"Time felt slower when we do nothing but wait"

Jae’s POV

March 30, 2015

I look at the mirror and saw her with tears running down her lovely face as she try to give me a haircut. Her lips are trembling and from time to time I hear her hiccups. I hate seeing her like this.

‘Angel, thank you’, I told her as I held one of her hands and kissing it. I held her gaze as she looked at me with glassy eyes. She didn’t reply and just shook her head.

‘Say something, let me hear your voice, Angel’, I pleaded as I continue kissing her hand, never breaking our eye contact. Again, she just shook her head before wrapping her arms around my neck, hugging me close. I closed my eyes and savoured her warmth. I can feel her trembling as she snuggled closer to me.

‘I love you, always remember that, ok, Angel?’, I told her as I turn her towards me and putting her on my lap, holding her tightly as I could. I can feel her warm breath against my neck as she snuggled closer, if that was possible. I nuzzled my nose in the crook of her neck, smelling her intoxicating scent that I became addicted to.

‘Wait for me, Angel’, I whispered to her and I feel her nod softly.

21 months without her warmth.

21 months without her laugh.

21 months without her voice.

21 months without her lips.

21 months without her hug.

21 months without her touch.

21 whole months without HER.

Can I bear it? Will I survive those 21 months? Without her?

I wish I can go back to where I first met her. I wish I can turn back time and just go back to where we held each other thinking that it will always be that way. Where being together became a routine. Where we enjoy the day together without counting the time. Back then, we didn’t care about the time. Back then, we believed that we can never be separated. I guess the saying was true, “Ignorance is bliss”. I still remember it as if it just happened yesterday.

February 8, 2014

Today was the first day of spring, the day where buds starts to bloom. We just finished the pictorial for a magazine. Junsu and Yoochun went to their own schedules already but here I am walking along the Han River with only my sunglasses as a disguise. I bet you think I’m stupid but today I felt so tired that I didn’t bother if anybody recognises me. Somehow, I become more tired and just plain empty. It feels like something is missing and my gut is telling me to find it. The problem is I don’t even know what it is.

I looked at my shoes as I walk the path. Walking seems to become a hobby for me this days. It makes me think and feel a little bit refreshed.

‘OMONA!’, I felt a body collapsed with mine and with my reflex I caught the person in my arms.

It was a girl wearing a white dress and matching heels. I look up to her face and what welcomed me was a tear stained face of the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. I saw her widened her eyes and gasped. I saw her eyes and I felt drawn to it as I observed the hazel swirls that seems to sparkle against the sunset.

‘J-jaejoong-shi?’, I heard her soft voice and somehow I unconsciously tightened my arms around her.

‘Sandara-shi’, I breathe out as I continue to gaze at her lovely face but I frowned when I finally focused on her tear stained face.

‘Are you ok?’, I asked her as I wiped the tears away. She seemed to snap out as she moved her hands on my chest and awkwardly pushed me away.

‘I… I’m fine sunbaenim, thank you’, she said as she tried to not look at me.

‘Are you sure?’, I asked again. I don’t think she’s fine at all.

‘Y-yes’, she said, still avoiding my gaze.

‘You were crying, are you hurt?’, I asked as I look at her form, looking for any injury.

‘N-no, I am not hurt’, she stated but her expression betrayed her statement. I saw more tears coming out of her beautiful eyes.

‘I-I’m f-fine’, she said with trembling lips as she try to wipe her tears away but it seems that her tears are not stopping any time soon. I watch her sob uncontrollably as she continue to lie that she’s ok. I couldn’t take it anymore so I pulled her in my arms again.

‘I-I’m fine sunbaenim, you can let go’, she said as she tried to pull away but I’m not letting her.

‘I won’t let you go’, I told her before I felt her stiffen.

‘I won’t let you go until you stop crying’, I told her as I put my chin on top of her head. She was conveniently small so I only had to crouch down a little. I hear her sniff before I felt her let go of all emotions and started hugging me back. I tightened my arms around her and started rocking softly.

‘You will be ok, Sandara-shi’, I cooed as I hear her cry her heart out. I looked around and saw no one around us. I felt relieved that nobody is here, I don’t think she needs a commotion or a scandal. I held her until I feel her gradually calm down. I look down at her and saw her puffy red eyes, flushed cheeks and runny nose. Even then she still looked like a goddess. I slowly let go of her before stepping back and giving her some space. I reached down my pocket.

