for kimminah89 + nanaluska + nanochip

Taekwoon had hoped that with time it would become less of a burden.

Time was rumored to heal all wounds, but for him, a scar would replace the wound and then a new, deeper slash would be cut elsewhere.

His true feelings were buried beneath millennia of pain.  Love was crafted for humans, not for angels of death.  How could he fall in love when it was not his place?  Of course, there should be a punishment.

Love turned into hope, which bred greed within his soul, if he even had one.  It wasn’t until he held Hakyeon’s corpse in his arms that he understood the warning that the fates had issued him long ago.  He should’ve let him die.  It was a realization that drowned his heart in bitterness; Hakyeon could’ve been spared so much pain if only he wasn’t so selfish.

The guilt still ate through his chest, day in and day out.  Souls weren’t meant to go through life after life without reprieve.  Hakyeon paid the price for Taekwoon’s cowardice; at the time he called it love.  The fates whispered in his ear that he couldn’t possibly love Hakyeon for he didn’t know what it meant.

Taekwoon knew very well what it was to love now.  He had spent countless years watching Hakyeon live and die, only to return with a different name and face.  Taekwoon could tell it was him though, while the body might change, the soul always looked the same.  Fate was excessively cruel; Hakyeon had never known Taekwoon’s face in his first life.  They imbued Hakyeon with the ability to finally look upon him, but Taekwoon’s face meant nothing to him, now or then.

The fates always found a way to keep Hakyeon from leading a fulfilling life.  Accidents, murder, disease, and witch trials, all of which Taekwoon had to watch with a heavy heart as the man that he loved died without uttering his name.  Hakyeon always found a way back to Taekwoon.  Every time Hakyeon appeared in front of Taekwoon, another scar would appear on his heart.

Taekwoon sat on a bench as he watched this incarnation of Hakyeon clapping giddily at the completion of his sandbox castle.  He was only six years old, but Hakyeon could tell that his extra sense was exhibiting itself. He had a disproportionate number of imaginary friends for someone his age.

“You have a second chance.” A voice prompted him to break away from watching young Hakyeon.  A man had managed to sneak up on him, but that was no more shocking than the fact that the man could see him.  Taekwoon was speechless.

The man offered a sly smile, “Yes, I can see you.  That’s not quite the most pressing matter though.  You want nothing more than to be with him in the way that you were.  Of course that was centuries ago. Interesting how you can remember every detail of your affair though, like a million little moments acting as knives to cut away any hope that you have.  What if I told you that you could be with him?”

Taekwoon looked back at Hakyeon, who’d gone to get his mother in order to show of his masterpiece.  “How?”

“You punishment was one thousand lives without him knowing who you are.  His one thousand and first death will be the one to set him free.  The question then, of course, is how do you join him in the afterlife?  You have to die.” The man sat back, looking at Hakyeon in his sandbox.

“How?” It wasn’t as though he hadn’t tried to die before.  He couldn’t kill himself, no matter how hard he tried.

“Greater beings can only be,” The man chose his words carefully, “Released from servitude by sacrifice.”

Taekwoon swallowed dryly as the man leaned forward, his eyes were an eerie shade of green, “Sacrifice what is most important to you.”  The man pulled back, offering another creepy smile before pushing off the bench and walking away.

Taekwoon redirected his gaze to Hakyeon and his mother.  They were leaving the playground after a fulfilling day. He had to sacrifice Hakyeon in order to be with Hakyeon?  That made very little sense to Taekwoon.  His senses had led him astray before though.

Taekwoon counted with his fingers to figure out how many lives Hakyeon had to go through before he could finally rest.

Taekwoon frowned as Hakyeon gulped down another shot of alcohol.  Binge drinking was bad; this Hakyeon could not handle alcohol very well.  His cheeks were already flush as his body was trying to cool down the overheating that alcohol was causing.  Taekwoon found a small comfort in the fact that in his last life, Hakyeon had the same name as in his first.

Taekwoon knew that something was off when he saw Hakyeon earlier that day.  Something about this soul was affecting Hakyeon in a way that unusual. Of course, it had required some eavesdropping on his part.  He’d heard Hakyeon’s speech about suspected punishment.  That wasn’t as upsetting as Hakyeon confessing that he was too tired.

It wasn’t as though Taekwoon was allowed to speak with Hakyeon.  Hakyeon didn’t even know his name, nor did he know that Taekwoon was not bound to the pond.  This was the last time that Hakyeon wouldn’t remember Taekwoon.

Taekwoon finally sprung into action when Hakyeon slumped over in his seat, a product of excessive drinking.  Taekwoon approached Hakyeon for the first time in millennia.  He hooked an arm around Hakyeon’s hips, tugging his arm over his shoulder.  He supported most of Hakyeon’s weight, placing crisp bills on the table so that he could get Hakyeon home safely.

Hakyeon staggered along as Taekwoon guided him home.  Hakyeon let out a surprised sigh when they arrived in front of door.  He searched himself for his keys, finally finding them, only to drop them on his doormat.  Taekwoon picked up his keys, unlocking the door for him.  Hakyeon breezed past Taekwoon, immediately wandering off to what Taekwoon could only assume was his room.  Taekwoon slipped his shoes off, staying in line with customs that Hakyeon was too inebriated to remember.

He found his way to the room that Hakyeon disappeared, finding that he was collapsed on his bed without taking anything off.  Taekwoon sighed, mentally chiding Hakyeon for drinking irresponsibly.

