Final
The Walls Around MeKyungsoo's POV
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Hah. Love.
Love is so complicated, it's like another language. It's like chinese. Most of us don't understand it. Or we try to understand and pass it along to others in our way that we think of what love is. That's why they say each love is different. It's like everyone's fingerprints. Every single person is different.
Hm. You might be wondering why the heck I'm even thinking so deeply at the moment. Well I'll tell you why. I'm alone everyday at school, so I have a lot of time to think to my self. I don't talk at all and I never even get called on in class. Everyone talks to everyone else. It's like my existence had been erased in school. In life in general.
But am I complaining?
To be honest.
No.
Why?
Well because humans...other people...terrify me. They absolutely terrify me. There once was a time where I had other friends. We all laughed and were attached to each others hips it seemed. Of course...it ended. Nothing lasts forever. Like life. We are all going to die anyway.
Those friends turned out to be lying and abusive douches that I never spoke to again. Thankfully we moved and I go to this new school now. After going through all that. I officially closed myself off to anyone. I had walls so thick built around me that no one could or would even dare to go in. That's how it always was and that's how I liked it. Because the only thing other people cause is pain. Pain, pain, and more pain.
The bell finally rung that day and I gathered my stuff slowly off my desk and left last like I do everyday. I sighed and walked through the hallways. The hallways of tons of people whizzing around me. My head becomes dizzy with this many people around so I speed up my pace. Finally I'm out of the death hole and am walking my way home.
Home.
A place of complete bliss. It was only my mom and I there. She's not there most of the time either because of work. So it's like I live alone basically. I'm so accustomed to it I couldn't really think of it any other way.
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I finally crawl into bed and snuggle deep under the cushiony white blankets of bliss. Why can't life just be designed where we are wrapped up in soft blankets. We would all be burritos of happiness. Because we would be protected from it all. All the pain in this world. It wouldn't even be able to touch us. I grab my phone off the night stand and turn it on. Nobody has my number so I wasn't really expecting any notifications. Something was different though. Bright on my screen it showed I had a email. My eye brows furrowed in confusion. "No one has my email?" I voiced out loud in confusion. I curiously opened it any way. It took me to this message that was sent *from anonymous*
"Man I must really not get technology lately because I did not know you can send emails anonymously." I talked out loud like this all the time. It was comforting to me. I looked at the message and it was pretty short. It read, "I'm curious of you. Your a present. A beautifully wrapped gift. That's wrapped up pretty well. Begging to be unwrapped and show all of its beauty it holds." Uh is this person Shakespeare or something? Must be some kind of spam or product message. I rolled my eyes and was about to delete the email when a feeling in my gut hit me hard. I stopped my finger and for some bizarre reason....I saved that email. After that I turned off my phone and felt my self going down into a soothing sleep.
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This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. I keep getting emails every day.! Every single day. They are all from anonymous still. I don't understand. Although...I find myself slightly starting to enjoy these emails. They always say such nice and beautiful things about me that I let it keep happening. The person who's sending them to me is probably sending them to the wrong person. I won't tell them that yet though. I'm going to be greedy just this once and experience what it's like to be cherished in such a way. I feel bad but I'll tell them they got the wrong person soon..just a little more. Let me enjoy this feeling of being...cherished or wanted just a little more world.
Alright something is definitely off about today at school. We got a new kid in class. He was attractive. Okay he was fine. Like he could melt ice just by looking at it. Of course guys like him are the guys with millions of people around him in his life. Thus I go unnoticed as usual. He stands in front of the class and smiles. God his smile is...gorgeous. I can't look away. Frick Kyungsoo! You know how scary other people are! I sigh and look down. I can't take my chances. I hear my teachers voice boom through the classroom. "Class we have a new student today. His name is Kim Jongin. He was recently homeschooled. So let's welcome him warmly okay?" The class all nods and smiles at him. I look up and notice he already has a lot of nice fans it seems. He won't go unnoticed. At times like these I feel a bit lonely. But I in that feeling as soon as it shows and lock it up deep inside my mind. A place no one can disturb. My teacher scans the room till she notices a spot next to me. Oh god is she really gonna?... "Jongin! Go sit next to Kyungsoo since he seems to be the only one who sits alone in here."
I gulp nervously and look down again. I hear people gasp softly. I hear a few whispers. "Omg he's gonna sit next to Mr. Quiet all year?"
"He's gonna have such a boring year next to Mr. mute!"
"Poor Jongin, he's so cute and has to sit next to such a boring person all year."