‘Here you go’, I said as I wipe her tears and her runny nose with my handkerchief.

‘Come on, blow your nose’, I smiled softly at her and saw her blushed before snatching my handkerchief and covering her nose. I chuckled at her embarrassed state. She blushed even more when she heard me laugh so she turned her back on me and wiped her nose carefully. When she was done she turn back not looking at me again.

‘T-thank you, sunbae’, she meekly said.

‘You’re welcome’, I smiled softly at her.

‘I will buy you a new one—‘, she started saying but I held up my hand.

‘It’s ok you can have it’, I smiled at her, she blushed before nodding softly.

‘Well, I-I must go now sunbae, thank you again’, she said as she bowed quickly and turning away. Before I know it I held her wrist. I guess we were both surprise with my action.

‘Y-yes, sunbae?’, she asked as she turned to me again. I took off my sunglasses and carefully put it on her. She was shocked but didn’t move.

‘And here’, I gave her a strawberry candy that my niece gave me this morning. She didn’t move and just stared at my hand. I chuckled again before grabbing her hands and putting the candy on her palms.

‘Cheer up, you will be ok’, I told her as I caress her cheek. She looked up at me, still dazed and I just smiled.

‘We will meet again, Angel’, I told her before kissing her cheek and walking away. I was far away when I turned back towards her. I waved and she hesitantly waved back. I then continue walking away until I found my car and drove to my pad, smile pasted on my face all the while.

That was the first day I met her. From then on my mood became bright. Even the guys found it weird. They told me I kept smiling to myself most of the time. Those days were filled with anticipation as I wait for fate to let us meet again.

‘Joongie, what are you thinking?’, I heard her ask against my chest. I look down at her and smiled.

‘I was thinking about the day we first met and how stupid I was for not pursuing you immediately’, I told her as I tuck some of her hair away.

‘Yeah, I thought we won’t see each other again’, she giggled softly as she caress my cheek. I leaned towards her touch as I smiled.

‘Thank god I have a friend like Top’, I said.

‘Yeah, Tabi was our cupid before Bom took over his job’, she responded as she chuckled.

February 18, 2014

10 days of anticipation but I still haven’t met her. I sighed as I let my head fall on the headrest of the couch.

‘Hey, hyung! Top invited us over his after-party for his movie’, Junsu informed me as he hopped onto the couch.

‘I know, but I don’t really feel well’, I replied to him as I closed my eyes, trying to get rid of the headache forming in my head.

‘Eh too bad 2ne1 will be there, well see you hyung I better get home and change’, Junsu responded as he move out of the couch. I quickly opened my eyes and look at Junsu’s back.

‘Wait, 2ne1 will be there?’, I asked him and he turned around.

‘Yeah…why?’, Junsu asked as he look at me curiously.

‘I’ll go. I’ll just meet you there’, I told him evading his curious gaze as I pass by him.

‘Ok?’, he responded.

It took me an hour to find some clothes to wear and 30 more minutes to finally get the style I want for my hair. I want to look my best when I finally see her. After 20 minutes of driving, I finally arrived at the venue. I went in and looked for the girl I’ve been dying to meet again but instead I was approached by Top.

‘Hyung, you’re kinda late’, Top said as he greeted me with his infamous smirk.

‘Yeah, traffic . Anyway congrats!’, I lied as I hugged him.

‘Yeah whatever you say’, he responded as he observed my clothing and hairstyle.

‘What?’, I asked.

‘Oh nothing hyung~ Oh by the way I think I finally found your soulmate’, he beamed at me as he lead me to a table. I groaned silently.

‘I don’t think so, I met mine 10 days ago’, I was about to say but restrained myself.

‘I don’t need your matchmaking, Top’, I told him as we walk.

‘Nah I think both of you need me as your cupid’, he stated with a wink.

‘No, really it’s ok’, I declined but he shook his head before looking towards the front.

‘Tokki, meet my good friend Kim Jaejoong’, He told the person in front of us and I looked at who he was talking to. I held my breath as I take in the beauty in front of me. She still looked insanely beautiful.

‘Jae, meet Sandara Park aka Tokki’, I saw her big eyes looked at me with utter shock.

‘We meet again’, I breathe out as I smiled at her.

‘Wait you guys met before?’, I heard Top asked us but I didn’t bother paying attention to him.

‘Nice to meet you again, Jaejoong-shi’, I heard her say which made my smile bigger.