He tried to be as gentle as possible when he pulled of Hakyeon’s shoes, placing them neatly at the foot of Hakyeon’s bed.  Taekwoon sat on the bed next to Hakyeon, pulling him into a hug in order to get his jacket off as smoothly as possible.  In a small way, it was just so Taekwoon could hug him without having to explain the need to Hakyeon.  Hakyeon smelled like alcohol, but there was still the base of his aroma lingering on his skin.  That’s what Taekwoon chose to focus on.

When he’d finally pulled the jacket off, he laid Hakyeon down and placed the jacket on the nightstand.

When Taekwoon turned back, Hakyeon was smiling with sleepy eyes, “Don’t I know you?” He hiccupped.

Taekwoon sat back down, cupping Hakyeon’s cheek for the first time in forever, “It’ll be okay.” He cooed, unsure of whom he was comforting, “This is the one thousand and first.”  Before Taekwoon could stop himself, he placed a soft kiss on Hakyeon’s forehead.

He carefully regulated his breath as he pulled the covers over Hakyeon.  Hakyeon’s eyelids finally slid shut.  Taekwoon brushed the stray hair out of Hakyeon’s face.  Hakyeon looked beautiful.  He always looked beautiful in Taekwoon’s eyes.

Taekwoon watched Hakyeon sleep for a few moments before yielding to the fact that he had to return to the pond.

Hakyeon didn’t come with a new soul the next day.  He didn’t come for an entire week.  Taekwoon wondered if Hakyeon went somewhere on vacation or something.

When Hakyeon did finally show up, he was alone.  He stood at the edge of the pond in a suit with a flower in his hand.  Taekwoon wasn’t sure that he understood.  He stood in the pond with his head tilted.

Hakyeon walked into the pond, straight up to Taekwoon’s chest.  “Do you have a name?  I’ve been wondering for a while and since this is my send off, could you tell me?”

“You died?” Taekwoon’s voice was barely above a whisper.  This was his test; he had to guide Hakyeon to the other side.  He was going to do it this time.

Hakyeon smiled, “Yes.  So what’s your name?”

“Taekwoon.” He stuck out his hand, wondering if the name held weight for Hakyeon yet.

“Nice to meet you Taekwoon. I am Hakyeon, Cha Hakyeon.” He took Taekwoon’s hand, shaking it gingerly.

Taekwoon ignored the new pain that presented itself.  Hakyeon still didn’t know him.  He turned and began to walk further into the pond.  Hakyeon followed quietly.  Once the water completely overtook them, they crossed into the spirit world.   Taekwoon guided him towards the gates.

He pointed with a single finger, “This is as far as I go.” Taekwoon spoke quietly.

“Thanks?” Hakyeon seemed unsure of how to take it.  He had only ever heard of theories about the afterlife.  Taekwoon could tell he was underwhelmed.

“Everyone has their own personal interpretation.  You get your own personal heaven.” Taekwoon explained softly, nudging Hakyeon forward.

Hakyeon nodded walking forward.  Just before he passed the boundary, he turned to offer a wave as he moved on.

Taekwoon lingered for a moment, making sure that it had passed.  Hakyeon would maybe remember the notion of Taekwoon, but he didn’t have a face to put to the name.  Taekwoon kicked the ground lightly.  At least Hakyeon’s punishment was over.

Taekwoon sat in front of Hakyeon’s headstone, chewing on his lower lip.  All that he could think about now was how Hakyeon was handling the afterlife.   Did Hakyeon think about him?

Someone cleared their throat; Hakyeon turned to find the man with green eyes.  His wardrobe had changed considerably since the last time Taekwoon had seen him.  He held a bouquet of flowers in his hand.  Taekwoon sighed, looking back at Hakyeon’s headstone.

The man set the bouquet on top of Hakyeon’s headstone.  The man sat next to Taekwoon, “It’s been a while.”

Taekwoon nodded, offering no words.  “He went into the light well?” The man asked.  

Taekwoon nodded again.

“Did you tell him?  About what you meant to each other?”

Taekwoon faced the man, “No.  He would have no reason to believe me.  I still have penance to carry out.  He needn’t be burdened by memories of me.”

“My name is Sanghyuk.” He introduced himself, sticking out a hand.

Taekwoon closed his eyes, “Why do I care?”

“Thought you’d like to know who to thank.” Sanghyuk muttered, pulling his hand back.

“Wha—“ Taekwoon began, only to be interrupted by a sharp pain his chest.  He looked down to see Sanghyuk’s hand wrapped around an ornate knife that was buried in his chest.  Taekwoon looked up to see a smiling Sanghyuk.

“I’ll be taking over for you.  Send me a note every once in a while.  Immortality gets lonely.”  Sanghyuk pouted as Taekwoon fell against the grass.

Taekwoon opened his eyes to a frowning Hakyeon.  It confused him immensely because how on earth could Hakyeon be there if he was in heaven?

Taekwoon realized that he died.  It was odd to think of, but it wasn’t as important as whatever could be bothering Hakyeon.  “What?”

“Taekwoon.” Hakyeon said with a voice full of emotion.  “How dare you.”

Taekwoon sat up, looking around.  They were in a meadow that seemed vaguely familiar, but Taekwoon couldn’t place it.  “How dare I?”

“You let me live one thousand lives alone?” Hakyeon’s voice turned sad.  Hakyeon hit Taekwoon’s shoulder once.  Then he hit it a second time.  Hakyeon hit Taekwoon’s shoulder over and over again until he began crying.

Taekwoon raised his hand, wiping tears away.  “Was it painful?  Watching me live and die all the time?” Hakyeon whimpered.

Taekwoon wrapped his arms around Hakyeon.  “I missed you.” He whispered.

“I love you.” Hakyeon managed to eek out between sobs.

“And I love you.” Taekwoon responded with a soft smile on his face.  He would have to thank Sanghyuk later, despite how odd that sounded.

a/n:

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