It's been 6 months since I last saw you. 

It's been 6 months since I talked to you.

It's been 6 months since the day you said you wanted to be free. 

It's been 6 months, and I'm still not in glee. I want you to come back to me. 

 

 

"Hey Suzy. How's life going so far?" a friend of mine ask

"Still alive." I answered and put up a fake smile

"how's you and Myungsoo?" she asks and I just chuckled and answered

"Fine." 

Even though we're not. 

 

 

We we're friends since we we're 16, not really close friends but we know each other and help each other. By the time we turned 18, weird emotions bloomed us together and we started to become closer by heart.

I never imagined that a guy like Myungsoo would like a girl like me. I was just a daisy in a field of roses. And I guess he's the one guy who would pick the daisy over a bunch of pretty roses. 

He confessed to me on October and I confessed to him in Novemeber. 

December 10, we started dating. We're not a couple but we act like one.

We do things couples do, we hold hands, we hug, we go on dates, we kiss and many more other couple stuff. But we don't have a label but it's okay, it doesn't matter, until one day it does.

We've been "exclusively dating for 8 months. And we we're doing fine, your best friend, Sungyeol told me we we're perfect for each other. My friends like you; my family knows you but doesn't approve of us being a couple yet; my dogs like you, well, they like everyone. You're all I wanted. And I thought we'd last a lifetime. That's what I thought.

 

 

"Can you promise me something first before I started talking?" he said and let out his pinky to me, I stare at him, hesitant

"What is it?" I ask

"That you won't react and you will let me finish my statement before reacting."

"Uhh...?" 

"Pinky promise me." he said, like a child and I said

"Okay. I promise." I then intertwined our pinky fingers together and stare at him, waiting for the next thing he's gping to say even though I have this gut feeling what would it be. And surprisingly, my guts were right.

"I'm confused about my feelings towards you." he said, I stayed quiet and let him coninue

"It feels like, I have many more things I wanted to do with my life. I feel like I have so many things to prioritize more, and I feel like I'm so distant. I don't know. I'm confused, I want space." he said with his face on the palm of his hands while he bowed down, not even looking at me.

I couldn't speak, I just stare blankly at the cars passing by. 

It was complete silence. I didn't know what to say. It feels like my heart stopped, but I'm still alive.

I felt him staring at me, I turned my head and caught his eyes. I felt like my heart sunk to the floor when i caught your brown eyes staring at me. It was full of emotion, full of sadness, full of guilt. I smiled and joked

"You said I shouldn't react right?" then you chuckled bitterly and said

"Say something, please." he said, not taking his eyes away from me. 

I sighed heavily and covered my face with my jacket and stayed quiet. Closed my eyes and the tears started falling down. I don't want him to see me cry, but it's too painful.

"This is the reason why I haven't contacted you in a few weeks. I've been thinking about it lately and- hey, do you still hear me?" he said and removed my jacket and there he saw me, crying and in pain. 

"Do I have a choice? An option maybe? What do you want me to say?" I said, keeping myself together.

"I don't know." 

"Why did you only say this now? You've been confused? You told me you love me and you were sure about me, you told me that over and over again. Why? Why are you telling me now that you have confused feelings towards me now?" I ask him, calmly as I can

"I don't know." he answered

I sighed again, heavily, as I felt my lungs betray me

We stayed quiet. No one dared to talk, I didn't dare to look at him. But I know he was looking at me.

"I'm sorry." he quietly said

"Your sorry can't do anything now." I whispered.

He bowed his head, is he feeling sorry?

"Fine." I said

He looked at me and didn't say a word, I look at him back and tears started to pur down again

"I said fine. Go, find yourself. It's fine, I'll give you your space, your freedom." I choked; feeling the pain in my throat.

"What will happen?" he asks

"I don't know." I said

He sighed

"Go solve all your issues, your problems, go do what you want, prioritize everything you have to prioritize and we'll see in the future what will happen." I said and wipe my tears away.

We stayed quiet in a minute and I stood up. Not looking at him

"I'll go to Jo Kwon." I said

"I'll walk you there." he offered and stood up

I didn't refuse, it's already 7 in the evening and I'm too weak to even refused his offer. I started walking, not wanting him to be walking with me. He follows behind while I started walking carelessly, my head bowed down and my tears are on the verge to falling down again.

When we reach Jo Kwon's house, I opened the door and waved goodbye to him. He left. 

And that night, all of my friends went to Jo Kwon's and had a sleep over party, only, they went there not to party but to comfort me.

It's been 6 months since he left. 

It's been 6 months and all of my friends are still comforting me.

And it's only been a day since I last cried about him. 

I've been crying for 6 months for the same stupid reason. 

 

 

"I should get going, I still have an urgent meeting." I told my friend

"Oh, well.. Okay then, Suzy. Take care. Say hi to Myungsoo for me." then I left.

It's been 6 months since I last saw Myungsoo.

I have stopped snooping around to look for him or what he was doing. 

I've tried to be busy in my studies so I wouldn't be think about him too much. 

I've been working part time in a magazine, so I have no time to cry over him

And sometimes, it works but late at night, when i'm all alone. I find myself crying again. 

And it's not just tears falling down. I'm completely breaking down and falling apart.

Sitting on the bathroom floor, with the shower on, my clothes soaking wet while my tears uncontrollable.

 

 

"hello? Seohyun? Where the hell are you? I thought we're going to meet at Starbucks?" I called Seohyun

"Give me 10 minutes. I'm stuck on a traffic jam here." she said

"What the hell." I said and opened the door in the small cafe

"Don't worry, someone will keep you company there. I set you up on a blind date."

"WHAT THE HELL, SEOHYUN!" I almost broke my phone when I heard that

"Thank me later, bye." she then hung up and I sat on the available table and brought out my notebook and pen.

Started writing random quotations on it to pass the time.

I can't blame you for leaving me.

I'm just another average girl

Clumsly, and noisy.

And sometimes, childish.

I can't blame you.

I mean, who would even pick a daisy over a field of roses.

I would.

And suddenly, a cup of Chocolate Frappee was delivered to me with a sticky note posted on it saying 

I would.

I looked up to see who the suspect is. My eyes widen and I'm in complete utter shock.

"Hey." he said and looked at me, nervous.

"Hey." I said back and look at the other way. He sat in front of me and stared at me while I continued writing.

"Suzy?" he called

"Yeah?" 

"N-nothing." 

I continued writing. It was awkward. So awkward. Until he broke the awkwardness.

"I've been trying to contact you, but i was scared you'd turn me down." he said, I nodded.

"I've been stupid for the last 6 months. But Suzy, just know that I'm not giving up on us. When I told you those things I didn't mean that i have given up on us. I just wanted space and I just wanted to reassure my feelings towards you because I don't want you to get hurt." 

I stopped writing and looked at him. Not saying anything, just stared at him in the eye.

Oh those brown eyes, how I miss them so much.

"Can I stay in your life? Again?" he asks

"I'm sure now, about everything. I'm sure about my feelings, I'm sure about you." he said and stared at me. I didn't say a word and just let him finish

"Will you let me stay? Can we try again, right this time?" he asks.

And I just smiled.