‘Yeah it really is’, I replied and I mentally pump my fist up in the air as I saw her blush and smile shyly at me.

‘Ahem, I believe I asked a question?’, I heard Top asked. I glanced up at him and smiled.

‘Thanks Top, now shoo you have people to entertain. I’ll managed from here’, I said as I patted his arms before pushing him away.

‘Hey, I’m still the main guy here!’, he playfully said.

‘Yeah and other people need you, now leave us, cupid!’, I smiled.

‘Oh now I get it and you told me you don’t need my matchmaking skills, tsk. Ok, ok I’ll leave you two but Jae I’ll warn you now, Tokki is like my twin sister so if you hurt her in any way I will kick your ’, he stated before turning away.

‘So, where were we?’, I asked as I sat beside her.

For the rest of the evening we talked, laughed and ate together. I got to know more about her. We even exchanged phone numbers.

After that day, we became much closer. I became her soulmate and she became mine though we weren’t together. Our friends told us to date already but somehow something was still hindering both of us. I talked to her about the day we first met. I asked her why she was crying that day.

March 27, 2014

We were in Han River, sitting on one of the benches as we look at the view in front of us. We were both in simple disguise since it was in the afternoon and only few old people were there.

‘That day I was about to surprise my boyfriend since it was our 100^th day being together… I planned it all but it was all ruined when I came to his apartment and s-saw him tangled with a Japanese model. He didn’t deny their relationship. H-he said he was sorry for leading me on. I couldn’t believe what was happening so I ran. I ran while I was crying. I didn’t bother hiding my face. I-I just wanted to go away and then I ended up here. I ended up meeting you, Joongie’, she said with a bitter smile. I pulled her towards me and hugged her just like the last time.

‘He doesn’t deserve you, Angel. I’m glad you guys didn’t end up together’, I told her honestly. I felt her pull away with a confuse expression.

‘Bwo?’, she asked.

‘I’m glad he didn’t have you b-because if he did I wouldn’t have met you. I wouldn’t have you in my arms right now. I wouldn’t be able to tell you how…how I fell in love with you’, I swallowed before taking the courage to finally confess. I look at her with anticipation, hoping that she feel the same way.

‘B-bwo?’, she stuttered with wide eyes.

‘I am madly and irrevocably in love with you, Angel’, I told her as I held her face between my hands. To my horror she started tearing up as she held onto my hands.

‘Baby, what’s wrong?’, I asked as I try to wipe her tears away.

‘I-I love you too Joongie’, she hiccupped as she continued to cry. I widened my eyes and wondered if my ears were working properly.

‘B-bwo? Baby, say that again’, I asked or more like begged. I needed to hear it. I need confirmation.

‘I love you so much, Kim Jaejoong’, she told me while smiling brightly at me, her tears still pouring out. I breathe out in relief. I leaned my forehead against her and grinned to myself.

‘Say it again’, I demanded as I look at her bright hazel eyes.

‘I love you’, she said and I smiled even wider before kissing her tears away.

‘I love you more’, I exclaimed with a grin before kissing her on her plump lips that I’ve been dreaming to kiss.

Finally, I’m finally complete.

‘Thank you, Angel, for being mine’, I told her as I carry her to our bed.

‘No, Joongie, thank you for being mine’, she replied as she nuzzled into the crook of my neck.

‘I love you’, I said as I laid her to our bed.

‘I love you more’, she responded as she pulled me with her.

‘When I come back, you have to be ready to be Mrs. Kim Jaejoong, ok? Wait for me, ok?’, I told her as I kiss her softly in between.

‘I’ve been ready since you proposed to me, Joongie’, she replied while showing me her left hand that bore the engagement ring I bought her on our 1^st anniversary. Some people thought I was rushing it but I want everyone to know that Sandara Park is already taken by me. The only one she can call husband is me. So in our 1^st anniversary I gave her the biggest surprise that nearly made her faint but nevertheless she said yes.

‘And I will wait for you no matter what so don’t make me wait for too long’, she smiled sadly.

‘I won’t be long, baby’, I smiled at her before kissing her in a searing kiss. That night I made love to her as if it’s our last and just held her until morning came. I left Dara after giving her so many kisses. I knew she was holding her tears when I gave her the final kiss. Before I know it I was already driving away from my beloved. And I cried against my father’s shoulder as I thought of those 21 lonely months without her.

Wait for me, Angel. I will be home soon, I love you.

FIN (edited)