It’s been six months already since I started dating Jessica. Since that day, we were inseparable. It’s like we’re each other’s life support. I never had been happier in my life spending my whole time with her. I never want to release my hand every time I held her soft hands. She’s too fragile to let go. I never want stop kissing her because I’m already addicted to her lips. And her touch… her touch..  Oh god! She makes me feel like I've been locked out of heaven for my whole life! She’s just my world! She completes me.

Right now, I’m a senior, and this time the President of our council, and of course still the Team Captain of the Volleyball team. I actually don’t want to run for council President anymore but Jessica kept on insisting me.

"If you take it, then you can make it" those were the words she told me.. those inspiring words...

"You'll be running your parent's company soon. Plus, it will look good on your application letter when you apply on different Universities for college" she told me,

Well, as a lost puppy about these things,as I said before I dont care about my life.She’s always there guiding, supporting and believing in me which my family lacks. I don’t know what to do if I lose her. 

“Hi!” Jessica said, she was panting “I’m s—sorry  to keep you waiting, my professor dismissed us late” she said, catching her breathe.

Yep, I’m dating a college student and today we’re celebrating our Month-sary. Not just an average college student but a hot,y and Architect student. During our dates, she would grab a sketchpad out of nowhere and would draw rough sketches because she doesn't like to lose the "momentum"(meaning she doesn't want to forget whatever pops into her mind). One time, she actually gave me sample sketches of our soon to be dream house. It was a simple house but yet it is cozy and elegant. Not like the house that I have live in, that is so big but yet empty. I never called it a home but somehow I called it hell. I can’t wait to get out from that house. Im very excited to start a new and simple life with her. Well, good thing she didn't brought her sketchpad today or it will somewhat ruin our little celebration.

I was quite amused looking at her disheveled hair and beads of sweat would drop from her forehead. I tried to hold back my laughter and said “I thought your motto was like: Never run no matter how late you are. Judging by the looks of you, I think your motto doesn’t apply to it. And the future CEO here doesn’t like to wait”,  giving her a smug

“You arrogant bastard!” she exclaimed, hitting my arm. (Ok, that hurt!) “Well… I change my motto now…” she said, taking a seat in front of me while wiping her sweat with her hanky.

“You changed your motto?” raising my eyebrow at her

“Uhuh!” she said while scanning on the menu “What do you want to order?” she looked at me

“Forget about the food for the meantime. I want to know your motto first!” I said impatiently, leaning closer to her

“Whoa! What happened to your love for food?” she retaliated,

“Aish! You would always turn the table around every time we have a petty argument “I face palmed, and yeah every time we have this kind of conversation she’s good at twisting the subject around. “Whatever you’ll have” I said,

“What if I will just order water?” she said,

“Water’s fine” I said, looking away from her. Somehow I was a bit annoyed even though I know she’s just playing around. And I love it!

“I can’t believe you would give up on food!” she continues to pester me. I didn’t say a word but I just looked at her with my lazy eyes. She knew that I’m already annoyed so she just let out a little laugh “I’m sorry Bae, you know how I love it when I troll at you” she giggled.

“Heh” just giving her a smirk

She called out the waiter and ordered our favorites: Ravioli and Pepperoni Pizza. After she ordered, I just looked at her as she was busy texting on her phone. She looked at me and I turned away. Yeah, this is how I treat her every time she would annoy me, giving her some silent treatment to punish her.

“Bae! I’m sorry okay?! Can you at least forgive me?”  She said with her pleading eyes.  Still I looked at her lazily again. This time she stood up from her chair and went to me as she wrapped around her arms on my neck. She kissed my head and began pinching my cheeks “Please Bae…” she cooed, and every time she would do this I would forgive her easily. “Nae, unnie!” I said using my aegyo. She hates it when I call her unnie (~kekekeke)

“Yah!” she slapped me again on my arm and she went back to take her seat.

“But, you haven’t told me you your new motto yet!” I said because I just realized she took advantage over me again.

She stuck her tongue out to me. “Don’t make me do my ‘Walk away treatment’ to you” I said using a serious tone even though I was just joking

“Fine! Fine!” she finally gave up. “ Well… my new motto is: Never keep you lover waiting because someone would snatch them away from you” she said, grasping my hand

I looked at her and then I burst into laughter.

“Oh my god! You’re so cheesy Bae!” I said, laughing at her

She looked at me with her do-not-laugh-at-me look and I get it when she uses that look.

“Oh Bae! Even if I need to wait million years for you to come, I will never look at someone but only you. Remember that!” I said, wearing a smug on my face

“Now! Who’s cheesy here?!” she said giggling at my remark.

The food came and we started to eat our dinner. The Ravioli was so damn good! And the pizza! Oh my god! I think I already forgot my name.  Jessica’s phone rang she excused herself because her mother was calling her. Did I mention to you she’s also the bread winner of the family? Her father had a motor accident last year just after her graduation and they needed to amputate his two legs because it got crushed by the cement mixer. Luckily, her father was alive but they were drowning in debts. I actually told her that I’ll pay for all the hospital expenses but she declined because she doesn’t want to take advantage of me due to my wealth. She was so devastated by the incident. She decided to postpone her college so that they can pay off their debts.It was so hard for me to convince her that she doesn't need to stop. Good thing she got her scholarship at Seoul University and she decided to pursue her studies.

