Kai

Things were definitely starting to feel better between Kyungsoo and me over the next week or so. The silent tension between us had eased quite a bit, which made it a lot easier to breathe around each other. I could see a difference in him, too. He went back to being a lot more talkative with me and texted me a lot more throughout the day. Of course, I was smart enough to know that one dinner wouldn't fix all of our problems. It was going to take a lot of work for the tension that had built up between us to completely go away. It would also require me to seriously work on myself so that I could open up to him more since that seemed to be the common denominator in every argument we had.

But as usually was the case, saying it and doing were two very different things and one was much easier than the other.

One weekend, I was sitting on the couch as he scattered around the apartment. The television was on, but I was only half paying attention. He was dressed in a tuxedo that he had come home with yesterday for some work party his parents were hosting. He said he didn't intend to stay long because those parties never interested him, but the way he was running around so frantically made me think otherwise.

"Are you sure this isn't a bigger deal than you said it was?" I asked on his way back from the bathroom into our bedroom.

He stopped for a very brief moment to reply. "Yeah, it's nothing really," he said, waving a hand at me and then continuing into our bedroom. He raised his voice as he began talking again. "It's just some stupid corporate party they have a few times a year to make sure people still like them enough to support the firm. My dad invites a bunch of his biggest clients and shows off my brother and me. I somehow get emotionally manipulated into going every time."

I let out a quiet chuckle, one not loud enough for him to hear from where he was. "You make it sound so exciting," I replied sarcastically.

He hummed and I could almost picture the cute frown on his face. "Let's just say you won't be missing out on anything by staying here," he said. I tried to keep the smile on my face, but it inevitably fell a little after hearing his words.

"So, will anyone you know be there? Chanyeol or someone?"

"Chanyeol maybe, but his dad is actually cool, so he'll probably let him skip it. Suho's friends may be there, but I doubt I'll talk to them." He went quiet for a moment, but I heard the faint sound of keys jingling before he came back out into the living room. "But remember my one friend at school, Hyunsik? I'm pretty sure I told you about him." I thought for a moment, nodding when I remembered that conversation. "Well, apparently, his aunt is also among the rich, so when I was telling him about the party, he already knew about it and was gonna be there. So, he's giving me a ride there because I told him I will most likely be drinking a lot of champagne."

Kyungsoo laughed a little after speaking and I tried to, but I couldn't help but feel a small ping of jealousy in my chest. I tried to push it down, but it must have been easier to read on my face than I thought it was.

"What's that face?" he asked, now turning around to face me fully. 

"What face?" I replied, hoping he'd just let it go.

He narrowed his eyes at me. "That face you make when you have something you want to say but don't want to say it. That's the face you just made."

"Did I?"

"Don't try to act oblivious." 

"Am I doing that, too?"

"Kai," he said, a hint of seriousness in his voice. I just looked at him as he looked right at me and sighed lightly. "Is there something you'd like to tell me? You know, like any certain way you might currently be feeling?"

Our eyes stayed connected for a moment before I turned away and exhaled. I really didn't want to, but I also didn't want my silence to create any more issues between us. If I was serious about opening up more, I had to take advantage of moments like these.

"You're gonna think it's stupid, but I just feel a little...cheated I guess, if that's the right word," I slowly said. I was expecting him to interject at that point, but he just kept staring at me, waiting for me to go on. "It just feels unfair because you haven't known this guy for very long, but because he comes from money, your parents will probably like him."

"I can get that," he said as he nodded and exhaled. "It's not like he's my date or anything like that, though. My parents still don't even want to talk about it yet, so I doubt they'll say anything even if they assume something about us." 

"But it would be less of a problem for them if it was someone like him, right? Someone with money and someone going for a career they feel is worthwhile."

He sighed and began nodding slowly. "Knowing them, yes," he answered. I lowered my gaze to my lap. "But that's a big if and even if they do make some kind of comment, it won't mean anything to me, you know that, right? I'm going to tell them about us soon, but I just need to be careful and gi--"

"Give them more time, yeah...I know," I interjected, letting out another sigh. I still hadn't looked at him again, but I could feel his eyes on me.

"If it's going to bother you that much, I won't go. I can text Hyunsik and tell him there was a change of plans," he said. I sensed the tiniest bit of frustration in his voice, which confused me. Didn't he want me to talk about what I was feeling more? 

"No, don't do that," I said, shaking my head. "You should go. It'll only cause more trouble if your parents find out you didn't go because of me." He didn't say anything in response but kept looking at me. "I'm serious. It's fine. I'll be fine."

"That's what you always say...even when you don't mean it," he said, his voice sounding quiet but still serious. 