I blink my eyes rapidly holding back tears.
Humans are pain.
I hear footsteps get closer to my desk. I feel a body finally sit down next to me and I freeze. His scent smelled so good. Creepy of me I know. I finally look up and notice that he was actually staring at me?! Me?!? He smiled even bigger when I finally looked up at him.
"Eh, Kyungsoo is it? I'm Jongin! It's nice to meet you!" Omg is he actually talking to me?
Whoa.
For some reason I can't form words. I just nod and smile. Wow I smiled? It's been so long it seems. He stilled smiled at me even if I didn't say anything. The teacher began her lecture and I did what I usually do which is pretend to listen to the teacher while I look at her. I usually think about being in my burrito of happiness during class. Today I couldn't really do anything. Because Jongin was staring at me through out the whole class. I felt it and I saw it in my peripheral vision. I started to feel my self shake. Oh god no. My nerves always kick in. I place my hand under the table trying to cover it.
Didn't work.
I felt another hand gently pat the top of mine. I jumped slightly and looked at the gorgeous man next to me. "Are you okay Kyungsoo-ah?" I looked him in the eyes and felt my head get dizzy. His touch was so gentle and sweet you'd think he meant something else. His brown orbs were mesmerizing and I choked. I couldn't say anything. I nodded at him. There was a twinkle in his eye when he looked at me...I must be more insane than I thought. Finally class ended for the day and I felt myself go back in the routine. I started gathering my stuff. But something was different.
Jongin was helping me pack my stuff. All I could do was nod and smile. He's so nice...I wonder if he's different.
Maybe he won't cause me pain?
I mentally slapped myself and cursed of all ridiculous thoughts. He seemed to notice my behaviors. "Are you okay Kyungsoo-ah?" He asked with concern full in his voice. Why would he care? I just smiled and nodded. I heard someone yell across the room.
"Hey Jongin! Your not gonna get any words out of Mute over there. Wanna come join my group later?"
An there it goes. He gets swept up in one of those groups and boom! I go back to my unnoticed self. I sigh and slowly walk out the door. I don't wanna hear Jongin answer him. I'm finally out of the school when I hear someone jog up next to me. "Whoooo you walk quickly for having such short legs." I looked at the person next to me and my eyes grow big.
'Did he not join their group?'
Almost as if he just read my mind he said, "I didn't wanna join their group really. It's not really my thing." I look at him again surprised. Still not saying a word to him. We walk together in silence not uttering a word to eachother. It's not a awkward silence. It's comfortable. Jongin finally breaks it. "Well your probably wondering why I'm walking with you...well I live pretty close to you." I stop in my tracks and look up at in surprise.
'How the heck do you know where I live?'
As if he read my mind again he said," Kyungsoo-ah I was homeschooled so I use to watch you walk to school everyday. Might sound creepy but I became curious of you." Something was churning in my stomach.
"Curious.." I say in my head. Why does that stick out?
I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I felt someone grab my hand. "Thanks for letting me walk with you." He squeezes it slightly and walks away. He leaves me there with red cheeks and puts a crack in my wall.
As time goes by. I find my wall start to crumble more and more. I get closer with Jongin.
We do skinship frequently now and he's starting to open me up to the world.
He's letting me live again.
I finally spoke to him one day in class when he wore a pair of glasses to school bc he forgot his contacts. I just stared at him and softly said, "You look cute in glasses." He turned to me and gasped. He had big eyes and smiled. "I'm so glad you talked finally...you have a cute voice." He wiggled his eye brows at me. I giggled and playfully hit him. For the next few weeks people noticed my change in behavior. They were shocked. I started even answering in class.
Now people say things like, "OMG he talks."
I laugh at things like that now. An everyday I still get an email from that mystery person. I still have yet to find out who it is. An soon as time started to go on. I find my heart beating a little faster around Jongin. My cheeks burn when ever he touches me now. I still have some of my wall up just in case. Falling for a person like him is deadly considering how liked he is. So I start to put some more of my wall up just in case.
Jongin and I were walking home together again when he suddenly stopped. "You truly had Beauty inside of you." He looked at me and smiled that gorgeous smile. I looked at him confused and smiled back. He chuckled and finally turned to his house and yelled,
"Check your emails!" I looked at him
confused and I gulped unconciously. Oh no. This is the part where he ends our friendship over online. This has happened before and I nearly want to cry. I yell a weak, "okay." An walk into my house. I slowly go up to my room. I walk in and just stare at nothing. I'm scared to check my email. I don't wanna go back to being unnoticed...I don't wanna lose my savior. I don't wanna lose the person I fell for... I just don't wanna lose Jongin. I sat down on my bliss of pillows. I sighed.