“How’s your mom and dad?” I asked, after she finished taking the phone call

“They’re fine. They just called me to check up on me and you” she said, piercing the Ravioli with her fork “By the way, Mom said thanks for the fruits you've sent to them.’” she said, before stuffing the Ravioli inside

“No big deal! I love your family” I said,

I actually met Jessica’s family twice. First, was during her graduation. She introduced me first as her ‘Best friend’. But, during the second time around she formally introduced me to them as her lover. I thought they would never accept our relationship but eventually they gave us their blessings. Jessica was even shocked by it; she thought her Mom would go hysterical after learning her daughter was gay but eventually she accepted her as being who she was.  As, for my family, Well...  I’ll deal with them later because they’re too conservative and traditional. But, my family already met Jessica… I also introduced her as my ‘Best friend’ too. For the mean time, I’ll just enjoy our relationship while it still lasts before my family knows my little secret.

“About your part time job, I already talked my dad about that.  He said he would love to give you the job even though it’s full-time” I said,

“Really?” her eyes widen because of my surprise news

“Yep! He actually likes your designs and maybe you’ll get to work in his company in the future” I said,

 My father he builds shopping malls, buildings and hotels not just in Korea but all over the world. He’s actually a contractor, one of the biggest contractors in Korea. His company had some job openings this year because he has this new project. They really need a lot of people as of right now, So, I referred my Bae. 

“You mean your future empire?” she corrected me,

“I don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll take over my Mom’s empire; suddenly I became interested in cooking nowadays. I would really love to  run her restaurant chains located around the world. ” I said, pouring her a glass of wine. (and yes we’re actually dating inside one my mother’s restaurant but please don’t tell our secret relationship)

“Well, if you’re going to run your Mom’s restaurant then food will replace me in your heart” she pouted at me,

“Don’t you worry! My love for food won’t replace you in my heart” I said, assuring her

She looked at me and leaned closer to me. She reached for my hair and put it behind my ear. " I love you, Soo!" she said, smiling at me.

I took her hand and kissed it. " I love you too." smiling back at her

She smiled back with her eyes glistening unto me

"Aaagh!" she grimaced

"Are you okay?" I asked worriedly,

"Yeah.. Yeahh.. Im o-kayy" she stood up from her chair... and fell on the floor. She began grasping her hair tightly. She was groaning because of the intense pain she felt inside her head.  I stood from my seat and called out the waiter to call for help. I immediately rush to her side to help her. She was screaming in pain and her body was writhing on the floor. I don’t know what to do. I feel… I feel helpless looking at her suffering from all the pain.

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I can’t believe it… I can’t believe it… After those six months we’ve spent it was… it was… I don’t know… Aneurysm? Aneurysm killed her? aneurysm! ! it so bad!  everyone!

I really don’t know what to do now since she’s gone forever. She was my direction, bestfriend and the love of my life. Now, I don’t know if I could love again. How can I experience that beautiful relationship again? When my heart is beating for her… Only her…  Why? Why do you need to take someone precious from me? When she’s my happiness and my dream… The world is just plain cruel… I just want to be with her... To be with her on the other side...

I attempted to do suicide.. I tried hanging myself at school once, but the wooden beam where I tied the rope broke apart because the wood is rotten . I also blindfolded myself and tried crossing the highway but somehow the traffic police caught me. And lastly, I tried jumping off the building but a truck filled with recyclable foam caught me just in time. It feels like she’s still by my side guiding me to safety and away from danger.

"Jessica! Please! I want to be with you!" I screamed at the wind,

During, the last days of school… I feel lost now… Not knowing what course I should take… Or what path should I engulf with… Because again… I was alone… I have nobody…  I am lost… without her.I was walking down the empty hallway of our school. I stood there by the locker where we shared our first kiss and memories started to settle once again. Tears slowly to flow down my cheeks. It really hurts… It really hurts… Remembering the times we had. The wind was blowing hard that day and a flyer came across me. It says they’re offering special culinary lessons for those who aspire to be a chef. Yes, it’s her again… She’s here again… Answering my questions… Guiding me… It’s like she could read my mind…

“Thank you, Jessica!” I smiled,

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Five years have passed, and still I haven’t moved on from her. How can I move on? When Im still in love with her. But, somehow I am happy on what I am doing. My parents on the other hand have let me decide things for myself now and they’ve been easy with me since I graduated with flying colors with a double major; A Bachelor’s degree holder in Marketing and Culinary Arts. 

I was waiting for my flight to New York where I’ll be working as a sous chef in a famous restaurant, who my Mom’s friend owns. This could be a good start for my career and a new life to be in maybe at least I could start from moving on from her.

The PA system announced that the plane is ready for departure. I picked up my bags and started scrolling on my phone searching my mom's name informing her I’ll be departing for New York already. I was not looking on my way and I accidentally bumped into someone. Piles of paper dropped on the floor and they're scattering everywhere.

 “I’m sorry I was not looking on my way” I said, gathering the papers on the floor

“No, I’m  supposed to be sorry because I’m such a clutz” the girl said,

I startled hearing her voice… The voice I have missed for the last five years… No it can’t be… She’s in a happy place now…  I must be hallucinating… I looked up at her to see her face…

My heart beats again for the first time.