Author: AnnoNiji

Title: Heartbeat

Couples: DooSeob (main) + JunSeung & KiWoon

Length: 3342 words

When DongWoon screamed because he saw a bug, YoSeob would just sighed, smiled to rassure his friend, and then killed the awful insect for his ears' life – because hell, DongWoon's lungs was no joke.

When KiKwang accidentally ate seafood and had a little crisis because he was allergic, YoSeob was here for him to pat his back and help him to go to the nurse and all was okay after a shot of medication.

When HyunSeung hid under his sheets when it was storming outside with thunders, YoSeob who was in the same room would just lay on his friend's bed to hug him and talk to him to forget the storm.

YoSeob was always here for his friends when they were afraid or freaking out. They all agreed that he was the most able person to calm down someone who was face to face with his fear, because he knew the way to talk, to hug, to be there, to make forget it.

Unfortunatly, his power was just working on the others. He couldn't do anything if it was about his fear; he had some tricks to forget it, but no one was here for him when he was himself face to face with his own fear. It was not because no one wanted to help him; he was sure his friends would do anything for him like he did for them. It was just that he didn't say to anyone what his fear was. After all, he wasn't the kind of person to scream when he saw spider or bee, when thunder highlighted the dark sky, or to have any food allergy. He was the tough YoSeob under his cute smile, small height and damn abs. So, it was obvious for everyone that YoSeob has no fear at all.

Actually, he had one. But he didn't hear anyone saying that they were afraid of the same thing. And because of that, he never said anything.

After all, how would you react if someone admited that he was afraid of the sound of heartbeat?

A heartbeat is in all song about cute love, in all drama when the two lovers stare at each other, in all relationship. It's the sweetest sound ever, that proves that you're alive, that you feel, that you love someone; it's the sound you hear loudly after running because of your sport class, the sound you hear when your head is against the chest of the one you love. So, yeah, why be afraid of this so casual, so common sound?

YoSeob, when he finished his box training, always listened to music to ignore the loud sound of his heart pounding. When he tried to sleep in the silence of his bedroom, he focalized himself on HyunSeung's breath to hear something else than his heart beating. It was something really difficult to do; ignoring his own heart, what the was that, seriously? Because YoSeob himself thought it, that was the reason he never talked about it to the others.

At least, he knew why he didn't like hearing his heartbeat. It was because he was thinking of the time his heart would beat for the last time. He couldn't stand the insecurity that took him when this thought crossed his mind. He had difficulties to breathe, depression filled his body and he didn't like that at all. Thinking of the end, of death, of darkness and of nothingness. He was afraid of it and by extension and totally paradoxically, was afraid of his own heartbeats, of the organ that maintained him alive though.

Luckily, his fear didn't ruin all of his life, because it was just sometimes that he wasn't concentrated on something that he heard his heart. And he even managed to control his fear pretty well. Of course there were some moments where he was really freaking out and even listening or concentrating on something to ignore the sound of his own heart wasn't helpful at all.

But really, other than that weird fear, he was living a normal life. He had good marks for a second year student in highschool, sharing a room with HyunSeung was funny, his three best friends always attended his box matches to cheer for him. Oh, maybe there was one more thing that was not considered as normal in his life.

He never fell in love. Even once, even a slight crush, or when he was in kindergarten. Nothing like that. He hadn't fall in love yet and his friends was shocked by that – because with all the persons that was fond of him, it was weird not to just try to like someone too.

But what was the matter, YoSeob thought. He didn't feel lonely, and couldn't miss the feeling to love someone because he didn't experience it at all. How can you miss something you never had?

So, when KiKwang and DongWoon were blushing when their eyes met, when HyunSeung hesitated to talk to JunHyung in his science class – because damn he was hot and HyunSeung was totally okay to share with him his weird hypothesis about the big bang theory, “I'm sure it's connected with GD hyung, trust me” –, YoSeob just laughed and encouraged them and continued to go to his box training.

He didn't feel lonely, he didn't feel eager to love, he liked boxing and he managed to control his heartbeat fear.

Until one day.

When he met DuJun, it wasn't love at first sight. In fact, he was attracted by him – who wasn't with the captain of the football team? DuJun was the perfect person, kind-hearted, always smiling with his hundred millions wons smile, wonderful in sport – especially in football – and with good marks. Who could not love him? YoSeob met him thanks to HyunSeung who was finally with JunHyung, and the couple wanted to present their friends to each other for a warmer link between them. So during few afternoons, when they had time, they met the six of them, DuJun, HyunSeung, JunHyung, KiKwang, DongWoon and him. They were bonding very well and had so much fun together.

But as the time passed, YoSeob realized that his heart was beating so much louder, and it was pretty difficult to hide his fear in front of the others. It was hard for him to concentrate on what his friends were saying. He didn't understand why his heart, especially when they were together, pounded like that. What was weird was that his heart beat loudly only when he was starring at, or listening to, DuJun. He enjoyed his presence, his jokes were lame but he still laughed, he talked about a lot of different topics, and his kindness melted YoSeob's heart.

Without seeing it coming, YoSeob fell in love with DuJun – and it was so, so painful that it meant to be in front of his fear almost the whole time.

He couldn't do anything else that hear his heart when he was thinking of DuJun, speaking with DuJun, laughing with DuJun, just seeing DuJun when he was in the school. It pounded so loudly, he could feel it in his head, in his entire body, and he was so scared. Loving DuJun was painful. The happiness of being with him vanished because of his heart and his fear. He felt more depressed than anything else, and his thoughts full of kind, smiling, perfect DuJun were replaced by dark thoughts, death and black and awful nothingness.

One time, his crisis of fear happened while they were the six of them. He tried so hard to make a lot of noise to forget his heart; he didn't look at DuJun, laughed really loudly to DongWoon's lame joke, began to sing and faked to be joyful. Well, he was freaked out, and that was the only solution he had found. He could fool his friends – HyunSeung's attention was totally on JunHyung and viceversa, while DongWoon and KiKwang were in the same situation. But DuJun was really aware of all of YoSeob's behaviour. His stare was piercing him and made him uncomfortable. He was trying to ignore his heart, and DuJun made it really difficult with his insistent eyes.

“I'm going to the restroom, need to pee,” he suddenly said, not supporting DuJun's presence anymore.

He ran away from the table they were having a coffee and a chat, and locked himself in one of the cabins in the toilets. Frantically, he plugged his earphones and chose a music with volum at his max. He breathed and closed his eyes, concentrated on the flow of the beat, and thanks to that, he calmed himself down. After 4 minutes and 6 seconds – the music's duration –, he decided to spray his face with water. But when he exited the cabin, in front of the mirror, he fell face to face with DuJun. He had worried eyes and asked:

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