He lifted himself up, until he was sitting, facing Minho.
“Like what? We are not lovers! Sometimes I don’t even think we are friends, we are just bandmates!”
Taemin could see Minho’s confusion, and he could understand why it was there.
He never acted this way towards Minho. But he was hurting, he was hurting to much inside.
“Taemin-ah, of course we’re friends. I don’t understand why you’re mad at me. Please, just tell me what I did wrong.”
He could feel tears threatening to spill over. He couldn’t let Minho sit there and blame himself,
and feel guilt for something he hadn’t even done. But what could he do? What could he say?
He sighed, realizing that the truth had to come out at some point. Even if Minho didn’t reciprocate his feelings,
there was never going to be a good time to say it, and he couldn’t keep it brewing inside of him any longer.
“Minho, it’s not your fault…”
“Well then, why are you so upset with me?” Taemin spread his legs out slowly,
his tired body aching as he crawled out of the bed. He could see the concern in Minho’s eyes as he walked over to him.
“I’m not upset with you, Hyung,” he said, standing before him.
Before he could say another word, his legs began to give out, and he felt himself falling.
Minho’s fast hands scooped him up, and he held him in his arms, delicately.
“Taemin! Taemin, please, what’s wrong? Tell me what’s wrong!”
Taemin stared into his eyes, and breathed in unsteadily before he said it.
“I…I just, I have to tell you something…” Minho’s eyes searched his frantically.
“What? What is it?”
Taemin felt his hand reaching up, cupping Minho’s cheek, as his other grabbed around his neck.
Before he could stop himself, he pressed his lips to the older boys, and just held it there for a few, tender moments.
The rappers soft, thick lips remained unresponsive, so he drew back and sighed.
“I had to tell you…that I love you, Minho. And that I always-”
Minho’s lips stopped him midsentence, and this time, he took full control.
Taemin felt the older boy’s tongue slip into his mouth and taste the sweet crevices,
as his arms pulled their bodies closer to one another. The young boy felt his hyung becoming needier,
as his mouth grasped more and more for his own, and his arms encircled his back intimately.
He ran his finger through the older boy’s hair, and felt his heart beating rapidly through his thin t-shirt.
Taemin didn’t care if this was wrong, or stupid, or if this was going to ruin the rest of his life.
Right now, right here in this moment, this was all he needed.
After several minutes, their lips separated, and Minho sat the both of them down.
“Taemin, why didn’t you just tell me?” He just shrugged, and held on to Minho’s hand.
“I guess, there was never really a right time. I wanted to wait for the right moment.”
He looked into those soothing brown orbs, and saw the older boy smile.
“Did I get it right?” Minho pulled their faces together, and nuzzled their noses,
his arms holding Taemin tightly, never wanting to let go.
“Yes. It was the right moment.”
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