"Yeah, well I mean it this time," I said back, the words coming out a little more harshly than I intended them to. His expression softened in a sad way as he blinked. I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "Just...just go. I'll really be fine."

He stared at me for a moment more before looking away. "Okay," he said, now so quiet it almost came out as a whisper. He let out one last exhale before he grabbed the rest of his stuff and headed to the door. He glanced at me once more before opening the door and leaving. I let out a deep, heavy sigh the moment the door clicked shut. 

Three steps forward, five steps back.

Kyungsoo

It was hard for me to enjoy the party knowing how I left things with Kai. I wouldn't have called it an argument, but I left the apartment feeling the same way I did after we fought. Throughout the night, I was tempted to call him or text him something to at least attempt to clear the air, but between my dad introducing me to every one of his important clients and my own fear, I never took my phone out of my pocket.

I went into the kitchen to take a break from the crowd, but I was only in there when I heard the door open behind me, seeing that my mom had followed me in. I turned back around and sighed. 

"That Hyunsik seems nice," she said as she went to the wine fridge to pull out another bottle. She looked at me after she closed the door and set it on the counter. "I was talking with his aunt for a little and she speaks very highly of him."

"We're not dating, mom," I said with a small eye roll. "We're just friends."

I noticed how her shoulders rose and fell as she exhaled, her eyes still burning holes into me. "All I'm saying is that if you really can't try and date a nice girl, you might as well date someone like Hyunsik," she said.

"I was hoping that when I came out, you'd just take that as your cue to stay out of my personal life," I replied, all of my bravery coming from the four glasses of champagne I had so far. "I don't need you or dad telling me who I should date."

"Forgive me for taking an interest in your life then," she said, making me roll my eyes again. "I am your mother after all. I don't want you to end up with someone who isn't good enough for you."

"Rich and highly educated doesn't always mean good, though. Trust me, there are plenty of horrible rich guys out there." She sighed again but quickly put her focus on opening the wine bottle. 

"I just hope you know what you're doing," she said as she watched the cork come out, pulling off the end of the opener and then setting both on the counter. "You still carry your father's name. You should respect it." 

She looked at me as she spoke, but then look away the moment she was finished, carrying the wine back out to the party. I rubbed the bridge of my nose in distress as I sighed heavily. I went back out to the party a few minutes later. I needed more champagne.

::::::::::

I wasn't drunk when Hyunsik dropped me off back home about an hour later, but I definitely wasn't sober. He offered to walk me up to the apartment, but I said it was okay, not knowing how Kai would feel if he saw Hyunsik at our front door.  Admittedly, though, having the extra help would have been nice, as I almost tripped going up the stairs a couple of times. I made it one piece, though, and slowly unlocked the door. It chimed as I opened it up and walked in, noticing that the kitchen light was off. I wondered how I didn't notice that before.

Bending down, I took my shoes off and went right into the bathroom to wash up. I didn't get in the shower, as I was sure I would slip, so I just washed my face and hands and brushed my teeth. Kai was laying in bed, scrolling through his phone when I went back into the bedroom, and he didn't say anything when he first saw me.

"I take it the party went well," he said after a while once I had started to get undressed. 

"That's sarcastic," I replied, briefly stopping what I was doing to look at him. His eyes widened a little as he hummed and nodded. I scoffed and went back to ing my shirt. "You'll be happy to know my mother suggested I date Hyunsik. We should have made a bet on it."

"Yes, it makes me extremely happy to know that my boyfriend's mother would rather have him date someone else," he said, his continued sarcasm making me roll my eyes. "Then again, I suppose it does take some pressure off me. After all, there's no need to try and impress someone who doesn't know I exist."

I turned around. "How long are you gonna hold that against me? I thought you understood why I didn't tell them yet."

He sighed, turning his phone off. "I do get it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't to be your dirty little secret," he said as he reached over and set his phone on his nightstand. I didn't say anything in response as he settled in bed, finally looking at me once his head was against the pillow. "You wanted me to tell you how I feel more, right? Well, there you go. I feel like and I don't like that you're willingly hiding me. Am I opening up enough for you now?" Before I could even open my mouth to defend myself, he his side, his back facing me, and pulled the covers over him. "Turn the lights off when you're done," was the last thing he said to me before he closed his eyes.

I sighed and went back to getting changed into pajamas because it was the only thing I could do at that point. I walked over to turn the light off before getting in bed next to him. I wanted to reach out for him or at least move closer, but I was afraid he'd move away or leave the bed altogether. So, I just put my back toward him and used the blanket to keep me warm instead.

Three steps forward, seven steps back.