"Okay! This is it." I say and my voice cracked. I open my emails and sure enough...there's a new email sent from....OMGGG
IT IS NOT ANONYMOUS ANYMORE!!!! I opened up the message and began reading it considering it was quite lengthy. Probably the longest one ever written.
"W-what?" My eyes could barely believe what they were seeing. It was....all these emails....every single email that I've been receiving for a year now....
They were all from Jongin.
The email read:
From:jongink@gmail.com
Hey! Uh....I think it's about time I've finally reveal to you who I am? Heh surprise! YA uh.....okay I'm just gonna say it...I like you Kyungsoo...no no...I don't. I LOVE you Kyungsoo. Your that beautifully wrapped present I so badly wanted to unwrap. Before when I was homeschooled, I use to watch you walk home from school everyday. You were beautiful and so....I don't know I was so drawn to you. When I finally convinced my mom to let me come to regular school, I was so happy to be in class with you. I could tell you were different from the others. You were so quiet, but that didn't fool me like everyone else did. Your introverted behaviors drove me to you even more. I wanted to find out the real you. The amazing, sweet, and kind you that you kept hidden for you long. When you finally started talking more and opening up. I knew it was because of me and it made me feel amazing. I'm still amazed because of how beautiful the inside of you is. It shocks me you kept that hidden away. Now before I start rambling on even more....um walk outside will you?
~J
I clicked out and noticed my eyes were wet. Omg the walls have been shattered by tons of cannons by now. "Jongin..." I muttered lowly and walked out of my house as quick as possible. I walked so fast I ran into someone. "Oh I am-" omg. I looked up and noticed it was Jongin. He looked down at me and smiled that gorgeous smile at me yet again. He wrapped his arms tight around me and drew me in. "Jongin-ah....why...just....thank you..I can't even form a thought anymore." I said through tears. He chuckled and kissed my cheek. My eyes went wide. "You don't have too Soo....I knew you were special when I first saw you...." I playfully hit him. "Yeah about that...that's not creepy at all." He laughed. "An I was so scared oh my goodness I thought you were about to ask me to get out of your life earlier over online." I laughed but soon stopped when I noticed the way he was looking at me. He looked so serious at me and sighed. "Kyungsoo-ah....I would never ever leave you...I love you." I felt my tears run down my cheek. My heart exploded it seems. "What?...but this...b-but this is the part where they usually leave me....." I cried and I felt him press my head into his chest. "I'm not other people Kyungsoo-ah, I'm not gonna let you close yourself up again. I'm going to break down all those walls till they can't be built up ever again. I'm not ever gonna leave you Soo." I didn't say anything. I just let him rub my back soothingly and walk me back to my house. "Is your mom home?" I shook my head and let him open the door. He walked in and before I knew it he picked me up bridal style.
"YAHHH JONGIN!!!" I screamed. He chuckled. "You know I've always wanted to hear you scream my name. So where's your room?" My face grew so red and looked away from him. "It's up the stairs and on the left...." He giggled at my acts and carried me to my bed and laid me down. He sat on the edge and just stared down at me. Finally it was getting creepy and I spoke. "What?"
"Thank you."
"For?"
"For opening up to me. For being the beautiful gift that I've unwrapped open to the world."
"I....I love you Jongin..."
Omg.
I blushed so hard and looked away. The weight on the bed shifted and soon I felt him lay down next to me and wrap his arms around me. His breath brushed against the back of my neck. I tried my best to stop from shivering. "Your so cute when your embarrassed." He giggled. "Yahhhh!!!!!!" I squealed. The smile that night on both of our faces were bigger then they have ever possibly been.
Hah love. Love! My walls that I tried so hard to keep up....they are down and I'm not scared that they are either. I've opened up again in my life to a person....a person who loves me and won't leave me. This is the first time this has ever happened to me and I've never felt this happy in a long time. Like I said earlier, "Love is so complicated, it's like another language. It's like chinese. Most of us don't understand it. Or we try to understand and pass it along to others in our way that we think of what love is. That's why they say each love is different. It's like everyone's fingerprints. Every single person is different." Ours is different. This is all different.....I'm different now. An I intend to keep it that way...
Thank you Jongin....for unwrapping this mute present who lost hope in its own self.....
End..
(A/N: thank you guys for reading this! I hope it's alright!)
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